bringing up "my crush" in convo with my crush

[kuju]

so what do you think?

Hypothetically in conversation with the guy I like, I bring up the face that I have a thing for this guy in one of my classes, and I think he likes me, but we're both too shy to do much more than flirt and joke. It bothers me that neither of us is brave enough to make a move, and I wish he'd just ask me out.


think it could work? will he just think I mean someone else? might it indicate to him that I'd like him to ask me out? Or maybe (I'm reaching here) he'd say that I should just ask the guy out... and then, assuming I'm not chicken-shit, I can ask him out right there...

[Madeleine]

I say do it!!

I can't see how it could go wrong. I'm assuming you do think that he likes you. If he thinks you are talking about him, he is either going to ignore/brush aside/change topic OR show some interest and potentially ask you out. If he doesn't know you are talking about him, and depending on what he says, you can either ask him out or abandon mission with him none the wiser.

Bulletproof! Good luck!

[Newton]

Well I think you should just out and ask him out to do something. I just know if a girl I knew in your situation mentioned liking a guy in one of her classes I would think she had met someone else in one of her classes which would just dishearten me. I know it's hard because I'm trying to meet women in my one night class now and it's difficult. I guess it's one of those things you have to just take the leap.

[princess]

Originally posted by Madeleine@Oct 19 2004, 01:43 AM

Bulletproof!
I like the idea, I've always thought that that approach is cute.

But I wouldn't quite call it bulletproof. Let's say he does like you, you bring up this conversation, he thinks you like someone else and then he loses interest in you. It's kinda a long shot - but it could happen.

But g'luck. Let us know how it turns out!

[Madeleine]

Ooh I didn't think of that. If you do try it, and he doesn't realise you're talking about him, and he seems disappointed (though you may not be able to tell...) - you have to do something, and fast. Be ULTRA observant to how he reacts if you start telling about the "guy you like". Let us know what happens!

[Palmer of the Turks]

If he doesn't realize you're talking about him, you'll basically scare him off.

You have a real 50-50 with this tactic... if he gets it, it'll work great. If not, it'll backfire BADLY.

[chiukit]

well, the trick is.. when youre asking him, look at him like youre wanting him, and give him the look that hes the one youre talking about. i dunno how to explain it, just basically that. i dunno. i sometimes do it this way too, and its always worked for me. but i make it blatantly obvious, and basically describin' the said crush. 'fair skin, long hair, green eyes, and a smile that makes my heart skip a beat.'


and hey, if brave enough..
'and (s)he's standing in front of me'

[Deidre]

Back when I was 14, naïve and completely asexual...

...a guy I'd known for years did that on me. Aside from the fact that I wouldn't date anyone at 14 (even less an 18 year old semi-friend with mental problems and a 2 year old son), I totally didn't get that he was talking about me. He had to come straight out and say it, which made it rather awkward.

[Madeleine]

Hmm and it started off sounding like a good idea! But from reading other people's posts I'm not quite so sure. I guess it really depends on the guy - is he likely to get you're talking about him? If he doesn't, will it become awkward? If it does can you resurrect the situation? Would you?

I think it will be okay if you're sure you have the balls to tell him it's him if he doesn't get it.
Although, he might get it, but pretend he doesn't, in case he thinks he might be wrong. So I'm not sure what you'd do then, other than blurt out that it's him, and will he out out with you.

[*after8*]

yeah, i'd say this idea has wayy too much potential to backfire.
if the guy thinks youre talking about another guy (and thus you see him ONLY as a friend) he'll push any feelings he has for you quickly into the 'friend-zone' as well. and then there goes any chance of him asking you out, or you asking him to do something (with the intent of something romantic).

however, if you're going to go with this, you have to do it really really playfully... and drop hints that it's him.. even something as little as "he always walks me to my next class" or something could work. and make shore to have a little teasing type grin/smile.. and flirty eye-contact.. you'd have to play up the flirtiness A LOT.

alternatively, you could always ask him to study with you (or something like that), and maybe go for coffee afterwards.. guys like directness.. and sometimes its needed.. cose well, they're guys. ;p

[kuju]

yeah, that's what I figured Nyne... I know that if the situation were reversed, I'd go into friend mode and try to act in HIS best interests. But maybe guys are different from girls in that?

[Lone_Raider]

Don't do it Kuju! It has a 90% chance of not working! I've had girls do this to me and I immediatly assume they like some other guy, started going out with some other guy etc. and I give up on them and start looking for someone else. Not only does it not work, it actually annoys me as I've had girls say things like this in the first week I've started talking to them and it almost seems like a slap in the face. Like the girl decided the first day we met that she already liked someone else better.

I know at least one time this happened to me that the girl was trying to lure me in, however the girl was slightly mental and I was not interested! All other times, if the girls were indeed trying to lure me in, it failed because I moved on.

[Madeleine]

Oh man! I take back everything I've said. Lol. It seemed like such a cute idea! I still think it *could* work if you were super forward about it (like, "so there's this guy I like... and I was thinking about asking him out for coffee... so, do you want to...?" or something like that but less lame, lol), but then you may as well just ask him out.

[Crash Override]

Guys are SOOOOOOOOOO clueless about this sort of thing.

My first real girlfriend ever tried that tactic on me before we started dating, and it took us 45 minutes on the phone talking about it for me to actually clue in. And we were fairly good friends at that point (well, good enough friends that we were able have phone conversations that lasted that long, and about that sort of subject matter, anyway).

She had been dropping hints about it all week, and I was totally clueless. She'd be like "There's this guy, he's in some of my classes, I think he's really cute and funny and intelligent, but I don't have any idea what he thinks of me," and I would be like, "Oh yeah? Well, let me know who it is, and if I'm friends with him I'll find out what he thinks of you," genuinely trying to be helpful and setting her up with her "crush." She wouldn't tell me who it was, so I just figured it was someone I didn't get along with and she was afraid I'd lose respect for her.

Finally, during that phone conversation, we pretty much played 20 questions ("do I know him?" "yes." "Is he in any of our classes together?" "Yes." "Which class?" etc etc), and I narrowed it down to one of the guys in our music class, and I guessed EVERY SINGLE MALE in that class, until we reached the point where I said "Well then he can't be in our music class, because that leaves nobody but m- Ohhhhh."

Sure, it ended well (i.e. with us dating), but it was under entirely different circumstances, and we were much closer than you and this guy are.


Whew, I realize that was really long, but the moral of the story is that guys are dumb and clueless, and don't ever assume that any kind of "hinting" will get through to them. I'm a lot more perceptive now than I was all those years ago, but the general rule for men is that hinting DOESN'T WORK.

[Palmer of the Turks]

Bil is right. Guys can be so clueless.

If I were in his story, I wouldn't have even gone "that leaves nobody but me"

I would have said "Well, that's everyone it could have been, so I guess you made a mistake or something?"

The idea of the word "me" being in there AT ALL would have never occured.

[mini696]

I would say good idea. Everything helps.

If a girl said to me "I like this guy but I'm shy, he's shy.... blah blah blah"

I would;

1. (If I like her) Tell her I'm in the same situation, drop the hint straight back at her. Convince her even if I did like someone I would be too worried to ask her out too. Hopefully she would get the hint and pick up the guts to ask me out. Also it gives me the idea that she's shy and I might have to make the first move.

2. (If I dont like her) Tell her I would definately tell someone I liked. This would hopefully give her the hint that if I was interested in her I would ask her out.


So to sum up, you may not find out if he likes you straight away, but at least it gives him a hint that you like him. I doubt he would lose interest.

[Rammstein39]

yeah i agree with the clueless guy idea. I used to flirt very VERY openly with my b/f before we were dating and he says now he had NO clue what so ever that i liked him.

I would say ask him to go somewhere with you. if he likes you or has some interest he'll go with you. If not he'll show it. Good luck.