First peom EVER!

[FiddleStix]

Ok so for a disclaimer. I am writing this for my gf because i know she would love a poem from me more than anything else in the world. The only problem is i am kind of a mans man when it comes to shit like this and i don't know the first thing about writing a poem to a girl.

So please rip this thing to shreds if need be and help me touch it up or completely revamp it after you have finished reading it.
If you think I need more of a rhyme or rhytem or some sort of style or flow please express yourself <--- lol those words mean nothing to me but they sound good eh? So um... i guess here goes nothing.

Untitled Newbie Piece

Snow falls from the sky
An empty house sits silent
Smoke billows from the chimney
A fire roars within

I reach for a blanket
And think of warmth you've given me
For life without you is cold and empty
Much like this house without me and the fire

As my eyelids fall I drift away
I'm with you in my dream
Holding you in my arms i won't let go
But I stir awake yet again alone

Lieing (Laying?) there I think about us
I smile knowingly to myself
For I am the luckiest
To have you as my blanket.

Edit: If its THAT bad just tell me so and i'll go back to the drawing board and try to come up w/ something different.

[Asphodelle13]

For a first poem, it has some nice imagery in it. The wording is a bit weak, IMO. Its your decision whether or not you want to try at a poem with rhyme and structure..What is most important is that you get your ideas and feelings onto paper. Too often I've read first poems that were so trite(kinda like 'roses are red, violets are blue')..And it sounded like the writer was trying to emulate some classic poet's style...This poem doesn't sound fake like that. So I think you have a nice start here. Keep writing. :cool2:

[FiddleStix]

you don't think its too "cheezy"? and what do you mean by the wording is weak? Do you think the whole freestyle thing is ok though?

Edit: Thanks for the input btw.