Opinion on my long distance relationship...

[LegalizePeace]

I am new to this site, sorry if I am posting in the wrong area. But anyway, now to my relationship, There is this girl I have been getting to know really well over the last 3 months, I am 17 and she is 16. We always write poetry to each other, I call her every chance I get, She web cams with me usually every night, although I don't have one, I can still see her. We like alot of the same things, We have the same opinions on life. She still dates people and I don't have a problem with that, but she said she won't have sex with any of them cause she wants to save it for me. She says she plans on moving to new york in about 5 years, and she said she would fly me up there to live with her. I really do care for her, I have never felt this way about another girl, and I have dated alot of girls. So I just want your opinions on my relationship.

[jupiter]

Find another girl closer to home.

And if you really think she's "saving it" for you; ignorance is bliss I guess.

[Fusion Cuisine]

You're probably just 'backup' while she finds someone she really likes. What's very likely to happen is eventually one day she'll say "There's something I have to tell you..." (or she'll just disappear) and one of these dates will have turned into something rather more.

What are you doing meanwhile?

[phasesofthemoon]

OP: Are you saying you've never actually met this girl in real life? That your "relationship so far has been strictly via email, web cam and phone?

[Deidre]

People can be more candid and honest on the internet than they sometimes are in real life. You can certainly get to know someone online... in a manner... but you don't get to know the real life them. Until you've met her and spent extended time with her, you have a crush on something that exists only in the safety of her bedroom (or wherever her computer is located). Your perception of her is not your own. It's 100% the image that she spoon feeds you. She controls what you see and when you see it.

Until you've already met her and spent that extended time with her, you don't know if you'd even like her in person. What kind of relationship do you have if you don't even know if you even like each other on a basic level?

What are your honest and realistic hopes for this "relationship"? She is 16, you are 17, so what kind of opportunities do you have to visit each other frequently to keep the relationship alive? Surely, you weren't intending on wasting away until you're 22 waiting for someone you don't even know if you like as a real person. How often will you see each other? How will you pay for it? Will her parents accept you as a house guest or will that be a losing battle and you'll have to live at a hotel and sneak around? Will your parents accept her as a house guest?

Nothing against long distance, I've been there myself, but let's think realistically here. Is it real, are you getting too attached before it's real, and can you realistically maintain this relationship?

[Blossoms]

The sad thing about long distance is that there is ALWAYS the chance she'll find someone she has more connection with in real life. That goes for any normal relationship, understandably... but there is a difference between getting caught up in a fantasy of *thinking* you know a person, when in reality, you only know their online personality. It is much easier to think you are connecting on a deep level, when you really don't know what she's like.

There is also the chance that you'll like her a lot more if you know her in real life, but I think that's hard to figure out even if you meet up once or twice for visits. Visits are like going on honeymoons - you spend lots of quality time together, you put your lives on hold for a few days just to spend with each other... but that isn't real life. Real life involves school, work, and all the habits that come with living and dating each other. Maybe she's promptly online every night at 6 pm, but does that mean she'll be prompt on dates with you? Not necessarily. She could take forever to get ready, start take you for granted, etc. There are so many things you don't know about a person without establishing a real life routine and going through the motions. :(

I have thought about this a lot because I'm about to go into a long distance relationship with my boyfriend - and it will be mostly online for at least 6 months. The difference is that I've known him for almost 2 years. One of which I lived with him (as a housemate, when we weren't dating) and another year where he lived near by. That way, I got to know how he interacts with other people who aren't me... who his friends are (vaguely... in this particular relationship we haven't hung out with each other's friends), how his room looks like, how he spends his time when he's not with me. Sure, you can talk about things to death, but it's different than what they may convey to you. I'm sure she won't tell you about her bad habit of wasting 5 hours of her time watching TV unless you think it's attractive (this is just an example).

Sorry, I've ranted enough. I don't mean to be a downer, but I think it's much easier to invest your time in someone who you can interact with in person on a semi-regular basis. That way it's more "real". But then again, people make it through the most difficult things sometimes... and all I've said are based on generalizations. :)

[LegalizePeace]

What are your honest and realistic hopes for this "relationship"? She is 16, you are 17, so what kind of opportunities do you have to visit each other frequently to keep the relationship alive? Surely, you weren't intending on wasting away until you're 22 waiting for someone you don't even know if you like as a real person. How often will you see each other? How will you pay for it? Will her parents accept you as a house guest or will that be a losing battle and you'll have to live at a hotel and sneak around? Will your parents accept her as a house guest? Nothing against long distance, I've been there myself, but let's think realistically here. Is it real, are you getting too attached before it's real, and can you realistically maintain this relationship?

I met her for a week, then she moved away from me. I don't mind staying single until I'm 22, I don't need a girlfriend, I got other things to worry about until then. I have money, its no big deal. She plans on living with me. I know my parents will accept her, but I don't know if hers will accept me, I have maintained relationships before, but I always have to break up with girls cause they cheat on me. But I trust her enough to where I am sure she won't cheat on me.

[phasesofthemoon]

You want her because she's safe. You now have an excuse not to live your life or go through the trials and tribulations of said life.

You now have given yourself permission to be unvulnerable for 5 years or, until some young man who she can touch and talk to and be emotionally involved with in REAL life sweeps her off her feet.

Don't let a fantasy girl break your heart. Tell her you both should live your lives, (she is, she's dating other men) and if you're both still single in 5 years you can contact each other then and perhaps make it happen. Don't waste your life on a fantasy.

One week in person is not enough time to know who she is. She's keeping you for emotional security while she seeks her real-time man: She still dates people and I don't have a problem with that, but she said she won't have sex with any of them cause she wants to save it for me. Words, just words. Don't let her break your heart too. Get out while the gettins good.

Editing to add: But I trust her enough to where I am sure she won't cheat on me. How much did you trust the one's that did cheat on you? If it wasn't very much, then why did you stay with them until the inevitable happened?


*realizes all this is most likely falling on deaf ears*

[dsfg_lover_001]

Well you dont really know what`s gonna happen in 5 years.People say stuff all the time without really mean it.Find out what do you really want to do then.