gf of 1.5 years cheats on me

[analogvoid]

Ok. I know I don't want her back, and I'm better than that But I really need some advice about this. How should i proceed. I can't beleive she did this. She says she got wasted and had sex with some guy. She tried to hide it from me. I found out from a friend. She really dissapointed me :(

[vampbarbie]

Break up with her and cut her off if thats how you feel.

[analogvoid]

I'm cutting her off completely, she disgusts me. Sickens me.

[vampbarbie]

well then thats all you need stick too. Just keep yourself busy.

[Tortuga]

That stinks, I'm sorry.

The best thing to do is to truly cut off all contact with her. That means no talking on the phone, no seeing her, no IMing, no emailing. When you start to feel weak in your resolve (and you will), call up one of your friends instead. I think probably the worst part of breaking up is losing your best friend. There will be times when you're lonely or just plain bored, and you'll want to just talk to someone. That's when you'll feel weak.

Try to just stay out of her way if you can. And like vampbarbie said, just keep yourself busy with a job or other friends or a hobby or something.

Tortuga

[Fun Lovin' Criminal]

I know you feel that way right now, and that's good, great even. Stick with that. Don't let her get back in because cheaters are and always will be scum. It takes a long time for them to change their ways (if they ever do) they're emotionally irresponsible and entirely selfish. Cut her out completely, no contact what so ever. The last contact I had with the two girls that cheated on me, was me telling them EXACTLY what I thought of them, and EXACTLY what I wanted them to go and do.

If you've seen the movie Closer: the end of the scene where Larry has just found that Anna has been cheating on him for a year...

Larry: That's the spirit. Thank you. Thank you for your honesty. Now fuck off and die, you fucked up slag.

[analogvoid]

I've told her how i feel. She knows she ruined something amazing. We were doing great and she decided to get trashed and then have sex. Ruined something so great. I have to start cutting her off slowly, the phone is easy, online is a bit of a challange.. i'm going to do my best, i have friends to support me. Thanks for the feedback so far.

[Kuky]

Looks like you're pretty much all set. Why is online so hard? Flag every email she sends you as spam to be deleted immediately... and have her be ignored on your IM.

And if she feels really bad about it, then you don't even have to do all that, just tell her you never want to see her/hear from her again, and she'll get it.

[mini696]

I agree with the above posts. Cheaters are scum.
But...
What if it was an honest mistake... A one off? It can happen.

It is forgivable. If you love her, and she still loves you. Only if she can prove to you she is trustworthy again.

Ok. I know I don't want her back, and I'm better than that But I really need some advice about this. How should i proceed. I can't beleive she did this. She says she got wasted and had sex with some guy. She tried to hide it from me. I found out from a friend. She really dissapointed me.

If you dont want to go over it I wont pressure. But this is a very short, and emotional paragraph, which you expect us to give you guideance on.

How is your friend involved? How did he/she come to telling you?

Mick

[analogvoid]

Originally posted by mini696@Jul 5 2005, 09:38 PM
I agree with the above posts. Cheaters are scum.
But...
What if it was an honest mistake... A one off? It can happen.

It is forgivable. If you love her, and she still loves you. Only if she can prove to you she is trustworthy again.



If you dont want to go over it I wont pressure. But this is a very short, and emotional paragraph, which you expect us to give you guideance on.

How is your friend involved? How did he/she come to telling you?

Mick
She says it was a mistake, but this is the second time something like this has happened. We were broken up before, and she had sex with one of my best friends. Now she got wasted, and says she had sex with some random guy. She didn't even tell me and we had sex afterwards. So that really bothers me. This would be the second time i'd be dealing with this and i don't need a 3rd. I don't trust her anymore. I found out through a friend 3 weeks later. My friend heard from another friend of ours the guy my ex-gf had sex with bragging about it. So she told the person who told me. She was hessitant to tell me because she didn't want to get in the way. I confirmed it with my ex-gf so it's not like im beleiving some rumor. She told me that she had sex with this guy. She swears it was an accident and wishes she could take it back, but i'm better than that. I can't trust her anymore.

[MuthaFranka]

Well if she fucked some other guy while you two were broken up, why do you resent her for that issue?

Shit happens, I don't know what else to say. Cheating is a sticky issue, and when drunk, just about anything can happen. Not an excuse in the least, but it's definitely a reason.

[Tessa LeAnn #2]

Originally posted by analogvoid@Jul 5 2005, 02:14 PM
We were broken up before, and she had sex with one of my best friends.
Just to clarify - the "first" time, she had sex with someone else while broken up with you? That's perfectly legal, IMHO.

It's not cheating if you're not in a relationship.

Tessa

[Am I tight or not?]

cheaters are evil. my daddy told me they go to hell when jesus comes back to earth.

but anyway, have any of you been listening to Erika Jo. She is the winner of Nashville Star, the country music version of American Idol that airs on USA. I actually never really heard until I got her cd from my friend who works at Universal music. My friend is so lucky she gets free cd's all of the time. The album is really good and I think that Erika Jo is so pretty and talented. I can't believe that she is only 18. If you have not heard her you should check her out. Tell me what you think. http://255.255.255.255/ErikaJo/audio/IBreakThings.asx

[Am I tight or not?]

seriously now.

cheating is the worst thing you can do to a relationship IMO.

I know, it was a "mistake" and you should forgive and all that BS.
I don't know if I could be capable of forgiving. it would hurt too much.

and the whole "breakup sex is OK"... well, if you just broke up and there's still feelings and s/he goes and sleeps with someone else, that will hurt too. who cares if "legally" you're broken up? if you just broke up and she's already in bed with someone else, that says something.

[mini696]

If you are broken up, even if its a day later. Its still OK. Not very nice. But its not cheating.

Since I'm not in your shoes I cant make the decision for you. But from the sounds of things, you are looking for an excuse to break up anyway.

Personally, on the little info here. I would give her the benifit of doubt. But I dont know her past.

Mick

[mini696]

Originally posted by Am I tight or not?@Jul 6 2005, 01:09 AM
If you just broke up and she's already in bed with someone else, that says something.
It says that you hurt her, and she's extracting revenge.

[analogvoid]

I realize that when she was with my friend, we were apart, thats why i got back togeather with her, it hurt, but i dealt with it, cus i loved her. But now, she did it while we were togeather, and i can't tolerate that. Shes a few years younger than me, maybe she needs to grow up a little more. Maybe theres hope for her and I in the future, but right now, i dont think shes long term relationship material.

[Am I tight or not?]

Originally posted by mini696@Jul 5 2005, 10:12 PM
It says that you hurt her, and she's extracting revenge.
or maybe the relationship meant nothing to her.

[mini696]

Originally posted by Am I tight or not?@Jul 6 2005, 03:50 AM
or maybe the relationship meant nothing to her.
Could be that too.

[Wierz]

Originally posted by mini696@Jul 5 2005, 04:38 PM
I agree with the above posts. Cheaters are scum.
But...
What if it was an honest mistake... A one off? It can happen.

It is forgivable. If you love her, and she still loves you. Only if she can prove to you she is trustworthy again.

I respectuflly disagree. Emotionally responsible people who are worth being in a relationship with would never let this happen.


"Being wasted" in my opinion is the biggest cop out there is.

I know it's hard, but try to realize you're better off knowing the truth about her and knowing you're better off without her.


You can do better.

[analogvoid]

Originally posted by Wierz@Jul 7 2005, 12:52 PM
I respectuflly disagree. Emotionally responsible people who are worth being in a relationship with would never let this happen.


"Being wasted" in my opinion is the biggest cop out there is.

I know it's hard, but try to realize you're better off knowing the truth about her and knowing you're better off without her.


You can do better.
I agree with you. I keep thinking about her claims that it was a mistake. But then i think about all the steps it takes to get to having sex. Touching, kissing, etc. That's alot of mistakes, even if you are drunk. I later found out, and got her to admit that at some point before the sex, they were playing drinking games to make out or something like that. I then find out that this wasnt so much of a party as it was 4 people. Her, the guy she slept with and another couple. So for her to put herself in such a stupid situation is completely irresponsible. She begged to have me back, to have things the same again, but i told her that we both need to move on, and she kept begging and sobbing but i stood strong. She's 18 and I'm 21. Maybe in a few years things will be different and she'll have grown up and become more mature about relationships. But right now, i know i can do so much better than someone who would cheat on me like that. I went out last night with this girl who has liked me for a while. So she should be able to help me take my mind of things. We're seeign eachother again on friday to watch a movie at my apartment. Thanks for the help guys.

[Wierz]

Originally posted by analogvoid@Jul 7 2005, 09:19 AM
I went out last night with this girl who has liked me for a while. So she should be able to help me take my mind of things. We're seeign eachother again on friday to watch a movie at my apartment. Thanks for the help guys.
Good. Give yourself time to accept what's happened (which it sounds like you've done well) and realize you're doing better now and you have things to look forward to (your date w/ the new interest, not being cheated on, not constantly worrying if she'll do it again, etc).

[analogvoid]

I'm a little worried if i shouldnt be dating so soon after. Can that cause trouble, I don't wana get myself hurt anymore.

[mini696]

I'm a little worried if i shouldnt be dating so soon after. Can that cause trouble, I don't wana get myself hurt anymore.
Nah, go out and have fun.


I respectuflly disagree. Emotionally responsible people... would never let this happen. "Being wasted" in my opinion is the biggest cop out there is.
I respectfully withdraw my previous opinion, and modify it to this.

Mick

[SoSweetAngel]

I fully second the "go out and have fun" advice.
Be aware though that you might still be a bit too hurt to have another relationship -- no point in hurting someone else because your girlfriend messed up.

In defense of the "being drunk" excuse... I cheated on one of my boyfriends when I was drunk and I swear I didn't remember ANY OF IT. I found out from one of my friends.... gah. I'm fully aware of the fact that I shouldn't have got that drunk...

I feel for your ex a bit - destroying something 'great' because of a stupid mistake. I'm glad you stuck to your guns though - cutting off contact is a sure way to get over someone!
Good luck dude :)

[Juan]

Originally posted by mini696@Jul 6 2005, 12:12 PM
It says that you hurt her, and she's extracting revenge.
that idea really annoys me, i think there should be more respect shown. if you have been in love and it ends there is no need to go and fuck someone else a week later. i know things can be over etc etc and its not cheating but it shows no respect to the other person especially if the person who sleeps with someone else ended it. if my current gf did that if we broke up i would be pretty hurt i think. both sides need time to heal.

[Juan]

i think that the 'being drunk' excuse is an old one. we all do stupid things and act like morons when being drunk at some stage in our lives but to excuse sleeping with someone else because of being drunk is just weak.

[ittakessome]

dude. i know this story probably better than anyone here. (b/c i'm your friend and all. aka quadcam's girlfriend!) i think that i have the same feelings about cheating as you. the first situation between that her and weird-gay-boy-with-the-scary-abs, i'd consider it cheating too. next, she lies too much. WAY too much. you deserve better. keep yourself busy and remember that she messed it all up and that if you get 'weak' we're here to talk to you. either on this board or on AIM. i think the fact that you wont have to see her will help. as far as talking to her through AIM, block her. hell i had greg blocked for a year and didnt notice until recently when he changed s/ns and i/med me. dont talk to her and you'll get over it all faster. but i really doubt that she is as hurt as she is saying. from what i've heard from the kid, who is my sis's friend, she didnt seem to have a doubt in mind that she didnt know what she was doing. just stay strong. maybe she'll grow up and you two can try again. until then we're here.

[analogvoid]

Thanks for the help A :)
I like your outlook. I think if we were to ever try again, exactly like you said, there needs to be some maturing on her part. So right now, i'm single and going to have fun on my own. Thanks again!