A little help please!

[Haboob804]

Well what to say...?

Ok to start off im only 13 right. Now a lot of you will probably say to forget about relationships because im 13 or something right? But im realy interested in girls (well actually a certain one) right about now. Any pretty much everyone i know has a girlfriend, is looking for one, or has had one. I have never had one before.

Well I like this girl right (bet that surprised you) but im not really sure what to do. She is one of those gals that love to hang out with friends most of the time at local sport or whatever. And to put it simply im not like that.

Im not a total nerd who never gets out of the house and sits at home all day. Im far from it. But likewise I dont hang out for the sake of hanging out a lot. Sure I lay quite a bit of sport and I do stuff with friends, but I dont stay for very long before or after I play sport and i dont go and "hang out"

Im worried that it might affect my chances or something.

Now this girl is in all my classes. So I pratically see her every day. We dont really talk much though. Any conversation between us is always very short and meaningless. But I see her talk to pretty much everyone else in the class freely, as much the guys as the girls.

Im also pretty sure that if she liked me already she would say something. Because she is no stranger to dating. (Not that she has a new boyfriend every week or anything!)

The other thing that could be a problem is the she is a year older. And she seems to always go for big, strong, older boyfriends. Well im short (still taller than she is), skinny and i definately would say that im stong. I also dont attract a lot of attention on the sporting field. Im one of those skill lacking, better-than-average guys that arent bad at sport but people just dont notice them!

I do have my good points however. I do very well at schoolwork. But you better wish me luck if im going to use that to impress anyone.

Im also shy, never having had a girlfriend before or anything. I lack confidence. I also dont talk as much as i would like to sometimes. And im not too funny that often. Doesnt look good does it?

Im slightly ok speaking to girls in general but I leave a lot to be desired. I usually have a lot more trouble speaking to girls that I dont know, that I like or that are pretty good looking.

This girl isnt a super hot drop dead georgeous (although I might think so) chick with loads of boys chacing her around, though. So that definately a bonus.

So now im wondering if I even have a chance. Should I just tell her im interested outright. Or maybe I should try to get to know her a bit better and talk to her more. Im also thinking of "hanging out" at the sports I play and stuff more. Not that I would totally change my lifestyle. I probably would if she asked me to though :biggrin:

But I dont want to attract any unwanted attention. I mean if i constantly try to talk to her and stuff people will suggest things and that would be embarrasing as hell for me, and probably her too. So that might not be the best way to go.

If I was going to ask her out, though, it would prove dificult to get her alone. As she is constanly surrounded by friends. Well I am too.

So now ive told you my life's story and more do you think i have a chance?

[Fun Lovin' Criminal]

You're young, and you've got a hell of a lot to learn. I'm not going to give you a lecture on flirting or the chase or anything like that, because it won't help. It's something you have to experience for yourself. But here's a major tip: don't get hung up on the one girl. I can't stress this enough. You barely talk to this girl and yet you're infatuated with her. She'll be able to tell, in fact, I bet she already knows. I think you should concentrate on girls at a whole, and flirt, ask out, have successes and more importantly, get rejected. Getting rejected and learning to live with it is a huge factor in the future concerning the successes you will have with females.

[Deidre]

Look at it this way:

You like a girl who(m) you have nothing particular in common with
does not talk to you to any significant extent
does talk to other people to a significant extent
you never spent time with
is the complete opposite of you, socially
Exactly what is it that makes you infatuated with her by watching her from a distance like this? What is it about her that makes you think she's your type of girl at all, aside from the fact that you find her attractive? What about her makes you think you'd love spending time with her, aside from your hormones? It's fine to like the way someone looks, and it's fine to imagine being with them... but does that mean you truely DO want to be with who they REALLY are?


This girl is assumed to like older boys (not you)
tall, strong boys (not you)
athletic boys [she hangs out around them] (not you)
This is not the type of girl who goes for someone like you, from what you've gathered. This does not mean you're substandard in any way, but it means that she is less likely to take an interest in you. Do get her attention, you'd have to change... you'd have to socialise more, you'd have to be a lot more forward, show a lot more confidence and make an effort to show off your tailfeathers. The good news is, if you're right about other guys not flocking around her, you won't have to spend much time puffing your chest and fighting your way up the picking order. The bad news is, you're interested in a girl who, once you got her, and got to know her, is unlikely to want to continue being with you unless you keep up the change.

Originally posted by Haboob804
But I dont want to attract any unwanted attention. I mean if i constantly try to talk to her and stuff people will suggest things and that would be embarrasing as hell for me, and probably her too. So that might not be the best way to go.
Sorry to say, but at your age, accidently looking at her too much when she walks by is going to attract unwanted attention. Talking to her a bit isn't going to be much worse. In fact, how do you expect to get this girl's attention without approaching her? Growing older and buffing up over night and breaking all school sports records until she notices all girls flocking around you? Other people noticing when you try to get her to notice you is kind of a biproduct that you have to live with. It is only embarassing for you if you let it be (that confidence thing again... it's hard to get by without it)... and it's only embarassing for her if she really dislikes you and you don't get the hints to go away.

[Haboob804]

Well I should have seen it a little clearer earlier. I dont have much of a chance do I?

Exactly what is it that makes you infatuated with her by watching her from a distance like this? What is it about her that makes you think she's your type of girl at all, aside from the fact that you find her attractive? What about her makes you think you'd love spending time with her, aside from your hormones? It's fine to like the way someone looks, and it's fine to imagine being with them... but does that mean you truely DO want to be with who they REALLY are?

I have no idea! I can help who I like and when i like them. I only know that I do. But something is there other than looks. Im just attracted to her someone...

Do get her attention, you'd have to change... you'd have to socialise more, you'd have to be a lot more forward, show a lot more confidence and make an effort to show off your tailfeathers.

But I want to socialise more anyway. What do you mean by being a lot more "forward" and showing off my "tailfeathers".

The bad news is, you're interested in a girl who, once you got her, and got to know her, is unlikely to want to continue being with you unless you keep up the change.

But there are pretty much NO girls that are interested in me now, that have a lot of the same ineterests and stuff.


There are a few weird things that im wondering about though. Probably making something out of nothing and wishful thinking:

1) Well my full name is Matthew. But everyone calls me Matt. My friends, my parents and people in my class. Well everyone but my grandparents. And the girl I like. She calls me by my full name almost all the time! Whats with that? Weird...

2)Quite a while back me and her were both moved because we were talking in class. We ended up sitting next to each other for about a week. The thing is she found a way to rest her knee on my leg quite a bit of the time. I was confused and wondering what the heck she was doing! Then I read here that toutching could be a sign...?

3)Around about this time her best friend asked me on Yahoo messanger straight out if I liked her. And she happened to add that she was free. I think that she probably just guessed who I liked. But like I said this and the other thing were quite a while back.

I dont know what to make of it. But when she looks at me for a fragment of a second I dont think "OMG SHE LOOKED AT ME! SHE MUST LIKE ME" haha

[ittakessome]

thinking too much will get you into trouble.

aside from that- relax. sitting here asking us if you have a chance isnt going to help you. what you need to do is actually get to know her/talk to her. and find out for yourself from her if you have a chance.




ps. 1) Well my full name is Matthew. But everyone calls me Matt. My friends, my parents and people in my class. Well everyone but my grandparents. And the girl I like. She calls me by my full name almost all the time! Whats with that? Weird... i've noticed that i call people by their full names and not nicknames when i dont really know them/am not close to them and i feel i have not earned the right to call them by a nickname. so it might just be nothing.

[Haboob804]

I just wanted to add something else.

You like a girl who(m)
-you have nothing particular in common with
-is the complete opposite of you, socially

Well this is the same with EVERY girl I know!!! But we do have a few things in common. We both like basketball and music for example.

i've noticed that i call people by their full names and not nicknames when i dont really know them/am not close to them and i feel i have not earned the right to call them by a nickname. so it might just be nothing.

Yeah I guess so. But as far as im concerned my name is Matt. If someone asked for my name I would say Matt, my signature has Matt, if I fill something in I will put my name as Matt! I wouldnt even say its my nickname would day that it is my real name.


And this has nothing to do with the topic but... I cant smile. I dont smile. I cant just smile on cue without looking like a moron, a retard or just evil. I struggle to smile when im happy. I know it must sound weird but its true. And after i read a article here or something about the importance of smiling...

[Deidre]

Originally posted by Haboob804+Oct 17 2004, 03:48 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Haboob804 @ Oct 17 2004, 03:48 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>I have no idea! I can help who I like and when i like them. I only know that I do. But something is there other than looks. Im just attracted to her[/b]
If you can't give any reason whatsoever for being attracted to her, I'm definitely going to say that it's physical factors. Yes, it may feel different from the regular "wow, she's attractive".

How about an example: When I was in 9th grade I met this guy, Magnus. I talked to him, maybe thrice in the first five months. We were in drama class together, but it was a huge group and had completely different social circles, so we didn't have much reason to talk. I wasn't infatuated with him, but I was certainly interested. Why? I found him attractive, and the way he walked and the way he socialised with people and the way he withdrew from the group made him stick out, to me. The one really non-physically observed factor was the way we met: he sat down and challenged me to a game of chess, which appealed to me and made him come off as smart.

See how "wow, he's a stud!" isn't really the issue, but it's still about physical factors?

Depending on what the factors are, it's varying levels of positive, though. I noticed said boy because he reminded me of me... which turned out to be right, since I'm now 20 and we're moving in together this spring. But in the past I've definitely "noticed" people whom I'd never be able to date once I got them.

Originally posted by Haboob804@Oct 17 2004, 03:48 AM
But I want to socialise more anyway. What do you mean by being a lot more "forward" and showing off my "tailfeathers".
I don't know how to explain being more forward. There's no hidden meaning there.

Showing off your tailfeathers as in participating in the courtship game for the girl.. like rams and deer bucks charge each other for the attention of the girl, or like peacocks show their tailfeathers. The bigger and the better gets the girl in the end.


Originally posted by Haboob804@Oct 17 2004, 03:48 AM
She calls me by my full name almost all the time! Whats with that? Weird...
There are two reasons why I would do this.
1) I don't know you, so unless you introduced yourself as Matt, or if someone else introduced you at Matt, I'd call you Metthew.
2) When I like someone, I call them by their entire name. Above mentioned Magnus, for example, is always called 'Mange' (hard G) by his friends, but I've never done that.
3) When I dislike someone, I don't call them by their nickname either.

Originally posted by Haboob804@Oct 17 2004, 03:48 AM
The thing is she found a way to rest her knee on my leg quite a bit of the time. I was confused and wondering what the heck she was doing! Then I read here that toutching could be a sign...?
Touching can be a sign.
Then again -- how touchy is she with other people?

Originally posted by Haboob804@Oct 17 2004, 03:48 AM
Around about this time her best friend asked me on Yahoo messanger straight out if I liked her. And she happened to add that she was free.
What other people do shouldn't be too much of a factor. Sometimes, yes, people ask their friends to find out if someone likes them... and sometimes the friends have their own agenda.

<!--QuoteBegin-Haboob804@Oct 17 2004, 03:48 AM
But when she looks at me for a fragment of a second I dont think "OMG SHE LOOKED AT ME! SHE MUST LIKE ME" haha[/quote]
But you've already decided that willing to change for her? :eusa_eh:

[Haboob804]

Hmm yeah well I guess. So I guess it all comes down to wheather im physically atrractive? And even more so because im 13?

There are two reasons why I would do this.
1) I don't know you, so unless you introduced yourself as Matt, or if someone else introduced you at Matt, I'd call you Metthew.
2) When I like someone, I call them by their entire name. Above mentioned Magnus, for example, is always called 'Mange' (hard G) by his friends, but I've never done that.
3) When I dislike someone, I don't call them by their nickname either.

Well I always intoduce myself as Matt no acceptions. And everyone will do introduce me by that name too.
And im pretty certain that even though she may nhot "like" me she doesnt dislike me either.

But you've already decided that willing to change for her?

Well i wouldnt change my interests and personality just my social habits, sich i want to change anyway.

[Deidre]

Originally posted by Haboob804@Oct 18 2004, 07:22 AM
Hmm yeah well I guess. So I guess it all comes down to wheather im physically atrractive? And even more so because im 13?
Uh... what?!

[Madeleine]

Don't think so much! Get to know her (by ways which you have suggested such as "hanging out" after games and such). See how you interact. What is it about her that appeals to you, and is it just her looks?

What Deidre is saying makes a lot of sense. So all I'm going to add is just pluck up some courage to talk to her more, get to know her, see how you two interact. Be observant without reading into things too much. You might not end up together but you might at least make a good friend.

[Haboob804]

Yeah Madeleine im trying but im just posting on here while im trying :biggrin:

Uh... what?!

Err what I meant was that you pretty much stated how important it is to be physically attractive when explaining why I liked her was just because she was good looking. And so I said that maybe it will really just come down to whether im physically atractive or not. Get me?

Touching can be a sign.
Then again -- how touchy is she with other people?

Well I dont really think that she is very toutchy when it comes to guys.


Im actually slowly getting there as too enguaging in a little more conversation with her. Slowly. But that probably got more to do with her part not mine.

Well THANKS to you all :dance:

[Deidre]

Originally posted by Haboob804@Oct 18 2004, 12:20 PM
Err what I meant was that you pretty much stated how important it is to be physically attractive when explaining why I liked her was just because she was good looking. And so I said that maybe it will really just come down to whether im physically atractive or not. Get me?
I don't really see how you deduced that at all, or what the 13-part had to do with it.

I never said you liked her purely because she is good looking. I said if you never interact with her, you have no reason to like her but physical factors, and you might want to keep that in mind before you waste away over her.

Physical factors, as I demonstrated in my example, include the way someone walks, the way they talk, the way they lean their head towards the side when they smile. Things that can signal to you various things about that person, but which can be either very true or utterly false and doesn't put you any close to liking them as a person.

[Haboob804]

Well I didnt really deduced that. What im trying to say is that with my chances with this girl will it really depend on whether im good looking? And maybe it might depend even more on if im good looking because im 13?? ;)

[Fun Lovin' Criminal]

No.

[meeso]

One Word: Nin-ten-do.

heh.. seriously man, you should just not concern yourself with it at this point... like the girl, have a crush on her or what not but don't let it be your main point of focus... you're in what? like 6th-7th grade?

[newlysingle]

damn, and to think kids your age are already having sex. it's mind boggling.

[Haboob804]

Yep it sure is mind boggoling. Although its not like all 13 year ols have sex. Maybe like 1 in 100000000000000 or something.

And hey im in grade 8! Ands its not like its my main point of focus or anything. Ive got all my school work nailed anyway.

[Haboob804]

Err hey again! Sorry for the double post! Well anyway to the point.

Well this girl I like has stop calling me Matthew and calls me Matt all the time now! I wonder why she decided to call me Matt after all this time...

[Fun Lovin' Criminal]

Why don't you just ask her out? Think of it this way. You're young, you've got nothing to lose. If she says yes, great. If she says no, then you know how she feels and can stop trying to guess.

[Haboob]

Well I still havent done anything. Its like there is this cycle that is constantly repeating.

I go to school and then I see her and think 'Holy shit I want that girl so much!'

But then I come home and when I think about it all I think is how she wont go out with me because she normally seems to go for older guys and she is hot and Im not etc etc.

Then I go to school again and think 'Holy shit I want that girl so much!'


Im pretty certain that the school year will be finished and I wont have done anything.

I know Im only 13 and I will have plenty of time later to date etc etc.

But yeah anyway im hopeless.



Another thing. I know that she has Yahoo Messanger and Im almost certain that she knows that I have it too. But she hasnt added me. I havent added her only because I dont know her Yahoo name. So I was thinking that if she knew I had it she would have added me if she was interested. However maybe she didnt want to make people suspicious like I dont want to or something. Who knows?

Sounds stupid I know but its a little hard to explain exactly what Im thinking.

So what do you think? Should I try and get her YIM name? Or dont bother?

I dont know!

Gheeze i must sound pathetic!

[MuthaFranka]

C'mon man, you're young. Give it at least a couple years.

You'll find, in about 8 years or so lol, that most of the people you date through your high school/teen years really weren't too much of a match for you.

It's all a scam. The whole love thing when you still haven't finished puberty is such a joek, but I suppose nice at the time.

[Haboob]

Give it at least a couple years.

Much much easier said then done. At this rate I will be 50 before I have anything to do with a girlfriend ;)

[HurleyGirlie]

Ha, I just realized that you have 2 usernames...Haboob & Haboob804...

[Haboob]

Thanks for the advice HurleyGirlie... Haha yeah I just realized that too!

[Intelx]

Haboob...

I want to tell your parents to take your computer away, so you can stop posting.

:laugh:

[Haboob]

Why? Am I annoying? Wasting your time? Waste of space?