What does she really mean?

[traz]

See, there's this girl i like..duh :P . We're friends, and she knows I like her, I've told her awhile ago. But she has a boyfriend. They've been off and on for the last couple of years. She was on a break with her boyfriend, and I told her my feelings. She told me she liked me back...but she wasn't sure if she wanted a new relationship, if she wanted no relationship, or if she was going to get back together with her boyfriend.

Eventually, a few weeks later, she got back together with her boyfriend. But ever since then, she's still been talking to me alot, and giving me alot of compliments...and she insists that when she told me she liked me, she wasn't lying.

But just recently...she said something to me that I've been thinking about. We were on msn and she was complaining about her boyfriend, and how he always makes her feel bad, and how he doesn't really show that he wants to spend time with her. I was in an awkward position, so I just tried to tell her that there's no way anyone should make her feel bad, she's much too good for that. And at the end of that convo, she whipped out a line. She said "you're so nice...I wish you were my boyfriend!" Of course...I didn't know exactly what she meant, so I kind of just brushed it off with a stupid smiley, and she changed the subject. So now the boat has sailed, and I can't talk to her about that comment..it would be kind of strange to bring it up again.

Now here's my confusion...how am I supposed to take this? Does she kind of mean it...Might she want to get together with me? Or is it more likely that she means... "I wish my boyfriend was as nice as you"...which has completely different implications?

And also...If you KNEW full well, that someone liked you, would you say a line like that if you didn't mean it? I mean...you'd have to know that it would hurt him if it wasn't really true...wouldn't you?

any comments would be very appreciated

[Aero]

She's physically with her bf because he physically connects with her.
You're emotionally with her because you connect with her emotionally.
Establish a physical connection with her, and she might come over to you.

[Ryan Tiley]

Establish a physical connection with her, and she might come over to you.
That doesn't sound like good advice at all.

traz, if she says something like 'I wish you were my boyfriend!' to you again, ask her what she means by that. Don't just go along with it without questioning it.

It's not fair for her to treat you like that. She's getting what she wants out of you - a nice guy that she can talk to - but you're not getting what you want out of her - a girlfriend. And she's pretending that she wants to be your girlfriend but her actions speak differently. She's with the jerk, and it doesn't look like you're going to get her. In my opinion she is giving false hope, but that is what girls do.

She said it, and she didn't mean it. You mention that she's have to know that it would hurt you if it wasn't really true. Well, she probably sees it differently. She probably wants to repay you for being so NICE to her, and so she wanted to repay the favour. She feels guilty for you investing so much time in her when she doesn't feel the same way about you. So she says things which will try to make you feel better. She probably doesn't realise it's giving you the wrong idea, let alone that it is ultimately hurtful.

[Fun Lovin' Criminal]

You're an emotional scratching post. Yiou need to pick up your balls, gather up some self respect, and tell her to fuck off.

[traz]

bah I guess you're right :S People should choose their words more carefully though :P

[Intelx]

My personal opinion...

You should avoid her, and see if she will try to contact you.

If she really thinks of you as the way you described it, she will think of you more, and come to you. If not, she won't.


Now, once you avoid her long enough, and you finally get in contact with her, tell her straight up, exactly how you feel. such as...



I like you, blah blah blah... But you have a bf. and everytime I think of you being with that (jerk) <--- dangerous word to use, but as you described it, it could work/// blah blah...


You gotta give her some sense of reality, that you are not desperate, yet you are honest and you truly find interest in her.

[traz]

I've been trying really hard to not be so available...but I find it really difficult. she always calls or msns me, and some of the time she'll be upset about her boyfriend, or life, or whatever. And I can't just not listen...I don't know how to do that. It's not me...but I can't help feeling like she's just using me as an emotional crutch whenever she feels down...but then after that she goes right back to her boyfriend.

grrr

[Intelx]

A mean way to say this situation is... You are just a 'back-up'.

Sounds like you really like her, and you want to be her friend / but what you really want is being her bf.

Hey, trust me on this. You have nothing to lose. (she isn't going to go out with you anyway, so either you are going to be heart-broken for a long time and waste a lot of your time.)


Don't sign on msn. :) (Block her or something)
Don't recieve her phone calls.
Avoid seeing her / and everything else.


Take this time, to change.



I know this is heart-breaking and it is so very difficult to do, cuz you like her so much. However, if she is not going out with you, and she is going out with someone else, as of this moment, she doesn't think of you as a bf. Not only that, she is taking you for granted.

[traz]

I've started doing some of those things...and it's helped top keep my mind off her a bit. I'll keep going...I know it's for the best, even though it sucks ;o

[Tortuga]

I think you're doing the right thing. You don't want to be used.

Tortuga