Is this real? Or just wishful thinking?

[oasisgirl]

OK, so here is the long story made short:

I'm a college sophomore who works for my school's residential life office as an RA. The "grown up staff" comprises of 2 directors and 3 assistant directors. The AD's all just graduated from my school last year.

I have a serious crush on one of the ADs. My problem is, is that I cannot tell if he likes me or not!!


Since he and I first started working together in August, he's always seemed nervous around me. And when he and I have conversations, they're always awkward and brief. I've seen him interact with other people, including girls, and he seems to be just fine, although by no means is he an outgoing kinda guy.

But, just to give you an idea of the other kind of stuff that goes on:

One night I was sitting in the union with a friend and he saw me. As he was leaving, he looked down from the level he was on (higher than mine) and yelled out my name and waved.

Last week I was in the school pub with a friend and looked out into the crowd and he immediately met eyes with me and came over to talk. He seemed nervous (according to my guy friend who was with me) but as we were talking about my job as an RA, he said "I really think you're going to be the best RA on staff this year and you're going to be a great example for everyone to follow. I'm really excited." And then, since on the following day I was planning on moving into another dorm, he said he'd love to help out and that he'd bring his pickup truck.

So the next day when he comes (along with another AD) my two friends happen to be in the room also. There were a few moments of awkward silence and my guy friend who was in the room said that he (the guy I like) seemed nervous.

Lastly, a couple days ago, I went into the res. life office to hang out. Him and I make conversation which is still very awkward. About a half hour later, I am reading on the couch and out of the corner of my eye, I see him standing against a door frame, about 10 ft. away. I don't look up, but I can tell he's about to take my picture and he then says really softly, "I'm going to take your picture." He takes it, but he also takes pictures of two more people in the office, although he doesn't seem to be so quiet with them. And just so everyone knows, he does like photography a lot.


So I guess I just would like some advice, commentary, input, whatever. I like him so much and I don't want to come on too strong or anything. I don't go by the office that much b/c I don't want to appear to be stalking and I've only emailed him once to go to lunch (but because the office has been really busy, he hasn't been able to take me up on the offer yet).


Help!!!

[meeso]

Just the pure fact that he sounds nervous when he talks to you is a good indication. I don't get nervous when I talk to girls that I don't find attractive. Actually personally I don't get nervous talking to hot chicks either, but when I was in HS I had my share of stumbling around my words.

Chances are with everything you said, he is at least is interested in you. Corner him and be like "Hey, just wanted to let you know you're going to lunch with me tomorrow, you should probably call me to get the details (hand him your number)" .. smile... then walk away.

Girls that are like that are sexah.

[Fun Lovin' Criminal]

Yeah, I'd say he likes you. But if he gets nervous just from talking to you then there's no way he's going to make the first move. The onus is on you.

[hunny]

Hey, if Fun Lovin' Criminal says he likes you... then he likes you.
FLC don't sugar-coat nothin'.

Um, actually, it does sound like he likes you, to me. But I agree that if he's shy around you then you might have to make the first move.
Or two.
Or possibly more.

[oasisgirl]

That seems to be the general concensus among my friends too, but...

He is a college staff member and I am, technically, just a student, although I'm 19 and he's only 23 and he just graduated from the college last May. Do you think some of his hesitancy is because he might be kinda afraid of the implications?

There's no rule at my school against staff and students dating, although it is "frowned upon." But it does happen because my school is very small (1500 students). Apparently too, its not that uncommon for ADs to hook up with students since they were students here too at some point.

Ugh...I'm almost tempted to give up. He's really attractive too and I almost feel like there's no chance he'd ever like me...

And if he does like me like everyone is saying, why hasn't he taken me up on the offer I gave for lunch (like four weeks ago now)? Or come up to see my new room like he said he would??

[chiukit]

why not just stop playing games and just say that you like him?
everyone here is positive that he likes you (or at the very least, interested in you).

and maybe he was just busy when you asked for plans, or had other things to do and haven't come around to seeing your room yet. who knows?

[GJHM]

This is where I go a little insane. Girls are consistantly trying to figure guys out, and question there motives. If you have this much evidence to throw to us, then obviously you realize he's got feelings for you. Don't look for our approval... if you like him, talk to him. I have faith.

[meeso]

For the love of all that is holy, will you please ask him out and come back and tell us if we were right ;)

[oasisgirl]

I'm too scared to ask him out!

Yesterday I was in the office and he kept asking me questions "what classes are you in?" "what's that you're working on there?"


I think I should just stop liking him. Its not going to work out

[Fun Lovin' Criminal]

What the hell? Do you hear yourself? Don't live to regret not making a move. Do something! Just do it for crying out loud! How do you know it's not going to work out if you don't give it a chance? How many opportunities are you going to purposely miss before you realise what an idiot you're being!? I've seen your photo, you're beautiful. I'm not just saying that, I'm really quite picky. He wants you. He wants you so much that he's nervous around you, I bet he wonders whether you like him, stresses him out. Go do something!

Be daring, be bold. Don't live to regret being indecisive. Ask him out already!

[oasisgirl]

He's like my freaking boss though!!!!

[meeso]

Don't make me stop this car..... :snooty:

[Fun Lovin' Criminal]

Well then I think you have to ask yourself these two questions: Do you like him? Do you think about him in a favorable light?

If the answer is no then drop it.

[oasisgirl]

Yes to both questions!!!

Argh....boys are so confusing! Why can't you guys just come out and say how you're feeling. You leave all the guessing for us girls!

[meeso]

Argh....boys are so confusing! Why can't you guys just come out and say how you're feeling.

Fear of rejection perhaps!? Same reason you don't want to just come out and say how you are feeling.. Looks like someone has to compromise... Looks like that person is you!

[oasisgirl]

I feel like I already have asked him though...I asked him to lunch like three weeks ago and he told me that he's been super busy, so he can't squeeze it in yet. I understand completely, so I am not complaining. Then, after he helped me move into my new dorm, he said he would come by to check my new place out and that was over two weeks ago...the other ADs have come by, but not him!!!

Is he scared of me or something? I mean geez...he could definitely swing a half hour lunch break or ten minutes to see my new place.


He's still really nice to me and tries to make conversation by asking all sorts of questions, but he needs to take the reigns now...I've already offered myself.

Boys are so triflin'...

[meeso]

You may have to just walk up to him naked...

I mean..

I'd do .. err .. go out with you! j/k ;)

[oasisgirl]

whoa there...

There's enough Ashley to go around

[Don Simeone]

Originally posted by oasisgirl@Oct 8 2004, 11:07 PM
I feel like I already have asked him though...I asked him to lunch like three weeks ago and he told me that he's been super busy, so he can't squeeze it in yet. I understand completely, so I am not complaining. Then, after he helped me move into my new dorm, he said he would come by to check my new place out and that was over two weeks ago...the other ADs have come by, but not him!!!

Is he scared of me or something? I mean geez...he could definitely swing a half hour lunch break or ten minutes to see my new place.
he might be scared to seem pushy...he's probably wondering if you like him too, and it kind of paralyses him because in his mind, there's a chance that you DONT like him, and he's afraid of the embarassement that would cause...

this also seems to be YOUR problem : you're not sure about him either...my suggestion is, if you desperately want him to make the first move, to make sure that he knows that you like him...you dont have to come out and say it in those words, just act, you know, flirty or interested, and make him less insecure so he'll have the nerve to actually say anything...or then ask him to lunch again

[Palmer of the Turks]

Originally posted by oasisgirl@Oct 8 2004, 10:26 AM
Why can't you guys just come out and say how you're feeling. You leave all the guessing for us girls!
Why can't you GIRLS come out and say how you're feeling?
You leave all the guessing for us guys!

I rest my case. Now ask him out dammit!

[Tortuga]

I dunno. I guess, just since I'm an RA too, I wouldn't recommend pursuing a relationship with him.

I have a hard time understanding the whole AD thing...at my school, directors and assistant directors are in the actual residence halls, so when you say he works in the res life office, that confuses me.

I guess I'm kinda looking at it from my experience, in that ADs live in the halls...I think it'd be really weird to date someone who not only was your boss, but also lived in your building...I dunno...it'd just be hard to ever get away from him. But since your system seems pretty different, I dunno, maybe it'd be okay.

A concern that I would have is if you want to be labelled as "that girl", if you know what I mean. The girl who thinks she's above the school policy (even if it's not officially against the rules, as you said yourself, it's definitely frowned upon), the girl who, if anything good should ever happen to you (like getting nominated for a staff award or anything), people are gonna question why (even if you totally deserve it). The girl who's sleeping with the boss.

Eh, I dunno. Believe me, I DO understand. My junior year I had really strong feelings for my assistant hall director--for about 6 months--and it totally sucked. I saw him every single day and had to just swallow it down. (Of course, I knew he didn't like me, too, so that made it an obvious choice for me to not say anything--but it still sucked.)

So I don't know if I've helped or not, but I did the best I could!

Good Luck!
Tortuga

[oasisgirl]

I can definitely understand how pursuing a relationship might not be the best idea. And I've even mulled it over...

But, just to answer your question (kinda) the ADs do live in campus housing, but not like in my residence hall. One lives in an apartment owned by the school, the other in an apartment at the very top of a tower, etc. None of them live in my building.

But I dunno...what do other people think? I mean on one hand, him and I are both adults and should we so choose to see each other, we'd know that we'd have to deal with certain instances such as any staff awards, etc. I don't think we could necessarily keep it "secret" but we could keep it as low-key as possible. And, since there are other ADs, I could report to them.

On the other hand, it is possible that pursuing a relationship could muddle things significantly. It might be best for me to forget about him.

But I've never liked anyone like this before. I mean, seriously. It's not just lust, I truly appreciate him as a person and want to learn more about him. Even if we were to never have a physical relationship, I'd still like to get to know him beyond how much I know about him right now. Its serious and this is why I am considering the pros and cons of this situation seriously and realistically.

And, he's from Oklahoma. And for some reason, that is soooo sexy to me, a girl from Washington DC!! :)

[oasisgirl]

Okay, so what do you guys make of this email exchange?

Hey Ashley,

Sorry its taken so long to get back to you. I was out of town yesterday
on a trip to New Hamsphire. How was your break? Did you get a chance to
relax and enjoy the fall colors? They were beautiful!

As for the anwser to your question, unfortunately you have to type the
names in manually. There are no lists for individual floors, just
dorms. What are you planning?

Cya later today!

Mark

Ashley wrote:

>Mark,
> I don't remember if I asked anyone this in the office yet, but do you know if there is a way to send out emails to a specific floor in my dorm (ie. a floor email list)? Or do I have to input the names individually?
>
>Thanks, hope you had a good kayaking trip!
>
>Ashley

[Don Simeone]

hmmm...in his email, he seems serious at first, but the "cya later today" is just silly...i can imagine him banging his head on his desk saying "stupid stupid stupid" after sending the email...but maybe i watch too many movies...

i dunno what to make of it...but hey, you posted this 10 days ago and no-one seems to have replied, so what's the status now ?

[oasisgirl]

I still like him, but I'm almost angry with him now for like not sending me clearer signals. I give him one word answers, if I see him, I start walking the other way, I just am so fed up with the entire situation!

Maybe I'll just move on...

[mini696]

Corner him and be like "Hey, just wanted to let you know you're going to lunch with me tomorrow, you should probably call me to get the details (hand him your number)" .. smile... then walk away

I like that.


Now to put in my two bobs worth.

I'm almost angry with him now for like not sending me clearer signals

He probably thinks he is sending clear signals. Remember, us males are strange creatures.


I feel like I already have asked him though...I asked him to lunch like three weeks ago and he told me that he's been super busy, so he can't squeeze it in yet.

If you only "feel like" you asked him out, maybe he didn't get the right idea. From your previous answers he is shy, and worried about embarasing himself infront of you, so declining the lunch was the easier route to take (after all he knows hell see you later and (maybe) get another chance to say yes when he is more at ease. Now he has had time to think about this, he will be prepared to say yes next time. He may have been shocked/put on the spot when you approached him.


One night I was sitting in the union with a friend and he saw me. As he was leaving, he looked down from the level he was on (higher than mine) and yelled out my name and waved.

An easy opertunity to look interested in you, without any chance of looking like an idiot.


There were a few moments of awkward silence

The only thing that makes silence awkward is if there is tension somewhere.


Yesterday I was in the office and he kept asking me questions "what classes are you in?" "what's that you're working on there?"

Sounds like he is picturing where you are at certain times during the day. So he can "bump" into you, also so he can place you in certain situations.



Just a few notes. I tried to put me in his place.

Hope it helps.