C0nfus3d_Ab0ut_L1f3
February 15th, 2005, 02:14 AM
She spoke to me, out of illusion.
I was weak.
And I believed her.
She spoke to me out of hope.
Lost me out of anger.
And gained my presence back, because of weakness.
My sadness, exploited.
Satisfied with the fact she could win me over every time she felt the urge to use me.
I begin to wonder, if I emotionally enjoy this masochistic slaughter upon my heart.
It tells me to give up.
It yearns, for me to come back.
And with the confusion.......
....I'm lost.
Something tells me I should walk away and never look back. This feeling is a hand, that grasps the open air in my dreams, for my own.
My fingers barely begin to slip into the palm...
...and then I see the shadow of loneliness walking far off in the distance behind me.
It's dripping grin, and obsidian eyes waiting for me...
...to follow me. To stalk me. To rape me with feelings I don't want to feel.
And so I let go, of my only salvation. The hand vanishes once more into nothingness, and with it...loneliness fades away.
I'm with the woman that says she loves me...but makes me feel so bad inside. So bad...in my stomach.
I find myself crawling, from day to day living only off of those few moments that she tosses at me like scraps from leftovers on a dinner plate.
Those moments when she holds me, and kisses me. Those moments when she tells me she loves me. All before she turns her back on me again, and lives her life at night...with another man.
Another dream.
Another heart.
Another love.
And loneliness taps at the backdoor of my mind. I can't see his face, but I know it's crude, dripping, black smile begs to seep into my flesh and rot me from the inside out.
I curl up in the corner and wait for her again.
My mind fears the loneliness.
Too scared to walk away.........too scared to live this life of pain forever.
I begin to believe I don't deserve happiness. I often watch other couples with envious eyes...
...and in the end, hate myself for going out and facing the day.
All because of her....
...all because, of the cold things she says to me. These feelings that make me die...
...these feelings that make me give in.
This heart, that gives up.
I was weak.
And I believed her.
She spoke to me out of hope.
Lost me out of anger.
And gained my presence back, because of weakness.
My sadness, exploited.
Satisfied with the fact she could win me over every time she felt the urge to use me.
I begin to wonder, if I emotionally enjoy this masochistic slaughter upon my heart.
It tells me to give up.
It yearns, for me to come back.
And with the confusion.......
....I'm lost.
Something tells me I should walk away and never look back. This feeling is a hand, that grasps the open air in my dreams, for my own.
My fingers barely begin to slip into the palm...
...and then I see the shadow of loneliness walking far off in the distance behind me.
It's dripping grin, and obsidian eyes waiting for me...
...to follow me. To stalk me. To rape me with feelings I don't want to feel.
And so I let go, of my only salvation. The hand vanishes once more into nothingness, and with it...loneliness fades away.
I'm with the woman that says she loves me...but makes me feel so bad inside. So bad...in my stomach.
I find myself crawling, from day to day living only off of those few moments that she tosses at me like scraps from leftovers on a dinner plate.
Those moments when she holds me, and kisses me. Those moments when she tells me she loves me. All before she turns her back on me again, and lives her life at night...with another man.
Another dream.
Another heart.
Another love.
And loneliness taps at the backdoor of my mind. I can't see his face, but I know it's crude, dripping, black smile begs to seep into my flesh and rot me from the inside out.
I curl up in the corner and wait for her again.
My mind fears the loneliness.
Too scared to walk away.........too scared to live this life of pain forever.
I begin to believe I don't deserve happiness. I often watch other couples with envious eyes...
...and in the end, hate myself for going out and facing the day.
All because of her....
...all because, of the cold things she says to me. These feelings that make me die...
...these feelings that make me give in.
This heart, that gives up.