being a friend!!

[Ricky9688]

what should you do if you find yourself in-love with a friend??, ive been told I should be more flirty with her and maybe not hang out so much, but I love the time we share, but she doesent seem interested in me, its very dishartning, but were so happy together and share everything with eachother, I dont wanta lose her as my friend she really is my best friend, any words of wisdom?

[Kuky]

D'oh! I've been there's. It's a friggin tough place to be. When you say she doesn't seem interested, what does that mean?

[Ricky9688]

well she just says were best friends so it would be wierd if we dated or something to that effect, she also a very hard person to get to know, and it took me this long to get her to open up to me, I feel kinda wrong for wanting to be with her this way, cause she has trust problems so if I mess things up im afraid they will really be messed up lol, she kinda seems afraid that I might be interested in her if the subject comes up, so idk

[Kuky]

Unfortunately, girls who say "it would be weird, because we're best friends, and I'm afraid to ruin the friendship" are actually saying "I'm not attracted to you." I mean, when you think about it, falling in love with her best friend and being so happy together is a really common fairytale-like dream for a large number of girls. But obviously, there has to be the close friendship AND the attraction. The big thing is, if she perceives you as basically one of her girlfriends, then you don't stand a chance unless you can COMPLETELY reframe her view of you. She has to think of you as someone who is sexual.

And there is no quick fix for that. That's the kind of change you have to make for yourself, NOT because you want this particular girl. Ironically (in a good way), the only way this particular girl would get attracted to you would be if you were to make changes for yourself, and NOT for her own sake. Often, you will find yourself with other women in the process, and often, you will find you no longer have that crush on the same girl. That's actually a sign of progress... and hey, you don't know what the future holds in that way.

[Ricky9688]

lol i guess everything is about sex lol because otherwise she's all ready my girlfriend right!! and actually im the one afraid to ruin the friendship lol

[Deidre]

http://www.relationship-forums.com/showthread.php?t=23846
http://www.relationship-forums.com/showthread.php?t=23586
http://www.relationship-forums.com/showthread.php?t=21846
http://www.relationship-forums.com/showthread.php?t=23040
http://www.relationship-forums.com/showthread.php?t=22950
http://www.relationship-forums.com/showthread.php?t=22951
http://www.relationship-forums.com/showthread.php?t=23326

...just a few other takes on it.