The 1st Poem I've Wrote In Years...

[Asphodelle13]

Okay before anyone can criticize this I'm going to state my opinion that it sucks...its weak...I haven't wrote poetry in ages...BUT I had started writing it last wednesday while at a coffee shop...and I felt slightly inspired/depressed(what's the difference? :P ). So I tried to capture the ambiance of that place, and how I felt that evening.....*whew*...So here it is.



Golden Morose
-------------------------------------------------


Therein sat a moroseful girl
Poised pensively in a tranquil cafe
Where above golden paper lanterns lit
An aromatic pastry display
Wafting down the way..

Viewed kids studying by the fire
And perceived a booth with one
Stately woman with a magazine in hand
Her blouse and jacket halfway undone
Lit up by the setting sun.

But no one sat by the window’s chill
To gaze at the stark September rain
Only those curious for autumn mystique
To seek out a world less mundane
Streaming tears along the pane..

Timelessly bent over her notebook
While engrossed in a drafty blues song
In her heart her words felt oh so right
Yet life fizzled so tragically wrong
Leaving nowhere to belong..

Aloof in a black tailored coat
Wore a longing and a nervous stare
Soon though.. words could take her no further
Sweeping back her golden streaked hair
Lost without him there..

“So sorry.. I’ve lost my train of thought,
Even now as I think of you, my dear..
So faraway behind mountains and dreams
But this aching is pulling you near..
Wishing you were here.”

[AppleBlossom]

I rather like the feeling I get from this. Some places are a little weak (and the rhyme scheme seems a little contrived to me...) but the overall effect is lovely. Keep it up.

[Asphodelle13]

Yeah I agree...its always hard to rhyme without sounding forced in some sort of way...but oh well. I was mostly going for the mood and imagery. And its dedicated to a special someone that inspired me to write it in the first place. :cool2:

[Bravehearter]

Very touching poem! I like very very much. The emotion really comes across in this. Any time you can get your emotions across in words like that, its a wonderful thing.

[Asphodelle13]

*hugs Rob* :)