What to do?

[tdv]

Hi, I am 30 years old and I have been in what I would think is a committed relationship for the past year and things have been great. However, at work there is a much younger and extremely attractive guy and I can't seem to get him out of my head. The other week we went out in a group and there was lots of flirting going on and I loved it but also felt heaps guilty after wards. Although nothing physical happened there is obviously a lot of lust between us and he openly admitted that he would love to be with my and I know it would purely be for sex. The thought of it however, really turns me on and it's driving me nuts one with excitement and one with guilt.

[Deidre]

Do you love your partner? You say it's a committed relationship, but you can commit to a telephone plan. Do you want your relationship to work?

If you do:

Do you think you'll be able to stop thinking about this new guy for as long as he's this big secret and forbidden fruit? If not, here's what I suggest:

Tell your partner about this guy at work. You don't have to mention all of the conflicting feelings you've been having, but make a point of mentioning this attractive young guy who has been flirty and making passes at you. Heck, mention how flattered you were. When you're going out with work mates, mention their names instead of "a bunch of friends from work" so that he always knows when you're out with this guy. Continuously neutralise him as a threat to your relationship by making sure you couldn't possibly be serious about him, because your partner knows. This doesn't work, of course, if you have a super jealous and possessive partner who might make matters a lot worse.

[Ivory]

What would life be without a work crush!

I think this guy's actions have been inappropriate though - he has no business trying to get off with you when he knows you're taken. Tell him firmly that you're not going to cheat on your boyfriend and you want him to back off a little.

If you do decide to break up with your partner, it will be a lot more complicated and horrible if you've already slept with this other guy.

[moonangel]

It's easy to develop work crushes. Don't let this get to you though. This has to stay at harmless flirting, and you have to firmly set your limits. Tell this guy where you stand and maybe get him to back off a little. You don't need any more temptation. It's really not worth it, as exciting as it may seem.

Maybe focus on injecting a little more excitement into your current relationship, if that's what you're looking for.

[Mel]

The grass is not greener on the other side. This guy may turn you on (score big time) with the way he flirts with you, but may strike out (a real 0) where it counts the most. He can talk the talk, but can he walk the walk too? Are you willing to take that chance? I know someone that had an affair with a goodlooking man, and she was married too, but that man turned out to be ugly on the inside and it made him look ugly on the outside to her too. She left him and thank God her husband forgave her and took her back.

[AustiN]

i personally don't think you're current relationship is very strong if you can so easily see you'reself having sex with this guy, I mean, sex for fun when you're already with someone IS cheating... and the fact that you cannot tell ur guy about this guy and ur weakness for him further shows that the relationship is not that strong