Random Question #2

[Crushed]

You know it was coming at one time or another, so random question #2! This time it's about your childhood and how it affects you today.

I lived with my single mom for roughly ten years, which I guess is why I have this "grand concept" of love and that women should be treated like gold. However, because of my friends and they way I've been treated by (certain) women, I just don't have that mindstate anymore.

Psychology proves this greatly. Often times a sexually abused girl will become extremely promiscuous in her 20s and 30s. Of course, that's not always the case.

Feel free to tell us about your childhood and how you are now because of it.

*wonders if this is going to turn into a nature vs. nurture debate*

:mrgreen:

[kuju]

I'm predicting a parent-bashing thread, actually. :)

when I was very little both my parents were pretty great to me. Not so much to each other as my mother would be carrying me, pushing one brother in a stroller, and watching the other brother, while also carrying whatever bags we had... while my dad strolled along worry-free. But to ME they were both great. my mom would play with me all the time, and my dad would read to me every night. Pretty much taught me to read. Taught me a love of food, unfortunately, but since I was so active it didn't matter. And I was a happy, healthy kid who loved sports and being outdoors, loved reading and learning, and really should have skipped grade 2 as it was pretty much useless.

But my parents got into a nasty divorce when I was 9, didn't actually get divorced until I was 12, and mom had to fight with my dad for the child support payments for years. He wanted FULL custody of us... yet have my mother take care of us. it made no sense. She had a educational fund set up for us, for our university, and he wanted half of it at the divorce. Half of his CHILDREN'S University money! Constant battle ensued for years.

And I became less active. I still took dance classes, but I stopped doing other sports, went into my 'black phase' was really depressed for a while and gained a lot of weight. I also became very withdrawn. When I was younger I was the center of the crowd, always happy and the most popular kid around. Later I became a social outcast with few friends who rarely spoke... unless it was to answer every question in class. My brothers suffered too, but in different ways. Eric, the oldest, never really dated in high school. And he was a good-looking, athletic guy. Never really dated in university either. became a lawyer like my dad. I think he's untrustful of relationships. Paul, on the other hand, never had a problem getting a girl... but he failed so many courses at university that he only got two years worth of credits in three years full time classes. Then dropped out. Went home and has been mostly a bum for the last 3 years or so, living off my mom. For him I think the whole divorce affected him in the sense that my father was ALWAYS criticizing. All three of us really, but Paul took it the worst. Sometimes I think that he doesn't do well because he doesn't want dad to say "see? I told him so. Now he's listened to ME and done better!"

But my mom has always been a rock. Always been there to support us, love us and nurture us. She has been the best parent I've ever HEARD of, let alone known. She gives independence while at the same time lets you know that you can always come home. she'll take time off work for us, and still supports me financially even though I don't live at home.

So how am I as a result of this? Superclose to my mother. see her several times a week, we hang out, share interests etc. I see my dad twice a month maybe, and because it's always been about money for him, it's about money for me also. We only go out for lunch or dinner, chat a bit, and then he drops me off. I'm not very close to my brothers at all. I do very well in school (3.8 this last semester!), and have a few close friends... but again, people I don't see all the time. I'm a loner much of the time, and can entertain myself easily. I read a LOT, watch movies a LOT, and am now on a mission to lose that weight I gained in my teens. Doing well on that too. I had a serious boyfriend at the end of high school, but haven't had one in almost four years since. I probably have trust issues with boys... though I'm certainly still interested in them. Trust issues weren't really all that much of a problem with the last boyfriend since he worshipped me, and because, although it was 'serious' it wasn't SERIOUS and I knew it was going to end soon, I didn't have to worry about being hurt.

[IGemini]

I'm pretty sure I'll be the rare one of this kind of post.

Both of my parents landed steady full-time jobs in fields they had a passion for a year or two before I was born, my mom being the college grad. They loved me so much that three years later they had my brother :biggrin:. The first five years is a blur, but they've always been supportive of my academics throughout school without being overbearing about it. I have always been a natural overachiever more than a forced one (even by myself). So long as I got my homework done, I was pretty much free to do whatever I wanted to do. I learned a lot on my own and then some until I needed to ask questions, which I asked and later turned out to be right. I was an indoor video game child, which I was contented with up until I got out of elementary school. Most of my time after school was at a babysitters where the kids were three or four years under me, so I have a fair amount of experience dealing with younger ones. I matured far ahead of the curve since my parents mostly let me be independent in my own pursuits. Neither of my parents are/were really athletic so I didn't play outside a great amount. EDIT: I was disciplined as well, but was never "grounded," which everyone here thinks is a stupid practice (as well as a stupid term for punishment).

We don't spend as much time as you would think together to be this kind of family. We've just always had that kind of connection. We will occasionally do things together, like go camping, ATV trips and theme parks. For the most part, my parents went to work, which I understood. I never grasped the concept of a stay-at-home parent because I never had one. My parents we're out of the house from 7:30 to 5:00 typically, and until sixth grade, so was I (where I was home by 3:30 and so had a couple more hours to do my own thing). I wouldn't say I was spoiled too much, but I was treated well while being taught that I sometimes also needed to work for what I wanted, i.e. I took on a job on the condition of paying for half of my trip to Europe for a week.

My dad is the distant one. Most of his life is around work and his routine as a result of divorce from his parents and needing to enter the work force early without dropping out of HS, though he's fairly hands-on with any kind of technology except computers. He's not particularly vocal about anything, but he does care.

My mom I interact with a lot more. I'll be the one she'll discuss her workday with, any sort of intellectual pursuits, and I did hold interest in going to her school at Keuka for biology until I found out that I had a particular affinity for psychology. She's rather thorough when it comes to work and tends to put in overtime at work without question but only to get the needed job done. She has a thing for ornithology (or bird studies) which has rubbed off on me and I have a very scientific understanding from her biology major background. At the same time, the family is composed of regular fully-initiated Roman Catholics but I never picked up on all of the beliefs or some of the personalities people experienced elsewhere in this country about Catholics, despite the fact that I also taught catechism for a few years. She doesn't delve into my personal life a great amount and lets me enjoy a great deal of autonomy, especially when it comes to relationships.

[Kuky]

Originally posted by Crushed@Jun 8 2005, 06:08 AM
You know it was coming at one time or another
Heh yeah, kinda like how they called it World War I, so everyone back then knew there would be a second one :lol:.

I think the nature vs nurture debate's been beaten to death with famous studies, and nurture consistently comes out on top.

As for me, I've had a good childhood. My parents did a great job... they let me make mistakes, and then they made sure I learned from them... none of this "you're GROUNDED" shit... that's the best way to widen the gap. They're divorced now, but by the time that happened, I was past the second half of my university career, so it didn't really bother me much. Whatever makes'em happy, I sure prefer this to staying together just for the hell of it and there always being tension.

[chiukit]

hmm. little things i've found the last time my dad came here... but yea.

was born into an apartment with only my mom and dad in hong kong... and for two years it was like that. looking at pictures, they seemed so happy, and i seem so too. but apparently my dad hit financial troubles; and even though his father was pretty much a superpower in manila, he wouldnt help out my dad unless he was in manila too. pretty retarded if you ask me. so at the age of two, my family went back to manila to live off my grandfather. then with his support, my father started getting stable, and started to become my grandfather (business-wise). little over a year since we moved, baby bro came into the family.

i think i wouldve been different had i stayed in hong kong. for one thing, my chinese would be a lot better. but its the experiences that define me today. my grandfather was one of the top businessmen in manila, and was a perfectionist and elitist. i was brought up to become like him. harsh mentalities. learning not to give a shit. learning not to do anything unless it is beneficiary to you. never to forgive and forget. always forgive, but never forget. just things like that. and slowly i started to become like him. i still am, in a lot of ways... except i didnt end up in business, but in science.

around the age of nine, i started feeling trapped. didnt have much friends outside of school. my life was just based around school and that was it. so one night i just snuck out of the house. entered a whole new world. learned of love and friendship. but at the same time, learned of the cruel realities. i made friends. good friends. formed a second family. my heart was openning up from the fortress i was building around it. then some time after, these friends started passing away. one after another... the harsh reality of manila... the growing number of terrorists and what-have-you. (dont know if theyre still around but whatever.)

then i came here to toronto. what a heart made of ice, and sealed within a fortress. with a mind-set of the most cruel businessman you could think of. a perfectionist and an elitist. just recently did i start letting go...

[Crushed]

Ah... such heartfelt stories... and pretty long ones at that! :mrgreen:

When I was younger my mom would always have to work from about 8 to 5 every day, so I always had latch-key, grandparents, or someone else watching after me. I guess it's because of the lack of one significant guardian (not saying that my mother isn't) that I'm such a damned, dirty rebel in my 20s. =P

[MuthaFranka]

I was first born. My parents were two people with troubled pasts and didn't really know what it was like to raise a child. They were dirt poor on top of it, my dad worked in a mail room for god's sake. So of course that lead them to have two more.

They were hideously over-protective, which of course caused me to rebel fucking hardcore (with the catholic school and all) and I had some hard lessons. They realized the over-protection was not the way I personally was gonna learn to live my life, so once high school hit, I was more or less on my own. At least I was there to show my brother and sister how not to fuck up their lives.

Eventually we reached an understanding. They started treating me as their equal instead of their subordinate and things have been much better ever since.

The way it affects me...
Not really sure. I like to think I know better since I've had it pretty rough as a kid. Then again the rational side of me knows that it's been a cakewalk compared to a lot of people. The fact that I was able to reach my own conclusions about life is probably one of the best parts about my childhood.

Word though. Over-priveleged punks, all of you! :biggrin:

[Don Simeone]

Originally posted by Kuky@Jun 8 2005, 06:52 PM
Heh yeah, kinda like how they called it World War I, so everyone back then knew there would be a second one :lol:.
no they didnt

anyway;

my parents both came from this rural place where everyone was pretty poor...but they both went to university (my mom is an MA in psychology and my dad a PhD in physics)...so they're both very smart, they think for their own, they like culture, and generally have a pretty relaxed outlook on life and are pretty rational people...they dont really care about money or showing off or anything like that, they just like to enjoy themselves

on the other hand, we didnt have a lot of money until i was say about 10 years old...after that my mom got a job again and my dad started making more and more up to the point where, well...we've got a lot of money now...but my parents dont really do much with it, except go on vacation 4-5 times a year, and right now we're adding a part to our house for some reason (just when both of their kids are moving out my parents want a bigger house :) )...the point is, my parents have never spoiled me at all, not with money or presents or anything else...especially my mom is of the "if you dont need it, you dont need to buy it" creed, which kinda bothered me in puberty cos i wanted a moped, dammit !...

but i think their attitude towards money comes from them...i WOULD like to make a good salary, cos after all it's cool to be able to do a lot of stuff and not having to worry about it...but on the other hand, the whole showing off thing is just stupid to me...and i'm pretty sure thats my parents accomplishment...or maybe i just have a brain, i dont know

apart from that, i'm a very 'critical' person, i dont always believe what i read, i think for myself, etc etc...

my childhood has been very happy...the only problems, mainly in puberty and even after, were because of my own unhappiness with the world and ya know, the usual shit...but i think i know myself pretty well right now...even when i AM depressed :)

i'm not very close with my parents....i mean, i still live here a quarter of the time, but it's not like we talk much about personal matters (i dont really talk to anyone about personal matters)...we talk a lot more about politics, science, and i dont know what else...

yeah, that's about it

[Kuky]

Originally posted by Don Simeone@Jun 9 2005, 05:59 AM
no they didnt

anyway;
I know

[IGemini]

I agree about the showing off, Tamas. Oddly enough, I was listening to Debonaire by Dope (http://www.lyricsdomain.com/4/dope/debonaire.html) as I was reading that. :P We share pretty much the same creed, and I'm working toward making a good salary to not need to worry about money. At the same time, my mom is hitting me up for a Mustang GT when I'm well-established, but I figure I owe it to her. I'm terrible when it comes to Christmas :redface:.

[sweet-one]

I figure I owe it to her.

The woman did give birth to you after all, you know. :wink:

[rcwant2be]

i was raised by my mom's parents til 7th grade. while they instilled a strong, old fashioned worth ethic in me, they did bash her to me, in that they told me to never turn out like here. my grnadma passed away when i wa sin 6th grade, my grandpa in 7th. custody reverted to my mom. we didn't get along well. i spent 2 weeks in the psych hospital for anger management. i came out on zoloft, which i took a couple years.

we had medicaid (public health insurance for low income kids/families). got food stamps. waited in line at the health dept. my mom bounced checks. the electricity was disconnected. the phone disconnected, the second time from my sophomore to senior years. the house was always a mess cuz my mom is such a pack rat. she rarely attended my school events. i woke the house in the am. i tended the fires to keep the house warm in the winter.

i knew my way out was thru academics. i graduated valedictorian & tore off to msu where i graduated easily in 4 years with honors from the honors college. i worked 2 jobs summers during college & bought a nice car. i'm paying for my own education. first non community college grad in my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) & a big 10 school to boot. got a decent job right outta college & got my first apt. shortly thereafter bought my dream car, a gently used perfect mustang.

worked that job for a year & got my dream job. at 22 & 11 months i was considered faculty at msu. i have an office, card, & 3 secretaries.

i will not be my mother & i'm not. i'm successful. have $ in the bank & excellent credit for someone my age. no one will ever look down their noses at me again!

"i mighta been born just plain white trash, but fancy was my name"

[SweetiePie]

I'm gonna go against the grain here and not talk about my parents so much...

well, I was born in the Dominican Republic, as my parents were Peace Corps volunteers. I was a white, platinum-haired baby speaking spanish as fluently as any of the natives. When I was 2 we moved to San Francisco, where we lived for the next 5-6 years. During this time I was literally the only blonde girl at my school, quite the contrary to the school i ended up at when we moved to the suburbs... I was so used to being around kids of all races that I didnt know what to do with myself now that every other girl in my class had white skin and blonde hair. I couldnt believe how these kids treated others, making fun of kids for their coloring or the way they looked, but nobody else saw anything wrong with it.....

Anyway, when I was 14 my parents told me they were moving m to England for a year, and I thought it was the end of the world, as by then i had settled into my high school and a great group of friends...it was the ahrdest year of my life but it opened my eyes to so many things..being there durng the beginning of the War on Iraq and being the only American most students had ever met...it made for some interesting times (andsome hard ones at that) I'm extremely liberal, but its funny to see how preconceptions affect people's willingness to get to know a person..

through all of this, what have I learned? Never to take things for granted (i worked for years to save for a crpapy old car while most kids at my school get brand new ones for their 16th). Never to judge or sit back and allow someone to judge me before taking the time to know me. To stay open to new ideas. To speak my mind and not worry about what people will think about it. That conformity is mediocrity. That it takes the ability to stap away from one's surroundings to truly understand them.

I'm now an international relations major.....we'll have to wait and see where that takes me now...

[Crushed]

Wow. I led a normal life compared to a lot of theese stories.

Damn, and I always thought I was special. ;-;

[Fun Lovin' Criminal]

You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake.

[Crushed]

Hell, if anything I'm hail.

[Nurseman]

I have a lot of mixed feelings about my parents.

Dad was a Firefighter. He really didn't like it. But he did it cuz it was all he knew how to do and he had a wife and two kids to feed. Unfortunately it apparently caused him a lot of stress which he took out (mostly) on me. I got some awful beatings. Not that I didn't deserve some of them, but Jeez.

Come to think of it, most of my biggest childhood memories are of spankings. Grandmaw had this flyswatter, made of porch-screen material. It had little wires hanging off of it. If I saw somebody hitting their kid today with it, I'd have the Cops on then in a heartbeat. At the time it seemed normal. My Grandmother died when I was 4 or so. Thats the only memory I have of her. Shit.

One thing I vividly remember was that when my Mother became Head of the Music School at the Uni. that she worked at, my Father made her quit. Because SHE made more money than HE did. I think I was 5 at the time and even then I thought that was really dumb. That episode helped shape me into an ardent feminist.
A different event that had a similar effect was when a neighbor across the street died, my Dad had to go over and teach his widow how to write a check. To this day, I have no respect for women who can't handle anything other than cooking & cleaning. A trait I always look for in a woman is resourcefullness.


I didn't like my childhood. Parts of it I really hated. Perhaps thats why, today, I have an X-Box, 3 TVs, 2 computers, a motorcycle, and all kinds of other various "toys". (In part, prolly why I hang out here) I am having my childhood NOW.

[Lone_Raider]

I've posted parts of my story on here in reply to why I hate Ronald Reagan lol. Anyway, I was born into a very poor household, my dad worked in a mill, my mom worked part time and took care of me. We were so poor that I almost starved as a baby, and we were denied government food aid because Reagan and his cronies changed the qualifications for aid to the poor. A private organization finally came through with food and saved my life as a result.

My family continued to be horrifically poor for some time, I remember once we were driving by Mc Donalds in the late 80's and I asked if I could get a happy meal, and my parents said no because they couldn't afford it! That's how poor we were. When I was 5 my parents decided that it was to expensive to live here in New England, so we packed up and moved to Florida because rents and house prices looked very cheap and we thought there'd be a future there. But cheap houses go with low paying jobs and my parents had to work two jobs a piece and we still periodically ran out of food or had the electricity turned off trying to pay rent and everything.

So 2 years later in 1989 we moved back up North, thank god, because my dad had been experiencing anti Northern racism at his job from those freaking redneck assholes. Not to mention we'd have been living in a box behind McDonalds if we had stayed there any longer. We had to live with my grandparents for a while untill we saved enough money, but then my dad got stricken with Cancer when I was around 7. He could have died, the cancer had spread everywhere but after a year of treatment the cancer went into remission. Unfortunatly my mom being the only worker then, we had maxed out our credit and destroyed it trying to live, and gone totally broke once again!

The next few years was more of the same, electricity got shut off every few months, periodically couldn't pay rent, the threat of going homeless was always there, everyday, I had experienced that from birth I was used to it. At that point, my dad started drinking again because of the hard times, he had been an alcoholic in the past and picked it up again. One day he came home very drunk and I was finally old enough to understand what was going on, he scared the hell out of me. I ran into my room and locked my door, I yelled out that I hated him. The next day, he felt so horrible that he had scared me that he vowed to me that he'd never drink again. I can proudly say that he has kept that promise and has been sober for 13 years now.

To cut this story short, my parents always stayed together, always supported me no matter what. Mom went back to school with a Pell Grant, became a Physical Therapist Assistant, things got better financially for us in the mid 90's and have stabilized. I'm going into my last year of college now, and heading onto graduate school. I'll be the first person in my family with a 4 year college degree (mom has a 2 year degree).

My experiences of childhood have made me an Ultra radical leftist/Socialist, no one should have to live like I did or worse, fearing starvation or homelessness or actually experiencing it. My experience with alcoholics, not only my dad but a grandmother, has made my staunchly against alcohol, I'm 22 now, never even sipped alcohol in my life and I never will.

Definitly nurture won over nature for me, definitly.

[SoSweetAngel]

My dad used to beat my mum (and his wife, in the same house) up all the time... usually in front of me, though he never hit me much. When I was 13 he left with my godmother and took every penny we had (somehow.... he had a very good lawyer).
I've seen him a couple of times - mostly when my sister died - the way he reacted to that ("I'm glad she's dead" etc) convinced me that this WASN'T someone I wanted in my life. I haven't spoken to him for 5 years now, and I don't want to.

My mum held it together very well through all of this - we became very close and I love her to bits. I don't see her very often now that I've moved out - but still speak to her when I can and visit for birthdays and stuff.
When I was younger I used to be really angry with her for being with an abusive, married man 13 years older than her.... but as I've got older I can understand why it happened the way it did - and given the fact that she's the best mother I could possibly have hoped for, I don't hold anything against her.

How does it affect me now...?
Well, I have a real anger problem - I start lashing out at people pretty soon after I get close to them(sometimes so badly I remind myself of him)... I'm very, very insecure... but I don't know if I can reasonably blame it on my upbringing. By my age (20) I think I should have learned to control myself, even if I had a hard time as a kid - so I don't use it as an excuse...much. I hope as I get older I'll learn to behave less like a teenage brat.

EDIT
Just read some of the stories above -- I'm leaving my last comment in because that's the way I feel - I mean no disrespect to those who think their parents have messed up their life. I just don't want to be that person... and I hope I'm not -- I'm halfway through a good degree - starting a really good job on monday....
if I'm completely honest it's because a lot of people have made the comment that I seem to feel sorry for myself -- even though things worked out okay in the end - so I'm trying to break that mould -for myself as much as for the people who put up with me.

[LynzyLou*]

I was raised by my single mother, but ive resented her all my life. She hardly raised me...half the time I was with my grandmother, who became more like a mother to me. My mom had one decent job when I was a kid, and quit it because she just didnt really like it. I mean, if you are the sole provider for a kid, you do what you have to do, which she didnt. So we lived with my grandmother for awhile while she picked through jobs trying to find something she liked. Shes a high school drop-out might I had.

For awhile when I was younger, actually up until about 2-2.5 years ago, I was completely irresponsible. I didnt care about school or anything. I never had a father, so for a long time I seeked a lot of attention from guys. And when i got it, I wanted more. It wasnt until I really grew up and basically saw how stupid I was acting that I changed. I put everything into school, and graduated high school with very good grades. Ive sort of become the opposite of my mother. Shes definitely not very bright, but i made it through school and am actually pretty smart. I actually want to go somewhere in life and have a career, while shes happy just bouncing from job to job. And most importantly, ive come to learn not to depend on other people. That sounds bad, but I just mean that I want to be my own person, and be able to support myself. I dont want to have to rely on my husband to get by. I want to be able to be alone and happy. My mother is only with her husband because he pays the bills. Shes so unhappy with him, but she wont leave. I never want to be like that, and I never will.

My mother also made me feel very unwanted as a child. She used to tell me that i couldnt be her child, and I must be someone elses that got mixed up at the hospital because there was no way she could ever have a child like me. She used to pack my bags all the time and send me to my grandmas because she didnt want me around. I always felt like running away, because I figured shed never notice. She always said really mean things to me. I used to cry and pray every night that my dad would come back to me (He left when I was 7 weeks old, and Ive never seen him. He died just over a year ago) because I thought maybe he would love me and take care of me. Because of the way my mother treated me, I became very insecure. I always think the worst of myself. I always think everyone else is better than me. Its hard to get over something like that, but Im trying.

[lain13ego]

The odd thing about my childhood is that it was every other family in the neighborhood that really screwed me up. I know my parents had some say in it, but it started with other families.

Most of the families around me had an abusive father/step father in it and all ended in divorce. These were my close friends and we were the ones taking care of the abused mother and distraught children in the middle of the night when they had no where else to go. I witnessed many of the fights, the beatings, the screaming, but not at my house. I thought there was something wrong with my parents and kept waiting for them to threaten each other with divorce. isn't that what everyone does? eventually all of my friends moved away due to divorce or whatnot. that was the elementary school years.

middle school i was just kind of weird. all my friends were gone and i didn't really know what to do with myself. i had a few random friends from various classes, but none of them i was very close to. i was just kind of a loner. i dated one guy and after telling him no don't touch me there over and over he molested me. at someone elses house. which is part of what led me to my high school problems.

In high school i was still a loner. the one friend who stuck with me through middle school became closer, but i was still mourning the loss of my one last elementary school friend who had moved away a year or so earlier. freshman year i ended up in a terrible relationship that was based on him wanting to get laid and me wanting to have anybody. although he seemed to always get what he wanted from me he still molested me. sweet aint he? in my sleep. my current boyfriend was around at the time and was trying to sway me to leave him, but i though it was just someone else looking for a fuck. i figured whats the difference if i'm here of there. no one really wants anything else from me so why make an effort. but he never stopped trying to get me to leave him, and the reason was never so that i could be with him it was so that i could be happy. no one was really concerned with my happiness until this point. i struggled leaving the asshole. i tried many times. he'd guilt me back into staying. eventually i did leave him for good, and ended up with my current boyfriend. he helped me build back my confidence and get over my depression.

to add to my highschool problems, my last contact from elementary school, my first best friend was raped and murdered when i was in ninth grade. this only strengthened my idea that this is what men wanted from women. it wasn't just me getting fucked around with...it was everyone.

my parents just weren't involved. if they were they only knew how to scream at me. they didn't talk to me about issues, they screamed at me. they provided for me, and now my mom and dad are always there for me, but they just didn't have the parenting thing down until now.

[SoSweetAngel]

Reading these things makes me realise how lucky I am (I posted earlier). My mum always made so much of me and supported me at every step -- I guess that made up for the... rest of it. I owe her so much (yes, I read the earlier post :P)... but every mother gives birth... and she did very, very well in comparison to a lot of many parents that are happily married.

[Tortuga]

Hmm...

My mom was emotionally and physically abusive when I was younger. Not so much now--somehow she got her horrible temper under control for the most part. I remember my parents fighting pretty bad--and I remember it was my MOM who would get physical. She's slap my dad and scream (like, this, totally out-of-control, very scary screaming), and I remember one time he actually had to get on top of her and hold her down. Very scary. But like I said, something happened over the years and she's a lot more mellow, but I can remember praying with all of my being that I would never grow up like my mom.

Even though I know this has affected me, I'm not sure how. I'm not insecure, or afraid of confronting people (except my mom--I'm still scared to tell her something I know she won't like--I have a real, physiological response--my heart starts pounding, my palms get sweaty, I stutter...), I don't have an anger problem. I just don't know. But maybe THAT'S how it has affected me...that I'm so...NORMAL. That I DON'T have an anger problem. That I DON'T blow up at little insignificant things. I guess my prayer was answered...I am nothing like my mom.

My dad was great when I was younger. I'd run to him when my mom was mean to me. But as I got older, into middle school and high school, I resented him because he's very much, "I'm the man, so I don't have to do anything around the house." He'd come in from working outside and say, "Julie, make me a sandwich for lunch." Now, that doesn't seem like a big deal, but when it happened day after day, this demanding a lunch--it would've made a huge difference if he would have ASKED, but no, it was, "Do this"--it starts to wear on one's nerves. It didn't matter what I was doing, if he had something he needed help with, I had to drop everything and come help him. If I was in the middle of homework, who cares? Help Dad. Doing laundry, washing dishes? Doesn't matter--DAD'S more important. He's very self-centered...the world revolves around HIM--anything that he does is much more important than anything else that might be happening.

It's not that I have a problem helping my dad...I don't mind helping with his farming--I don't mind cutting down trees or pulling weeds or anything. I have a problem with his ATTITUDE. He DEMANDS help, he doesn't ask for it. And then, when I've been outside all day helping him, we come in for supper and it's, "Julie, make us supper." He doesn't even clear his own dishes off the table! His attitude is, "Well, I've been working hard all day, so I don't have to do anything around the house." The problem is, I've been working just as hard, helping HIM, all day too!

I think my dad's attitude has affected me a lot more than my mom's abuse. I have NO tolerance for people who think it's the "man's duty" to be outside the home and it's the "woman's duty" to be in the kitchen. If a woman WANTS to be inside the home and LIKES doing that, that's great--in fact, I love cooking and taking care of my husband. But if he ever started just expecting me to do that stuff, the fur would fly. Thankfully I have been blessed with a wonderful husband who does laundry, cleans bathrooms, goes grocery shopping, and loves serving me by helping me around the house. :)

Tortuga