Would like advice on what I should do.

[SDF2318]

Let me start by telling a bit about myself. I am a fairly attractive guy with a somewhat reserved personality but when I decide I trust someone enough to really open up to them then I will not shy away from talking about anything. I am 22, never had any serious relationships. I am not the player type but more the type that is sitting back and waiting on the right person rather than rushing into something that isn't right or just using/playing someone.

I have recently become really good friends with a girl I have known for about a year now. We started off as just basic friends, nothing major, and then I got the feeling she was almost kinda coming onto me. We have a lot in common and I figured she was just looking to be friends and all so I went along with it not really expecting anything to come of it other than just being friends. She currently has a boyfriend and I think they are kinda "off and on." Over the past month or so we have gotten to be really good friends. She was actually the one that invited me to have lunch with her and it kinda went from there. We started talking more and now we text or call each other pretty much every day. I have told her I liked her and that she is one of few girls I would consider getting into a relationship with but I told her I knew she was already in a relationship with someone else and I told her I respect that and said I would be ok with just being friends because of that. She told me she liked me too but she said she did love this other guy. She said the way I am handling this is very respectable. I basically left it at I don't want her to just randomly break up with this guy to go out with me but at the same time if things between them two don't work out that I would be waiting and in the meantime I would be ok with just being friends.

We have been hanging out together just as friends quite often lately and like I said have been talking as friends pretty much every day for about the past month. Since I've gotten to know her a lot more, I am really starting to develop some serious feelings for her. I am pretty picky about girls and like I said I have been holding out for one I will really truely like and truely want to be around rather than rushing into something just because. I have never met a girl I had this much in common with, and really seriously liked this much. She is honestly the only girl I'd consider starting a relationship with but like I mentioned she is already involved with another guy. I'm not sure what to do. I have held up my end of the bargain that I would not get too pushy and respect that she has a boyfriend and I have not made any moves to kiss her or anything like that... Just friendly hugs is all we have shared. After talking so much and being around her more and more I have gotten to the point to where it's starting to get hard to be ok with just being friends. I don't want to screw anything up as far as having a chance at going out with her if things don't work out between her and this other guy. Should I tell her exactly what I'm feeling or try my best to just play it cool with being just friends until something happens with them or what? Like I said she has straight up told me she likes me and would go out with me but she says she does love this other guy. Her younger sister has told me they have been off and on and she says they don't know what they want from one another and things like that so basically it seems like a possibility that they could break up sometime in the near future but at the same time it seems like a possibility that they could last for awhile so I'm not sure what to do. I have gotten to be pretty good friends with her sister and her sister has told me she would much rather see her go out with me than this other guy and has joked about plotting something to get them to break up and stuff like that. I was thinking maybe I could get her sister to give me some inside info if they have some problems and then I could make some kind of move then? I don't want to completely commit to anything unless she were to break up with him and show me she was totally over him but I'm just talking about making a move for a first kiss with her and go from there? This is just a really awkward situation for me and I don't know what to do. She is definitly worth waiting on but it's not going to be easy.

Thank you for any advice anyone may be able to offer.

[nonsense]

Let me start by telling a bit about myself. I am a fairly attractive guy with a somewhat reserved personality but when I decide I trust someone enough to really open up to them then I will not shy away from talking about anything
great to see your confidence. That's what attacts others, making others enjoy your presence. From your post, it doesn't sound like you have a overbearing arrogance, so that's good. Bear this in mind, because I'll get back to this point.

I am not the player type but more the type that is sitting back and waiting on the right person rather than rushing into something that isn't right or just using/playing someone.
while there's perfectly nothing wrong with being picky with whom you wanna have a relationship with, I don't think you should wait around for the right one to come. Why not go around, actively meet ppl (guys and girls), expand your social network... thus increasing your chance of meeting "the right one", while enjoying a great social life?
-------
Now, get on with this girl. (when I say check, that means it's a good thing for you)
-So you guys have been great friends.... Check
-She enjoys your presence --> hence your interpersonal skills are good.... check
-You develop feelings for her--> you're capable of emotions and admittance, in control of your feelings....check
-You have feelings for her, knowing fully well that she's committed in a relationship......NO!!!

Really, she's in love with the other guy for a reason, you know? You shouldn't get tangled into this triangle. True she has feelings for you, but don't you think how badly her relationship goes affects her views towards you? In most cases like this (I've experienced them first hand), the girl is looking for a safety net, and in your case, it happens to be you.

I am not saying she's a bad person, well at least at a conscious level, but her action of finding a substitute like you is a safety mechanism.

her sister has told me she would much rather see her go out with me than this other guy
well, her sister is not the main character here is it? It's her decision to stay in this relationship, and that is affected by her feelings towards him.

----
My take of the situation:
-keep being friends
-decrease contact with her... I m not saying cut contact, but it can't be every day, that's just unhealthy
-meet other girls

think about it, while you spend all the time nurturing this "relationship", it gives her the happiness that her other relationship cannot give her, yet it's them in the official relationship... while you spend time, energy into something that's not gonna lead into a positive road.
And no, don't wait until they break up and make a move.... Don't sign up to be her rebound...

Experience the dating scene right now, coming back to my first point, you have the confidence and other desirable traits, you should have no problem. Maybe after a few encounters/dates/whatever you experience, you'll have a better view of this situation. Then make your decision about this girl.
Best of luck

[SDF2318]

great to see your confidence. That's what attacts others, making others enjoy your presence. From your post, it doesn't sound like you have a overbearing arrogance, so that's good. Bear this in mind, because I'll get back to this point.


while there's perfectly nothing wrong with being picky with whom you wanna have a relationship with, I don't think you should wait around for the right one to come. Why not go around, actively meet ppl (guys and girls), expand your social network... thus increasing your chance of meeting "the right one", while enjoying a great social life?
-------
Now, get on with this girl. (when I say check, that means it's a good thing for you)
-So you guys have been great friends.... Check
-She enjoys your presence --> hence your interpersonal skills are good.... check
-You develop feelings for her--> you're capable of emotions and admittance, in control of your feelings....check
-You have feelings for her, knowing fully well that she's committed in a relationship......NO!!!

Really, she's in love with the other guy for a reason, you know? You shouldn't get tangled into this triangle. True she has feelings for you, but don't you think how badly her relationship goes affects her views towards you? In most cases like this (I've experienced them first hand), the girl is looking for a safety net, and in your case, it happens to be you.

I am not saying she's a bad person, well at least at a conscious level, but her action of finding a substitute like you is a safety mechanism.


well, her sister is not the main character here is it? It's her decision to stay in this relationship, and that is affected by her feelings towards him.

----
My take of the situation:
-keep being friends
-decrease contact with her... I m not saying cut contact, but it can't be every day, that's just unhealthy
-meet other girls

think about it, while you spend all the time nurturing this "relationship", it gives her the happiness that her other relationship cannot give her, yet it's them in the official relationship... while you spend time, energy into something that's not gonna lead into a positive road.
And no, don't wait until they break up and make a move.... Don't sign up to be her rebound...

Experience the dating scene right now, coming back to my first point, you have the confidence and other desirable traits, you should have no problem. Maybe after a few encounters/dates/whatever you experience, you'll have a better view of this situation. Then make your decision about this girl.
Best of luck
Thank you for taking the time to give your thoughts. I appreciate your pointing out both the good and the bad of this situation. You are right, I am not an arrogant type person. That's one thing she has pointed out to me that she respects how I've handled this and is glad I don't get pushy with her.

I think you're right. I need to get out there and meet new people and not get tangled up in all of this. My next question would be let's say I went on and explored other options and in time her and this other guy broke up, and I still thought of her as one of my top options, how long should I wait before I got involved with her again? You don't want to be the rebound guy but at the same time you don't want to wait too long and get passed up again for someone else. Is there a window of time there that would be best to start to make your move?

Thanks again.

[daisey]

I think you should give her a bit iof time and cut down on seeing her a bit, as hard as it may be to even stay away from her sister as well, I would try and lose contact for a bit, so she gets used to younot being around. Its only when your not around that she will realise if she misses you, and if she does it should spur her into making a decision, and if she doesn't well at least you will know how she really feels about you. In the meantime go out and enjoy yourself meet new people and go out on a few dates, maybe the idea of you seeing other people may make her jealous and realise she could lose having you around.

Good luck!

[SDF2318]

I think you should give her a bit iof time and cut down on seeing her a bit, as hard as it may be to even stay away from her sister as well, I would try and lose contact for a bit, so she gets used to younot being around. Its only when your not around that she will realise if she misses you, and if she does it should spur her into making a decision, and if she doesn't well at least you will know how she really feels about you. In the meantime go out and enjoy yourself meet new people and go out on a few dates, maybe the idea of you seeing other people may make her jealous and realise she could lose having you around.

Good luck!

Thank you. I have recently cut down on seeing her as much, mainly because she has started school and has a lot less free time so we aren't randomly meeting up to have lunch and stuff like that anymore lol. I have told her I would go out with her, and she said she likes me too and said it's not that she doesn't like me, but she has this other guy. I have basically made it clear that I respect that fact and promised I wouldn't make any moves on her as far as kissing or anything else as long as they were together and she said the way I'm handling it is very respectable. I just have this feeling that I've never really had about a girl before, just that feeling that we are kinda meant for each other. We have so much in common and I know for a fact she enjoys being around me... She fits everything I'm looking for and I also feel really comfortable talking to her about anything eventhough we aren't even the ones in the relationship.

I will stay patient and eventhough it's hard I will control my feelings towards her and hopefully if it is meant to be then it will work out and in the meantime I will continue to meet new people and explore other possibilities.

Thanks again. It's good to hear outside perspectives on things.

[nonsense]

while you're keeping options open with this girl, how are you with meeting other prospects? Make sure you don't neglect this part, because if so, you'll fall into one-itis. The biggest problem a man will have in his love life