Compliments

[DanCarter]

Hey..

With regard to giving girls compliments....

for example say I wanted to comment on this girl's picture over a social networking site.. I know they say 'pick out something specific you like and be honest' etc.. But every time I think of something specific like her hair or nails.. i feel like some sort of gay boy almost..like saying this kind of things :S Its like i imagine only a girl saying these kind of things..not a guy :/

What should I do?

[kuju]

well, a guy should NEVER comment on her nails. that's a given. Her hair, though, is more in-your-face and acceptable for comment.

You don't really have to pick out something specific though. What's wrong with "I love this pik, you look awesome!"?

[Kuky]

Specifics don't really have to be physical. I mean, you could say she looks like she's having a LOT of fun, and how that pic shows an infectiously awesome attitude or whatever.

[Deidre]

They (and heck, I) say pick something specific because that's a way to ensure that compliment sounds truly genuine over time. A compliment that is specific shows what it is you like about her. If you tell a woman she looks "great" all the time, but never qualify it, it's going to sound like you're complimenting generically because you think you ought to fill the silence or give her a compliment. If it sounds female, it's because you associate it with girly "I love your hair! Where do you get it done?" rather than the lightly flirty to blatantly seductive place it has in a romantic entanglement of some kind.

It doesn't have to go to extremes. You don't need to be specific every single time. Sometimes a spontaneous "I love this pik, you look awesome!", as kuju put it, works well. The thing about that kind of compliment, though, is that in order to sound sincere it must have an air of enthusiastic spontaneity. The same thing about a "wow, you look hot!" kind of exclamation. You have to be enthused and spontaneous.

In a social networking situation, casual and privacy-less, sure, you can go with something non-committal and non-specific (you don't want the world to see you flirting anyway!) and toss an exclamation mark on there and you're off. Or you can even comment on a picture without forcing a compliment that doesn't come naturally to you.

[Fusion Cuisine]

for example say I wanted to comment on this girl's picture over a social networking site.. I know they say 'pick out something specific you like and be honest' etc..

The way you phrase that seems to indicate you're coming at this like "I want to give this girl a compliment. How can I do it?"

So what I'll ask is... why?

You should say what you want without even considering if it's a compliment or not. There are loads of guys out there thinking "If I gave this girl a compliment, it'll make her happy and she'll like me". They're very wrong, and if the girl is actually interested in them after something like that then it's in spite of it rather than because of it. It's fake.

That doesn't mean to say you shouldn't say anything nice if there is good reason to. What I'm saying is that thinking "I want to say something nice - what's a good thing?" is going about it the wrong way.

[kuju]

THREAD HIJACK!

So, turning things on their heels.

My boyfriend gives me compliments, and I like them more than I usually do. (mostly because they're appreopriate at appropriate times.) But I want to reciprocate. What kinds of things do GUYS like to hear?

[Deidre]

But I want to reciprocate. What kinds of things do GUYS like to hear?
In my experience, they want to hear the same things women want to hear: that they look good, feel or smell nice, that they're good at what they do (whether advanced maths or dressing themselves), that we appreciate or look up to various aspects of their virtues.

People just want to know that someone sees them and the effort they are making. We're not all that different.

[Rogue4Rent]

But I want to reciprocate. What kinds of things do GUYS like to hear?

"Jesus Christ, it's SOOOO big and fills me completely!"

or:

" Put your feet on me so I can rub them while you watch the Red Sox beat up the Yankees."

or:

"I'd really love to see you tonight..."

Any of these are sweet music to a guy's ears. Oh, use his name in each of those suggestions.

[Rogue4Rent]

We're not all that different.

I have to disagree.

We're the same that we each need blood pumpng through our veins to keep us moving. We like it when we're rewarded for good behaviour but this is where the similarities end.

Women are, generally speaking, very emotionally driven and succumb to internal stimuli on a much more personal level than men .

Men are more prone to acting on impulse due to the fight or flight reaction to external stimuli.

When I go out of my way to compliment a woman it is ALWAYS regarding something just a little bit off about her, but in a fun, playful kind of way. There are no perfect people and any flaw is something I know she knows and I exploit it, with a wry grin, to make me different than other guys.

For example, If I see a woman who I'm interested in starting a conversation, I'll walk up to her and tell her she has the most perfect nose I've ever seen. When she smiles I follow up immediately with," it's a good thing because it helps guard the pimple on your cheek."

Usually she'll touch me (instant kino) and tell me, in a mutually playful manor, what a jerk I am. At this time I end our repartee by handing her my card and suggesting she call me as I have somewhere to be.

You are right that we all crave attention.

[trules10]

When I go out of my way to compliment a woman it is ALWAYS regarding something just a little bit off about her, but in a fun, playful kind of way. There are no perfect people and any flaw is something I know she knows and I exploit it, with a wry grin, to make me different than other guys.

For example, If I see a woman who I'm interested in starting a conversation, I'll walk up to her and tell her she has the most perfect nose I've ever seen. When she smiles I follow up immediately with," it's a good thing because it helps guard the pimple on your cheek."

Usually she'll touch me (instant kino) and tell me, in a mutually playful manor, what a jerk I am. At this time I end our repartee by handing her my card and suggesting she call me as I have somewhere to be.

You are right that we all crave attention.

Sounds a lot like the advice from the TV show The Pickup Artist. I haven't seen it for a couple years, but the advice there was similar. Make a nice comment about her, but then take her back down a notch with a playful dig at her.

[Kuky]

Ah, the old neg hit. :)

That stuff works. Very, very well. In some atmospheres (especially the bar scene), it's pretty much required (I mean really, it's just another way to be playful and show you don't really care about outcome, etc.) But I think you can get equally good effects in more interesting settings (where "more interesting setting" == "any place that isn't a bar/club" haha) by just giving a genuine compliment. It has to:

1) Be something specific

2) Be something UNIQUE that she hasn't heard from every other guy (so spare her the "you have lovely eyes" crap)

3) Something genuine. You have to really MEAN it, and commit to it.


...hehe though as far as the whole "neg" thing goes, the best one I've ever heard was, "I like your eyes... especially the right one" :lol: