chasing cars

[phuong789]

I am 17, always been single, Male, Asian.

There is this girl who I really liked for a good two years now. The reason why I never told her, was because she was already going out with a guy, and I respectfully allowed them to continue their business without any interruptions.

Last 2 months, however, they broke up. I still did not want to tell her because I decided that she needed a break since she just broke up from quite a long relationship.

A week ago, I went to a birthday party, and I saw the girl that i liked being touchy with another guy. I was seriously like WTF. That night I walked her home (since it was late and she had no ride) and asked her if she was going out with the guy she was touchy with at the party. She told me no.

The next day, I called her up, and asked her to go on a walk with me to the park for a chat. She agreed. We left, talked about our day, and I eventually revealed to her that I liked her for a very long time, and told her that if she is interested that maybe we could go out. She asked why I never made a move on her, as I told her that she was going out with another guy, and that I did not want to disrupt their relationship. Another reason was because she broke up about 2 months ago, and I wanted to give a brief break before telling her. She then told me that it is very hard for her to decide at this moment, because she was already seeing another guy (the guy at the party), but she told me she would take me into consideration. I agreed, I walked her home (with my arms around her, and her arms around me, because it was cold out). She then gave me a hug.

The next day, I asked her if she wanted to study with my at my place. She agreed and made her way over. We talked, got to know a few things about each other, told me how she liked my scent the other night, and we chilled. The other guy kept calling her (because he wanted to tell her something), but she told him that she didn't want to see him. When she finally went home, we chatted for a good 3 hours on MSN, and she agreed to take her out to the movies on Friday.

The next day, she messages me on MSN, and asked me to go for a walk and talk in the park. I walked to her house, and we walked to the park. She told me that she appreciates me telling her that I like her, but she already built a foundation for the other guy, and that it is not fair for her to just throw it away just to end up with me (they've been hooking for for a good month she told me). She said that it is possible for a chance for us to be together if there was only one guy in the picture instead of two. I was disappointed, and ticked off by the fact that I let the one I really like get taken by someone else not too long after her break up. I walked her home, but she willingly gave me a hug.

I asked her if she still wanted to go to the movies on Friday, and she said "Maybe i shouldn't go, sorry". Man, am I disappointed... What should I do? I know there is a lot of other fish under the sea, but the fish just don't add up to her. Do you guys think she even wants to be with me, but respects the other guy's feelings as well? I really need advice. Thanks in advance.

Also, she has told me that I am smart, cute, hardworking and she could see us as boyfriend girlfriend.

[kuju]

soo... yay! things are progressing, right? She still has to make a decision, but you're definitely putting yourself out there and working to convince her!

high school dating seems to be different from other dating. usually in high school you date one person at a time, while when you're older you can date multiple people until you decide to be exclusive with one. She appears to be taking the approach of an older person, which is not necessarily a BAD thing. She's giving herself options and deciding who she prefers more. Which means that if she chooses you, it's because she WANTS to be with you and not some other guy, rather than just being with you because she doesn't have anyone else.

[Deidre]

Go you! :)

[chiukit]

So... there's no problem and you're not asking for advice... just showing off? Haha. I miss high school when things were simpler.

[phuong789]

REST OF MY STORY! sorry, got cut off for some reason...

She told me that she appreciates me telling her that I like her, but she already built a foundation for the other guy, and that it is not fair for her to just throw it away just to end up with me (they've been hooking for for a good month she told me). She said that it is possible for a chance for us to be together if there was only one guy in the picture instead of two. I was disappointed, and ticked off by the fact that I let the one I really like get taken by someone else not too long after her break up. I walked her home, but she willingly gave me a hug.

I asked her if she still wanted to go to the movies on Friday, and she said "Maybe i shouldn't go, sorry". Man, am I disappointed... What should I do? I know there is a lot of other fish under the sea, but the fish just don't add up to her. Do you guys think she even wants to be with me, but respects the other guy's feelings as well? I really need advice. Thanks in advance.

[nonsense]

well, at least be thankful for her maturity level. Most other girls, especially in high school will lead you on, or at least say no to you in very ambiguous ways (most likely not answering your call, ignoring you at all cost).
Well, she wants to explore dating, social interaction, you know, going through choices, therefore she can choose the best there is for her. That's no problem, it's even great that she's upfront about it with you.
Then you can do the same thing too. Forgive me for stereotyping, I guess you're one of those guys who are very shy and reserved, doesn't go out socilizing much (Asian young male).... And even if you're not, it's still right for me to emphasize hanging out with ppl.
Good luck mate
p.s: by judging at your username, I guess you're Vietnamese. Me too

[Lucidtruth]

Wow... I really feel for you man. :( You and I seem to have a lot in common, so sorry if this gets lengthy!

So here's the thing. Unfortunately for you, you got put in the same position I *just* did a couple days ago!: Uneven affection PLUS another guy. Also, she chose the other guy over you... mine did that too.

Thing 1: You are awesome for not making a move on her while/shortly after dating that guy for 2 years. Seriously. It's *so* annoying when guys do that just because they're too immature to hold in their feelings. (Besides, it would've got you burned.) I wish there were more guys like you (us) in the world that would respect an exclusive relationship.

Thing 2: The other guy just got luckier than you. IMO, 2 months is NOT enough time to move on from a 2 YEAR relationship! Good grief! It took me a *solid* 4 months to get over a lame 7 month relationship, lol.

Thing 3: Man, man, man does it suck to get picked over. I hate it. I'm still hurting really badly from it. I really feel for you. My advice to you is to do what I'm doing: If you're sure she has really picked the other guy (it sounds like she has,) give yourself and her some time. You can talk to her, but be careful. I wouldn't hug/hold her anymore (do you plan to do that if she starts dating this guy exclusively?)

Thing 4: Yeah. There are other fish. You just really, really, reallyreallyreallyreally x1000 like this one. I know it's hard brother, but try to take it easy. Your feelings are very real, but you *are* in high school, so you've got PLENTY of time and other girls as opportunities.

Take time to grieve (so to speak). Don't let her string you along as a "backup plan," either. (A couple of lines in your post made me wince a little because it sounded like me, but that's a bad thing. Haha. Make sure you don't jump head over heels for her when she's being so distant!!!)

[phuong789]

Thank you SO much for your thoughtful, intelligent, and wise answer. It was extremely comfortable for me to read it, and it sure made me feel better. I don't know man, it really does seem like you feel how I feel at this moment. It is quite hard you know, waiting for so long, yet having her being taken again. She does seem to really like me though.. telling me how i would make a good boyfriend and seeing us both together (but at the same time, seeing her and the other guy together as well). It just doesn't seem like building a foundation for one month is long enough to develop intimate feelings for each other (once every Saturday). Man.. I really appreciate your answer, and the time you have taken to help me out. Thanks a lot, I really mean it.

[Lucidtruth]

Don't sweat it bro... it's rough. I really do feel you... the same thing happened to me less than 72 hours ago. (Unfortunately for me, it wasn't the first time.) My would-be-girl kept telling me things like "You're so sweet and funny..." and "You've really got my attention." Turns out it didn't mean anything except that she was being wishy-washy. I'm not saying give up, because I can tell you really like this girl... but you should definitely consider becoming a little less "invested," if you catch my drift.

Hey, at least you weren't like me. At least you didn't blab out how you haven't felt this way over a girl in a long time and she's just wonderful and magnetic and blah blah blah. I somehow thought being really honest and sweet and just "going for it" (y'know, like they do in the movies) would make her like me. FAIL. Now not only do I not have a chance with her, I look like an idiot. Haha. Lesson learned. (So, as preventative advice... don't do that!!!)

I lost everything, even my friendship with Hayley. You guys still have yours. Do everything in your power to preserve that, and ONLY that, because if you do, it will undoubtedly outlast this other guy. (IMHO, he seems rebound-ish.) Even if you never date, you'll come out of high school with one more friend than if you couldn't handle being "just" friends. Best of luck!!!

[Cerby]

Yea, credit to you for not moving on it earlier, I'm in the same boat, the girl I truly want is in a relationship, and I can't in good conscience move on it, no matter how well we get to know each other as "friends".

After reading the novel of posts, you might be in a position where you can just keep chipping away, as long as they're not officially together, you're still in the game. You just need to note to yourself that if you like her that much, being her friend will never be good enough, so there is no point in accepting that, you need to go for it, but be respectful of the boundaries in place as well.

The only problem I saw was "telling" her you liked her, some girls love the chase, and outright telling her you liked her might have ended the "chase". But she did come around a couple times after, and even agreed to the movie, so this likely isn't the case.