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Minimus
January 28th, 2005, 02:44 PM
This is just a story I've been working on for the past 2 years, I'll add alittle here and there every so often, Its part 2 of a kind of saga I've been putting together. Mostly its kind of like a Lord of the Rings meets Bruce Lee Movies. I'm an action fanatic so I always have a fight going on here and there. Let me know what u guys think, sorry its so long haha, its not even done yet!! Also, I think I'm gonna have to post it in like, 3-4 posts cause of its biggggnesss. So bear with me on it!



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A long wail across the cold, shadowed, deformed, and retched land was heard. All was quiet. Nothing was to be heard across this vast land of waste and death. The sun couldn't light this place of filth up. The morning was like night, the afternoon a light haven for birds and other creatures of the Forest of Spire. Night, was a weary pitch-black hell from which monsters from the bog, animals of the forest, lurkers from the high castle, and hunters from everywhere immerged. All tainted, all evil, all bloodthirsty. The tall twisted castle of Arkoma stood like a mansion of death over the now tranquil forest. All had been lost. Ever since he came back through that portal of purple, and had burned the trees away into nothing but smoldering stumps. Ever since he had led his men into the very middle of the forest, and set up that castle. Ever since then, was nothing more. The animals of the forest now hid themselves whenever possible to keep away from the many hunters, and lizard like monstrosities that now roamed the forest floor. The endless smoldering wet bogs, and mud pits filled the forest now, all under a deep covering of twisted thorn vines and metal castings. The thorns and metal were wound together into a bizarre hugh canopy over the forest. Near the castle, fires burned bright day in and out. Men constantly walking back and forth across the gate walls. A huge moat of murky water surrounded the castle. The drawbridge leading in connected the castle to land. The gate that dropped down to lock the opening, a huge tangle of metal and spikes. Inside the castle many rooms where lit with thousands of candles each. A main spire came out towering over the other spires of the castle. This one sitting right in the middle of it all, was Arkoma's spire. Inside was one single huge room, wooden floor, and huge windows overlooking the forest. A giant fireplace marked and edged with blood. His bed lay to the left of the fireplace, at the right of it, a small alter like desk where he sat at and thought. Two men guarded the door leading in, another three patrolled the hallways. The deep dark castle of Arkoma couldn’t be shaken. Death surrounded it. A giant twisted hell.

A quick fluttering shot through the branches and leaves wound together. A raccoon turned to look out his small lookout hole, and proceeded to wash the rest of Damion’s back. The little raccoon turned, and poured some water from a small water hole into a bucket, and splashed the cool water over Damion’s back. He then turned from him and walked over to the water hole, and set the bucket down next to it. Then turned he grabbed a large blanket, and had Damion crawl out of the tub, and he wrapped the blanket around him, and sent him to his room to get dressed for the early morning. The raccoon looked into his neat little house. A house mainly of the twisted vines, wound together to make a domelike humble abode. Parts were cut out to make windows, and the thorns all cut off to make a smooth surface for the ceiling. A kitchen area stood a few feet from the little doorway. It held one or two pots and some worn down spoons and forks. The little raccoon sighed, happy to be out of the Forest of Spire, and near the only present lake, surrounded by thick brick walls, and tangles of vines to keep any intruders out. Though they didn’t need to worry about the intruders, for anyone that served Arkoma, always stayed in the forest and hardly ever ventured out. They did this because they figured they had everything to themselves and that there was no one left to uphold any justice. Or challenge Arkoma for that matter. But they were wrong, they were very wrong.

“Commander have you finished your sweep of the forest yet?”
“No sir, not yet, we are still scanning the forest sir, the remaining hunters should return within the hour.” The commander turned from Arkoma, and made his way down the spiral staircase. Arkoma turned from the man and walked up the stairs into his grand room, stopping for a moment to look at the elegance of it. A giant chandelier hung from the ceiling, sparkling a thousand little light beams across the darkened room. A huge table spanned the length of the room. A central fireplace, with a hanging picture of the land over it. Arkoma sighed, and made his way up the next spiral staircase to the top of the central spire. Here he walked to his window facing the whole land, and he looked out, into the gloom of The Forest of Spire. How he had turned it from a once thriving exotic place, into a land of waste and death. Slowly but surely he has taken over the land, soon he would have what he wanted. Turning from the window he walked to a little mirror and peered into it, looked at his masked face, his red eyes beaming with light. He raised a hand and touched his mask lightly, the imprint of his finger staying for a moment, then the mask melded back to its smoothness. “Oh yes…soon enough this land will be mine, and then I will control all. Everyone will bow down to me, Arkoma! Ruler of the Land of Spire!”

“Damion? Damion where are you?” The little raccoon scurried about looking for him.
“I’m right here”. Damion stepped out from behind a little corner, pulling a leather vest of armor on. He finished tightening a hard leather coil around his waist, and then slid his long blade into the coil at his right hip. Tightening the coil more, making sure it would hold the blade, he made his way to the kitchen table, and sat down on a wooden seat. The raccoon hurriedly turned and sat down, bringing with his breakfast. He shoved Damions plate over to him, and started fistedly eating his own platter of vegetables and fruits. Damion did the same, wondering what to do today, since he rarely was allowed to leave the little encampment, he figured he would go train with Appex some more. Appex was his fighting trainer, showing him how to use his hands and feet, and also bringing his skill with the blade. Damion was already a good fighter, but his blade skills had totally reached the highest levels of degree. Appex himself could hardly handle Damion with a weapon. Finishing his food, he tossed the plate into the sink, and turned the small water pump on for a moment. Then turning away he patted the raccoons back and left out the door. The cold of the early morning immediately went right for his body. He pulled his hood up, and made his way to the nearby open cellar door, leading into the main room of the encampment. As he looked about the place, he wondered what had become of the once proud empire of Lord Arian. He had heard stories of his empire that stretched for miles and miles. He had a huge castle he had been told, with many mistresses. But in what seemed like a day, and the empire was brought down, once the forest burnt to the ground at Arkoma’s hand, it was too late for anyone. He sighed and made his way to the back room, through another door, and into Appex’s cellar. He walked in to find his fighting master, sitting by a fire, enjoying some drink he called beer. Damion made his way over and sat down across from him, and pulled a giant fur pelt blanket over him. “Tell me, what are we to practice today?”
“What would you like to practice?” Appex’s voice came out raspy and tired.
“How about some more on hand to hand combat?”
“Sounds good to me”, Appex paused a moment, “Go on ahead and get your gear on, I’ll meet you in the training gym”. With that Damion hopped up and made his way to the gym, and started to pull on the tightly wound together pads that they had.

Finishing a small glass of wine, Arkoma stood from his grand table and made his way to the next room, where Venex was waiting. Arkoma glanced at the skeletal thing standing in the room. Venex, a full sized, fully-grown skeleton that had been embodied with souls, to keep his bones from rest. He had a double cross bow latched at his back, a long wavering cloak of black, with a dark red collar, a long regnant cutlass was strapped at his side, and he wore a bandana of black, from his previous life. A high consultant of Arkoma’s, he had been with Arkoma since the beginning when they started to take over each and every province. Venex turned to Arkoma seeing him walk in, and smiled for what it was worth. He clenched his hands to fists, his raw bones cracking as he did. “Ah Arkoma, Kain will be here soon”.
“Oh he will? Has he sent word of his travel?” Arkoma now spoke a little uneasily.
“Yes”
Arkoma, nodded. Walking to the side of Venex, he spoke slowly “Did he say if he would be here soon?”
“Supposedly he feels threatened, there is something here in this forest, that we still have yet to find. He said that he could feel it, like a pounding in his head. Something here waits for us, to destroy us.”
“Well, the sooner we finish here, the sooner I get my own kingdom, and the sooner that all will bow down to me.” Arkoma cracked the words out.


Another kick to Damion’s head and he fell to the ground. He glanced up at his tired instructor, who like Damion was full of energy, but chose to be lazy anyway. Apex took a step back, and Damion got up from the ground, dusting his shirt off, and giving his chest pad a good pound. He ran at Apex, jumping into the air, and came down with a sidekick to his chest. Apex grabbed his foot of course, turned and threw him to the ground. Damion coughed a moment then started to laugh. “Won’t be so funny when you are actually fighting against someone who really wants you dead” Apex commented harshly. He turned from Damion a moment and looked out at the sun still rising in the blue sky. “That’s enough for today, come back tomorrow.” Damion nodded and jumped up from the ground, ripping off his pads and tossing them to the dust filled corner of the sparring gym. He made his way out of the small arena, and into the main courtyard of the village. The mud on the ground still damp from the evening, and the smell of burnt firewood in the air greeted him as he walked into the slushy mud. Walking over to the giant spiked gates, he climbed the latter up the fortress walls, and walked to a nearby guard, nodding and then glancing out at the vast once proud Forest Of Spire. Of course now it was anything but proud. The sun gleamed on the thick metal wiring that hung all through the canopy of dry leaves, and plates of cardboard. The ground could still be smelled from the encampment, thick with dew and boiling gogs. The place was horrible, only the bravest men dared to enter the forest. Damion new of the one small resistance encampment about a mile into the forest, which still stood, racked with weapons and armor, the best for anyone to claim it. It was a wonder that the forces or Arkoma hadn’t found it yet, at it lay near the castle, but underground. A long war had been fought there. Many men died, few returned to the outlands. It was said that in the final resistance battle, Arkoma himself had blasted a high knight off his horse, and then lit him on fire inside his own suite of armor. Damion snapped out of his daydreaming and jumped down into the mud, with a smile he ran back over to the stables. Making his way to his favorite horse. A black steed, fast as a war hawk, and quiet as a fox. He moved a hand across its back and walked in front of it, taking a brush, and he started to groom the horse.

Completing his search, Venex turned from the large window, and walked back down the winding staircase out of the left spire. Walking out of the spire, and into the courtyard of the dark castle. Glancing around at Arkoma’s men, he looked over to the small sword training wooden trunk. He walked over to it, pulling his cutlass from his side. Running a finger of white bone over the edge, he took a quick slice at the long trunk, severing it halfway, spinning to the right, he slit the other side of the trunk, cutting it in half. He kicked the crumbled trunk over, and sheathed his sword. Turning back to the main courtyard, he noticed a few eyes on him. He just stared back with those deep black eye sockets, and made his way into the right spire, to his room just above the entrance. Venex was obviously not your normal foot soldier. A veteran of war, he had been slain many years ago, brought back by Arkoma himself, he served as a slave forever to Arkoma, and the rest of the warlords of the vast army. He came to a halt in front of the double doors ahead of him. Nodding to the two guards, they moved aside, and then doors slowly opened themselves. A rich smell of firewood in a metal fireplace greeted him. He made his way into the room, and turned to say something to Arkoma, but as most times, Arkoma was quite aware of what was going on around him.
“The spires are in place?” Arkoma turned, his eyes ablaze with that ever-red ambient light.
“Yes, all sixty are in place, the cavalry have finished all lookouts and have moved into the western origin in search of more supplies” Venex commented, already knowing Arkoma was fully aware. He felt somewhat dumbfounded as he repeated the orders given to him.
“Good then, you are dismissed from your duties then, move along Venex” Arkoma turned away, and went back to his menacing planning. Venex turned and stormed out.

Damion yawned and made his way from the kitchens with his bowl of soup. He looked down at the moldy opaque soup in front of him. He set it aside for the moment, and sat down at the table, yawning a bit, and then he slowly dosed off. Minutes later a loud ear piercing horn was heard. Damion’s head popped up, half asleep he looked around nervously. Getting up from his chair he looked about wildly, and made his way to the courtyard to find it in chaos. People were running, the guards where carrying racks of arrows, and swords to the front walls, and it seemed as if they were sealing the gate. Running to the front wall he met up with Apex, and shouted, “Whats going on?”
“We have been spotted by a small patrol of Arkoma’s men. We are preparing for attack, I suggest you move and find your guardian, and make your way with the rest of the women and children down underground. This is serious Damion.”
“But, I want to…” Damion was cut off with a shake of Apex’s head. Apex turned, with his long broadsword hanging from his back, and ran up the ladder to the top of the front gate, where the guards were assembling and readying their crossbows. Damion turned, and started to run toward the small hut where his guardian would be. He stopped in his tracks as a loud thud was heard from behind him. He turned in terror to see the front gates smashed half open, with Arkoma’s armada pushing in. Damion quickly ran and ducked into his little hut to find that his guardian was not there, he turned grabbing a small battle-axe from the corner, and ran outside. He looked up to see it had begun, with the gates now half broken down, Arkoma’s men were now into the main courtyard, the fighting had begun, the archers at the top of the front gates were rapidly firing their bolts into the courtyard, and outside the front gates. Damion hurriedly ran into the mess, trying desperately to spot Apex, he was hit from behind by one of the soldiers. He fell into the mud, rolled over to look up at his assailant. Damion grimaced as the man held his sword above his head readying to bring it down upon him. Damion closed his eyes, and just as he did, the man standing over him was knocked off his feet, and Damion was yanked from the ground and set on his feet. Looking up he saw Apex, who had no expression on his face. He turned from Damion and lunged with his broadsword at the nearest soldier, severing into the mans stomach. Damion turned around just in time to see a soldier coming at him with a long lance. Sidestepping the man, grabbing the lance, he twisted and threw the man to the ground. As soon as he hit, Apex turned and slammed his sword into the mans chest. Pulling the sword out Apex touched Damion’s shoulder, and turned to run to the front gates once again. Damion turned, with tears in his eyes, and saw his guardian, the small shrewd little raccoon running toward him. He ran to the little raccoon with arms out, and screamed as one of Arkoma’s men ran the short raccoon through with his sword. A loud shriek was heard as the raccoon fell to the ground. Damion ran screaming wildly and tackled the man to the ground. Once on top of him he swung with all his might, burying the battle-axe into the mans chest over and over, spattering his face with blood. Damion wiped his face on his sleeve, and stood from the lifeless corpse under him. Looking at his guardian one last time he turned and ran back into the inner sanctum of the small fortress. There were children running around, being picked up and hauled to lower grounds by the women. Damion looked about for a moment, and headed down with the rest of the children and women to the lowest chamber. There they would be safe from Arkoma’s men. They had built the chamber when the fortress had first been finished, it was designed to hold many adults and children if there was to ever be an attack. This was surely an attack!

A quick sidestep and twist of the wrist and Apex threw his smaller dagger into a nearby soldier, dragging the blade across the mans neck. Turning from the gagging soldier he looked up to see one of the archers knocked from the tower by what seemed to be a huge purple ball of fire. The archer spun and twisted and smashed into the wet mud. Apex threw himself into another one of the attacking soldiers, knocking the man to the ground, he pounced on the soldier, bringing the heel of his boot down on the mans neck. Jumping off of the man he ran up the nearest ladder to the top of the fortress’s front gates. He looked down to see swarms of men still coming from the Forest Of Spire. Shaking his head he grabbed the crossbow the archer had dropped, loaded it, and let a bolt fly into the crowd of Arkoma’s army. He loaded another, and another, letting each bolt fly at the nearest soldier at the gates. As he loaded another bolt into the crossbow he looked to the right to see another archer knocked from the top of the gates by a huge purple ball of energy. Apex quickly looked out into the mass to find where it had come from. As he did his eyes grew wide, and his throat nearly went dry. Out in the huge mass of men at the back sat the great warrior himself, Arkoma. He sat atop a menacing black horse, which was fully clad in metal battle armor. Arkoma himself sported a black suit, with a long flowing cape, his face masked in black, his eyes glowing a searing red. Apex pulled the bolt back into the crossbow and took aim at Arkoma. He hesitated, drew in a breath, and pulled the trigger of the crossbow. The hammer pulled, letting the spring loaded piston slam into the butt of the bolt, which went flying through the long tubing of the barrel, and flew through the air and slammed into Arkoma’s chest plate, knocking him off his black steed. Apex threw a hand up in victory, but it soon dropped as Arkoma rose from the ground, the bolt had barely pierced his armor. Shaking his head in disbelief Apex loaded another bolt, as he did he looked up for a moment to see a huge purple mass flying straight for him! Ducking down he covered his head as the huge purple mass of heat and energy shot over him, singing his hair. He stood back up and let the bolt fly at Arkoma. His mouth dropped as Arkoma dodged the bolt by inches, and then looked straight at Apex. Arkoma moved one hand over his head, as a small white ball formed, spinning and growing quickly in size it turned purple, and Arkoma hurled the flaming ball at Apex once more. It shot through the air with incredible speed, and smashed square into Apex’s chest, sending him flying backwards off the top of the gates. Spinning and twisting Apex slammed into the wet mud, toppling two of the soldiers as he did so. Beginning to sit up he saw one of Arkoma’s men running at him. He searched quickly for a weapon…nothing! Looking up he drew in his breath and winced. The man was knocked over and flew across the courtyard, a battle-axe planted squarely in his chest. Apex looked over his shoulder to see Damion standing by the entrance to the inner sanctum of the fortress. He had saved Apex’s life. Apex jumped up with a smile on his face and ran to Damion.
“Are you ok?” he asked.
“Yes, all the children and women are in the lower chambers, there are even a couple men down there to protect them. They told me to stay, but something told me you would need my help!”
“Good thing you felt whatever it was you did…or I’d been cold in the mud right now. Listen I need you to get to your horse, and get her ready, we have to leave this place now, our forces can’t hold much longer” Apex turned, and ran back into the battle.
“OK! I’ll have yours ready too, I’ll be waiting for you!!” Damion screamed over the roar of the men, and ran off to ready the horses.

A kick to the head, an elbow to the temple, and to finish a spinning wheel kick sent the soldier flying backwards and into the mud. Arkoma laughed as he walked to the downed man and picked him up by the color of his uniform. He stood there holding the man up in the air, before turning around and hoisting him into the fortress walls.
“Another fool dies. Ha! We shall take this fortress yet!” looking to Venex he motioned his hand to the front gates of the fortress,” Full attack, bring everyman to the front gates, send our reserve to the back of the fortress, we don’t want any of them getting away, I grow tired of their futile resistance!” With that Venex moved forward on his black horse, and motioned for the forces to push full to the front gates, and waved his hand for the reserves still at the back of the armada to move to the rear of the fortress. Arkoma turned from Venex and looked as his men pushed through the barricade at the front gates, and began to swarm into the fortress. He laughed a moment, and then made his way to the forward walls of the fortress. Looking up at the old cracked gray walls he moved a hand to the wall, the outer portion was dusty and cracked to the touch. His war mask grew a smile, and he moved his other hand to the wall. With concentration he began to channel energy to his palms. They turned a bright blue, and began to smoke a misty green. Pulling his hands back he stretched them out and then thrust them forward into the wall. As they touched the wall it cracked inward, and then with a huge thunderclap imploded and exploded into the fortress, knocking many of the soldiers down. Arkoma quickly moved in the hole and backhanded the first soldier he came to. The man flew to the side and smashed into the rubble from the explosion. Turning he grabbed another soldier from behind, lifted him up into the air, and tossed him straight over the front gates. He kept moving forward, his hands beginning to glow a bright red. A soldier slashed at Arkoma, only to have him grab his sword, and pull it from him. With a smile Arkoma moved in at the man, he brought his knee to the mans chest, which toppled him to his knees. Moving his right hand back, his hand was surrounded by a red energy, he thrust his now glowing red clenched fist squarely into the mans chest, which sent him rocketing backwards. The man flew back and finally was stopped by one of the supports holding up the gates to the inner sanctum. As he crashed into it, the support cracked, and toppled down, which brought the gate to the fortress’s inner smashing down. Arkoma looked up and screamed. “No! NO!” He looked for Venex and found him entering the front gates. “Quickly! Destroy the gate, we must make it inside if we are to succeed!” Arkoma screamed every word, his mind reeling. If they would not be able to make it inside then the people inside would be able to escape. “This will not happen!!” Arkoma told himself. His head snapped up as he saw a soldier running at him with a long broadsword. He looked familiar, tall, good build, long black hair. Yes! Arkoma recognized the man as an Archer that had hit him in the chest with a crossbow bolt. But he should be dead; he had knocked the man off the front gates with an energy blast. “No matter” Arkoma laughed. He jumped into the air, flipped, and landed behind the man. Turning quickly he kicked the man at his back, which sent him into the mud. Arkoma grabbed the man, and picked him up, looking straight into his brown eyes. “You, tried to kill me eh? With a crossbow? Ha! Fool. Now you die!” Arkoma reached a hand back as it began to glow red, he was about to knock the man senseless when he said something.
“You…will never win, we, wont let you win! Apex…at your…service!” The man screamed and kicked Arkoma in the head. He dropped Apex to the ground, and fell backwards. He jumped up as soon as he hit the ground, dashed forward and side-kicked Apex at his side, under his arm, which sent him to the ground. He moved forward, and grabbed Apex by the neck and lifted him up.
“Don’t ever, do that again!” Arkoma threw him over his shoulder. Apex spun in the air and landed on his feet. He ran full speed and tackled Arkoma to the ground. Driving his fist into the back of Arkoma’s head, he moved his free hand to his belt and unsheathed a small blade, which he held into the air, readying to slam it into the back of his neck. Arkoma got to his knees, with the man still on his back, and moved to one knee, then stood, when he felt a hard pain in his back. Apex had slammed the small blade into Arkoma’s back. Arkoma reached backward, grabbing Apex off him, and threw him to the side. Then dropping to one knee he reached for the blade, and pulled it out, the wound already beginning to heal. Apex looked up from the ground and stood, he began to run at Arkoma again when his left leg gave out. He fell, and looked down to see a crossbow bolt buried in the back of his calf. He screamed in rage, and tried to stand when another buried itself into his right shoulder. Grimacing Apex stood and still walked towards the downed Arkoma. He would not let him stand again; Apex was going to finish this now!

Venex sneered, as he loaded another bolt into his crossbow. He could not believe that this tall soldier still could be walking. Being hit in the knee, and shoulder are extreme wounds. He took aim at the man, and let the bolt fly. It cut through the air, and buried into the mans lower back, which dropped him to the ground. Venex raises an arm in victory. Turning away from the downed warrior, he looked to Arkoma, who was just standing up. He then turned to see the gate to the inner sanctum of the fortress being toppled over by Arkoma’s men. He began to make his way into the inner sanctum, joined by a large group of soldiers.

Apex shuddered as he dropped into the wet mud, an arrow had pierced through his back, the point sticking through his stomach. He grasped his chest as he fell forward, warm blood covering his hand. He looked up to see Arkoma standing over him. He blinked his eyes, and fell bent over on his knees. He felt pressure on the back of his neck. Then he began to grow numb. Suddenly a snap was heard, the pictures around him grew faint then dark. Apex fell face forward into the mud, lifeless.

Damion ran out from the stables, something was terribly wrong, he felt it at the back of his neck. It was burning, and something told him Apex was in trouble. He had readied the horses like Apex said, and now he ran to the small door leading to the courtyard where the battle was going on. He opened it a crack and saw Apex.
“NO!” Damion screamed, Apex was bent over, three arrows embedded into his body, he then saw a man in black, standing over him, reaching down to grab Apex’s neck. Watching in terror, Damion screamed again as Arkoma snapped Apex’s neck. Apex fell face forward into the mud. “No! You bastard!!!” Damion cried as he ran at Arkoma and knocked him to the ground with his shoulder. He thought for a moment, where did that come from? He had just knocked Arkoma several feel backwards, by just hitting him with his shoulder. “I must be getting stronger.” Damion thought. He looked down at Apex, and shook his head. He was immediately grabbed, and pulled back to the door which he came from by several of the fortress guards.
“Quickly Damion, we must leave!” Damion was led to his horse, which he got on, and then took off at top speed with the rest of the survivors. They headed straight back into the Forest of Spire, they needed to lose Arkoma’s men fast. Looking back Damion saw the small fortress, still being crowded by Arkoma’s men. The screams could be still be heard even as the fortress left their sight. Damion turned his head back around, and followed the rest of the guards and other survivors to a spot hidden away at in the forest, an older hideaway that had been used in the very beginning of the resistance. “What will become of us? Now we have lost our great fortress, lost our army. Things couldn’t possibly get worse.” Damion’s thoughts ran around in circles in his head. A noise! His head whipped around to see three men on their tails! “Quickly behind us! We have company!” He screamed. The guards ahead of Damion broke off, letting him take the lead, they headed towards the men following them.

Rhen, the highest ranking of the guards, smashed into the first man pursuing them, knocking the man off his horse, and into a tree. The other two guards tackled the other two men off their horses. As they turned back around to catch up with Damion, one of Rhen’s men was shot from his horse. The man toppled over, his head bouncing on the saddle for the moment, he then fell from the horse and spun into a heap on the ground. Rhen spun his horse around and went back after his fallen comrade. He ascended his horse, and began to pick the man up when he felt a piercing pain at his side, he looked down to see an arrow embedded in his skin. Gasping he picked the man up and slung him over his horse, then looking over his shoulder he saw more men approaching. This would be his last stand. He pulled his broadsword from his horse and said a silent prayer.
“Die in honor, let Damion make it safely to the armory.” He turned and held his sword ready.

A piercing scream was heard over the thick foliage. Damion looked back for a moment, and then continued on forward. He could just make out the armory up ahead in the distance. Finally some rest. As they approached the small armored building they noted the wall was cracked at various points, and that it looked like no one had been there for quite some time. Damion lead the people inside the place, and they settled in for what would be a long night. As Damion shut the door, and bolted it, he couldn’t help but let tears roll down from his cheeks. He missed Apex so much already, but he would have to be strong. He sat down, and looked about the room, noticing the same eyes of scared people staring back at him. His eyes began to close and he drifted off to sleep.

Asphodelle13
February 4th, 2005, 12:18 AM
Sorry I didn't read this sooner..First of all, I love fantasy stories :cool2: (I used to write them as a kid) and I love how you painted a great detailed picture of the land and how the characters looked. My constructive criticism with this would be that there ought to be more dialogue..At first the imagery is great but when it reads like you are telling instead of showing(get what I mean?) then the story starts to lag. Another suggestion is that if you'd reveal Damion's thoughts then the reader would get to know him better. Also breaking everything into paragraphs would be less confusing for the reader. And I liked the idea of the raccoon(aww, the poor guy!) and Apex, which seemed like important people to Damion..so I was a bit disappointed when they were suddenly killed off. Overall, it was pretty original and soon I'll get to reading more! Good job!

Minimus
February 5th, 2005, 05:28 PM
yea i know it needs some work. I'm honestly just putting the story together as it comes, and then I'm gonna go back and redo alot. I know I need more dialogue, put i just love writing in the action scenes so much that i tend to skip through thoughts and talking and stuff and get into the action ya know? hmm...maybe i should bring apex back later in the story or something? hee hee hee :twisted: