I can't deal with his anger after our breakup

[Calypso]

I just broke up with my b/f two nights ago. We had been seeing each other for five years. For part of that time we have had a long distance relationship, and that is the current situation.

Well the other night, he told me he was going out with his friend Steve to a concert. I turned out that Steve was actually a 19 year old blonde named Linda. I found this out through friends by accident. When I confronted him on it, as we dont live in the same city, he totally blew up at me, just lost it. He basically told me that it was none of my business, and that I was being nosey. And also, that he and Linda are just friends. He said that he had done nothing wrong, had not cheated on me. He is 38 years old by the way. I'm left wondering why he lied, and I think I know the answer to that one.

Once he said all of that, I told him we were through. I emailed him after and told him I wanted to talk about it, even if we are over. His response was terse, and I could hear the anger in it. He has tried calling a couple of times, hasnt left messages.

I have not called back. But Im just sick about the whole thing and really dont know how to proceed. He was literally screaming at me on the phone, cant deal with that stuff

[Kuky]

I think you did the right thing, and that you need to get as far away from this guy as you possibly can.

[Deidre]

Kuky is absolutely right. Let's be glad it was a long distance relationship as well.

Even if he didn't cheat on you with this woman, he lied, and worse than just lying, he lied about seeing someone of the opposite sex, which is probably the worst sign ever, even if they never did anything remotely sexual. People only lie about those things if they feel they have something to hide.

[Ghostdance]

Deidre is absolutely right. Let's be glad it was a long distance relationship as well.

Okay just to clear the air here about something though, you say you broke up with your B/F but your info on the right has the little blue man symbol thingy, does that mean your a dude too? If so that would be strange that your ex would lie and say hes going out with a man when its really a woman. Wouldn't it be the other way around? Steve is a gay name, maybe he was trying to make you jealous.

On the other hand if this is just a symbol mix up, then the Swedish enrgizer bunny hit the nail on the head with that one.

[Kuky]

Originally posted by Ghostdance@Aug 14 2005, 09:28 AM
the Swedish enrgizer bunny
:lol:

[KatWoman]

Maybe it was platonic and he just didn't want to upset you. Well, 5 years is a long enough investment that I'd suggest hearing what he has to say. Maybe I'm naive.

[mini696]

Yeah he lied, and he is defensive, but breaking up seemed like a knee-jerk reaction to me.

I think you guys need to have a D&M.

Has he ever done something like this before? How old are you? What is the situation between him and Linda (were they friends before, is she a work collegue, etc)? Do you mind if he goes out with other females (is it just the fact he lied about who he went out with or that it was a girl)?

Mick

[Jonny]

I know how he feels, my g/f doesn't like me hanging with one of my mates called 'Tory', and if i was to ever go out with Tory I would have to lie to my g/f... yet i wouldn't do that because it's not the right loyal thing to do....though it isn't a reason to break-up so immediately over...especially after 5 years...

[kissthesky]

no, actually - after 5 years, one wouldnt expect something like this. has he been disloyal before? But then again - 5 years is a long time. why dont you take some time to cool down and talk it over? hopefully he'll be more approachable then.

[Calypso]

I haven't been here for a long time, I just got a message from this board though, that prompted me to come back...I never saw all of the responses posted to my question/vent, life went totally crazy, so its strange for me to read them now given everything that has happened since then.

My message was posted in August of 2005. Since then, my boyfriend and I did get back together, and tried to work things out. We realized how much we meant to each other. It turned out he was bipolar, and his behaviours, which went beyond lying to me, were a big factor in our relationship. Lying was just one of the things he was prone to doing...I stil have my doubts regarding Linda, and still feel that he may have had an intimate relationship with her. After we talked and reconciled, we continued to have a long distance relationship, he in Ohio, me in Canada, in the hopes that he could deal with his bipolar disorder appropriately, I could learn to live with it, and we could move in together when it seemed right.

He tragically passed away in May 2006. Not a happy ending. I am still trying to heal from it all. But I can say that I still love him and always will. It's very weird how life goes....

oh and by the way, I am a woman 38 years old.

[Gezus]

Must have been hard... My condolences for you loss.

[Kuky]

Ouch, I'm sorry for that loss! I hope, for the lack of anything else to say, reconciling gave you a decent amount of closure.

[Calypso]

Reconciling did give me closure...I learned to understand the reasons for some of his impulsive behaviours. Bipolar is a hard disease to deal with, both for the people who have it, and for the people who love them. Thank you for your kind thoughts.