Always stressed, going in circles...

[1FingaPuShUP]

I just cant seem to make any progress with this girl. For almost eight months now we have been at it, around and around and around like a god damn merry-go-round. I just don't get it. At first I thought she was just playing me, and then I thought she had me tagged as a "friend", and then I gave her the cold treatment for a few weeks and we ended up making some real progress (imagine that), but now we are back where we started.

She stresses me out. Period.

Every time I try to break away the vicious cycle seems to start all over again.

Even a few times I have started things up with other girls, but I always end up hooked on her again.

Help.

[phasesofthemoon]

ZERO contact. Break up with her and that's it. You're addicted to the sex.. nothing more, nothing less. People who actually love each other don't leave and come back, leave and come back, leave each other and come back.

Break the addiction by going cold turkey, just like you would if you were trying to give up cigarettes. They say it takes about three times failing at cutting the cig. habit. You've had your three chances with your "Virginia Slim."

Up to you now, sport.

[Kuky]

Here's an idea: Get the fuck rid of her!!!!! WHY would you try to make it work with someone who stresses you out and makes you feel miserable?

[Deidre]

Yes, get rid of her!

A farmer cannot survive if he burns more calories growing and harvesting his food than he gets from eating it. How many emotional (and heck, physical!) calories are you burning on this non-relationship? That's got to be one bloody bountiful harvest coming up! And here's the other thing growing food and nurturing relationships has in common... you can't put your bets on a glimmer of a hope. You cannot spend all your energy on an experimental crop with really low success rates in your hardiness zone, because come winter you might not eat at all!

[am529]

ZERO contact. Break up with her and that's it. You're addicted to the sex.. nothing more, nothing less. People who actually love each other don't leave and come back, leave and come back, leave each other and come back.

Break the addiction by going cold turkey, just like you would if you were trying to give up cigarettes. They say it takes about three times failing at cutting the cig. habit. You've had your three chances with your "Virginia Slim."

Up to you now, sport.

While you are right about the fact that this dude probably just needs to up and leave this girl, I disagree with your notion that it's all about sex. At least on a general scale, I don't know about his situation specifically.

I was in a very similar, nearly identical (?) situation with my ex, where we continued to "break up" and get back together, "break up" and get back together, and over the course of our relationship, her and I never had sex. We were passionate with each other, but never had intercourse. Although her and I still did fool around I suppose.

But unless -she- was just in it for the physical passion (possible, and I'd buy that if it were the case), even though we never said it to each other I was in love with her and I think she was in love with me too.

[phasesofthemoon]

Then IMO, You were addicted to each other.. to the lust and limerence you both bought out in one another.. Google "limerence" and then you'll see what I meant. I'll add that; hand jobs, blow jobs, giving face, and fingering someone to orgasm IS sex. Lack of penetration does not mean you didn't have sex.

Just my opinion and your welcome to ignore it.

[am529]

Well we did that only once (what you say = sex) - we spent a lot of time together, and would talk for 8 hours on the phone at a time, almost nightly. Our first phone conversation lasted over 12 hours.

[phasesofthemoon]

Am: If this is the girl that has caused you to be so jaded about women and love in general, then you should try your best to get over her. It sounds like you were her girlfriend with dangly bits and you need to let your torch for her extinguish. When you're finally, really in love.. You'll know the difference between friendship/crushes/lust and how actions show you who loves you romantically (and who doesn't)

Good luck.

[1FingaPuShUP]

Here's an idea: Get the fuck rid of her!!!!! WHY would you try to make it work with someone who stresses you out and makes you feel miserable?

To the best of my knowledge I think it's because it's one of those friends to more than friends things. We have that base foundation of true friendship, so I deal with the shit because I am already somewhat committed... ?

As far as to everyone else thanks for the advice.

Like I said I am just burnt out with her. We are not going anywhere, be it myself or her that has been creating the illusion of us being something, its just an illusion. I feel like everything I do with her is unnatural, at least in terms of a relationship anyway.

So let me ask this, being a friendship at stake, how do I go about closing the book? Should I just sit her down and tell her exactly how I feel, and that I don't see us going anywhere? That it would be less stressful on both of us if we just moved past the idea of us actually becoming more?

I went into this knowing the more than friends thing never seems to work, and sure enough... all the groundwork is there, but something always holds it back. :boggled:

Thanks guys.