Will I just be a rebound relationship?

[irene]

Have just met someone from online dating site who has been separated from his wife for 6months but they still live togther ( separate rooms) until the house is sold. It is currently listed for sale. We have seen each other a few times and our physical chemistry is wonderful.
He has been married for 10 years and was/is still coming to terms with it ending. I am the 1st and only woman he's met online so far and he has now removed his profile.

My dilemma is I would really like to continue to spend time with him ( and no doubt have sex soon) but I'm looking for a long term partner and I'm worried that he will need a lot of time on his own to sort through his stuff and deal with the emotional implications of his marriage break-up.
I don't want to invest too soon in case I'm just there for him to get his self esteem back and I become the rebound relationship. I have casually voiced my concerns and he said he's really just going with the flow right now.
Should I also continue going with the flow? ( God that's hard when my head is asking hundreds of questions)
or Walk away now and give him time to sort himself out, continue dating myself and if it's meant to be after a few months or whatever hook up then. I know I risk losing him if I take the 2nd option.

Thanks

[phasesofthemoon]

IMO: You are building your relationship on a very shaky foundation. You likely wont do this, but you'd be very smart to step away until he's at the very least left the marital home and has come to terms with the demise of his marriage. Odds are that once he's feeling like he's da man again he'll not be wanting to settle down immediately and he'll BBD you.

"Going with the flow right now" means "thanks for saving me from the pain and work of having to reflect on the failures of the last relationship and making it so I don't have to learn anything to improve my relationship skills"

Edited to add: Do you even know if what he's telling you is the truth? Lots of men online say they are "separated," "divorced," single when they really are not. How well do you really know this dude? My spidey sense is tingling.. as is your's or you wouldn't have started this thread. Never, never ignore your spidey sense.

[irene]

Thanks once more phases for your reply

Yes his house is definately for sale ( I at least have proof of that) and the marriage over..well I am taking his word for that. His profile was actually a bit negative...very down on himself like he was seeking someone to put a spark back into his life..and hello I guess I took the bait!
All that aside I do intuitively feel that I must step back and allow him to set up his life again..he is looking at buying another house and has been showing me the ones he's interested in. I can see myself slotting into his new life but that's my mind racing way ahead again.
But I know already that I will miss him if I leave now. And to be honest he is guy # 14 I've met now. It has been an exhausting dating journey and I'm just longing for a long term partner. I have been living on my own for 10 years now and I'm so ready to share my life!

[kuju]

regardless of anything else, do not start something serious until he is moved out of that house. And into his OWN place, not with you. Don't have sex with a man still living with another woman, regardless of separation.

And if possible, I'd still wait a good three months after that, but somehow I don't think you will.

[Fusion Cuisine]

You can't tell how long someone will take to 'get over' a relationship just based on how long they were together and if they were married a lot. I found a 4-month relationship harder to get over than a 4-year one. It depends on things like how mutual the breakup was, how much bitterness and resentment there is, and things like that. If someone is ending a 10-year marriage, then it's possible the relationship has been 'dead' for some time. If it's ending abruptly because of cheating or something, or it has come as a shock to him, then it's different. I'm saying you should look at other things if you're trying to predict how easy it will be for him to deal with it, and how much of a problem it might cause... but really you never know.

It sounds like you like the guy, so it's probably better to take things slow with him than go through another 14.

I'd continue to date him, but keep contact limited and not too intimate, until he has more things sorted out and you can gauge how things are going. Like kuju said, I don't think you should have sex with him until he has at the very least moved out.