Preventing the dreaded LJBF

[EvanH]

Hey all,

I have a terrible habbit of being a victim of the "Lets just be friends." I'm everyone's gay best friend, who's not gay. I'm pretty compasonite, and im just basically the opposite of the normal guy.

whenever i become interested in a girl and try to pursue it even the slightest bit, she always ends up wanting just to be friends. i'm not like horrifically ugly or anything... i'm just totally lost.

so i was giving this mock election speech to the school, and i basically kicked some major ass... and this girl who i had seen around before, and been pretty attracted to, started talking to me and telling me how good i did... so i ended up doing a debate against my opponent for her social studies class, and i asked, since she was so enthused, if she'd like to go help work for the real election (i'm an assistant for a congressional campaign).

she called me last night and said that she just had too much to do... so i figured she wasn't interested, then we were talking online, and it came out that she's grounded. but we're going out monday to do some work now.

anyway, you probably don't need this whole story, but can someone give me any tips as to how to avoid being stuck with the lets just be friends? is there some fatal turn that people make to get that?

[Crash Override]

The sad reality of the matter is that for you to have any hope of dating this girl, you have to make your intentions known immediately that you are NOT just talking to her because you want to be friends.

For example, let's create a choose-your-own-adventure scenario here.

Let's say you're in school, a new girl asks you for directions to the cafeteria, you walk her there. You have lunch together. You say, "So, do you think our paths will ever cross again?" or some other indirect cheeseball way of coaxing her into giving you her number.
When you call, you make some small talk, you mention that you heard about this really good movie in theatres that you'd like to see, ask her if she's heard anything about it, and again coax your way into going to see a movie together.
Now, you're at the movies...
Choose your path:
Do you
1) Treat it like any day at the movies with a friend
or
2) Make a move (put your arm around her, or put your hand on her hand, or pay for her ticket, or any of a thousand other things)

Most people who get stuck in the "friend zone" choose option #1, hoping to make a move later on, 'when the time is right' or when you're 'more comfortable with each other' or some bullshit like that.

MAKE A MOVE! The worst she can do is clarify that she's not interested in you, and at that point you've lost nothing, because you aren't even friends with this girl: you just started talking to her a week ago (or whatever). It's much worse when you spend six months 'getting comfortable' and then you end up not only getting shot down, but losing a friend that you've invested so much time into making.

So there you go. Moral of the story: strike while the iron is hot.

[Fun Lovin' Criminal]

Crash said it best. Don't get stuck in analysis-paralysis. Remember, you have nothing to lose by being shot down. But you have a lot to gain by putting yourself out there. Assume that you're good enough for her. Assume that she likes you as more than friends. Don't waste tiime in making a move. Don't act like you need her, remember, she's just a girl.

[Matty J]

Originally posted by EvanH@Oct 30 2004, 08:36 PM
I'm everyone's gay best friend, who's not gay.

That is the line of my life mate. Stop being so nicey nice, play them around for a change. It seems to be working better for me.

[Lone_Raider]

Everyone has already said anything of importance. But I'll add that you need to stop Supplicating to these women. Don't agree with everything they say, don't do whatever they want to, have an opinion, take a stance and argue if you have to. No one likes a doormat, and doormats get no respect from anyone, women or men. Sounds like you have some strong opinions politically, and you do some public speaking. Use that commanding presence and confident decision making when with women.