What's Going On?

[Panda]

My ex and I haven't talked at all for about two weeks now. He did come by to drop some things off this past Sunday, but he didn't really enjoy seeing me at all. I acted as happy as possible in hopes that he doesn't think I'm still crying over him.... although I am some days.

Our mutual friend, however, I'll call him Jay, has been hanging out with me nearly every day. We used to just meet up at school, but sometime last week he came by, we got completely trashed, and he ended up staying the night - but all we did was cuddle. This happened again on Thursday evening, and we stayed up until 7am just talking and drinking. But on Sunday, he came over to have Easter dinner with me, since he was free and no one else was, and ended up spending the night, but completely sober. We still didn't do anything but cuddle.

I don't feel guilty about it as such since that first night.... but I'm very confused. Part of me still loves/hates my ex, part of me is just lonely, part of me thinks "Wow this could be fun!".... i'll cut this short, but there are a lot of emotions going on here. The thing is, I don't think I would like Jay romantically in a normal setting. I don't think he likes me in any romantic fashion either, because apparently he tends to do this with quite a few girls. He's not into anything serious with anyone. I am SO not ready to start another relationship at all since I'm still attached to my ex, and we still want to try a date in a month and a half.

So I don't want to screw anyone. But while Jay coming over is a lot of fun and nothing sexual happens, I still get so horny. It makes me want to have sex with anything or anyone. I think I want to have sex with him, just for fun - I mean, he's probably not interested at all or he would have made a move by now. I thought it was really something that he slept in my bed with me sober though. I don't want anything serious, because I am too emotionally fucked to go there, but the lack of sex with these random cuddlings is far too much. Perhaps I should just tell him not to come by anymore? I just really enjoy his company.

I have heard "Fuck him, he's hot and you're single now, just have fun and use protection, and he really likes you or he wouldn't hang out with you so much." and I've heard, "You should stay away from Jay for a while... You don't want to go there. It's very dramatic. You wouldn't want to sleep with him if he wasn't being so nice to you. You're just lonely and confused."

I could use some unbaised advice. I mean, my neighbors told me that in NZ, it would be acceptable since I was the one who got dumped, therefore the ex has no say at all. But then, Jay is a friend to both the ex and I, so he may not want to go there anyway... but then why ask to spend the night? Fuck, I don't know what to do.... I've been trying not to bring my bullshit here again - and just let time take care of this special issue, but it's interfering with my school work. *GAH*

[Panda]

Then of course... who ever said he actually was interested in me that way anyway? *shrug* We talk all the time.... I guess we flirt if you can call it flirting.... But the only way to tell for sure would be to ask him. I would rather be his friend than ask him if he likes me - only to have him freak out and not be my friend anymore. I just don't know.... and perhaps I should just put it out of my head.

[phasesofthemoon]

Are you that desparate for friends that you'd considering fvcking your ex's male buddy?
You're rebounding and he's stroking your ego. Distance yourself from all of this with Jay.. or you'll find yourself being recycled through all his friends until you have ZERO self worth and a bad reputation to boot.

The guys a playing you and he's holding off making a move so that it's YOUR idea to initiate and then he'll go back to your ex and tell him everything his ex skank (you) did with him.

If you want a fvck buddy... make it someone nobody else knows. That way it stays your biz and no one elses.

Play with fire.. you're bound to get burned.

And.. what is this about? am SO not ready to start another relationship at all since I'm still attached to my ex, and we still want to try a date in a month and a half. If you're only on some sort of break with your ex, do you really want him knowing you screw his friend(s)? Or.. have I totally mis-intrepreted your quote?

[Fanuilos]

Find some things to do that are nonsexual and that are with different people. You're mind is all sorts of confused right now, and if you continue down this road you're going to get hurt. Stay away from relationships and sex for a while so that you give yourself to recuperate emotionally.

[Panda]

Are you that desparate for friends that you'd considering fvcking your ex's male buddy? .... no.... but thank you for being so judgmental. He and I were already friends. Jay is friends independently with both of us.
You're rebounding and he's stroking your ego. Distance yourself from all of this with Jay.. or you'll find yourself being recycled through all his friends until you have ZERO self worth and a bad reputation to boot. You're right, I'll get some distance :) No worries there, no one thinks that it's a good idea to slum it with all of my ex's friends. It's not something I want to do, and I don't keep in contact with anyone except Jay really because Jay and I go to University together.

The guys a playing you and he's holding off making a move so that it's YOUR idea to initiate and then he'll go back to your ex and tell him everything his ex skank (you) did with him. Yeah, I thought about that too. I mean, if he wanted to do that, wouldn't he have told my ex about it already? Hell, he could make up anything about me and my ex would probably believe it. I haven't done anything wrong yet, but you're right, I am rebounding.

And.. what is this about? If you're only on some sort of break with your ex, do you really want him knowing you screw his friend(s)? Or.. have I totally mis-intrepreted your quote? It's a break, but we both know we're not getting back together deep down. Even so, that's why I haven't turned into a slut and fucked anything that walked, because I still feel for him and I want to be able to say that I was a good woman and did what I could. He's still doing drugs, which makes me think it would be easier to sleep around on him (even though he dumped me) but I still can't bring myself to do it. No one else I've met I actually want to fuck at all. If I was really desperate, I'd go for ANYTHING rather than someone I happen to get along with.

That being said, I don't think I will sleep (not fuck) with Jay at all, even in a friendly way, again. Because he's not interested in anything serious, neither am I right now, and I need all the friends I can get. No point ruining it. My mind keeps going back and forth between these thoughts though, so opinions are EXTREMELY helpful. Thanks :)

[Panda]

Find some things to do that are nonsexual and that are with different people. You're mind is all sorts of confused right now, and if you continue down this road you're going to get hurt. Stay away from relationships and sex for a while so that you give yourself to recuperate emotionally.

I do want to. I've been hanging out with couples and gay guys mostly because they are no threat and nothing sexual or romantic will EVER happen. It's good for me. I'm really trying to make good decisions. It's just hard when someone's being nice to you, you're single, he's single, and you end up cuddling sometimes. So basic message so far is keep distance. My weak side says "fuck it all, I'll do what I want" but I'm not that kind of woman, and I would never want to be. It's just confusing and lonely where I am right now.

[phasesofthemoon]

He's still doing drugs But you think you'll get back together?? You still have feelings for him and THAT'S the only reason you haven't turned into a slut ??
*sighs* I don't know how old you are.. but since you're still in Uni, I'll assume you're in your early 20's why are you making your life so complicated?

Please do not go back to your ex unless he has quit drugs. You will regret it if you do.
Please do not turn yourself into a slut.. You will regret it if you do. Your self-worth will plummet when you rack up your partner numbers and still end up with no one in your life who actually loves you.

Take a breather from dating until you can make some solid boudaries for yourself ~ things you'll allow yourself to do and not do and don't date until you know you won't cross those boundaries. You'll find a man who can respect you for your convictions and will let himself be vulnerable to you emotionally as well as sexually. Jay isn't that person and, he can still be your friend without the cuddling.. male friends don't cuddle with females they just want to be platonic with..

And... really think hard about reconsiling with someone who (most likely) will screw up your life and finances along with his own because of his drug use.

Step back and chill. And quit getting "trashed" so much.. that's gotta be interfering with your school sh*t more than anything. Druggies, boozers, mutual male friends over-stepping personal boundaries and you encouraging it.. geeeeeeeeeeezus. You're young, you're suppose to be learning and having fun.. not all this drama.

Signed.. Your Mom ;0)

[Panda]

But you think you'll get back together?? You still have feelings for him and THAT'S the only reason you haven't turned into a slut ?? No, but it wouldn't matter what I say would it? You seem to have made your mind up about me already. *sigh* That's not the ONLY reason. I wouldn't be a slut anyway, but because i still care for him is the only reason why I won't fuck anyone who's close to both of us.

*sighs* I don't know how old you are.. but since you're still in Uni, I'll assume you're in your early 20's why are you making your life so complicated? I'm not trying to... I'm lonely, in another country far away from the majority of my friends and all of my family, and just got out of a four year relationship - tell me that you wouldn't be a little messed up in the head if you were in the same boat. I'm 22, it was my first relationship ever.

Please do not go back to your ex unless he has quit drugs. You will regret it if you do.
Please do not turn yourself into a slut.. You will regret it if you do. Your self-worth will plummet when you rack up your partner numbers and still end up with no one in your life who actually loves you.
Agreed. I will never be with anyone who does drugs ever again. Ever. That makes life way too complicated and next time I get into an actual relationship, I don't want to have to battle with that bullshit. I don't want to turn into a slut either, that's why 1) I haven't done anything with Jay; 2) I have stopped seeing my ex after two mistakes of post break up sex; 3) Why I'm not jumping to screw a multitude of men that I'm meeting who find me interesting. (I do have standards.... and most of the men I meet are either sheepish or do not share my interests)

Take a breather from dating until you can make some solid boudaries for yourself ~ things you'll allow yourself to do and not do and don't date until you know you won't cross those boundaries. You'll find a man who can respect you for your convictions and will let himself be vulnerable to you emotionally as well as sexually. Jay isn't that person and, he can still be your friend without the cuddling.. male friends don't cuddle with females they just want to be platonic with.. That's not always true... I have several male friends in America that would happily cuddle with me and want NOTHING sexual... but I know them very VERY well. Jay, I don't know as well as I know my friends from the states. That's probably why I'm confused. I suppose I never liked him, I was just infatuated for a little while because he was being kind, and after being dumped, feeling like someone would actually hug you again... well that would make anyone stupid.

And... really think hard about reconsiling with someone who (most likely) will screw up your life and finances along with his own because of his drug use. I know what I want, but I want to give him some time to sort his shit out, and if he manages to do it on his own and come to me and say, "Hey, you meant more to me than being messed up" I'll give it a go. Who knows what will happen in a month or so? I certainly don't. I'm not planning on sleeping with anyone, or not, or getting back with the ex... I'm trying to just let things happen, but I feel weird about some of the things that are "just happening" because clearly if I'm not in control, things happen that most people say are moronic, like Jay hanging out with me so much. Fuck, I just can't win.

Step back and chill. And quit getting "trashed" so much.. that's gotta be interfering with your school sh*t more than anything. Druggies, boozers, mutual male friends over-stepping personal boundaries and you encouraging it.. geeeeeeeeeeezus. You're young, you're suppose to be learning and having fun.. not all this drama. I realize that I have made some bad decisions lately, but you have no idea how hard I have tried to keep on the straight and narrow. Since the breakup I have done many constructive things, (Seen a therapist, gone to the gym, gone to class every day, done all my homework) but I still feel awful. I take one week and just let go and I end up being judged? Fuck that's rough. I have been such a good girl all my life, never drank, never did drugs, never smoked cigs. Listened to my parents, had a wonderful time in University. I'm on the Deans list, I am doing an Honours degree at my university at the moment. I'm not stupid, but I fell a little and I'm a fucking moron? Man, you're a cunt.

Signed.. Your Mom ;0)
I really fucking hope you aren't my mother :D

I would listen to your advise so much more if you weren't so damned judgmental. I think you have a lot of good advise to give! In fact, your first post sobered me up quite a bit, but this last one just makes me angry.

[Panda]

Most people where I am now tell me that since the ex dumped me, he has absolutely no say in what I do or who I sleep with, that it's his fault for letting me go, and no one would think badly of me for going for anyone else, even if it happened that it was one of his friends. BUT, by the same token, all my friends in the US say "NOOOOOOOO BAD MOVE" even the therapist down here said, "As long as protection is used and you're having a good/healthy time.... there's no issue"

So I guess this is where I get confused. According to people where I am now:

1) I can sleep with anyone I want and just have some fun, why not?
2) I can sleep with a friend since we're both adults and it doesn't have to mean anything.

People in the Northern Hemisphere:

1) You shouldn't be having sex at all right now
2) Never ever sleep with a friend
3) Never ever EVER sleep with a friend who is also friends with your ex.

Tell me that's not confusing. I mean, after thinking about it REALISTICALLY today, I figure it would be a real stupid idea to actually have sex with Jay. It wouldn't work out in a relationship setting because 1) He's not into relationships; 2) I'm too emotionally screwed to have another full blown relationship straight away; 3) I am still in love with my ex... it will take time to stop feeling that way. I'm also probably too emotionally messed up to even have a friend to just fool around with. It's just a no go zone, realistically. But the advise that I get is so diverse it's hard to know what the "right" path is.

So, do what feels good? Do what is socially acceptable? Make others happy? Avoid complicated situations? I don't know the right answer. Jay aside, is there ever a right way to handle this kind of situation?

[Deidre]

For me, it comes down to whether in this case you're a southern or northern hemisphere woman. Okay, so it would be socially acceptable where you live right now to have sex with whoever you like. Great. It's always nice to be in a society that won't shun you for making your own choices. But, that doesn't really matter if you think it would be wrong or you don't want to deal with the consequences. You're the one who'd be sleeping with the guy (or any guy).

So, you know that your friends wouldn't hate or shun you for it. People wouldn't sneer at you in the street and you won't lose your local support. Awesome. But, what is it you want right now? Regardless of this particular guy, what do you want?

[Panda]

For me, it comes down to whether in this case you're a southern or northern hemisphere woman. Okay, so it would be socially acceptable where you live right now to have sex with whoever you like. Great. It's always nice to be in a society that won't shun you for making your own choices. But, that doesn't really matter if you think it would be wrong or you don't want to deal with the consequences. You're the one who'd be sleeping with the guy (or any guy). I don't know if I feel that it would be wrong... the first night cuddling I felt a little guilty because I know my ex would not be cool with it. (Well, naturally he wouldn't) But after a while, I just thought, "What would be the harm in having a little fun?" Hell, it was a harmless cuddle. The only problem, really, is that after a while I got horny. If it was just cuddling without being turned on, I wouldn't mind doing that at all! I cuddle with my friends in the states all the time, well I used to when I lived there. I don't know what to do about being turned on other than get a lot of toys. Then of course my seedy mind said, "Why invest in toys? Someone is RIGHT THERE BESIDE YOU!" So this is why I'm coming to bother you lovely people about this stupid situation.

So, you know that your friends wouldn't hate or shun you for it. People wouldn't sneer at you in the street and you won't lose your local support. Awesome. But, what is it you want right now? Regardless of this particular guy, what do you want?

Short term - I just want to feel happy enough to get my work done. I want to laugh, have fun, make friends, fulfill my needs, and get sorted emotionally and mentally enough to do really well in school this year. A simple, no bullshit, amazing year.

[Deidre]

Short term - I just want to feel happy enough to get my work done. I want to laugh, have fun, make friends, fulfill my needs, and get sorted emotionally and mentally enough to do really well in school this year. A simple, no bullshit, amazing year.
That's a great goal. :biggrin2:

So, lets measure "having sex with Jay" against your goals:

Happy? Depends on the rest, I suppose? Fun? Probably. Make friends? Probably not, and depending on him after hook-up you might lose one. Fulfil your needs? Yeah! ;) Well, some. Get sorted emotionally? Oh, maaaaybe (if you suddenly realise that your ex means less to you when you've had sex with someone else recently), but probably not in and of itself in a way you couldn't otherwise. Potential to screw up a lot. Get sorted mentally? Not really. Potential to screw up. Simple, no bullshit? Maybe, but potential to screw up the simplicity in life. Amazing? Well, that's what we're hoping. ;)

Those are just my guesses, though, so maybe you come up with something else entirely. I don't mean that everything you do has to measure up to more than one thing in your goals there, but if you do something to fulfil your sexual needs, for example, it really shouldn't be allowed to mess up your chances at fulfilling your other needs... for, for example, a simple and focused school year.

Would there be fewer downsides to going out with some one from your classes, a uni society or something and making a new cuddle/sex buddy?

[Panda]

That's a great goal. :biggrin2: Your advice to me is always such a breath of fresh air, it's non-judgmental and you seem to be looking out for everyone's best interest. Why didn't you study psychology? :D

So, lets measure "having sex with Jay" against your goals:

Happy? Depends on the rest, I suppose? Fun? Probably. Make friends? Probably not, and depending on him after hook-up you might lose one. Fulfil your needs? Yeah! ;) Well, some. Get sorted emotionally? Oh, maaaaybe (if you suddenly realise that your ex means less to you when you've had sex with someone else recently), but probably not in and of itself in a way you couldn't otherwise. Potential to screw up a lot. Get sorted mentally? Not really. Potential to screw up. Simple, no bullshit? Maybe, but potential to screw up the simplicity in life. Amazing? Well, that's what we're hoping. ;)
Well, I could probably get everything I want if I only cuddle him sometimes. I mean, it's just nice to have someone there to be close to with no attachment or commitment. He told me he was going to try and hook up with another friend of his, sexually, and I wasn't jealous. I didn't care, he's not my boyfriend and I'm not screwing him. If he can have friendships with sex and no problems, good on him, but sex with him isn't ideal no matter what my libido tells me. The cuddling can't be so bad though as long as I don't get carried away. No sex means nothing can be completely ruined. It can't become a regular thing, but it can be an occasional nicety I imagine.

Those are just my guesses, though, so maybe you come up with something else entirely. I don't mean that everything you do has to measure up to more than one thing in your goals there, but if you do something to fulfil your sexual needs, for example, it really shouldn't be allowed to mess up your chances at fulfilling your other needs... for, for example, a simple and focused school year.

Would there be fewer downsides to going out with some one from your classes, a uni society or something and making a new cuddle/sex buddy? I keep meeting boys that are single... and they're ok, but they don't make me laugh, most of them aren't interesting AT ALL to talk to. I mean, I know Jay a bit because I've known him my entire time here, and I trust him. I don't trust some of the guys I'm meeting recently. They bore me to death or they already have kids or are immature or any multitude of non-appealing attributes. Jay isn't attractive to me, really, but he's nice to cuddle and we generally have fun laughing together and being good friends. It's like having a girl/friend who you snuggle with sometimes... the only difference is that he has a penis.

The people I get along with really well? Older men who are gay, or have partners already. No way I'm going there. I'll keep my options open, because I'm not committed. But I don't think there's any real harm in anything as long as it's just cuddling occasionally with Jay AND I don't get emotionally attached. Keep it friendly, and everyone wins. I get happier over time, and am able to live my life.

The main reason this even became a problem is because people freaked out about it. Either saying, "Oh you like each other!" or "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? BAD DECISION!!!" Then it got to me. I want to keep him as a friend, so sex is not an option - I think we both know that. But as long as I'm happy and getting things done, and no one gets hurt, I don't see a major problem with spending time together and cuddling. The ex will never have to know, and Jay doesn't want to lose both friends either, so he's keeping it quiet. Sex doesn't have to happen, and why should it?

[phasesofthemoon]

No, but it wouldn't matter what I say would it? You seem to have made your mind up about me already. I don't know you personally darl'n so.. all I can judge you on is what you've written IN YOUR OWN WORDS. Don't say things you don't mean if you don't want them to be taken at face value.
I don't sugar coat.. I say it as I've read it. I'm glad that it somewhat opened your eyes so that you saw where you were headed.
I know what I want, but I want to give him some time to sort his shit out, and if he manages to do it on his own and come to me and say, "Hey, you meant more to me than being messed up" I'll give it a go. One month of not doing drugs is not enough time to ascertain if he's given it up for good. If he wants you back and you want to go back..make sure he's clean for at least a year before you venture back with him.. You're too smart and you have a promising future ahead of you, so don't let him drag you down with him.
That's not always true... I have several male friends in America that would happily cuddle with me and want NOTHING sexual... I'd venture to say that; just because they don't act on their desire.. it doesn't mean it isn't there.
I realize that I have made some bad decisions lately, but you have no idea how hard I have tried to keep on the straight and narrow. Since the breakup I have done many constructive things, (Seen a therapist, gone to the gym, gone to class every day, done all my homework) but I still feel awful. I take one week and just let go and I end up being judged? Fuck that's rough. I have been such a good girl all my life, never drank, never did drugs, never smoked cigs. Listened to my parents, had a wonderful time in University. I'm on the Deans list, I am doing an Honours degree at my university at the moment. I'm not stupid, but I fell a little and I'm a fucking moron? Man, you're a cunt. Sometimes it takes someone being cunty to make the person actually realize that they are headed down a slippery slope. I'm glad I could help you.. You're at least THINKING about your mistakes and not looking for validation to go ahead and make them.
I would listen to your advise so much more if you weren't so damned judgmental. I think you have a lot of good advise to give! In fact, your first post sobered me up quite a bit, but this last one just makes me angry. Good.. I'm glad your angry.. It's better than wallowing or, choosing poorly. You're angery because I gave advice based on Your very words. Think about that. I don't give validation to people who are in self-distruct mode. Most people where I am now tell me that since the ex dumped me, he has absolutely no say in what I do or who I sleep with, that it's his fault for letting me go, and no one would think badly of me for going for anyone else, even if it happened that it was one of his friends. BUT, by the same token, all my friends in the US say "NOOOOOOOO BAD MOVE" even the therapist down here said, "As long as protection is used and you're having a good/healthy time.... there's no issue" WHAT? I'd venture to say that you didn't explain to him that you're looking to revenge-fuck.. that you'd be doing it because you're lonely and, that you still love your ex. Doing revenge fvcking will only screw up your emotions even more. You need to heal from the last one, before you start the next one. keep meeting boys that are single... and they're ok, but they don't make me laugh, most of them aren't interesting AT ALL to talk to. You don't find them interesting or sexy because you're heart is not open so you don't allow yourself to find them anything but not worthy.. Heal from the ex.. then look for love. Well, I could probably get everything I want if I only cuddle him sometimes. I mean, it's just nice to have someone there to be close to with no attachment or commitment. He told me he was going to try and hook up with another friend of his, sexually, and I wasn't jealous. I didn't care, he's not my boyfriend and I'm not screwing him. If he can have friendships with sex and no problems, good on him, but sex with him isn't ideal no matter what my libido tells me. The cuddling can't be so bad though as long as I don't get carried away. No sex means nothing can be completely ruined. It can't become a regular thing, but it can be an occasional nicety I imagine. Why are you so afraid to be alone?

[Panda]

I don't know you personally darl'n so.. all I can judge you on is what you've written IN YOUR OWN WORDS. Don't say things you don't mean if you don't want them to be taken at face value. Point taken.... I just figure since there's so much background information of my previous situations already that some would be able to see the entire spectrum of where I'm coming from. It's good to have fresh eyes though.
I don't sugar coat.. I say it as I've read it. I'm glad that it somewhat opened your eyes so that you saw where you were headed. I wasn't headed to being a slut with all of my ex's friends LOL, that'd be fucking stupid and insane. That was never an intention of mine, nor even a desire.

One month of not doing drugs is not enough time to ascertain if he's given it up for good. If he wants you back and you want to go back..make sure he's clean for at least a year before you venture back with him.. You're too smart and you have a promising future ahead of you, so don't let him drag you down with him. Yeah, that's why I figure we probably won't get back together... I can't trust him anymore and he won't go to too much effort to prove me wrong... but love is a tricky lass. You never know what's going to happen. I surely don't.

I'd venture to say that; just because they don't act on their desire.. it doesn't mean it isn't there. Sure it's possible, but I can also promise you that I've cuddled with people and wanted absolutely nothing sexual from them, and I'm sure others can do the same :)

Sometimes it takes someone being cunty to make the person actually realize that they are headed down a slippery slope. I'm glad I could help you.. You're at least THINKING about your mistakes and not looking for validation to go ahead and make them.
Good.. I'm glad your angry.. It's better than wallowing or, choosing poorly. You're angery because I gave advice based on Your very words. Think about that. I don't give validation to people who are in self-distruct mode. Agreed, I'm quite mean to my friends when they're on the verge of making stupid decisions, so that bit is appreciated. What isn't appreciated, because it's blatantly untrue, is that I would fuck all my ex's friends! Or that I'd turn into a slut at all. I mean, sure, sometimes it seems like an appealing fantasy, but that's all it ever is. I have too high self esteem. The problem in this particular case with Jay is simply that he's acting in a way that makes me feel good about myself. That's what I'm struggling with. The other stuff is just a result of still feeling hurt.

WHAT? I'd venture to say that you didn't explain to him that you're looking to revenge-fuck.. that you'd be doing it because you're lonely and, that you still love your ex. Doing revenge fvcking will only screw up your emotions even more. I never want to hurt my ex. Hence why I haven't done anything wrong. I don't want revenge either. I'd wager that I can't make Jay be nice to me - or want to hang out with me. There are so many other ways I could hurt my ex, and I won't do any of them because I will always care for him. I may not always love him romantically, but I do want his best interest despite it all. The only confusing thing is Jay, because I don't want to hurt anyone, but I'll be damned if I don't deserve to feel something good every once in a while. Agreed, in the long term, sex with Jay would be a mistake at this juncture. That is off the table for good as far as I'm concerned. But cuddling with him is just as bad as snuggling up to any of my girl/friends. The only problem is being turned on, but I imagine that a change in cuddling position will fix that. (The spooning cuddle is what made me crazy.) Anyway, Jay doesn't want to have sex with me, that's fairly clear, and honestly I don't either. I'm blaming that on alcohol and temporary insanity.

You need to heal from the last one, before you start the next one. You don't find them interesting or sexy because you're heart is not open so you don't allow yourself to find them anything but not worthy.. Heal from the ex.. then look for love. Why are you so afraid to be alone?Actually.... I don't find any of them interesting or sexy because of who they are. lol. Believe me, I am keeping an open mind and heart, but I know none of them will fill that space even halfway, and I don't want to go there at all right now.

I won't look for love, it will just happen if it is meant to happen. No need to get stressed about something when I know that it tends to fall into your lap very unexpectedly. I'm not looking for love, I'm just looking to feel happy again.

And to the last point, I'm not afraid of being alone. I moved out of state for University to be alone. Then I moved out of the country, where I was also mostly alone. It's not foreign to me, and in fact I like it sometimes. But there is a huge hole in my heart, and a kind gesture from a friend (cuddling) isn't going to fix it, but it'll make me feel better about myself. I could use a boost. I tried everything alone - psychologist, gym, study, homework, and nothing made me feel even halfway better or accomplished. I still felt like crap. Anyway, that's enough of that... but wanting to screw Jay was a suggestion of the libido, and not my working mind.

[phasesofthemoon]

Go forth and prosper ;) You're head appears to have caught up with your run-away-thoughts.. That's a good thing. Cheers :martini:

[Panda]

Go forth and prosper ;) You're head appears to have caught up with your run-away-thoughts.. That's a good thing. Cheers :martini:

Cheers indeed ;) Thanks for the kick in the head :D

[Panda]

So, this is the final bit of evidence I needed to show myself that I don't actually like him in anymore than a friendly way. Tonight he came by, had dinner with me, and we just talked, laughed, and listened to music. Then he told me he had sex with someone last night, and I wasn't jealous at all. I said, "You lucky sod! Good on you!" and meant it. It feels good not to be confused at all about this anymore. :)

[Surfa]

What a saga this is..