Cigar smoking, gf hates it

[cwh1020]

Ok, I'm turning 18 in October and I told my girlfriend when I'm 18 I'm gonna start smoking cigars for fun like once a month with my friends. She threatened to break up with me if I did and I said that's stupid that something like this would get in the way of our relationship. Oh, we've been dating two and a half years. Now please tell me, is there something wrong with smoking a freaking cigar once a month once I'm 18 with friends? Am I wrong or is she seriously making a mountain over a molehill. Help me out here. Thanks.

Colin.

[Deidre]

You may think it's no big deal, lots of people may think it's no big deal. BUT, if it's that big a thing to her, do you really think it matters whether or not you, or we, think it should be or not?

If you care about her, it's not a big deal for you, and it's such a huge thing for her, making the sacrifice of 12 cigars a year isn't really even worth the question. Besides, she'd be saving you money and your health.

[kissthesky]

deidre's right.
i dont like it when people smoke. period. i'm glad that my dear dear dear friend doesnt smoke. he's quit because i didnt like it. and if it is such a big thing to her- that it would push her to break up with you, it must mean that it means a lot to her - what you do.
so, to her - you're wrong.

i really wont like it if my dear dear dear friends starts smoking or trashing himself by drinking again. i despise that kind of thing. it brings a really great repulsive feeling. maybe your girlfriend think the same.

now to ask yourself: can you put this little thing down for her? i'm sure that you'll be able to if you love her enough.

[mini696]

It stinks, it discolours your teeth, stains your clothes, makes you look like a try-hard tool... etc etc etc

Not to mention the health hazards.

Make the sacrifice for your GF, and save them for a birth, engagement (extra special occasions) not just... "Well hay its that time of the month, lets fill my lungs with tar" cough cough

Mick

[Jonny]

what he said...it's plain disgusting and it doesn't exactly give you a good image, plus if you do go with the cigars...think of all the disrespect you'd seem to have to your girlfriend, very cruel to risk a relationship over a crappy cigar...

plus just for a cigar a month over a relationship, going wth the cigars is seriously arrogant and selfish...

Leave them alone mate...

[lemmi]

Hmph.
I think people here are being a bit one sided. You're all saying it's only twelve a year so he shouldn't do it, what about it's only twelve a year so she should get over it?

I think you should ignore all of the above and find out why it bothers her so much before deciding one way or the other (if you haven't already), could be that someone in her family died of lung cancer - could be she doesn't like the smell. But if you find out then you can sort something out.

[Prism]

My boyfriend smokes cigars occassionally. I don't have a problem with it. I don't really like the habit, so he doesn't usually do it around me.

I think you need to ask her WHY she doesn't want you smoking them first. I think a compromise can be reached here - you don't smoke them around her or before seeing her, and you won't do it just for the sake of doing it every month. (ie, on the 15th of every month). you also won't let it become MORE than once a month... i think compromising can keep everyone happy. if she's really adament about it, try offering every other month.

also food for thought -- I've threatened to break up with my bf in the past (this was a few years ago, when I was with my ex) over "silly" things like this too, usually just as a ploy to try and make things go my way. if you've been together 2+ years, i'm not quite sure she actually means that.

[Deidre]

Originally posted by lemmi@Sep 1 2005, 12:28 AM
Hmph. I think people here are being a bit one sided. You're all saying it's only twelve a year so he shouldn't do it, what about it's only twelve a year so she should get over it?
It's not a matter of "it's only twelve a year". It's a matter of it bothers her to an obviously enormous extent, and it's something that isn't important to him, since
1) he doesn't smoke cigars yet, he's planning to, to appear cool with his friends
2) he doesn't even intend on doing it very often

It doesn't matter if it's cigars, chocolate or strip poker, 12 times a year, 12 times a week or 12 times a day. If she's willing to forfeit the relationship for it, it's important to her. If it's important enough for HIM to forfeit the relationship over, then you can start fighting over it. If not, telling her to stuff it because he wants to smoke is a good way to ruin it.

The fact that it's something so insignificant to him, that isn't even a part of his life yet and that he has a choice of whether or not to include, just makes it all the more pointless to ruin something over.

[Lone_Raider]

Hey, I could meet a girl who was perfect in all ways, but if she smoked I wouldn't even go on a single date with her. I'm not bluffing, I have actually refused to go on a date with a girl who liked me because she was a smoker.

Now I realize you arn't smoking cigarettes, but hey someone else smoking anything at all physically bothers me, so I hate all smoking. Not to mention I have lost 3 grandparents to smoking induced lung cancer. Maybe your girlfriend feels the same way, I mean do you really need to smoke those things? Is it making your life any better, putting money in your account or anything? All it seems to be doing is ending your relationship.

Your call.

[Bath of Glitter]

Tell her to piss off. Crazy controlling girlfriend... jeez. A few cigars a year indicates you are surely a horrible individual!

Just don't tell her.

Originally posted by Deidre
he doesn't smoke cigars yet, he's planning to, to appear cool with his friends

He said to hang with his friends. He mentioned nothing about a popularity contest.

If she's willing to forfeit the relationship for it, it's important to her. If it's important enough for HIM to forfeit the relationship over, then you can start fighting over it.

Yep, the idea of cigar smoking supersedes this relationship according to his girlfriend. She's forfeiting the relationship, not him. She handed out the ultimatum.

[Deidre]

Originally posted by Bath of Glitter@Sep 1 2005, 02:29 AM
Yep, the idea of cigar smoking supersedes this relationship according to his girlfriend. She's forfeiting the relationship, not him. She handed out the ultimatum.
She is forfeiting, just as I said, but he is making the choice as to whether or not that is what she is infact doing by saying that smoking a few cigars with his friends is more important than his relationship. If that is so, he is consciously forfeiting the relationship just as much as she is.

I told my ex once that if he ever put me through any pain again with this girl he was all over for months, we were through. He is the one who chose to do it again, knowing the consequences. If doing something, knowing the consequences, isn't being an active part IN the consequences... then that's a very screwed up world you'd have us living in.

[lemmi]

I think that fooling around with a girl and smoking a few cigars are completely different things - but meh.
And just cos he's smoking cigars with friends doesn't mean he is doing it to look cool, he hasn't said it's something he's never tried before - he may like it having tried it already.
I think a compromise could be reached, why does it have to be one or the other!?!

[Deidre]

Originally posted by lemmi@Sep 1 2005, 01:30 PM
I think that fooling around with a girl and smoking a few cigars are completely different things - but meh.
Sooo... the word 'forfeit' has a different meaning and who does what in an ultimatum is different because the situations are not the same?

Also, I never said "fooling around", but it's completely irrelevant to the topic anyway.

[Niki22]

I personally think she is over-reacting. Sure cigars aren't "good for your health", but damn, it's your life. She does not have title to your life. You may find you don't even like cigars after trying them. I agree with whoever said to ask her why she has such a problem with it to threaten ending the relationship over it.

If you promise not to let it become a frequent habit and not to do it around her, she should be fine. Otherwise, I think she seems a bit controlling. When you love someone (especially given you've been together for over 2 years), something like this should not be a reason to be dumped. Also given your age, you have to expect that each other are going to be trying new things out a lot. It's part of life and growing. Do you guys have a good relationship or do you tend to argue a lot?

[lain13ego]

i'm not exactly sure why you would PLAN to start smoking, but whatever...

if you don't plan on being with this girl for a long time go for it, but if you really are dedicated to her you may want to find a different habit to share with your friends once a month for fun...there are plenty of other things....

[Crash Override]

She's bluffing. If you're feeling particularly ballsy, call her on it. I'd bet you dollars to donuts she won't break up with you, and she'll feel particularly humiliated that you saw through her bullshit.
The alternative (and less cruel) plan is to smoke your cigars and just not tell her; she doesn't really need to know anyway, and she'll never find out because if you're doing it when hanging out with your buddies, it's not like she's going to be around or anything, right?

[JerseyBoy]

lol@dollars to donuts, i like that expression....

i know what it implies, but why does it imply that?

[cc-crazed]

Originally posted by Crash Override@Sep 4 2005, 10:54 PM
She's bluffing. If you're feeling particularly ballsy, call her on it. I'd bet you dollars to donuts she won't break up with you, and she'll feel particularly humiliated that you saw through her bullshit.
The alternative (and less cruel) plan is to smoke your cigars and just not tell her; she doesn't really need to know anyway, and she'll never find out because if you're doing it when hanging out with your buddies, it's not like she's going to be around or anything, right?
bingo. Just don't do it around here. What she dosn't know isn't going to kill here. Any decent gf will allow nights out on the town with the boys, and all that implies.

and take a shower, change your clothes, brush your teeth before you see if you've been smoking. You don't have to be sneeky about it, just don't give her any reason to be upset about it.

[Rolla_MaXXed]

Just becareful man cigars are twice as addictive as cigs and it is an extremly hard habit too kick. Plus woman dont like kissing ashtray breath

[Asphodelle13]

You could do it behind her back. But sooner or later she will smell it on you and grow suspicious. And the one time its on your breath and she kisses you will give you away. So be sneaky. Or better yet, don't do it hardly at all(or never). This is a long term relationship you could possibly jeopardize. Is it really worth it?