Asking out a friend

[ny_guy_1998]

I have this friend who I have known for a little while but I have become much friendlier with her in the last few weeks. In this time, we have done stuff (gone into NYC and did stupid touristy things--went to movies, etc.) and have had a lot of fun, but it has always been with this group of mutual friends.

She has been sending me IMs at home and work, and we now both send eachother more e-mails than we send anyone else. She keeps making sexual references (usually in jokes) to me all the time, and then other comments im not sure if they are supposed to be funny (i.e. "Do you masterbate often? I like to.") I've mentioned this to other mutual friends, and I am the only one she says this to.

So, maybe I'm naive (I usually am) but I have come to the conclusion that maybe she likes me, and frankly, I like her too. I want to ask her out, but in the words of my friend, "dont blow this--she's hot." Is there a way that I could successfully make the transition from friend to going out? Has anyone here ever done that before?

thanx

[Klounn]

She has been sending me IMs at home and work, and we now both send eachother more e-mails than we send anyone else. She keeps making sexual references (usually in jokes) to me all the time, and then other comments im not sure if they are supposed to be funny (i.e. "Do you masterbate often? I like to.") I've mentioned this to other mutual friends, and I am the only one she says this to.

Well send her some asking about the subject, such as

"hey, if [insert a friends name] asked you out, would you go out with them?"

or

"hey, we make such a good team, maybe we should make it official"

as a joke type thing to her, but serious to you...

[ny_guy_1998]

sorry, i forgot to say one thing--she has a date to the prom already.. is that bad?

[SShore4]

sorry, i forgot to say one thing--she has a date to the prom already.. is that bad?
Yeah it is, it means that she's already dating someone else. You might want to find out how serious they are.

[Selfesteemboy]

She has been sending me IMs at home and work, and we now both send eachother more e-mails than we send anyone else. She keeps making sexual references (usually in jokes) to me all the time, and then other comments im not sure if they are supposed to be funny (i.e. "Do you masterbate often? I like to.") I've mentioned this to other mutual friends, and I am the only one she says this to.

Well send her some asking about the subject, such as

"hey, if [insert a friends name] asked you out, would you go out with them?"

or

"hey, we make such a good team, maybe we should make it official"

as a joke type thing to her, but serious to you...


yea or you could display confidence and ask her on a date instead of going about it without much risk

[Deidre]

Yeah it is, it means that she's already dating someone else. You might want to find out how serious they are.
How does that mean she's dating someone else. For all we know it could be their first date ever... and it's just a prom. How does a date indicate a relationship?

[dulcinea]

Yeah it is, it means that she's already dating someone else. You might want to find out how serious they are.
How does that mean she's dating someone else. For all we know it could be their first date ever... and it's just a prom. How does a date indicate a relationship?

Exactly, Deidre... I have a date to the prom, but I'm not going out with him. At all.

And, in my opinion, the friend-to-significant-other transition is the best, cause you already know them well enough to have a pretty good idea of whether or not it's worth it. It sucks to meet somebody and start dating them, only to find out that they're an asshole or something like that. I've been in both situations and the friends-first one was definitely better.

[indigold]

Yeah it is, it means that she's already dating someone else. You might want to find out how serious they are.
How does that mean she's dating someone else. For all we know it could be their first date ever... and it's just a prom. How does a date indicate a relationship?

exactly. when you have "a date" to the prom it just means that someone is taking her to the prom, not that they're actually "dating" or intending to. Many people just go with their friends who have no intention of going further.

[ny_guy_1998]

Well, I asked her out, and I was rejected--I think.

During a Forensic Science class we have together, I passed her a note (something we do a lot now--usually its just tic-tac-toe games) asking her out in a way that was sort of an inside joke. She didn't write back, but after class she said, "Yeah, let's go shoplifting together."

In case you are wondering, she is not the type of person who would shoplift (earlier in that very class she went to speak to the teacher when he put her down for having homework done when she didnt--shes too honest to jaywalk, let alone shoplift.) So, I came to the conclusion it was a joke--but one that REALLY didnt answer my question.

So I asked her about it that night online, and she said it was her response for questions that make her feel uncomfortable. So, I assume this is a rejection. Has this ever happened to anyone else? Do I stand a chance?

DAMN. I didn't get here soon enough.

I was gonna advise you to stay out of asking her out until AFTER her prom was over, so that way she can successfully devote her mind to you IF SHE WANTS. As of now, she has to worry about another person, so she CANT take you even if she wants, it wouldn't be right.

As for this asking out deal... FUCK. I think it's best you drop it for now, make it into an inside joke, and try again in a month after prom passes. Until then, keep up what you've been doing and be friendly. Don't be discouraged and don't back off. Backing off will KILL ALL CHANCES YOU HAVE.

Goooood luck.

[ArRoWLeGeNd]

so your friend tells you, "dont blow this--she's hot." thanx

blow what? a great FRIENDSHIP?? if shes hot and youre very attracted to her in a physical and intellectual way, then why do you want to settle for second place with her? ASK HER OUT

~ArRoWLeGeNd!

so your friend tells you, "dont blow this--she's hot." thanx

blow what? a great FRIENDSHIP?? if shes hot and youre very attracted to her in a physical and intellectual way, then why do you want to settle for second place with her? ASK HER OUT

~ArRoWLeGeNd!

He did...

[Razor]

I agree with Starfish's advice. Although one thing that makes me weary...if you keep pursuing this, whats going to happen if she flat out rejects you next time instead of just saying the question makes her feel uncomfortable? How will that affect your friendship with her? Are you guys that close?

I guess what i'm saying is, you gotta weigh the risk involved. Cuz i think a friend rejecting you is twice as hard to take then a stranger shooting you down.

But if you feel you have to do this then i say go for it. Ask her after prom is over.

Good luck :D

[ny_guy_1998]

Its getting weirder. She hasn't stopped the sexual references, in fact, they are actually getting more prevalent. An actual conversation online the other night:


I was telling a story that involved flirting...
Her:u flirt?
Me:not very well...
Her:try a line on me.
Me:k, um, i lost my number, can i have yours?
Her:that sucks--ask me to take off my shirt.
Me:okay, take off your shirt?
Her:I have a rash, but I'll take off my pants--should i?
Me:sure
Her:done.


So what is that? Is this just one big joke so she can tease me and then say no? Sorry...im in a little bit of a bad mood now for other reasons..

thanx,
j

[AbnormalBob]

she sounds like shes sorta playing you. im not 100% sure, but since she has no embarrassment on her body and provoking you, but when you actually ask her out, she backs off. starfish might be right tho, wait till after prom to ask for a date

[1Diamond Tiara]

Yeah i agree wait till after the prom but make it really casual like "wanna catch a movie next week?" something like that for just the two of u. if she's interested she'll say yes!
Also don't take it so seriously i think she was teasing/joking about taking off her pants :P anyway good luck.

[hunny]

Hmm, definitely mixed signals that she's sending out.
I guess I agree with the others here, wait til after the prom and then try to see if she'll do something with you. Keep it casual, the movies or something like that is a good idea. If she says no then you'll know she's not interested in being more than friends, but it does sound like she likes you.
It's not what she says so much as the fact that she seems to seek you out and initiate the flirting. So I can see why you'd think she likes you, it's a little confusing.

[ny_guy_1998]

Well I went out with her and some friends last night to go see Spiderman. And damn, that is one good movie. But, that's not the reason I'm writing here, even though it was a really good movie. I am getting really confused, and more and more attracted to her, and I am now really not sure what to do.

At the movie, I attempted putting my arm around her, and subsequently leaning my head on her shoulder, both of which were met by, "What are you doing?" I passed them both off as jokes saying "Happy Mother's Day" (inside joke).

I am debating about sending her a letter or something telling her how I feel. Im just not sure if this is a bad idea. any advice? please? i have no idea what to do now...

WHAT THE FUKKKK???

What the FUCKKK?????????

What the FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKKK??

What THE FUX0RS!!!!!!!

Ok. I'd say give it one more chance, but this time, follow my dayam advice (I think this is what I wrote up there...) and ask her out AFTER YO FOOKING PROM. Ask her out in person and with the eyes and the hands and the no-emails.

Aite?

*cough* WTF *cough*

[Wrightman84]

In person is a lot better then online, e-mail, notes or any other way
she gets time to think about things, in that fact so do you. In person it is different ya get to think on ur feet, and you get to see reactions.

[janey]

dun mine my gay friend who just posted - he's having internal problems (he's currently trying to find out his true sexuality... whether to swing w/ da homos or be bi) :mrgreen: but either way, you really should continue being friends with this girl - let her know you sorta care but dont scare her away just yet by telling her you like her. wait till after prom when most of her big worries are outta the way, otherwise she might have a nervous breakdown

[janey]

oh no! i have just realized i've done something horridly wrong - which happens bout once every couple of years - uh... my homo friend is starfish, not the dude above me who just LITERALLY posted seconds b4 i did :cry:

[janey]

im new at this *lowers head in shame* forgive the screw-ups

Yay! I have recruited the forums another user!!!

She's lesbian.

[janey]

oh SHUT UP mr. i'm gay and i use my gf only as a cover-up!!! and i never knew you started this forum :o ... well either way - you called me a lesbo so now i gotta go stalk ur ass and beat the crap outta you :mrgreen:

Mutha trucka!

[ny_guy_1998]

Before I could read everyone's advice, and the bickering between starfish and janey, i did it. it was actually the first amicable rejection i have ever experienced. in fact, i think i now want her more because of it. oh well, its just another rejection....

Well good to hear you aren't one of those "She rejected me so I gotta kill myself now" people.

Although... perhaps you're on of those "She rejected me so I gotta stalker her till she kills herself" people...

[janey]

how you holding up ny_guy? i hope it isnt hitting you too hard, maybe she said no to you only cuz she's worried about the prom thing and she prolly wants you more as a friend than a bf? i know some girls who are just mean like that, i mean, they flirt and all but they dont really realize they're flirting so what you may think of as her coming onto you may not really be as it seems. nehoo, next time you post a question/problem and ya need help with it - i suggest u look at the advice b4 taking any drastic actions - some of the stuff detailed here are actually pretty well said... even what the lameass starfish wrote was good. hope things patch up between you and ur friend...

... starfish is a gay dork! its true :evil2:

[ny_guy_1998]

Hey, thanks everyone for your advice. Maybe I'm insane, but I'm not giving up this easily--so far, when applying for an internship at ABCNews, I have been rejected by them at least 12-15 times. (I start to lose count after a while). She isnt ABC, but Im going to do the same thing.

She alluded to not being able to handle any emotional relationship--so presumably, its not just me--right? she didnt say that outright, i kinda read between the lines....