Writing a letter to your crush

[mikejackal]

Ok, well ive gotten to the point that i think i should flat out tell this girl my feelings for her (she nows i like her but i sill want to tell her on MY terms). I was wondering whether u guys think that it is exceptable or even a good idea to send the girl a letter...i mean a REAL letter sent through the post office.

[goofball]

get some balls and just tell her.

[Poor Yorick]

Aww, I haven't seen that type of romance for a long time.
If you do send a letter don't forget to scent it.... definite plus. :D

About sending the letter tho, I think it's a good idea, as long as you know what you want to write and how.... without making it a Dear John letter...then I think you're all good.

[Makaveli]

Horrible idea....you will regret it.

[starwiz]

It depends on what you're going to be writing. If it's along the lines of, "I really like you a lot and want to go to [insert an activity here] some time" then no, you shouldn't. That's asking her out; you should ask her in person.
I truthfully can't come up with anything else you'd say in a letter like that, but if you have something, i'd be glad to listen.

[goofball]

hey starwiz, get your quotes right it's:

'try not. do, or do not. there is no try'
-yoda

[starwiz]

I had recently changed it to the correct one in my e-mail signature, and hadn't gotten around to changing it in my therfs sig. It's done now, thanks for reminding me :D

[mikejackal]

Well actually my letter is (i think) very well written. It is more of a telling of feelings than asking her out. i think it would take up too much room here (it is about 2 pages long) but if u want to read it and tell me what u think, email me at mpass@warwick.net

[dek]

get some balls and just tell her.

I agree with goof and think that this is the most optimal/best way to tell her how you feel.

However, not all guys are willing to take that approach, and if you decide to write a letter, here are some things you could consider when doing so:

- Have a focus, try not to dottle
- Having some Creativity helps
- Make sure you follow up after she reads it (which is why hand delivering it is better cause you know she will have read it)
- Write what you feel, don't plagarize
- You can attach or hide something special in the letter


There are those people who express their feelings best when they write it down on a sheet of paper, so don't feel ashamed that you don't got the balls to tell her straight out.

[mikejackal]

ok, ive given in, here is the letter in its entirety. tell me what u think. although no need for vulgar criticisms



Dear Cara,

How are you doing Cara? It’s been a while since we have seen each other, and I have had a lot of time to think. First, you are probably wondering who this is, and why I have written to you. Well to answer the first question, the author of this letter is Michael Passaretti. Now before you begin to ponder the many reasons why I would contact you through this medium, let me tell you the reason that I am writing you. I am writing this letter because I truly and deeply care about you, and what you think about me. I have wanted to just tell you how I feel for a long time, but have never had the courage to do so. Since I could never muster the courage to talk to you face to face, I have chosen to rely on writing to you. Before I continue I want you to know that I completely and utterly respect Chris, and your relationship with him. The last thing I want to do is to ruin that which brings you happiness.

I don’t think you realize the amazing impact you have had on my life Cara. You have directly taught me so many things. Even though I am normally a staunch conservative who is callous about the plights of others, when you are with me, I actually begin to care and I want to help people. You served as an excellent role model, being kind to the very young and the very old. You always look at the person on the inside and not the just their appearance. These are just a few of the ways you have directly impacted the person I am today. Because I wanted to be with you and around you, I did amazing things, like going to Mountain TOP, working at Harvest House, visit Nursing Homes, and attend church every day I could. Before I knew you not only would I have not done half those things, but also I would never have grown to love them. Furthermore, I have matured 10 fold, from the beginning of the year to now. A significant reason for this is my relationship (or lack thereof) with you. In my “pursuit” of you, I have made new friends, made many, many, many mistakes that I learned from, and I have learned a lot about relationships between people. Cara you are such an amazing person, its hard not to like you and care for you.

That said, I dearly wish that you wouldn’t think of me as a “stalker”. That is such a vile and nasty character description, which hurts me deeply. I would like to think that a person who truly cares about another person wouldn’t have to endure such slander. I know that I may not be friends with your friends, but I would gladly take the time to get to know them and become friendly with them, despite the fact that some may not have habits I condone, or respect. Cara, because I care about you, one of the things that I value most is our friendship. I hope that will not be tainted or changed because of this letter or any completely ridiculous accusations (such as ones that I paid money to dance with you.)

Cara, I realize that this must be difficult for you, because you are presently dating Chris. As stated before I truly want YOU to be happy, and if being with Chris makes you happy, god bless you both and may he never hurt you. Remember Cara, I am always here for you when you need someone to talk to, someone to help you, or someone to be there for you. I appreciate it that you have taken the time to read this letter. I hope that you should look upon it with a favorable light. Before I end let me finish with m a favorite song of mine-
Incubus- Echo
There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight
My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
Strange how it turns out that way
Could you show me dear...something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting
There's something about the way you move
I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing
More subtle than something, someone contrives
Your movements echo that I have seen the real thing
Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you
Strange how it turns out that way
Could you show me dear...something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting

Your friend and admirer forever,

Michael Passaretti

[player]

Dont write a letter!!!

Writing a letter shows a lack of confidence, rather than just coming right out and telling her face to face. Around 75% of being successful with women has to do with confidence. Also, mentioning that you are not a stalker is only going to assoicate that idea with you even more than had you said nothing at all. Dont excuse yourself from your feelings let her know straight out and if she turns you down it will suck, but at least you were man enough to lay your balls on the line. At the very least she will be impressed that you could approach her.

Plus that letter was just a little to heavy for most girls to handle. It could scare her away. You have to start out light in the begining of a relationship. Your being to easy of a catch, and she wont respect that about you. If you tell her straight up that your in love with her, she will know that she can have you and it will make you less interesting to her. I swear this is true.

What you want to do is let her know that you like her and want to take her out, but dont be dramatic about it. You are trying to flirt with her, not become Romeo and recite poetry. You want to do this face to face with her, that way you can judge her reaction. Communication is mostly nonverbal such at gestures and smiles, ect.

What sucks about this is that she has a boyfriend. Unless she is trying to figure out how to break up with him, your totally screwed. Your best bet is just to be friends with her on the side, flirt with her, and build up your friendship with her. Becareful not to be put in the "FRIEND" category though. Unless you can tell that she is unhappy with him, I wouldn't approach her just yet until you become closer to her.

Dating is one big extremely hard twisted game in my opinion. There are so many rules about it that no one can figure it all out. The worse part about it is when you screw up and break one of the rules, you get your feelings hurt and that is the worst pain I have ever felt.

If your going to be successful with women though, you can not be afraid of rejection. Being a man is pretty tough because your expected to make the first move, and being a man you will have to learn to handle rejection at some point. Hopefully that doesn't happen with this girl. Dont think negatively, but be prepared to handle it if things dont work out. What I mean is dont ask her while drunk or something, or at school where there is no escape route if you want to be alone.

Goodluck,

Player

[Wolf]

get some balls and just tell her.

Shut the hell up goofball, a written LETTER sent through the mail service is sure to make her melt, even if she doesn't return the feelings...

However, doing so while she has a boyfriend is a BAD idea.

[goofball]

no, for telling her you like her a letter is CHICKEN SHIT.

when you've got her, or you're dating her, that's the good time for a nice letter to close the deal

[Wolf]

No. Not sending a letter would be chicken shit. Not doing ANYTHING would be chicken shit. Sending the letter would not be..

But since she's taken, a letter is a bad idea anyways...

[player]

Wolf, dont ever send a letter like that.

Read my post.

-you cant judge her reaction
-it doesn't show confidence
-its to heavy and emotional

I made my mistakes in the past, and this exact situation is one of them. That was nearly 8 years ago, back in highschool, but it still haunts me now.

It is possible that it could work, but only if she is already extremely interested in him.

Player

[CletusDelroy]

I agree, don't send a letter.

Girls may say shit like that is sweet, but they also fake orgasms, say looks and size don't matter, and say they don't care if a guy has money. Moral of the story, they usually lie.

Now, sending a letter will only put her in a weird spot. What player and goofball have said should be listened to. She will lose a lot of respect for you if you do this, and even if she decides to go out with you, it will only be because she want's to use you. Don't be the "nice guy" and pour your heart out like this, you WILL regret it, mark my words.

Heed the advice and don't write and send her a letter.

[Jebus]

It is better that you confront her in person, it does have a more appealing effect then sending her a letter. You will get a better response in person, and you will probably not receive a response from a letter for a short time period.

Yes, a letter would give her time to think her reactions over; some people aren't good with an on-the-spot reaction. But, it does show little confidence on your part by sending her a letter (espcially one through the post office).

The only way I would recommend a letter in your situation is if you are beyond belief shy. So shy that you can't get your message across and you possess many faults when it comes to dealing with communication. Otherwise, I strongly suggest you tell her in person.

[Makaveli]

Look, man. DO NOT SEND THE LETTER. You will regret it. I sent a letter through e-mail one time, shorter than yours, and much less personal. I just basically told the girl what I was up to and shit, I didn't even say I liked her, although I'm sure she could figure that out.

The problem is that she isn't expecting the letter and the feelings aren't reciprocated. What you need to do is write the letter like you did to get the feelings off your chest, but for the love of God, DO NOT SEND IT.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

[Gordita]

I have to agree with everyone and say that you really shouldn't send that letter. You've written it so you've gotten out what you want to say and gotten it off your chest, but sending it would only make things really weird between you and this girl. The letter is way too formal, open and personal, and you don't have a chance with her anyway because she already has a bf. You need to wait on expressing these things until she's single and you're close enough to her and confident enough to start to say these kinds of things to her in person.

[Makaveli]

I just actually read that letter and I'm now praying to God that you do not send it. If you want to have any contact with her in the future, don't send it.

[wowzers]

no letters (thats what i did in junior high! and it didnt work that well after 6th grade by the way)

[goofball]

get some balls and just tell her.

Shut the hell up goofball, a written LETTER sent through the mail service is sure to make her melt, even if she doesn't return the feelings...

ha, asshole.

see how everyone agrees with me

[mistyc]

Sending that letter screams WUSSY INFATUATED OBSESSED DESPERATE NEEDY WEAK GUY. Plus she already has a boyfriend?

ha!

Come back to reality, stop living in fantasy land. THere are tons of other women, some who are probably wishing to meet a great guy like you, praying every night "oh please God, will Mikejackal notice me tomorrow? I so much want a date with him/I want him to notice me!"

Besides, do you want to end up like that guy in the "getting rid of him" thread? That's what you're setting yourself up to be.

[IGemini]

Sending a letter is the worst conventional way of telling your feelings. Not only are the nuances missing from the spoken word, but you won't be able to see her reaction right away. The fact that she has a bf doesn't help, either.

[mikejackal]

ok, wow im feelin some real negative vibes about the whole letter thing here...although im everyone ive asked OUTSIDE the forum has said it was a great idea...so im kinda confused...i mean i totally see both sides of this but...is there ANYONE AT ALL out there in this forum who thinks that i SHOULD give her the letter...i mean i think this topic needs a bit of balancing here....but thank you to all the nonabrasive comments...still reeling from the "WUSSY INFATUATED OBSESSED DESPERATE NEEDY WEAK GUY" comment. anyone like my idea...anyone at all...... :oops: [/quote]

[mistyc]

mikejackal, who were the people who you've asked outside the forums?

Try something:

Ask 10 girls if you should send it or not

Ask 10 guys who you know are very successful with women.

Ask 10 guys who you know are very unsuccessful with women.

Now compare the answers.

[mikejackal]

so far ive asked 6 different girls and they have all said one thing (besides that i should send it) that maybe makes a difference...let me quote form my friend caitlin- "mike, that letter is so, YOU, i wouldnt change a thing"
i mean i have known the girl i like for ever...so the formality and way the letter is written wont phase her...if anything its the content not the way it was. people who know me support this, mainly because that letter is something only I would write. and they know that

[mistyc]

Ok so you've only asked girls. Of course, that's why they're all for it!

Have you asked guys? In both "guys" categories I mentioned?

Why ask guys about girl stuff?

Simple: it's guys who date women, not girls. So obviously, through experimentation, mistakes, successes, etc, successful guys have a model of what works and not. Usually better than women.

Yes. Guys who are successful with women know better how to handle women than women do. For reasons stated above, and others, like how women's brains are wired (their thinking is done through FEELINGS, while men think through LOGIC, and other stuff I don't care to explain right now).

Also, women live in this fantasy romantic fairy-land, so of course they think your letter is a good idea. Take that into account when you take advice from women - they often have no idea why they respond emotionally to something and not to other things, and they tend to give politically correct advice about what they WANT, not necessarily what they respond to.

[mikejackal]

alright u guys win...the letter can be considered scrapped...but mostly for another reason. if i go the low key, wait it out, route; instead of the spill my guts and hope for the bes, route; i can take advantage of the reality that she and chris wont last long anyway...and when the break up ill be there. i have to agree that girls dont like the whole over the edge, brink of emotion, kinda desperate thing. thats in reality of course. in there fantasy they would love that letter....but o well. thanks anyway guys

[player]

Well done, Mikejackal. You can still persue this, just dont send the letter.

Goodluck,

Player

[mistyc]

Although I haven't been much involved in trying to get a girl after her breakup, there's one thing to remember: when she'll break up, she'll be sad a lot. Her girl friends are there for comfort :) Rebound guys will be there to get her over him.

Now perhaps you want to be rebound.. But don't expect that to last long. And if you really comfort her too much you'll be a girly friend for her. Just wait, be cool, be a man, be desirable... And I'll stop here cause I don't have enough experience with that part of dating ;)

[twinkling_eyes]

i agree with everyone else dont send the letter...especially since she's gotta bf

[mikejackal]

ok u all are pretty decided that i shouldnt send the letter. but read this convo with the girl i like's cousin (whom she trust more than anyone)-

Niltiac777: i don't know mike.. the letter may be a little formal... but so are you... you're not one of those laid back slang using abreviating every word type of guys...and if you changed your letter.. it wouldn't be yours.. and it wouldn't be who you are... it'd be a fake... and as for getting over her.. if you really want to.. that'll take some seriouse time completely and totaly away from her... like not even being friends.. untill you can move on and be friends without wanting her as more....
Niltiac777: but wouldn't it be a shame to get over her.. only to find out that it could have been something amazing between you two?
Niltiac777: you can't just stop liking someone... it's a hard process that takes lots of time and lots of emotions that you don't want to feel.. you know?
mikejackal13: ur tellin me! i know i know
mikejackal13: but this is an age old debate...romanticism vs realism
Niltiac777: you've got to give it a chance... if you think of the worst case senario that could happen because of it... it's not gonna kill you.. and at the very worst.. you'll learn from this... besides the worst possible outcome that you can think of.. never really happens
Niltiac777: well which do you want to try?
Niltiac777: i mean you can build up on reality if you give romance a shot... but if you just stay in your own little comfortable bubble that's your reality... roumance will never come
mikejackal13: i dont know...i used to be all for sending it and bearing the brunt...BUT i have to think realistically not to get burned
Niltiac777: you're not willing to take a risk... and you need to... or you're going to wonder for a long time what would have happened if you would have just sent that letter
mikejackal13: listen i tried this 2 years ago with another girl (the letter was as fluid and articulate and much more angry) and in the end i got burned
mikejackal13: everyone i talk to says that im gunna end up screwed...I HAVE LIKE CARA FOR A YEAR ALMOST EXACTLY....and what do i have to show for it...nuthing but pain
Niltiac777: but this letter isn't angry.. and cara is not the same girl that you tried this with two years ago... and i really can't tell you what to do.. i mean you're hearing lots of different things from lots of different people... but in the end this has nothing to do with me or krysten or anyone.. this is you sending the letter.. you taking the risk.. and you dealing with the consequences... good or bad

[SteveG]

Why not compromise?

Go to her house with a dozen roses and the letter and give them to her!

What ever you do, good luck.

edit:

It's actually pretty funny. I had a similar experience with my girlfriend... who is also named Cara btw.

[benj]

honestly, i know that those are really bad situations. you know, like when you really care about someone but they're taken... just get over her, trust me. i've looked back on so many countless occasions when i've been in the same situation and laughed at myself. besides, i think you might have more of a chance just waiting. after all, she thinks you paid money to dance with her and knows you already like her. i also think the whole stalker thing in the letter is kinda creepy. anyway, i hope things work out.

[Wrightman84]

send the letter if you wish but i am advising against it
i say you should talk to her face to face
letters can be judged so horribly and she could look at the 2 bad things that u mentioned
1 u being a stalker is bad, she thinks of u as a stalker then , BAD!
2 u paying to dance with her accusation or not, she thinks about it and how u deffend against it, it might be true in her mind if so BAD!
both those are bad mojo! :P
edit those out and the letter would be fine to send but otherwise talk to her in person

[Wrightman84]

Why not compromise?

Go to her house with a dozen roses and the letter and give them to her!


well that is what i was thinking but i didn't post it cus i didn't know how old u were
mabee not roses but some nice flowers.. and have the letter in the flowers or something like that...
knock on her door and give them to her along with saying "because your so special" <= or something along those lines. then she will find the letter and read it and all willbe good and happy.

ps i am feeling very optomistic rite now.. i'm usually a realiste :lol:

[player]

No dont send flowers. That romantic shit just doesn't work to well. Women love it, but they only love the attention, and wont respect you for it. You want to be aggressive, but keep it light and not do any heavy romantic shit.

[SteveG]

And he's to take advice from a self-proclaimed "player"... why?

[Bravehearter]

If you are going to send a letter, good lord dont send it threw the post office, thats kinda cold and unpersonable. leave it for her ina place she will find it, put it in flowers, or give it to her straight up.

Getting a letter in the mail is something your uncle does for you.

[player]

And he's to take advice from a self-proclaimed "player"... why?

1) Because I have been around these boards for nearly two years, they have moved many times, and I have read advice from people much smarter than me.

2) Because I have had many relationships, good and bad.

3) Because when I was younger I did all the romantic bullshit to have it blow up in my face.

Romance is a great thing, if you save it for later after you are already in a relationship. You tell a girl that you love her to soon and she will think you are a GREAT guy, and then lose interest in you because you are to easy of a catch.

Its not exciting for a woman to know all the cards her potential suitor is holding. She WILL be excited by a guy taking interest in her, but not coming on to heavy. If she takes interest in this guy, then she will constantly be on the edge of her seat when he is around. If he lays it all out on the table then it wont be exciting because she knows she can have you whenever she wants. Relationships can start this way, but usually she will end it before long.

Besides sending flowers or any kind of present to someone you haven't dated for an extended time is very very bad.

So StevieG whats your credentials for giving advice?

[mistyc]

4) because players know what they're doing, know what attracts girls and what turns them off.

Most girls don't. Most men don't.

But... if mikejackal's still not convinced.. All he can do is send the letter in any way he likes, waste as much money as he likes on flowers, and discover for himself the results. After all, experience IS the best teacher.. If you are ready to learn from it.

[kerrielouise]

i agree with quite a few people so far, letter writing is much better when you are in a relationship with the person the letter is aimed at as it can threaten your friendship with the person if you are not involved with them.

although us girls do like all that romantic shit, i for one only like it during a relationship and most of my girlfriends feel exactly the same. (apart from from valentine's day cards - everygirl likes them!)
if i was to receive your letter i would probably feel happy at the thought of someone liking me, but a little freaked out.
alot of people have said it, the letter is a little too heavy and personal and although the things you've said are nice, but she is not expecting this letter so she would probably feel really weird about the next time that she sees you. she might also tell you that nothing will change between you and her and that she won't act different around you, but subconsiously she will, because at the back of her mind she will be thinking about the letter everytime she sees you.

my advice would be to wait it out, especially if she is already involved with someone. try to make general conversation with her whenever you see her, just make an effort to say hi whenever you see her. if you get on friendly terms with her, if she and her boyfriend do come to an end, you would have more chance of becoming her next boyfriend.

kerrie
--x--

[SteveG]

1) Because I have been around these boards for nearly two years, they have moved many times, and I have read advice from people much smarter than me.

I've been here closer to three. Wayyy back when AA was just beginning and there were "Under Construction" signs all over the site.

2) Because I have had many relationships, good and bad.
As have I. They range from a year and a half to 5 days. There were many different girls and many different personalities.

3) Because when I was younger I did all the romantic bullshit to have it blow up in my face.[

Romance is a great thing, if you save it for later after you are already in a relationship. You tell a girl that you love her to soon and she will think you are a GREAT guy, and then lose interest in you because you are to easy of a catch.

Its not exciting for a woman to know all the cards her potential suitor is holding. She WILL be excited by a guy taking interest in her, but not coming on to heavy. If she takes interest in this guy, then she will constantly be on the edge of her seat when he is around. If he lays it all out on the table then it wont be exciting because she knows she can have you whenever she wants. Relationships can start this way, but usually she will end it before long.

Besides sending flowers or any kind of present to someone you haven't dated for an extended time is very very bad.

So StevieG whats your credentials for giving advice?

Experience.

If I read correctly they were originally close friends. If so, I was in almost the same exact situation as him with my current girlfriend. It killed me to feel that way about her and not let her know... kind of like living a lie. After letting it eat at me for some time, I got up some nerve (read: balls) and I told her I loved her in writing. In hindsight, I wish I had done the flowers bit, it would have worked well. I'm still with her now, almost a year later. I'm not saying that my word is law and that that method will work for everyone, but it worked for me. I suppose it depends on the girl.

[SteveG]

4) because players know what they're doing, know what attracts girls and what turns them off.

Most girls don't. Most men don't.

But... if mikejackal's still not convinced.. All he can do is send the letter in any way he likes, waste as much money as he likes on flowers, and discover for himself the results. After all, experience IS the best teacher.. If you are ready to learn from it.

If I've learned anything it is that there is no one one thing that attracts girls. They're tastes in men are as varied as the number of stars in the sky. If I knew the girl, I could probably judge better as to wether it's a bad idea or not. If she's the sweet romantic type, I'd go for it.

[goofball]

great a pissing match