Did I waste four months chasing her?

[ryansambasis]

There was a girl I liked at work, I've known her for about six months now but I didn't start liking her on a serious note until just before the start of the new year. I've always been single and this was the first time I've asked a girl out in my life due to fear of rejection, shyness and low confidence.

This was what happened:

-We talked a lot at work in January and she always gave me good signs such as constant smiling, eye contact. I remember when I saw her at a nightclub in late December, she saw me grabbed me by the arm and kissed me on the cheek and we started talking but we couldn't have a long conversation as she had to leave due to having to wake up early the next morning. This is what I regret looking back, she might have lost interest (if she ever had any) because I took so long. She was so attractive and for a little bit I thought she was out of my league and plus I didn't want to rush in with someone at work in case it didn't work.

-I asked for her number in February and I asked her out three weeks later, she agreed to go out with me but said she was busy for the next week so I gave her some time and I didn't want to annoy her and keep reminding her.

-I didn't see her for two weeks and mid-March I rang her and asked her for a coffee but she said she'd get back to me, I saw her in person two days later at work (by chance, I wasn't there to see her) and she started a conversation with me and I just said 'Did you still want to get a coffee tommorow?' and she said she'd see what she was doing and get back to me, which she didn't. She had a **** phone but if she wanted to contact me she would have found a way.

-I didn't talk to her until a month later (due to not working at the same times) and when we were together in the same section she still gave me confusing signs like when we were talking she walked up really close to me (veryyy close) and maintaining eye contact at that distance whilst we were talking, she also handed me something and our hands touched (although I'll admit that means **** all lol) for a brief time. I texted her the next day (along with a few people) to see if she was going out to a club that night (I knew she was most likely going but I thought why not text and make it personal) she replied back asking who it was (got a new phone so she didn't have her old contacts) when I said it was me, I never got a text back so I've finally thrown in the towel.

Did I do anything wrong or was she just not into me? She is very pretty but has been single for at least 2 years (since I've worked there), is it something I have to try and crack at but without being on the offensive anymore (As in keep my distance and have her get closer to me on her accord). I'd hate to think she had interest in me in January and would have been very eager but my lack of speed and quickness (due to me having to overcome my fear of asking a girl out) ruined it.

What do you all think? I've NEVER felt this way about anyone in my life.

[Duke]

She's just not that into you, bro. Sorry to break it to you. Too many missed opportunities on this one. Off to the next one!

Just a few thoughts:
-How old are both of you?
-Dating at work is never a real good idea, especially when you're trying to get you game off the ground. Too many chances for errors.
-She sounds like she's been around the block a time or two and is no real novice to dating. She picked up on your fear and insecurity. Game over.
-Your opportunities to get a bird to go for you increase exponentially to the amount of confidence you have around women.
-Confidence comes from within. You can't catch it, be taught it, or fake it. Alcohol will hide the lack of it, but as soon as you get sober, you're chicken little again. Develop the inner you, and you'll get to the inner her. ;) No pun intended, but damn that was funny. :D

An after thought: Did you waste 4 months? No. Why? Because you're learning what not to do in the art of the chase. And you'll be able to take these lessons into the next situation. It's only wasted if you keep repeating the same mistakes.

[ryansambasis]

if only there was a nextt oneeee. She had great looks and personality (at least an 8 in both if we're scoring out of 10) and I don't want to lower my standards.

There was another girl who gave me her number in December and I have had a bit of contact with her (Texting and FB) in the last month but i havent seen her face to face since the night I met her so that isn't anything either. I chose to go for the girl at work over her. This girl was very attractive too (Another 8 at least in looks) and I stuffed it up.

So I'm 0-2 now in 2011 and with very good looking girls so it hurts a bit lol.

[phasesofthemoon]

Did I waste four months chasing her? Nope. I'd venture that you didn't have much else to do anyway.

[ryansambasis]

Nope. I'd venture that you didn't have much else to do anyway.

Well since nothing happened, I'd rather have failed and given up within a month and not four months.

[phasesofthemoon]

Well since nothing happened, I'd rather have failed and given up within a month and not four months.

Then, my sweet you did not waste a minute if you learned a lesson. I hope you now realise that if they aren't chasing you, then they aren't worth your time and you'll not keep pushing when they are'nt reciprocating. ;)

[Duke]

....

Stop texting and get the fuck off of FaceFuck. What you're missing here is a life of abundance.

Shred me if you want, ladies...

Think of women like water. What happens when you don't have water? You get thirsty. What happens when you get thirsty? You start making decisions based on not having water, and not on surviving. Meaning; you lose your focus. When you have plenty of water to drink, you don't even think about water, right? Just something you do.

You need to have a phone full of phone numbers that you can call whenever you choose. That one, 0-2 means nothing. I could be 0-25 and not care. Why? Because I have more options. Obviously, if I'm 0-25, I'm need to switch my game up, but I guarantee, you will NEVER become 0-25. You'll lose the desperation, and some bird will dig you.

Stop trying to hit homeruns. Go hit a few singles. Hit a double. Build into the homerun. You're still in the minor leagues. You can't call your pitches in the minors, bro. Take what you can get, and get your on base average up. Then go play in the majors. Frankly, you're not ready for an 8. An all around 8 will eat your lunch. An 8 looks could mean a 2 personality. An all around 8 is the girl you take home to the ENTIRE family, and all your buddies too. You're not ready for that.

[ryansambasis]

Stop texting and get the fuck off of FaceFuck. What you're missing here is a life of abundance.

Shred me if you want, ladies...

Think of women like water. What happens when you don't have water? You get thirsty. What happens when you get thirsty? You start making decisions based on not having water, and not on surviving. Meaning; you lose your focus. When you have plenty of water to drink, you don't even think about water, right? Just something you do.

You need to have a phone full of phone numbers that you can call whenever you choose. That one, 0-2 means nothing. I could be 0-25 and not care. Why? Because I have more options. Obviously, if I'm 0-25, I'm need to switch my game up, but I guarantee, you will NEVER become 0-25. You'll lose the desperation, and some bird will dig you.

Stop trying to hit homeruns. Go hit a few singles. Hit a double. Build into the homerun. You're still in the minor leagues. You can't call your pitches in the minors, bro. Take what you can get, and get your on base average up. Then go play in the majors. Frankly, you're not ready for an 8. An all around 8 will eat your lunch. An 8 looks could mean a 2 personality. An all around 8 is the girl you take home to the ENTIRE family, and all your buddies too. You're not ready for that.

Yeah that was one of the things I thought too about her. Both girls had good personalities although I can't judge the other girl too much since I don't know her a lot but what I do know of her is good.

I suppose the fact I have a little interest from both this girls hasn't helped because I've always had high standards and this makes me even less likely to drop but I'm not so desperate that I'll get in a relationship for the sake of it.

I guess I'm hopeless when it comes to trying to go out with a girl, I wait for the girls to come to me (I don't mean literally as in chatting me up, I mean as in I don't go on the offensive and scout etc) and then when there is a girl like this one I don't consider other options at all.

I don't go into clubs with the intent that I will meet a girl and hit it off, that is my downfall. It used to be a confidence issue (it still is to some extent) but I think now it's also due to other reasons but physically I look the best I have in my life and I think I have a good personality, it's just moulding them and trying to get an interest from the opposite sex.

And also I think it's also cos I'm pretty shit when girls play games.

[Law73]

Duke is talking sense, Fella

Get some practice. probably not at work..(Like I am one to preach that lol!) But far from work and far from home. Don't shit where you eat. Its like becoming an assassin. First you start start with shots from a distance, the better you get the closer to the target you can be before striking. So you've tried the distance approach, ( face book et al ) Now be bolder with it until you feel you can walk up to a girl in a crowded bar and tell her something that will make her laugh and make you stand out.

I remember in my twenties I had huge confidence and interest in casual relationships. I would see a stunner in a club and walk over, look her up and down and say, " OUTSTANDING!!!" That usually got me an invitation to find out more. girls will feed off your confidence. If you don't show any, they'll satisfy their hunger elsewhere.

Get used to getting knocked back. You'll learn more about what you like and what you appreciate. There is a difference. I know what catches my eye might not be what I would appreciate in the long run.

Finally. Women are like flowers and attention is your watering can. You starved the girl at work of attention so any interest she had withered on the vine. Get in the habit of complimenting everyone. Find something nice to say about everyone. Be a joy bringer. They you'll find people like being around you and you can start being a little selective. Above all be genuine. If you like a girls smile, tell her so. make a joke of it if ur shy. " Wow, I bet you slayed a few giants with that smile!" or something like that. Find the good in people and they will see the good in you and eventually you'll find a girl who ticks your boxes like you tick hers.

Its all a game. But then life is a game!

Don't hate the player, OR the game. ;)

[ryansambasis]

I suppose I should work on my game and stop viewing in a way where I only look for girls I'd want a relationship with but at the moment my thoughts are I'd rather not waste time in girls I have no interest in and only for for girls I am interested in.

Plus there are times when I'm in a club and NOBODY interests me not even to hook up with, if we're using Jersey Shore slang they're either full of 'grenades' or they are sluts or whatever.

My confidence was an issue from about 13-15 when I was overweight so I never even considered the fact that if I asked a girl out she'd say yes, even when I slimmed down that stigma carried along to the point where it was 19 before I asked a girl out for the first time.

Also I'm VERY shy with people I don't know yet when I know them even for a few seconds I do open up and become very confident (i.e this girl at work, I saw her for 2 years and I didn't talk to her until we had a shift together in the same section yet we got along great when we talked to each other, I remember seeing her at a club about 6 months prior and obviously I knew she was attractive and I 'knew' her from work so I wondered what would have happened if I talked to her then. She also brought that up on the first shift that she had seen me around.)

It also stems back to autism and maybe Aspergers (had symptoms I doubt I had the full condition though) as a child and it took a lot for me to get over (I don't have autism anymore but the shyness is something which does stem from it because I'm not socially awkward or anything) and yes I did have Autism legit, I remember going to specialists when I was young. I almost got sent to a special needs school because of it even though intellectually I was ahead of most if not all in my class.

But that's why I tend to have more shyness than others (yet I am not the shyest person out there), it isn't a case of just being shy for the sake of it.

[Surfa]

She's just not into you homeboi.. never was.

If a chick digs you, she will make herself available when you ask her out. If she keeps putting it off, it means that she lacks the courage to let you know that she doesn't want to be with you.

Take the hint and don't embarrass yourself any further with her.

[ryansambasis]

She's just not into you homeboi.. never was.

If a chick digs you, she will make herself available when you ask her out. If she keeps putting it off, it means that she lacks the courage to let you know that she doesn't want to be with you.

Take the hint and don't embarrass yourself any further with her.

I can't say I embarassed myselfffff but I know what you mean, I'd rather she just told me straight up.

If she just acted like any other girl I wouldn't have went for it, it's just the fact that she acted the same after I asked her out and nothing happened that threw me off. I would have thought she would have sort of been more serious, distant etc when talking to her but I guess she'd rather have me there talking to her in a fun manner than a serious, dull one I guess.

it sucksssss though, I can't help but feel I wasted my time on her (not that I feel any animosity or anger to her personally).

[Law73]

All part of the learning curve, dear boy.

I would also venture that the confident side of you took a leave of absence when you grabbed up your nuts and dared to ask her out. if you could harness that confidence so you don't do a jeckyll and hyde on her, you might have got a better result. I've seen it loads of times. A guy works on some lines and when they come off he wants to ask her out, but because he never really believed he'd get that far, he fumbles the ball and she walks away.

Here's another one I used with some success:

Lovely girl across the pub looking back at my frequent glances. I wait until another bloke made a move and then walked up assertively and with a firm hand on his shoulder asked him what he was doing talking to my wife. He made is apologies, she was taken aback but amused and so we after we finished our drinks I gave her lift home.That night we nearly broke the glass door to her shower. Women do tend to enjoy an alpha male. I'll confess though, a good chunk of my confidence that night came from the fact I'd just got an Mecedes 280SL and it was parked outside and I felt like a king! I was almost 26. Still quite immature but doing well financially. I wouldn't be the first guy to use a car as a surrogate penis now would I?

[ryansambasis]

All part of the learning curve, dear boy.

I would also venture that the confident side of you took a leave of absence when you grabbed up your nuts and dared to ask her out. if you could harness that confidence so you don't do a jeckyll and hyde on her, you might have got a better result. I've seen it loads of times. A guy works on some lines and when they come off he wants to ask her out, but because he never really believed he'd get that far, he fumbles the ball and she walks away.

Here's another one I used with some success:

Lovely girl across the pub looking back at my frequent glances. I wait until another bloke made a move and then walked up assertively and with a firm hand on his shoulder asked him what he was doing talking to my wife. He made is apologies, she was taken aback but amused and so we after we finished our drinks I gave her lift home.That night we nearly broke the glass door to her shower. Women do tend to enjoy an alpha male. I'll confess though, a good chunk of my confidence that night came from the fact I'd just got an Mecedes 280SL and it was parked outside and I felt like a king! I was almost 26. Still quite immature but doing well financially. I wouldn't be the first guy to use a car as a surrogate penis now would I?

haha well none of that really helps me lol too much especially since I don't even have a car.

I don't think there was anything wrong with how I asked her out, I didn't really prepare lines or anything. I know I sounded confident, didn't allow any awkward pauses and went for it. She said yes pretty enthuastically too, there was no hesitation so if anything I fucked something up after asking her out which is sad since I done the deed, got a positive result and then it turned shit.

Which is how my luck is :p

[phasesofthemoon]

Why do so many men think their shit don't stink when they're able to pull a woman that would have gone home with anybody? Why does that make you feel special?

[ryansambasis]

Why do so many men think their shit don't stink when they're able to pull a woman that would have gone home with anybody? Why does that make you feel special?

True, maybe she needed a lift home :p

I'm not a big fan of finding girls at the pub/club scene in terms of a relationship, if it's a one night stand or whatever then i guess so but i don't know. I'd rather see what someone is like in more of a 'real' place.

[ryansambasis]

Worse thing about this is I don't know how long it will take me to get over her. The feelings are still there, I'll be honest when I gave up I cried for about 5-10 minutes (not bawling but a few tears) cos it's the first time I've felt rejection. Least it'll make me stronger?

[Duke]

Why do so many men think their shit don't stink when they're able to pull a woman that would have gone home with anybody? Why does that make you feel special?

I don't think anyone suggested anything about feeling "special". Not sure it has anything to do with shit not stinking, either. What leads you to suggest this?

It has to do with "fun". And rewarding. And instant results to an effort. If there's something to feel "special" about, that's where it is.

Why are SOME women so shitty towards other women who choose to go to a bar, allow themselves to be picked up, taken home, and fucked like it's her last fuck? She made the choice.

**Ticky tack post of the thread** I think you mean "SOME" men.... :fu:

[ryansambasis]

I don't think anyone suggested anything about feeling "special". Not sure it has anything to do with shit not stinking, either. What leads you to suggest this?

It has to do with "fun". And rewarding. And instant results to an effort. If there's something to feel "special" about, that's where it is.

Why are SOME women so shitty towards other women who choose to go to a bar, allow themselves to be picked up, taken home, and fucked like it's her last fuck? She made the choice.

**Ticky tack post of the thread** I think you mean "SOME" men.... :fu:

Haha well my mindset is looking for a relationship and not a quick fuck so I don't think I'd want to date anyone who would give it away like that.

Plus I'm 19 so the only opportunity of me having sex is whilst in a relationship since I still live with my parents, they'd accept me having safe sex in the house whilst in a relationship but would be pissed if I was bringing random girls home to fuck :(

It's awkward to do random hookups at this age unless you have your own place or you're in the city and can book a hotel or something on the spot.

As well as that I've never been laid but I'm not bothered about that to be honest.

[Law73]

Hi 5 at @ Duke!

of all the posters on here, I would have thought Phases was the prime candidate for having read Men are from mars women are from venus.

Ryan, All I can suggest is that you work on understanding the art of "closing".

asking for a date/number and actually planning/booking one are two different things. If you understand sales, you might know about the sales funnel. You have to take your suspects and whittle them down to a prospect list, then you have to close your prospects to "qualified" prospects and from their get them to commit. You fumbled that last two stages I think. Which is why you never made it to "transacted". Where the deal is done.

Hope this helps.

No two sales/girls are the same. But the process will help you know where you are in terms of achieving your goal.

[ryansambasis]

Whilst my methods may not have been ideal, I do doubt it had anything to do with how I went about it. I'm sure if the girl was half as into me as I was into her, we would have at least had coffee because let's face it all girls (generalisation here) like coffee, I see it all the time. Hell I even saw a picture of her tagged at a coffee place (news feed not me facebook stalking). I just wanted to know her more in an outside location but she wouldn't even commit to 10-15 minutes which isn't hard to find. I haven't shown any signs of serious desperation or uneasiness around her, I've acted the same like it hasn't knocked me down so I just have to keep doing that albeit not talking to her as much and not in as much detail. If I see her I just want to exchange 'hello' and 'bye', hopefully at the very least she'll think something is up and sort of come to me (like I've said before I'm not holding my breath, main reason I don't want to talk to her much is because the feelings won't leave me if I do)

[Law73]

Don't rush into anything Ryan. Enjoy learning the game. You have a great head start with wisdom of a forum. Nothing like that existed in my day. Mind you, in my day we were still using pigs intestines for condoms!

[ryansambasis]

I can't rush into anything anymore lol :p But I get it. Lucky I have latex condoms at least :)

But I doubt I'm going to start hunting girls down at clubs any time soon but who knows, what happens will happen. I have confidence once I know someone even for a few seconds, just I hate talking to randoms (no matter what the situation is, always been that way)

[Law73]

Sounds like you've learned and already started to move on. Good man.

Remember, it's better to regret the things you've done than not done. At least you'd have tried.

Most men go to the grave with the music still in them. Don't be that guy. ;)

[ryansambasis]

Least I'm not the only one. I knew this before but since I was telling him about my experience he could relate to it, a mate of mine is now best friends with a girl at work he wants to go out with and she is always giving him mixed signals. I know while I have scratched the surface of the friend zone, I haven't jumped in. I'm probably just outside the door though :p

But he brought up a good point, it all depends on what would happen if we're at a nightclub at the same time and both drinking (I believe drunk words speak sober thoughts to be honest...obviously within a limit) because I haven't been at a nightclub at the same time as her since Boxing Day but I doubt anything would happen. I've seen her at nightclubs a few times (I knew of her the other times (due to work, she also knew of me obviously) but didn't know her personally) and she is normally with her girlfriends and I've never seen her hook up with a guy, never heard anything about her being with a guy and she hasn't been in a relationship in at least 2 years (I don't know if she has ever been in one) so maybe she is scared of commitment, I don't know. All her best friends are in relationships except for her, maybe there is more to it then just me but I'm not going fishing for information. I'm still going to just keep talk to a minimum (and only if we see each other at the same time), I'm not rushing to her anymore (which I haven't done since about January/February, after I asked her out I didn't want to smother her).

[ryansambasis]

Hmmmm well we did start work at the same time this morning so we clocked in at the same time so we had 'small talk' (I didn't initiate it, she always initiates conversations actually). But yeah it certainly isn't helping me get over her either at all.

However this is where a weird paradox happens. Back in December (a month after I properly met the girl at work for the first time) this girl at a club gave me her number (yes I know my opinions on club girls but this is a one off since I've been to clubs at least 40-50 times) and she was very attractive, has a great body (which I'll explain in a minute) and I'm not sure why she gave me her number because I didn't even really talk to her (she had met my friend about 10 minutes before I saw her) and I tried ringing a couple of times but it went to voicemail so I gave up, she was playing a game too I think albeit one that didn't really hurt me. About two days after I met her she rang me on the morning and hung up when I answered (Yes I'm an idiot, I didn't ring back. I texted back. I know that's my biggest regret I've made for probably both girls) and then I decided to concentrate on the girl at work (literally I have had nothing for as long as I know and 2 attractive, hot girls come at once and I have to choose).

Now I started getting in contact with her again around March with a couple of texts (She never ever answers her phone I've learnt). A couple weeks ago I was in the city and I got a missed call and text from her (I was in an underground club with no reception :() and she asked me when I was going out next (well apparently my friend asked but it was really her I know it), I found out from my mate that they'd saw each other at a club and she said she was going to text me so I would have met up with them at that club if I could have answered the call :(

I had a facebook conversation with her (yes, I had to resort to it) and we chatted for 10-15 mins, pretty good convo and at least she is starting to know me more. Actually the day before I went to the underground club I'm sure we glanced at each other whilst she was working but I don't think we properly recognised each other (if she smiled I would have defo known it was her, I never forget a good smile :) and I do look different from the only time we've been face to face. Lost Weight, Gained Muscle, hair is a lot different too).

I've had a couple more texts asking if she was going to a club last week but I haven't asked her out, the only reason I haven't is I've been wanting to know her more face to face before I do it but I can't let this one slip too.

Also I saw her running as I drove home (well not me, don't get my license for another couple months :-/), it was definetly her as I know she lives pretty close to me. Great Running Attire, she looked beautiful and very fit (which means if we did go out, I'd have to step up my exercise 10 fold, I'm very healthy, not overweight but I'm not exactly 'fit')

So yeah I think the only way I can get over the girl at work is to do a quick switch and 180, I wouldn't say one girl is a lot more attractive than the other (I'd say in ratings physically they're both at least 8's) and their personalities are great too (I know at least the other girl isn't bitchy or anything and is fun :))

Since she only responds to texts, 'text her out' to a coffee next week?

[Law73]

Text her this message:

"I've just received intel from the security services. Your phone has been booby trapped! I'm going to call you in 2 minutes. Pick up the phone after the third ring or it will explode! - will explain more when we talk"

Then call her, let it ring twice and hang up! ( ha ha ha!!)

Then call her again, when she answers, wait until she stops laughing before you ask her out for coffee.

[ryansambasis]

lol she'd never answer her phone even if theres a disaster i bet :p

but the moral of the story is to ask her out?

[ryansambasis]

I texted her out to a coffee...no response. I know it definitely sent so if I don't get a reply within 24 hours (meh it's over now actually it was like 6 hours ago it sent) it's done probably, I never see this girl in a face to face environment and I can only use non talking communication and she never answers her phone, it sucks. Two girls I've liked a lot and it looks like I'm 0-2 for 2011, they've set such a freaking high standard (on looks and their personalities were great too) that it's going to be a while before I meet anyone close to them. I've given up on girls for 2011 if this does not work, I'm sick of games and all the bs. It's sad that I was actually happier when I'd never asked out a girl in my life.

No Rejection by default > Rejection

[foh4k]

And as long as your going to keep playing the victim your going to keep looking at life as though it fucked you.

[ryansambasis]

And as long as your going to keep playing the victim your going to keep looking at life as though it fucked you.

I don't think my problems are real problems at all in comparison to real problems some people have. I don't think I'm a victim either, it's really frustrating and I've never felt this before (not just rejection but probably two rejections in a short amount of time) so it's just something I have to build a bridge and get over (which will now take twice the time thanks to my take a risk attitude) but I'm not one to let this knock me down, I'll just do what I always do and live my life as normal and whatever happens, happens. but the 2011 thing probably is true, gonna take a lot for me to change that mindset.

[phasesofthemoon]

I'm just wondering why you're still lamenting. Next them and consider it a lost opportunity. They're lost opportunity, not yours. Jaysus... two pages of this????

[Duke]

I texted her out to a coffee...no response.

You. Are. A. Douche. Remember what we said a page ago? GET the fuck off of FaceFuck, and STOP TEXTING! Man up, let your balls drop, and see if you can call a woman without your voice cracking.

Keep making excuses, bro. You have struck out before even getting to the plate. Max number of times I reach out to a woman? 2. That's it. Only 2. And they're days, yes plural, days apart. The 2nd call sounds like this,

"Hey ____. It's Duke, just wanting to touch base again to see if you wanted to get together. I'm free ____ night, at _____ time for a couple of hours, other than that, I've got a full plate for the week. Give me a call when you get a chance. Bye."

I call the shots. I make the decisions. I am in control of the situation. And if I don't hear from her? NEXT!!! And away I go.

[ryansambasis]

I can call a woman, I just don't like talking to a machine to be honest since she never ever picks her phone up. And it's not as if texting would set a precedent, I hate the fact I had to resort to it to ask her out it isn't ideal at all.

I suppose I could try with a message once more but I've never been one to call the shots, it's hard to just do that and yeah that probably is why I get walked over.

[phasesofthemoon]

GIVE IT UP.. JHC It's a lost cause... why do you keep on about it? Believe me, if she wanted to talk to you, she would pick up the phone and, she'd do it on the first ring.

When we mention stop texting and facefuckbooking we mean all together.. Not just with this one chick who "won't ever answer her phone."

[Law73]

I think it's important to remember that we are talking to a very young and inexperienced chap here. Lets not expect him to flip 180 and run his own playathon within a week of forum advice.

Ps.Maybe explain to him what is wrong with facebook as he might not know...

[ryansambasis]

I don't like using facebook for stuff like this. I don't trust facebook chat or anything it was just one of the only good forms of communication I had with her and texting. I don't use it as a method to ask girls out and I never will ask a girl out over facebook.

With the girl at work I never ever ever talked to her on facebook, why would I considering I saw her often and when I asked her out I called her/did it in person. I never texted her out because she answered her phone and I could see her face to face (albeit at work).

And when I meant try with a message, I meant a voicemail message not a text message by the way but I don't see the point anymore. I hate leaving voicemail messages, if she never calls back or attempts to do anything after all the times I've called her in the past it's not going to work. it's a lost cause too.

Just annoying seeing other people get into relationships and I'm stuck with these games.

[stashfx]

Just annoying seeing other people get into relationships and I'm stuck with these games.

Obviously your problem here is the way your approaching this :eek: If she is not responding maybe it's because she is busy, so why don't you try to be relaxed about it as she is ? There are other girls out there and why does it have to be her ?

Playing games requires her actually responding to you and being involved to the point where you piss each other off, you haven't even made it to that point yet.. so this is a perception of yours which is worrying :damn:

Every post you have posted smacks of desperation and negativity and if that is just the way you approach this with your thoughts, I would hate to think what the girl has to hear in the voicemail messages :wtf:

Just be a bit more optimistic about things!

[ryansambasis]

Obviously your problem here is the way your approaching this :eek: If she is not responding maybe it's because she is busy, so why don't you try to be relaxed about it as she is ? There are other girls out there and why does it have to be her ?

Playing games requires her actually responding to you and being involved to the point where you piss each other off, you haven't even made it to that point yet.. so this is a perception of yours which is worrying :damn:

Every post you have posted smacks of desperation and negativity and if that is just the way you approach this with your thoughts, I would hate to think what the girl has to hear in the voicemail messages :wtf:

Just be a bit more optimistic about things!

Only reason my posts here have all this negativity is because I can't allow it to open to the girls themselves, I'd say I haven't shown much insecurity in comparison to what is projected here. I just need an avenue to post my thoughts instead of bottling it up.

And maybe she is busy but it was a text message which was to the point (it wasn't out for a date as such, it was coffee. I would have asked her out to a real date at that 'meeting').

[stashfx]

Only reason my posts here have all this negativity is because I can't allow it to open to the girls themselves, I'd say I haven't shown much insecurity in comparison to what is projected here. I just need an avenue to post my thoughts instead of bottling it up.

And maybe she is busy but it was a text message which was to the point (it wasn't out for a date as such, it was coffee. I would have asked her out to a real date at that 'meeting').

Oh for Christ sakes you started this post on the 27th of April, it's now May 2nd, either ask her out or forget about her.

I realise it can be nerve racking asking a girl out, but the way you are going about it suggests to me that if every ounce of advice that you take on board doesn't fit the bill then by the time you get round to asking her out, she will probably be with somebody else. It's a fast world my friend and you just need to be that little bit quicker to kickstart that 2-0 tally you have going.

Uh and again why does it have to be her ?

[ryansambasis]

Oh for Christ sakes you started this post on the 27th of April, it's now May 2nd, either ask her out or forget about her.

I realise it can be nerve racking asking a girl out, but the way you are going about it suggests to me that if every ounce of advice that you take on board doesn't fit the bill then by the time you get round to asking her out, she will probably be with somebody else. It's a fast world my friend and you just need to be that little bit quicker to kickstart that 2-0 tally you have going.

Uh and again why does it have to be her ?

Well I texted her to join me for a coffee and the plan was to ask her out properly at that 'date', like I said she never answers her phone but I never got a reply back and I know it definitely sent so I don't want to keeping poking at the issue.

That's about it I think, sorry for all of this. It hasn't all gone through my ears, I'll take the advice and try to better myself overall for it and if anything happens I'll keep you updated.

[Drewcious281]

ok man, i havent read everything in the thread but ive read enough and know why your striking out. You keep chasing her and its pushing her away. If i invite a girl for a drink or dinner and she blows me off just once or twice i cut her loose and forget about her. 80% of the time they will reach back to me wanting to meet because you stopped persuing them. I think you are acting to eager and gunghoe for these girls that they are sensing it and your chasing them away. I hate to say it but alot of the dating scene in the beginning is a game. this girl is playing games with you. You need to be grateful for everything you have and be happy with yourself and it will shine from you and women will flock to you! "The Law of Attraction". You have to be confident. When you walk into a club with your friends hold your head high, laugh, smile. women want to have a good time and be around people that look like they are having a good time. Hell if one of these girls call you to hang out, tell her that your busy the next few days but MAYBE this weekend. you need to present a challenge bro. Act as if you have 5-10 girls on the side so if you dont get with one, you got plenty other. With this mind frame the LOA will work in your favor. trust me on this. when you go out hold in your head "im going to meet a awesome girl tonight" and believe it and know it. it works for me almost everytime i go out. takes practice but the key is happieness in yourself, love yourself and be grateful and content with yourself!

[stashfx]

ok man, i havent read everything in the thread but ive read enough and know why your striking out. You keep chasing her and its pushing her away. If i invite a girl for a drink or dinner and she blows me off just once or twice i cut her loose and forget about her. 80% of the time they will reach back to me wanting to meet because you stopped persuing them. I think you are acting to eager and gunghoe for these girls that they are sensing it and your chasing them away. I hate to say it but alot of the dating scene in the beginning is a game. this girl is playing games with you. You need to be grateful for everything you have and be happy with yourself and it will shine from you and women will flock to you! "The Law of Attraction". You have to be confident. When you walk into a club with your friends hold your head high, laugh, smile. women want to have a good time and be around people that look like they are having a good time. Hell if one of these girls call you to hang out, tell her that your busy the next few days but MAYBE this weekend. you need to present a challenge bro. Act as if you have 5-10 girls on the side so if you dont get with one, you got plenty other. With this mind frame the LOA will work in your favor. trust me on this. when you go out hold in your head "im going to meet a awesome girl tonight" and believe it and know it. it works for me almost everytime i go out. takes practice but the key is happieness in yourself, love yourself and be grateful and content with yourself!

All that jazz and still no pizzazz. People should know when to give up :lol3: I'll chew on me dancing shoes if she gets back to him :p

[phasesofthemoon]

Re: Did I waste four months chasing her? Yes, yes you did.. And .. Now you're wasting another month talking about how you wasted your time.

Again... After you make contact ask them out. Do not waste time typing back and forth on any means of communication. Talk to them on the phone if you happen to get their number. If after going on a date they are not persuing you as much as you are persuing them then drop their skinny ass and start looking for the next better, brighter, young thang.

[Drewcious281]

All that jazz and still no pizzazz. People should know when to give up :lol3: I'll chew on me dancing shoes if she gets back to him :p

whats that supposed to mean? Im just giving him tips that work. not saying to keep going for this girl. find others. this jazz happens to work for me everytime. must be different in ireland!

[phasesofthemoon]

What good is quantity if the quality is lacking?

[stashfx]

Yes, yes you did.. And .. Now you're wasting another month talking about how you wasted your time.

My point exactly. He never did say why it had to be her :boggled:

must be different in Ireland

I'm glad you pointed that out because there is no point in relating to people if you don't know where your coming from. Must be really different in the desert what with all them sandstorms and whatnot!

[stashfx]

What good is quantity if the quality is lacking?

Spot on :dw00t:

[ryansambasis]

My point exactly. He never did say why it had to be her :boggled:



I'm glad you pointed that out because there is no point in relating to people if you don't know where your coming from. Must be really different in the desert what with all them sandstorms and whatnot!

Well my mind has created her as almost perfection (along with the other girl) and a very high standard across the board and because the feelings are so strong (my fault again) I want this girl badly but I have to reverse all of that and get back to reality. Of Course it'd be easier if I wasn't going to see them again (or not often) but I work with one girl and this girl lives near me (literally about 3-5 mins walk away), I saw her running the other day (I was getting a lift home from work) and it was pretty hot, that was what drove me to ask her out (not her running, just didn't want to regret not doing it). Let's home that's the last time I see her run for a while :-/

[Law73]

What good is quantity if the quality is lacking?

Quantity is good for PRACTICE (And boy, does he need it!)

Quality is good for keeps.

Simple really and DON'T you DARE tell me your life didn't include both. Everyone needs practice before the can identify quality. This is the ABCs of life.

[phasesofthemoon]

Quantity is good for PRACTICE (And boy, does he need it!)

Quality is good for keeps.

Simple really and DON'T you DARE tell me your life didn't include both. Everyone needs practice before the can identify quality. This is the ABCs of life.

You silly, silly man. You can get your practice with one good one. Don't you tell me how to do it. I know what you're into and it aint the perfect romantic life you live. You're no spring chicken either.. When do you stop needing practice? When will you get it right?

I'm sorry, doll but I find it hard to hear you tell a young fellow how to do it knowing you are afraid of committment when the young fellow is NOT afraid and wants to learn how to do it right.

Sex can be gotten from anyone, anytime. It's finding a happy and healthy and reciprocal union is what I refer to.

There comes a time in everyone's life when they just want to stop the merry go round and find one good one to practice with for the duration. If you never want to get off, well thats fine, but don't tell me what I did and didn't do.

[Law73]

So Phases, you are saying you only slept with one guy in your life?

If not then you surely agree the others were practice. Unless you are so stubborn as to have learned nothing from your previous encounters.

And as for what I want and what I know. Only a moron would surmise that because I enjoy one thing now I am incapable of understanding how to enjoy other things. Stay off the sauce, love. drinking and posting is like drinking and driving. It can leave you filled with regret.

Ps. you said, "don't tell me how to do it". I submit, where did I tell YOU how to do it? I don't think I did, did I. So in the spirit of tough love. STOP TALKING SHIT.

[stashfx]

Everyone needs practice before the can identify quality. This is the ABCs of life.

Perhaps it is an old man who laments in quantity, because he let the quality go! :eusa_whis

Thank you Ryan for clearing that up.

[ryansambasis]

I get what you're saying but if I see someone with quality, I'm not going to write them off. I'd rather try and fail that time then not have taken the chance at all.

[Kuky]

I get what you're saying but if I see someone with quality, I'm not going to write them off. I'd rather try and fail that time then not have taken the chance at all.

"Success" and "failure" are not the same as "getting the girl" and "not getting the girl" - I know many people who "got the girl" after acting like pathetic morons, and you know what? I consider it a failure. I know it, and the girl knows it, based on how she behaves, and how he lets her behave.

You talk big, with the whole "I'd rather try and fail than not have gone for it at all" well then GO FOR IT! Not via stupid "I'm gonna txt her a coffee invite" - just go for it face to face.

Wasting ANY more time with her -> Fail

Either going for it, or GROWING and realizing that:
1) She is NOT perfect
2) There really ARE tons of girls out there

That's success in this case.

[phasesofthemoon]

(Murphy's) LAW: I've been happily married (to the man who took my viginity) for going on the 4th decade. I only drink on special occassions {and the hockey playoffs ;).})

You place all your stock in the sex and you have little else to brag about. I can brag great sex with a partner of over 30 years, a lovely daughter a nice home, two cars and most importantly... we have a life partner in one another that neither of us would give up for all the sex partners and STD's in Taiwan.

Stay off the sauce, love. drinking and posting is like drinking and driving. It can leave you filled with regret. You should practice what you preach, teacher. You persue a married woman and then you come here and try to tell me about how it should be? About practice? Please! You're not quite a smart as you think you are.


Only a moron would surmise that because I enjoy one thing now I am incapable of understanding how to enjoy other things. Stay off the sauce, love. drinking and posting is like drinking and driving. It can leave you filled with regret. Perhaps you "enjoy" them but you certainly cannot preach about how to succeed in relationships. "Success" and "enjoy".. not the same thing you are not a success in relationships. You're area self-proclaimed commitment-phobe. How can you insinuate to a young man that quantity is only practice? That you need practice to know what it good? Good is good and if it's with ONE only then it's still good even if there is no comparison.

As I said you can practice your bedroom skills with one no need putting your dick in something new every saturday. If that's how you role fine, but don't tell a young man who is not of that thinking to take up that "sport." Young dude needs to know when to give up and to not take rejection and unenthusiastic responses as a challenge and needs to understand that they need to reciprocate and if they aren't then next those beotches and not waste his time on them.

Ps. you said, "don't tell me how to do it". I submit, where did I tell YOU how to do it? I don't think I did, did I. So in the spirit of tough love. STOP TALKING SHIT. Right here: Simple really and DON'T you DARE tell me your life didn't include both. Everyone needs practice before the can identify quality. This is the ABCs of life. Now go find a thread about how to step over relationship boundaries and have an emotional affair with a married woman.. You're certainly an expert at that.

[stashfx]

I'd rather try and fail that time then not have taken the chance at all.

Just know when to give up and move on. :lightbulb

[ryansambasis]

Just know when to give up and move on. :lightbulb

Yeah pretty much, and like I said before I never see this girl face to face. That was the whole point of getting the coffee. I don't classify that as a date, not in the slightest but oh well.

I doubt that this is the last I'll see of her/talk to her but I've made my move on the chess board, if she decides to contact me again sometime in the near future I know I can't just be a pushover and agree to her plans 100%, there has to be a balance and she would have to experience what I'm experiencing (but I doubt it'd be as annoying to her as it is to me) but if I went along with everything hypothetically it would just show that I'm giving her 100% control, I can't let her have that.

A good quote 'Don't make someone a priority when you're only an option'.

[stashfx]

A good quote 'Don't make someone a priority when you're only an option'.

Hey diddle diddle riddle me a riddle :lol3:

if your the person's only option, how are you not going to become that persons priority ? :eusa_whis

[ryansambasis]

Hey diddle diddle riddle me a riddle :lol3:

if your the person's only option, how are you not going to become that persons priority ? :eusa_whis

I never said I was her only option, that's kind of the point :p I'm not saying it that theres other guys lurking because I have no idea about that, I'm just saying it in terms of she is only contacting me when she feels like it and there seems to be no continuity.

[stashfx]

I never said I was her only option

Point taken, but I mean't generally. Have some :cake: Till next time Ryan it's been a blast :)