do u make freinds or just ask em out

[joe]

my question is this-lets say u like this girl-physically -i mean good looking do u first make freinds with her first and this and that then ask her out or do u make small talk, talk about stuff u have in common then lets say ask her out for something called a informal date. -this is in college atmostphere
some ppl have told me to be friends first as the girl hardly even nows u -why should she go out with u, and u might scare her off by going too fast. but i also seen guys do the small talk and then ask her out like in 10 minutes. but with me is i don;t like to beat around the bush. so what do u guys or gals think tell me what u do or prefer.

oh ya and also is it acceptable to chit chat with a gal -let say ur at a bookstore , u find hot and then ask for her number or to go for coffee. this is a girl u don;t now.are girls ok with guys approaching em in the bookstore. i'm not a intimidating guy 5 7 145 typical looking

[IGemini]

It took me way too long to read that. And this is more of a flirting question than a dating one.

[chiukit]

most guys i know, are the type of guy to be friends with a girl first and from there decide whether or not he wants to date her. of course, he will be keeping the woman at a distance as to not get too close. but for me, i'm the opposite. a girl i meet, if i think she's cute, hot, pretty, someone i would date, i will go for it, until i decide that i don't want to be dating her. i make small talk, and if she's cute and interesting, i'll ask if she wants to talk some more another time over coffee, or over a drink. but this is my style, every guy is different.

and yeah, you might want to try to articulate your question better... kinda hard to understand. ;p

[ittakessome]

i had to pick at your post for a while before i understood it. come on... you can write better than that. as a college student, you HAVE to know basic grammer.

do u first make freinds with her first and this and that then ask her out
well, i'm not one to date guys i don't know. up until recently, all the guys i dated i had known for at least a couple of months. and we were always friends at the beginning. my current boyfriend and i met and i was interested right away. we talked for maybe 2 weeks and we went out for icecream. after that him and i hung out for a month. then we started officially dating or going steady or whatever you call it.

or do u make small talk, talk about stuff u have in common then lets say ask her out for something called a informal date.
i wouldnt give my # or information about myself to a guy i just met. i have to atleast have talked to the guy on several occasions before i hang out with him.

so what do u guys or gals think tell me what u do or prefer.
i prefer getting to know someone. from your question, it sounds as though you are just interested in dating a hot/sexy girl. what about one you can talk to? one you can be friends with? (or are you looking for a girl to mess around with?) b/c if you want a girl to date, its more than looks.

oh ya and also is it acceptable to chit chat with a gal -let say ur at a bookstore , u find hot and then ask for her number or to go for coffee. this is a girl u don;t now.are girls ok with guys approaching em in the bookstore.
no, i dont like random guys talking to me. i usually blow them off. (but in a nice way.)

[hopeless_romantic]

Make small talk for 2-3 weeks, then ask her to grab some lunch. If that goes well, keep asking her to do stuff during the day. Then, if you decide you want to date her, start asking for dates at night, but still keep your options open with other girls. Then, if you decide you want only her, tell her that somehow.

If a guy asks you out too early after you meet him, it's obviously that he only likes you (at the moment) for your body. Get the know the chick. She could be the biggest bitch ever.

[Palmer of the Turks]

I'm a firm believer in friends first, as friends make the best lovers.

Besides, I'm too shy to ask them out right away.

[meeso]

I wouldn't wait 2 weeks.. If I met a girl at a party by the end of the night I would gauge her reactions to me. Is she smiling, does she look me in the eye when she talks to me.. does she play with her hair... all these little signs that say "Ok, make a second time" .

2-3 weeks?

I'd of already forgotten about her.

[Deidre]

What happens when you approch a girl without getting to know her at all?

this (http://www.therfs.com/index.php?showtopic=19046) or even this (http://www.therfs.com/index.php?showtopic=18477).

That said, there are more or less intimidating situations. For example, if I was single and a guy I never spoke to, who is in a class with me, asked me if I'd grab a coffee with him at a near-campus café, there's a decent possibility of me agreeing. I'm unlikely to give out my number or agree to a date at a later time without getting to know him better, though.

Getting to know someone a little is good, but waiting too long can be the worst thing to do, if you don't develop a fair bit of social skill and learn to read another person, because you will be wasting time on someone who quite possibly doesn't think you're dating material.

[joe]

maybe that what happen with me and that leanne girl-i asked her out too fast i mean we knew each toerh for like a year but i never talked to her till 1 yr later and when i did i asked her out right away after making small talk after class and then after the next class i ask her out- too abruopt and fast hey

[StrayDog]

Originally posted by ittakessome@Oct 12 2004, 09:16 PM
as a college student, you HAVE to know basic grammer.


When lecturing someone else of their grammatical transgressions, the point can be made more effectively by spelling things correctly.

[ittakessome]

::correction!!!!!:: as a college student, you HAVE to know basic grammar.

[newlysingle]

Originally posted by Palmer of the Turks@Oct 13 2004, 09:00 AM
I'm a firm believer in friends first, as friends make the best lovers.

Besides, I'm too shy to ask them out right away.
yeah! i'm experiencing that right now. I recently started sleeping with a guy i have known for a very long time. so weird, but we have an agreement so i guess i don't have anything to worry about.

[Deidre]

Originally posted by joe@Oct 13 2004, 10:41 PM
maybe that what happen with me and that leanne girl-i asked her out too fast i mean we knew each toerh for like a year but i never talked to her till 1 yr later and when i did i asked her out right away after making small talk after class and then after the next class i ask her out- too abruopt and fast hey
Or maybe, just maybe, she just didn't want to go out with you.

Those things happen, you know, and you're coming off quite sad for always trying to blame it on something else.

[vampbarbie]

I wouldn't give my number or go off with a guy who just came up to me in a random store, who I didn't know. That's asking for trouble.

You need to know the girl to some extent but not be so that she only sees you as a friend.


If you ask me you're trying way to hard just to have a girlfriend. You're coming across as desperate.

[Nonny]

Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable dating someone who wasn't first a friend. All of my romantic relationships have been with people who were close friends first. I'm not going to open myself to someone I don't know and trust.

[joe]

Originally posted by Nonny@Oct 15 2004, 08:44 AM
Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable dating someone who wasn't first a friend. All of my romantic relationships have been with people who were close friends first. I'm not going to open myself to someone I don't know and trust.
so they have to be a freind first before u date em hmmm. b/c what happens if ur at a club or bar-do u make firend with em b/c u might not see em anymore it ain;t like school or work. those are the only places u can make freinds - or from clubs......

[Madeleine]

I would definitely want to be friends first, so getting to know her is a MUST. Also because if you did just ask her out straight away, a girl you didn't know, that would suggest to her that it was completely based on looks (which it would be, would it not) and thus make a guy not a contender in my books. It may be flattering for the girl (though I wouldn't know, it's never actually happened to me), IMO it is not the best option.

Just don't worry so much about going out there and looking for a girlfriend. I know it seems preferable to have one, but you can still meet girls and get to know them without being on the gf prowl. Even if you do all the tricks in the book, it won't make a girl want to go out with you.

It seems to me that you need to be more confident in yourself and who you are, someone else said you are coming across as desparate, and that is something that is not going to attract the opposite sex. Girls can tell if you're trying too hard.
It may be easier said than done, but just try to be natural and keep busy doing stuff if you need to be occupied. You can always play sport or start a new hobby if you're looking for a place to meet girls, at the very least you can make some friends who share your interests, which may (but also may not) develop into something else in the future.