What to say

[Ryan Tiley]

I decided to do a little experiment lately. Since I've been very shy with girls in the past, I decided I had to do something about it. There is a girl in one of my classes at college who I have chatted to before and I quite like her. So, I decided that something had to be done and asked for her email address.

She gave it to me without hesitation - she even asked me for mine, and I gave it to her. I'm no longer in the class, so without the email address I'd never see her again.

I guess you can see where this is going. I'm very happy that I've gotten this far, as in the past I've tended to fall into relationships almost accidentally and have never asked for a girl's phone number or email address.

So, I was wondering what the next step was. What do you think I should do in the email? Ideally I'd like to ask her out, but was wondering how to play it - should I send a chatty email first, then ask her out later? Should I ask for her phone number in the email, then ask her out over the phone? Should I just do it all in the first email?

If you think asking for the email address instead of the phone number was a bad idea, feel free to let me know. I can take harsh criticism.

[Aero]

You should've just asked her out to do something the first time, but whatever.
Ask her out to do something in the e-mail, no chitty chatter - you can do that while you're out with her.

[Fun Lovin' Criminal]

Just ask her if she'd be interested in having a coffee with you at <insert name of cafe>, that's all you have to say, keep it short.

[Madeleine]

Yup, what the others said. Get to the point in the email and ask her if she'd like to go out for coffee (or whatever) sometime. That's pretty much all you need to say, save the chatting for when you're out :)

[Ryan Tiley]

I'll keep you informed as to what happens. By the way thanks for the advice :cool2:

[Ryan Tiley]

Hmm, the good news is I got a quick reply. However the reply is not ideal. She says there's a possibility she would not be able to make it this week so she will let me know later in the week, but says 'maybe some time the week after'. She does thank me for asking, and she sounds a little interested, but not hugely interested.

If anybody can debrief me on this that'd be cool. I can take criticism.

As to where to go from here, well I don't know. I kinda want to leave it with her for a while, and just see what she does, but I don't know. I got nothing.

[meeso]

Dude, I've even asked for girls' AOL names instead of phone numbers.. Sounds dumb I know, but It's worked on many occassions.

[Aero]

Give it one more try the next week. Just once more.

[Ryan Tiley]

Now that I re-read her email, I realise it really isn't as negative as I first thought. She wasn't saying that she may not be able to make it this week, but she was referring to the specific day I had suggested. So the possibility remains that she is still quite interested, but that day was just not possible for her. And at least she did counter-offer by suggesting next week some time. So now I've gotta find out - next week when?

It could go either way. I mean, the next week offer could just be a generic 'bug me later' response, or it could mean that she really does want to see me next week. Well I shall find out. Of course I'm taking it slow and keeping the chit-chat to a minimum.

Well, I guess I'm boring most of you with this mindless drivel, so I'll shut up now :)

[Prism]

I think the offer for next week is a positive thing. If I'm interested in a guy, and honestly can't make whatever day he offers, I would say something to that effect. EX "Oh, I can't do anything this weekend... but I'd love to do something next week sometime, maybe" or "Oh, tuesday is really bad for me, but maybe another time next week?" etc. If I'm not interested in him... it would be more along the lines of, "Oh, I'm sorry but I'm really busy this week so I can't" (no offer for later)

However, the first one also applies to my guy friends. *shrug*

I think so far, it sounds somewhat positive. Just try asking her again in a few days/next week.

Do you have her on msn/aim, or are you just emailing her? Sometimes having the person on a chat program can make it easier to bring up the idea of doing something together during a line of conversation.

L.

[Ryan Tiley]

Originally posted by Prism@Nov 2 2004, 03:13 AM
"Oh, I can't do anything this weekend... but I'd love to do something next week sometime, maybe" or "Oh, tuesday is really bad for me, but maybe another time next week?" etc. If I'm not interested in him... it would be more along the lines of, "Oh, I'm sorry but I'm really busy this week so I can't" (no offer for later)
What worries me is the word 'maybe' in the sentence (it was in her email, too). When I was young I learned that 'maybe' tended to mean no. :D

I don't have her on MSN/AIM or anything. But I personally generally get really annoyed by people who message me out of the blue on that. I want to avoid being annoying as much as possible.

[Ryan Tiley]

Crap! She's got a boyfriend! :(

Well it's pretty depressing I must say. In the last month or two I've contacted three girls. One has said thanks but no thanks (didn't give a reason). One never got back to me, and the last one (this one) said yes that'd be cool but maybe some other time cos I have a boyfriend. I need to rethink my strategy. And I think that I might have to give email the flick, because playing the waiting game is proving to be bad for my nerves. What next - phone? SMS? A combination?