Dream Street
February 2nd, 2002, 10:26 AM
I saved this from FGarcia's post LONG LONG ago, and it's helped me SO SO SO much, and since it's not in the archives, I figured I should post it and maybe others will be helped from this. Again, this is not my post, it's FGarcia, where did that flirting god go anyways?
1--DO NOT WAIT AROUND
Far too many people like to sit back and admire their crush, creating fantasies, making illusions, planning out their wedding, etc. Many people fall in love with someone and dream about who they are, how much they could like them, etc. Then they go into signal deciphering: looking for smiles, movements, and looks. When they've found them all, then they go into searching for more miniscule things: watching how they walk, what size shoes they wear, counting the number of hairs on their head, in hopes that it will reveal something about their attitudes...
And then, even when they are relatively certain the crush likes them, they sit back and hope with enthusiasm that the crush will walk up to them and say something to the effect of, "I love you, I've always loved you, let's go to Paradise and live out the rest of our lives in bitter-sweet bliss." (*gagging now*)
People, it doesn't work this way. Unless your crush also has a crush on you, rarely will they come to you. It is too time-consuming to stop and dream about them, decode their signals, and wait for them to come around. The downfalls of waiting are:
a.) You kill your mind trying to become a computer by thinking about all the signals you get in one hour
b.) By the time you get up the courage to do something about it, they will meet someone else.
TESTIMONIAL--I began to chase after a girl in high school who I started to realize also had a crush on me (talking about me to her friends, coming to me at every chance she got, touching me, calling me cute names, etc.). I was positive I had her... yet I just waited for that magic line from her that would make us a couple. Sadly, it never came. In a month, she had met someone else and started dating him.
So, don't wait around.
2--DO NOT RUSH INTO THINGS
One great mistake I made once is running, full-bore, from a mere acquaintaince to a potential boyfriend. I met a girl whom I knew a little bit, and I thought she might like me. So, what did I do? I told her I liked her. Flat-out and simple. Guess how that turned out?
She wouldn't talk to me again after that. Not only is it strange and uncommon, it is frightening. A sudden change in emotion or character can be very intimidating, for guys as well as girls. It is all too sudden and too rash; it also does not give your crush enough time to properly size up the situation and determine where to go from there. With the "cool and casual" approach, her feelings are determined and then augmented to the point that she can't stand one second without you. But a sudden onslaught of emotion, no matter how sincere or how sweet, rarely works, if ever.
3--DO NOT STAY WHERE YOU'RE NOT WANTED
Listen: not every crush will work. You can't have all the girls you have your eye on, either. But if you stick around one that keeps giving out hints that she doesn't want you around, do yourself and her a favor: don't stick around.
Girls generally tend to "waffle" around the issue of not liking you. Few girls will tell you "Go away!", flat-out in that manner. Most will make excuses not to see you or talk to you; others will simply try to change their paths in order to avoid you. When this happens, bite the bullet and give up. Don't spend your time and energy trying to change her mind; the more you try, the less she'll like you. It will only bore her to death, to the point that you may find yourself facing her older brother or father.
Plus, if she isn't respecting your wishes, you have no purpose being where you're not wanted. If she treats you like crap, then why stand there and take it up the @$$? Because you think she may like you for it...?
4--DO NOT TREAT HER LIKE A PRINCESS
I love seeing this: I've got two buddies right now who are giving the same girl gifts, backrubs, money to go eat, and all the love and attention in the world. This girl smiles when she gets a new plaything from these guys, and that only makes them double their efforts. I wouldn't be surprised if one of them bought her a new car...
And I'm definitely NOT surprised she hasn't even asked either of them out yet.
What they don't know (and I'm not willing to tell them) is that constant love and affection spoils a girl. Nothing is better for ruining a relationship than constant love. Even if the gifts are thoughtful, or if you do small favors for her, she will take these as "freebies." What happens is, she realizes how desperate you are for her love and determines you're not worthy of being her boyfriend. If you're not a worthy catch, how is she supposed to show you off to her girlfriends?
Also: what happens is that when you do indeed ask her out after having maxed out your credit cards at Macy's for this girl, she will freak out. She will wonder why she suddenly has to earn the things you've done for her, when all the while you've been doing it for free! On top of that, doing her favors at every hour of every day will place you in the "friend" status. She can't date you if you're such a loyal pet to her because she doesn't want to stop the flow of income (and YES, there are girls who will use you for money; plenty of them, in fact).
5--DO NOT GO FOR PEOPLE YOU WOULDN'T DATE
Be honest with yourself: what kind of girl are you having a crush on? Is she really nice and sweet? Is she loyal? Morally good? Ethical? Smart? Better yet, ask yourself this: have you known her long enough to know the answer to those questions?
What I regret, more than anything else I've ever done in anything, is having created a false persona of my crushes. I thought they were sincere, honest, well-brought up, and intelligent, but I only created those illusions based on what I saw and perceived from what she said. I spent so little time getting to know her that when her lifestyle and her true nature came out, I was horribly disappointed (I think I may have posted about this before, on what women to avoid).
When we fall in love, we create illusions and dreams based on what WE WANT them to be, and not on what THEY ARE. Never, ever let yourself fall into this trap: get to know who they are, what they're doing and what they've done. It is far more painful to chase someone, get to like them, only to find out they have a totally different attitude than you had envisioned. Keep alert at all times.
6--DO NOT GUARANTEE ANYTHING
Finally, in life as well as romance, nothing is guaranteed. No matter how much good advice you have from others, or how many articles or books you've read, or how much experience you've got: nothing in life is guaranteed. You can't know for certain if a girl likes you and will like you the next day. Something may happen that will change her mind, or yours, for that matter. In daily life, we are faced with fifty different situations, most of which we've never been in before. Our lives are ever-changing: new people we meet, new information we receive, and new experiences will change us. They will change who we are and how we perceive things. That goes for our crushes, too; you cannot assume that because she likes you today, she'll like you tomorrow. Anything can happen. Not just for romance, but for your job, your friends, your academics, your sports: nothing in life is guaranteed.
1--DO NOT WAIT AROUND
Far too many people like to sit back and admire their crush, creating fantasies, making illusions, planning out their wedding, etc. Many people fall in love with someone and dream about who they are, how much they could like them, etc. Then they go into signal deciphering: looking for smiles, movements, and looks. When they've found them all, then they go into searching for more miniscule things: watching how they walk, what size shoes they wear, counting the number of hairs on their head, in hopes that it will reveal something about their attitudes...
And then, even when they are relatively certain the crush likes them, they sit back and hope with enthusiasm that the crush will walk up to them and say something to the effect of, "I love you, I've always loved you, let's go to Paradise and live out the rest of our lives in bitter-sweet bliss." (*gagging now*)
People, it doesn't work this way. Unless your crush also has a crush on you, rarely will they come to you. It is too time-consuming to stop and dream about them, decode their signals, and wait for them to come around. The downfalls of waiting are:
a.) You kill your mind trying to become a computer by thinking about all the signals you get in one hour
b.) By the time you get up the courage to do something about it, they will meet someone else.
TESTIMONIAL--I began to chase after a girl in high school who I started to realize also had a crush on me (talking about me to her friends, coming to me at every chance she got, touching me, calling me cute names, etc.). I was positive I had her... yet I just waited for that magic line from her that would make us a couple. Sadly, it never came. In a month, she had met someone else and started dating him.
So, don't wait around.
2--DO NOT RUSH INTO THINGS
One great mistake I made once is running, full-bore, from a mere acquaintaince to a potential boyfriend. I met a girl whom I knew a little bit, and I thought she might like me. So, what did I do? I told her I liked her. Flat-out and simple. Guess how that turned out?
She wouldn't talk to me again after that. Not only is it strange and uncommon, it is frightening. A sudden change in emotion or character can be very intimidating, for guys as well as girls. It is all too sudden and too rash; it also does not give your crush enough time to properly size up the situation and determine where to go from there. With the "cool and casual" approach, her feelings are determined and then augmented to the point that she can't stand one second without you. But a sudden onslaught of emotion, no matter how sincere or how sweet, rarely works, if ever.
3--DO NOT STAY WHERE YOU'RE NOT WANTED
Listen: not every crush will work. You can't have all the girls you have your eye on, either. But if you stick around one that keeps giving out hints that she doesn't want you around, do yourself and her a favor: don't stick around.
Girls generally tend to "waffle" around the issue of not liking you. Few girls will tell you "Go away!", flat-out in that manner. Most will make excuses not to see you or talk to you; others will simply try to change their paths in order to avoid you. When this happens, bite the bullet and give up. Don't spend your time and energy trying to change her mind; the more you try, the less she'll like you. It will only bore her to death, to the point that you may find yourself facing her older brother or father.
Plus, if she isn't respecting your wishes, you have no purpose being where you're not wanted. If she treats you like crap, then why stand there and take it up the @$$? Because you think she may like you for it...?
4--DO NOT TREAT HER LIKE A PRINCESS
I love seeing this: I've got two buddies right now who are giving the same girl gifts, backrubs, money to go eat, and all the love and attention in the world. This girl smiles when she gets a new plaything from these guys, and that only makes them double their efforts. I wouldn't be surprised if one of them bought her a new car...
And I'm definitely NOT surprised she hasn't even asked either of them out yet.
What they don't know (and I'm not willing to tell them) is that constant love and affection spoils a girl. Nothing is better for ruining a relationship than constant love. Even if the gifts are thoughtful, or if you do small favors for her, she will take these as "freebies." What happens is, she realizes how desperate you are for her love and determines you're not worthy of being her boyfriend. If you're not a worthy catch, how is she supposed to show you off to her girlfriends?
Also: what happens is that when you do indeed ask her out after having maxed out your credit cards at Macy's for this girl, she will freak out. She will wonder why she suddenly has to earn the things you've done for her, when all the while you've been doing it for free! On top of that, doing her favors at every hour of every day will place you in the "friend" status. She can't date you if you're such a loyal pet to her because she doesn't want to stop the flow of income (and YES, there are girls who will use you for money; plenty of them, in fact).
5--DO NOT GO FOR PEOPLE YOU WOULDN'T DATE
Be honest with yourself: what kind of girl are you having a crush on? Is she really nice and sweet? Is she loyal? Morally good? Ethical? Smart? Better yet, ask yourself this: have you known her long enough to know the answer to those questions?
What I regret, more than anything else I've ever done in anything, is having created a false persona of my crushes. I thought they were sincere, honest, well-brought up, and intelligent, but I only created those illusions based on what I saw and perceived from what she said. I spent so little time getting to know her that when her lifestyle and her true nature came out, I was horribly disappointed (I think I may have posted about this before, on what women to avoid).
When we fall in love, we create illusions and dreams based on what WE WANT them to be, and not on what THEY ARE. Never, ever let yourself fall into this trap: get to know who they are, what they're doing and what they've done. It is far more painful to chase someone, get to like them, only to find out they have a totally different attitude than you had envisioned. Keep alert at all times.
6--DO NOT GUARANTEE ANYTHING
Finally, in life as well as romance, nothing is guaranteed. No matter how much good advice you have from others, or how many articles or books you've read, or how much experience you've got: nothing in life is guaranteed. You can't know for certain if a girl likes you and will like you the next day. Something may happen that will change her mind, or yours, for that matter. In daily life, we are faced with fifty different situations, most of which we've never been in before. Our lives are ever-changing: new people we meet, new information we receive, and new experiences will change us. They will change who we are and how we perceive things. That goes for our crushes, too; you cannot assume that because she likes you today, she'll like you tomorrow. Anything can happen. Not just for romance, but for your job, your friends, your academics, your sports: nothing in life is guaranteed.