Something I wrote for my girl.

[Da Kaucasian]

I don't know why I feel the way I do
I don't know why I can't stop thinking about you
Maybe it's because you're the cutest thing I've ever seen
Or maybe it's because I wanna make this princess into my queen
Just thinkin' about not seein' you gives me a horrible feelin' in my stomach
One that makes me wanna throw-up and vomit
When you told me that I made you cry
It hurt so fuckin' bad deep down inside
So I'm sorry for that
I wish I could go back in time and take it back, but I can't
To tell you the truth, I wish we could both move
Into a place with other, I'd even let you choose
Sure we'd have fights, but it'd be alright
I'd hold and cuddle you every single night
I never meta girl that made me wanna be a better person
Until I met you, girl can't you see that I'm hurtin?
I'm just so sorry and I hope you'll forgive me
Just please write back or call me later babie

I wrote this after my girlfriend and I got into a argument. We weren't going out at the time but we were kind of together. She ended up forgiving me and we made it official soon after.

-DK

[Bath of Glitter]

The idea of a guy regurgitating usually does reel the girls in.

[Rainbow Brite]

Originally posted by Bath of Glitter@Mar 29 2005, 01:22 AM
The idea of a guy regurgitating usually does reel the girls in.
doesn't it though?

[Dangeresque]

I'm not very good at judging panzy-ish stuff like poetry, but Michael Jackson's face is clashing with the poem. :snooty:

[Asphodelle13]

*ignores Dangeresque*

Well, it all sounds very trite but I'd say its an otherwise decent poem except for the verse about vomiting.:P Keep writing!

[Lone_Raider]

It's to literal, you are saying "exactly" what happened, and in poetry you need to find a way to say what you want in a more indirect fashion. Well, that's the way I feel anyway, I don't write poetry myself but I write short stories with multiple meanings, some so hidden that only myself and perhaps one other person would truly understand what it means. Everyone else who reads it then interprets the story in a different way, often comparing it to their life or in ways I never intended, its kind of interesting to see the response.