the hangman

[Deidre]

Constructive criticism as always welcome:


Have you seen
that wretched snake
It coils around
its own fat neck
In the branches
of that which holds it all
And all it sees
is a gallow tree
Maiden fair, Maiden fair
can I interest thee
in this apple
Maiden fair
Please, oh please
do not deny me
Can't you see I'm but
a wretched snake
I coil around
my own fat neck
for thee
Maiden fair, Maiden fair
I cry for thee
Maiden fair
Maiden fair, Maiden fair
I love thee most
Maiden fair
Maiden fair, Maiden fair
Never proffer I an apple
but for thee
Maiden fair
Please, oh please
do not deny me
Can't you see I'm but
a wretched snake
I hung myself
from this tree
all for thee
Maiden fair

[Asphodelle13]

Wow very original. The rhythm builds up nicely. This poem reads differently from most of your work, and I really like it. Keep writing. :cool2: