Switched roles in relationship

[niceguy23]

It's kind of a long story but here it goes:

I broke up with my GF last September but about a month later I met a girl who lives 2 houses down from my new house. We went out a couple times and hit it off really well. We got to the kissing and holding hands stage of the relationship. This went on for about 2 weeks until one day she just disappears off the face of the planet. She won't return my texts or phone calls. This is about mid November.

Well, Christmas time comes around and I decide to go all out with my Christmas lights. A couple days later I get a text from this girl complimenting my Christmas lights and she says she wants to hang out that weekend. So we go out a couple times and ,once again, hit it off. 3 days later, POOF, she's gone again.

Back in March I was hanging out with her brother and she happened to come home and greeted me with a big hug and we chat for a bit. She says she wants to hang out that weekend so we make plans and hang out. We act as if nothing has happened between us and we just pick up where we left off. Then 3 days later, she's gone again.

Well, about 2 weeks ago I just happened to be talking about her with my friends when I get a text from.. You guessed it. She says she wants to hang out with me. I'm very hesitant this time but I give in and go out with her. We end up watching a movie at my house and start making out. One thing leads to another and the next thing I know I'm waking up next to her the next morning. She slept over at my house 4 days until I left on vacation. She says she's going to miss me and that she wants me to text her while I'm gone. We keep in pretty good touch for the first 3 days but I haven't heard a peep from her over the last 3 days. What is her deal? I thought it was the guy who was supposed to hump and dump or act like a player. I want to go out with her but she hasn't really given me a chance to. I know she has to feel something for me or she wouldn't waste the time. How should I approach her about this without coming off as desperate or scaring her away from good? She is really fun to be around and she has very good girlfriend potential but I'm having a hard time reading this girl.

[Brifflez]

Ummmmmm maybe just ask the woman? You know...have a conversation about it. Have you given her any indication that you want to date her, rather than just see her every so often for a casual hook up? What information is she working with? Have you asked her if she is seeing other men as well?

I thought it was the guy who was supposed to hump and dump or act like a player.

I don't really think anybody is "supposed" to do that. They just can and do, male or female.

[free]

why would you think a simple question might scare her off? that she has been playing this game since november? it is may. i do not think you would sound desperate if you asked her about her disappearing act.

if you like to have a relationship with her you own it to yourself to have the answer. or it is no point to stand by in case she feels horny.

your feelings needs to be considered so you just ask. what if you scare her off? she disappeared time to time on her own anyways.

she is not wasting her time but rather your time by doing the 3 days off and on shift.

up to you how long you like to play this game, but she does not sound a girl who would be a "potentially" good gf. it seems like you are being a boy next door ...

[Law73]

You are a booty call. She's marked you as a player and is keeping you at player-safe distance. Do you drive a flashy car, have a winning smile and dress for success? She guesses you are looking for "convenience sex" and doesn't want to make a "hated EX" out of a nice nieghbour.

You shouldn't have smacked the goods to her. You should have held out (let her sleep but no bumping uglies) stop her and say you save that for serious relationships and you get the impression she is just looking for something casual which is nice but lacks intimacy. You would rather save cocky robin for someone who always takes your calls. In sales terms, this is called the "take away". If she's interested she'll curb her stupidness and you'll have a girlfriend and all the trauma that brings!

Good luck.

[Law73]

Ps, When I read switching roles, I thought this was gonna be about you buying her a strap on...

You are not switching roles, more switching gears.

So, I had to scratch that pedantic itch.

[niceguy23]

You are a booty call. She's marked you as a player and is keeping you at player-safe distance. Do you drive a flashy car, have a winning smile and dress for success? She guesses you are looking for "convenience sex" and doesn't want to make a "hated EX" out of a nice nieghbour.

Haha. It's like you know me or something because this is a pretty dead on description of me. Although I am well off, I don't flaunt off my success to everyone around me. I usually take my everyday sedan on the first few dates and don't even mention my house or sports car until I know them a little better. I hate being a sugar daddy and I definitely don't act the part.

I wanted to ask her out the first go around but I was still a little heart broken over my previous long term relationship and I didn't really want another one. Now I want to ask her out but I'm thousands of miles away and I want to ask in person. Good thing I fly home tonight so hopefully I can get a hold of her. Thanks for the advice. I'm the biggest wuss when it comes to relationships and sometimes I just need that extra push.

[Carnation]

Avoid this woman at all costs. You want to be involved, she wants you when she's horny and you come running. It could only end in disaster.

[niceguy23]

And sorry about the deceiving title. It was late and I was out partying with my family and took a break to get a load off my mind.

[phasesofthemoon]

I know she has to feel something for me or she wouldn't waste the time. Why do you "know" that. Do you "feel something" for every fuck and chuck you engage in? I think fondness is as far as "feelings" go would be a fair assessment.

I, for the life of me do not understand why you wouldn't ask her wtf the dealio was. Do you even know where she disappears to. Is she CIA gone on a mission? Alice in Wonderland and she's fallen back down the rabbit hole? What? Ask her.. Jaysus, man.

I wanted to ask her out the first go around but I was still a little heart broken over my previous long term relationship and I didn't really want another one. Now I want to ask her out but I'm thousands of miles away and I want to ask in person. Good thing I fly home tonight so hopefully I can get a hold of her. Thanks for the advice. I'm the biggest wuss when it comes to relationships and sometimes I just need that extra push. Uhm, yea. What Carnation said. Niceguy, I think you've met your match in the "Disappearing Woman." I don't think she's marked YOU as a player.. More along the lines that she's the player and she's winning the game.

[Law73]

Player to player, I've been you. ;)

Phases is a little bit right on this. Your girl is trying to keep some power in the relationship, maybe for pride, maybe to keep you interested (which is working...ain't it?) If you want to convert this to a meaningful touch down, you need kick her like a field goal! No...bad analogy.. lol. You need to re-write your game a little bit. I know you don't like to appear vulnerable but you can use that to your advantage. Remember, the power of the unexpected.

have you ever just wandered over with some flowers from your garden that might look good in hers? Bet she's never seen that side of you. Might give her pause, no? Cos she'd never see that coming.

Might have to go out and get some gardening scrubs though... Doesn't quite work in your Oliver Sweeney half boots and Cerruti Jeans. A bit of fake humility can be just the curve ball you need to " switch gears" :)

Best of British,

Ps. Watch the Movie "Hitch" if you are in any need of schooling further on this. Ps. You are not Albert. Don't worry. (you are more like Hitch).