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RazorBlade
January 15th, 2010, 10:14 AM
Hi all,

i was wondering if i could have some opinions about this. preferably from the gals. but anybody will be good :)

My background :
i came outta a realationship a couple of months ago, it wasnt a nice one either. we were one and off for around 4 years, with her lying about many things, trust issues became evident between us, etc. when i found out that she was basically lying to me and hooking up with some of my friends behind my back and the lying to me about it, i ditched her.
never the less, it was still hard on me, and i went through a rough patch. leaving my job, stopping gym etc. about a 2 months after i told her to leave me alone. i met a new gal...

Her Background :
she has been in 2 quite long relationships. one about 7 years i thinks, and he was from what she tells me, a complete idiot, abusive, verbally and physically. so i can imagine that she doesnt have a great outlook on relationships. i think a couple months after they broke up, she she told him to leave. she met me...

Current :
Now here is where it gets interesting, cos the rest feels like a novel... we met. i basically wow'd her, by treating her right etc. its been fantastic for the last 3 months. ( thats how long we have known each other ). we dnt get sick of each other, and we have spent almost everyday with eachother. we both agreed that we didnt want a too serious relationship now. and for things to be casual. they got a little serious for comfort most times.

the other night she called things off cos she felt things were moving to fast for her. i felt that too, and that she needs to figure out who she is, cos she said that when ur in a long relationship, you start doing everything for your partner, ie quiting studies, and that i can believe. So she said she thinks i am perfect and that we are made for eachother, and that when she is with me she feels good, but she cant give me her 'All' right now. she still wants to see me on a casual basis. So its not like she never wants to see me again. just to get to kno me better.

Now, if anybody can explain this to me... WTF just happened, if everything was perfect and she thinks i am great, then why does she need to figure things out? i mean she told me in the beginning that she is not any of my ex-girlfriends, so any issues that i have, i must forget about them cos she doesnt want the past to affect 'Us', I completely agree with her, and thats what i did. but it seems she is doing the thing she told me not to do?

Now, what do i do. i like this gal alot. infact more than i like to think. do i consider this a lost cause, or do i give her some time to do her thing, and see what happens?

sorry for the long story.... haha

over and out...

vashti
January 15th, 2010, 10:20 AM
When she says she wants to take a step back, your only options are to step back, or break things off. What do YOU want to do? i mean, do you have anything better to do with your time?

It sounds like you pretty much jumped from your last relationship into this one, timing-wise, and perhaps the new girl feels the intensity isn't appropriate at this stage of a relationship, given the very real possibility that she is a rebound girl (and I would agree).

Cora
January 15th, 2010, 01:54 PM
So you really like this girl. Things were going very fast and she decided to cool off. There's nothing wrong with that. Some people get too overwhelmed in a relationship sometimes. Maybe she realized that she likes you too much and it scared her. Maybe she is afraid of commitment at this point because of her past. Either way, it is not a bad thing. It is better to take some time off and let her figure out her feelings for you. Don't stop seeing her, just give her space. When she figures out what she wants, and when she is willing to accept her feelings, she will be able to take things to the next level.
If you really like her, you'll be able to accept that and give her time.

trump44
January 16th, 2010, 11:14 AM
Give her time...but move on as well and prepare for the fact that she will not be coming back. Take the time to renew old friendships or meet new people