vampbarbie
September 17th, 2004, 11:24 AM
Ok, this is a short 10 minute play I wrote for my English degree. We were just told 'write a play' and this is what came into my brain. But since then its been plaguing me to write more so here i am for help.
Please persevere. It is amusing and hopefully you will laugh. Any comments helpful. (And if you get through it all you deserve a cookie!)
Beauty Sleep
The stage is set as a room. There is a large four-poster bed slightly off centre, a small table with two chairs to the front right. Gothic window on back wall, right. Door on wall, back left. There is a mirror next to the window. On the table is an opened bottle of vodka and two shot glasses.
The NARRATOR stands at the front, she is able to move in and out of scenes without the characters seeing her. ELLA stands by the window, SEAN is next to her, a bunch of flowers in his hands. They are frozen.
Scene One
NARRATOR: Once upon a time there lived a girl called Ella. Now she has had a lot of bad experiences with men. All she ever wanted was to be treated like a princess from a fairy tale. Of course there was one guy who treated her this way, but he treated every other woman like a princess too.
Sean hands Ella the flowers, but throws a wink to the Narrator.
SEAN: I love you Ella.
ELLA: (laughs bitterly) Liar. You only ever buy me flowers when you’ve done something wrong. Who is it now Sean? Who was worth cheating on me?
SEAN: What? I never…You’re my princess…you know that right?
They freeze.
NARRATOR: Now Sean meant well, but he was a serial seducer, particularly of other people’s women. Women already in relationships were suddenly a lot more attractive to him. Ella got fed up with this and decided to get rid of him.
Ella hits Sean with the bunch of flowers. Repeatedly.
ELLA: Get out! Just piss off. I never want to see you again!
SEAN: (Holding his hands up to fend off the blows) But Ella…baby…I love you…
ELLA: No! Stop saying that. You don’t love me. If you did you wouldn’t go off with your cheap tramps…
SEAN: They’re not…
ELLA: Just get out! You’re a complete bastard! I wish I’d never met you! Piss off! Go back to her.
SEAN: Fine. I will then. See you around.
Sean walks to the door and goes out, slamming it as he leaves. Ella sits at the table. She is crying as she pours herself a shot of vodka and downs it. The Narrator sits on the other chair and pats her arm sympathetically. Ella does not notice.
NARRATOR: Ella had had enough.
ELLA: I’ve had enough. No more men!
NARRATOR: If she was going to grab herself a prince charming, then maybe she had better make herself a princess.
Ella goes to the mirror and starts arranging her hair.
NARRATOR: She was a strong-willed girl and no matter who told her this was a really stupid idea, she still vowed to follow it through. If falling asleep for a few years could win her a prince then why shouldn’t she give it a try? It worked for Snow White. All she had to do was lay there, and her prince came riding by.
ELLA: That’s what I’ll do.
Ella climbs into the bed and lays down.
ELLA: Now all I have to do is wait.
Lights fade out and curtain.
* * *
Scene Two
The set is the same. Ella lies asleep in the bed. The Narrator stands off to one side. A man is looking out of the window, dressed in a black tuxedo, back to the audience. He is talking into a mobile phone. We only hear his side of the conversation.
JAMES BOND: No I haven’t scratched the Aston Martin...Yes it’s in one piece…no it’s not a cube. That was not my fault you know. Yes Q, the car is in one piece. The insurance covered it last time…
He turns and walks over to the bed, looks down on Ella.
JAMES BOND: Yes Q…worked like a dream…minimum security…Its just, well all your gadgets aren’t really going to help on this assignment…No, no beautiful partner this time, beautiful target…sleeping girls aren’t really my job description, you know…shut up Q…I never miss Q, you know that. No, I don’t think she sleeps with a gun under her pillow. I don’t think she’s quite like me…Yes…No Q…it will all be returned in one piece, isn’t it always…ok maybe not. I’ll call you later Q.
He hangs up, walks to the table, and puts phone down. He takes off his jacket and hangs it on the back of the chair. Revealing his shoulder holster and gun. Undoes his bow tie, and lays gun on the table. He pours himself a shot of vodka and drinks it. Picks up phone again and starts another call.
JAMES BOND: Moneypenny, darling…no I’m completely on top of things here…Of course Moneypenny…I can only be a prince charming to one princess can’t I? Really Moneypenny, I can only make good on my innuendoes if you let me…how about dinner then? I know this charming little restaurant in Milan…M would never even realise we’d gone…No don’t tell her I called, that would mean performance evaluation…yes I remember what happened with Caroline in Monaco. Moneypenny are you jealous? You know I only have eyes for you…of course…yes…I’ll make sure I stay ‘onatopp’ of things. Get back to me about Milan, Moneypenny, and I’ll prove to you how hazardous fieldwork really is. Goodbye darling.
James hangs up the phone and puts it down again. He rubs his eyes then continues to drink.
The door bursts open and ROBIN HOOD comes bounding in. He is dressed in typical fashion, complete with green tights and hat with a red feather.
ROBIN HOOD: M’lady! I am here to rescue you from this vile tyrant!
James is on his feet in an instant, gun pointed at Robin Hood.
Robin crosses to the far side of the bed and lifts Ella’s hand, he kisses it.
ROBIN HOOD: Fair lady of Sherwood. I am here to free you from your prison.
James starts laughing, and lowers his gun, keeping it in his hand. Robin looks up and sees him.
JAMES BOND and ROBIN HOOD (simultaneously): Who are you?
JAMES BOND: The name’s Bond, James Bond.
Robin sweeps his hat off and bows elaborately.
ROBIN HOOD: I am Robin of Loxley, outlaw and archer, at your service. I do like to know my foe’s name before I kill them. You must be a serf of the Sheriff’s, sent to guard my lady against rescue…
JAMES BOND: (looking over Robin’s outfit critically) I am so glad I don’t buy my clothes in Nottingham. Never was one to follow fashion…Now what was it you said you did?
ROBIN HOOD: I rob from the rich to give to the poor. And rescue maidens fair from villains like you.
JAMES BOND: Oh, women don’t need rescuing from me…
ROBIN HOOD: Then leave this lady to me. And I can whisk her away to Sherwood Forest…
JAMES BOND: No. I will see the mission to its end. For Queen and country, naturally.
ROBIN HOOD: Queen? (He laughs, obviously finding this most amusing) You mean good King Richard! The one true king.
They freeze. Narrator walks between them, across stage.
NARRATOR: News of Princess Ella’s plight had spread and there were plenty of heroes prepared to try and be her Prince Charming. They came from worldwide, and were very varied in both looks and profession. But none so far seemed suitable.
Narrator walks over to Robin Hood, and gestures to him.
NARRATOR: Famed for his archery skills and for rescuing fair maidens in distress, Robin Hood should be ideal. Just the kind of record you’d want in a prince. But there is the unfortunate matter of his fashion sense, and Maid Marion is unlikely to be happy when she finds out that he has been chasing other women.
Narrator turns and walks to James Bond. She puts an hand on his arm.
NARRATOR: James Bond would be perfectly suitable as your very own Prince Charming. If it wasn’t for his job, which meant he was likely to say, “I’ll be right back”, and you wouldn’t see him for months. All because something, as it frequently does, had ‘come up’. He always gets the mission done, and he always gets the girl.
Narrator walks over and sits at the table, and drinks some vodka, watching.
ROBIN HOOD: I expect you to relinquish your claim on the good princess, or die quietly.
JAMES BOND: How original…do you have any idea how many people would like that too?
ROBIN HOOD: How many wanted posters do you have in your name?
JAMES BOND: Officially none…
ROBIN HOOD: (proudly) I am a wanted outlaw. My image has been circulated to all the sheriffs in the kingdom, including the vile sheriff of Nottingham.
James walks over to the bed, which is still between him and Robin. He looks down on Ella for a second, and then kisses her. She does not wake up, immediately.
ROBIN HOOD: Unhand her! I challenge you to a duel, foul fiend!
Ella sits up and both men look at her. Then rush to the sides of her bed.
JAMES BOND: Good morning.
ROBIN HOOD: Fair lady! This man has insulted your honour. I shall kill him for you…
ELLA: No killing. What is wrong with all you would-be princes? All you ever want to do is kill people for me.
JAMES BOND: Sometimes that’s unavoidable. ‘00’, license to kill and all that.
He holsters his gun and holds out a hand to her, with a smirk at Robin.
ROBIN HOOD: I came to rescue her!
JAMES BOND: But my kiss woke her up. I always did have a way with women. Come on, we haven’t got all day. The car is out front.
Ella looks between them both.
ELLA: I’m not going with either of you. Mr Bond, you’re a sexist, misogynistic, practically an alcoholic, womaniser. And you, (she looks at Robin) you go prancing about in green tights.
The two men look offended.
ROBIN HOOD: M’lady.
Robin bows to her and leaves. James walks to the table and picks up his phone. The jacket is left on the back of the chair.
JAMES BOND: (to Ella) Goodbye then.
He looks at the Narrator as though noticing her for the first time.
JAMES BOND: Well hello. Fancy accompanying me to dinner?
Narrator takes his arm and they leave the room together.
Fade out. Curtain.
* * *
Scene Three
The stage is set as before. James’s jacket is still on the chair, as well as the opened bottle of vodka. Ella is asleep in bed once more.
The door opens and Sean walks in. He looks round for a minute then realisation hits him.
SEAN: You have got to be kidding.
He walks to the table and picks up the bottle of vodka. He swigs it straight from the bottle, then puts it down.
He looks over at Ella.
SEAN: Damnit. Hope for a princess and I get you.
He walks to the bed. And looks down at her.
SEAN: Still beautiful…When did I lose you? Damn you, you’ve been haunting me. And I’m talking to myself again…this is never good. Well since I’m here…
He kisses her. She awakes.
ELLA: My sweet prince! Oh…its you.
SEAN: In the flesh. Hello Ella.
ELLA: What do you want?
Ella gets up and crosses to the window. She stands, looking out.
SEAN: I didn’t come to fight Ella. I…
ELLA: I just think you’d better leave.
SEAN: It’s not leaving that’s hard; it’s finding somewhere to go.
Sean walks to the door and opens it, but hesitates. He shuts it again, but does not turn round.
SEAN: Just how stupid do you think I am?
ELLA: What?
SEAN: How big an idiot would I have to be to walk out of that door again?
ELLA: I don’t understand…I wish you’d just go.
SEAN: It would be a lot easier that way. Less chance of humiliation. (He turns round and walks towards her as he speaks.) Letting you go was the biggest mistake I ever made. I don’t want to keep making mistakes Ella. I’m tired of making mistakes.
Sean puts one hand behind Ella’s neck, and one around her waist and draws her to him. She stares at him.
SEAN: You’re a grown woman. If you want me out of your room, it’ll take you just one knee and a little leverage to put me out. But you can’t just tell me to go, not this time. I love you. I’m not going to meekly walk away.
Sean kisses her deeply. This goes on for a long minute. Eventually they break apart.
SEAN: If I’m lying in a ball in the corridor, I’m doing a tremendous job hallucinating that I’m not.
ELLA: Now is not the time for joking Sean. (She is fidgeting with her hair) You mean that?
SEAN: Yes.
ELLA: Well let’s just say for now that I’m willing to stop making mistakes if you are.
SEAN: It’s a deal. Princess.
Door opens and Narrator enters. Her hair and clothes are dishevelled, and she looks flustered. It is obvious to the audience what she has been up to with a certain Mr Bond.
NARRATOR: Ella finally found her Prince Charming. And it came from the most unexpected quarter. Now I believe the only thing left to tell is that they lived happily ever after. The end.
Fade out. Curtain.
Please persevere. It is amusing and hopefully you will laugh. Any comments helpful. (And if you get through it all you deserve a cookie!)
Beauty Sleep
The stage is set as a room. There is a large four-poster bed slightly off centre, a small table with two chairs to the front right. Gothic window on back wall, right. Door on wall, back left. There is a mirror next to the window. On the table is an opened bottle of vodka and two shot glasses.
The NARRATOR stands at the front, she is able to move in and out of scenes without the characters seeing her. ELLA stands by the window, SEAN is next to her, a bunch of flowers in his hands. They are frozen.
Scene One
NARRATOR: Once upon a time there lived a girl called Ella. Now she has had a lot of bad experiences with men. All she ever wanted was to be treated like a princess from a fairy tale. Of course there was one guy who treated her this way, but he treated every other woman like a princess too.
Sean hands Ella the flowers, but throws a wink to the Narrator.
SEAN: I love you Ella.
ELLA: (laughs bitterly) Liar. You only ever buy me flowers when you’ve done something wrong. Who is it now Sean? Who was worth cheating on me?
SEAN: What? I never…You’re my princess…you know that right?
They freeze.
NARRATOR: Now Sean meant well, but he was a serial seducer, particularly of other people’s women. Women already in relationships were suddenly a lot more attractive to him. Ella got fed up with this and decided to get rid of him.
Ella hits Sean with the bunch of flowers. Repeatedly.
ELLA: Get out! Just piss off. I never want to see you again!
SEAN: (Holding his hands up to fend off the blows) But Ella…baby…I love you…
ELLA: No! Stop saying that. You don’t love me. If you did you wouldn’t go off with your cheap tramps…
SEAN: They’re not…
ELLA: Just get out! You’re a complete bastard! I wish I’d never met you! Piss off! Go back to her.
SEAN: Fine. I will then. See you around.
Sean walks to the door and goes out, slamming it as he leaves. Ella sits at the table. She is crying as she pours herself a shot of vodka and downs it. The Narrator sits on the other chair and pats her arm sympathetically. Ella does not notice.
NARRATOR: Ella had had enough.
ELLA: I’ve had enough. No more men!
NARRATOR: If she was going to grab herself a prince charming, then maybe she had better make herself a princess.
Ella goes to the mirror and starts arranging her hair.
NARRATOR: She was a strong-willed girl and no matter who told her this was a really stupid idea, she still vowed to follow it through. If falling asleep for a few years could win her a prince then why shouldn’t she give it a try? It worked for Snow White. All she had to do was lay there, and her prince came riding by.
ELLA: That’s what I’ll do.
Ella climbs into the bed and lays down.
ELLA: Now all I have to do is wait.
Lights fade out and curtain.
* * *
Scene Two
The set is the same. Ella lies asleep in the bed. The Narrator stands off to one side. A man is looking out of the window, dressed in a black tuxedo, back to the audience. He is talking into a mobile phone. We only hear his side of the conversation.
JAMES BOND: No I haven’t scratched the Aston Martin...Yes it’s in one piece…no it’s not a cube. That was not my fault you know. Yes Q, the car is in one piece. The insurance covered it last time…
He turns and walks over to the bed, looks down on Ella.
JAMES BOND: Yes Q…worked like a dream…minimum security…Its just, well all your gadgets aren’t really going to help on this assignment…No, no beautiful partner this time, beautiful target…sleeping girls aren’t really my job description, you know…shut up Q…I never miss Q, you know that. No, I don’t think she sleeps with a gun under her pillow. I don’t think she’s quite like me…Yes…No Q…it will all be returned in one piece, isn’t it always…ok maybe not. I’ll call you later Q.
He hangs up, walks to the table, and puts phone down. He takes off his jacket and hangs it on the back of the chair. Revealing his shoulder holster and gun. Undoes his bow tie, and lays gun on the table. He pours himself a shot of vodka and drinks it. Picks up phone again and starts another call.
JAMES BOND: Moneypenny, darling…no I’m completely on top of things here…Of course Moneypenny…I can only be a prince charming to one princess can’t I? Really Moneypenny, I can only make good on my innuendoes if you let me…how about dinner then? I know this charming little restaurant in Milan…M would never even realise we’d gone…No don’t tell her I called, that would mean performance evaluation…yes I remember what happened with Caroline in Monaco. Moneypenny are you jealous? You know I only have eyes for you…of course…yes…I’ll make sure I stay ‘onatopp’ of things. Get back to me about Milan, Moneypenny, and I’ll prove to you how hazardous fieldwork really is. Goodbye darling.
James hangs up the phone and puts it down again. He rubs his eyes then continues to drink.
The door bursts open and ROBIN HOOD comes bounding in. He is dressed in typical fashion, complete with green tights and hat with a red feather.
ROBIN HOOD: M’lady! I am here to rescue you from this vile tyrant!
James is on his feet in an instant, gun pointed at Robin Hood.
Robin crosses to the far side of the bed and lifts Ella’s hand, he kisses it.
ROBIN HOOD: Fair lady of Sherwood. I am here to free you from your prison.
James starts laughing, and lowers his gun, keeping it in his hand. Robin looks up and sees him.
JAMES BOND and ROBIN HOOD (simultaneously): Who are you?
JAMES BOND: The name’s Bond, James Bond.
Robin sweeps his hat off and bows elaborately.
ROBIN HOOD: I am Robin of Loxley, outlaw and archer, at your service. I do like to know my foe’s name before I kill them. You must be a serf of the Sheriff’s, sent to guard my lady against rescue…
JAMES BOND: (looking over Robin’s outfit critically) I am so glad I don’t buy my clothes in Nottingham. Never was one to follow fashion…Now what was it you said you did?
ROBIN HOOD: I rob from the rich to give to the poor. And rescue maidens fair from villains like you.
JAMES BOND: Oh, women don’t need rescuing from me…
ROBIN HOOD: Then leave this lady to me. And I can whisk her away to Sherwood Forest…
JAMES BOND: No. I will see the mission to its end. For Queen and country, naturally.
ROBIN HOOD: Queen? (He laughs, obviously finding this most amusing) You mean good King Richard! The one true king.
They freeze. Narrator walks between them, across stage.
NARRATOR: News of Princess Ella’s plight had spread and there were plenty of heroes prepared to try and be her Prince Charming. They came from worldwide, and were very varied in both looks and profession. But none so far seemed suitable.
Narrator walks over to Robin Hood, and gestures to him.
NARRATOR: Famed for his archery skills and for rescuing fair maidens in distress, Robin Hood should be ideal. Just the kind of record you’d want in a prince. But there is the unfortunate matter of his fashion sense, and Maid Marion is unlikely to be happy when she finds out that he has been chasing other women.
Narrator turns and walks to James Bond. She puts an hand on his arm.
NARRATOR: James Bond would be perfectly suitable as your very own Prince Charming. If it wasn’t for his job, which meant he was likely to say, “I’ll be right back”, and you wouldn’t see him for months. All because something, as it frequently does, had ‘come up’. He always gets the mission done, and he always gets the girl.
Narrator walks over and sits at the table, and drinks some vodka, watching.
ROBIN HOOD: I expect you to relinquish your claim on the good princess, or die quietly.
JAMES BOND: How original…do you have any idea how many people would like that too?
ROBIN HOOD: How many wanted posters do you have in your name?
JAMES BOND: Officially none…
ROBIN HOOD: (proudly) I am a wanted outlaw. My image has been circulated to all the sheriffs in the kingdom, including the vile sheriff of Nottingham.
James walks over to the bed, which is still between him and Robin. He looks down on Ella for a second, and then kisses her. She does not wake up, immediately.
ROBIN HOOD: Unhand her! I challenge you to a duel, foul fiend!
Ella sits up and both men look at her. Then rush to the sides of her bed.
JAMES BOND: Good morning.
ROBIN HOOD: Fair lady! This man has insulted your honour. I shall kill him for you…
ELLA: No killing. What is wrong with all you would-be princes? All you ever want to do is kill people for me.
JAMES BOND: Sometimes that’s unavoidable. ‘00’, license to kill and all that.
He holsters his gun and holds out a hand to her, with a smirk at Robin.
ROBIN HOOD: I came to rescue her!
JAMES BOND: But my kiss woke her up. I always did have a way with women. Come on, we haven’t got all day. The car is out front.
Ella looks between them both.
ELLA: I’m not going with either of you. Mr Bond, you’re a sexist, misogynistic, practically an alcoholic, womaniser. And you, (she looks at Robin) you go prancing about in green tights.
The two men look offended.
ROBIN HOOD: M’lady.
Robin bows to her and leaves. James walks to the table and picks up his phone. The jacket is left on the back of the chair.
JAMES BOND: (to Ella) Goodbye then.
He looks at the Narrator as though noticing her for the first time.
JAMES BOND: Well hello. Fancy accompanying me to dinner?
Narrator takes his arm and they leave the room together.
Fade out. Curtain.
* * *
Scene Three
The stage is set as before. James’s jacket is still on the chair, as well as the opened bottle of vodka. Ella is asleep in bed once more.
The door opens and Sean walks in. He looks round for a minute then realisation hits him.
SEAN: You have got to be kidding.
He walks to the table and picks up the bottle of vodka. He swigs it straight from the bottle, then puts it down.
He looks over at Ella.
SEAN: Damnit. Hope for a princess and I get you.
He walks to the bed. And looks down at her.
SEAN: Still beautiful…When did I lose you? Damn you, you’ve been haunting me. And I’m talking to myself again…this is never good. Well since I’m here…
He kisses her. She awakes.
ELLA: My sweet prince! Oh…its you.
SEAN: In the flesh. Hello Ella.
ELLA: What do you want?
Ella gets up and crosses to the window. She stands, looking out.
SEAN: I didn’t come to fight Ella. I…
ELLA: I just think you’d better leave.
SEAN: It’s not leaving that’s hard; it’s finding somewhere to go.
Sean walks to the door and opens it, but hesitates. He shuts it again, but does not turn round.
SEAN: Just how stupid do you think I am?
ELLA: What?
SEAN: How big an idiot would I have to be to walk out of that door again?
ELLA: I don’t understand…I wish you’d just go.
SEAN: It would be a lot easier that way. Less chance of humiliation. (He turns round and walks towards her as he speaks.) Letting you go was the biggest mistake I ever made. I don’t want to keep making mistakes Ella. I’m tired of making mistakes.
Sean puts one hand behind Ella’s neck, and one around her waist and draws her to him. She stares at him.
SEAN: You’re a grown woman. If you want me out of your room, it’ll take you just one knee and a little leverage to put me out. But you can’t just tell me to go, not this time. I love you. I’m not going to meekly walk away.
Sean kisses her deeply. This goes on for a long minute. Eventually they break apart.
SEAN: If I’m lying in a ball in the corridor, I’m doing a tremendous job hallucinating that I’m not.
ELLA: Now is not the time for joking Sean. (She is fidgeting with her hair) You mean that?
SEAN: Yes.
ELLA: Well let’s just say for now that I’m willing to stop making mistakes if you are.
SEAN: It’s a deal. Princess.
Door opens and Narrator enters. Her hair and clothes are dishevelled, and she looks flustered. It is obvious to the audience what she has been up to with a certain Mr Bond.
NARRATOR: Ella finally found her Prince Charming. And it came from the most unexpected quarter. Now I believe the only thing left to tell is that they lived happily ever after. The end.
Fade out. Curtain.