Help twisted love triangle thing!

[sageraw]

Hey yall! I know I am new on therfs but I thought y not get some advice while I was at it. I have this really cute really sweet, basically perfect for me guy, and I have bean crushing on him for a more than a year now. The problem arises that last year my friend and him went out, and that was okay, then they broke up and now a different friend is crushing on him. She knows I like him. And I am stuck in the middle and I am expected to help them to go out eventually. What should I do?

[goofball]

she knows you liked him.
you liked him first.
you get first crack if you want it. but on the other hand, at some point it's time to shit or get off the pot if you follow my analogy. Either ask him out, or step aside and let her

[CletusDelroy]

I tend to agree with the above.

Why are YOU supposed to help THEM get together? Why not make a move on him first? If you think its the job of the guy to always make the move, then you should give up right now and get them to go out. If you're not one of those girls with that stupid mentality, then make it known to him that you're very interested. Either he will realize you like him and ask you out, or (this is more likely since guys are stupid when it comes to figuring out a girl likes them) you'll have to be more aggressive. Be decisive, and act as such otherwise beating around the bush will only waste time and result in you missing out.

Oh, I should mention that since this is between you and another girl and a guy, the other girl will probably resent you for getting him first. This is typical of girls since most are conniving and jealous, and always competing (this isn't chick bashing, it's reality - face it) with one another. Be prepared for that since it will almost certainly be a side effect.

[Crash Override]

I disagree with Cletus.

Don't be pushy. Only desperate guys who don't have the balls to ask a girl out actually like that. By the way, Cletus, it's not just women who get resentful - ANY man, when competing with another man for a woman, will feel resentment if they lose. It's a HUMAN trait, not limited to any one gender. I rarely lose, so I can't say I feel their pain, but I've noticed it quite often in others. :mrgreen:

You're a smart woman, you should know how to snag him. That's not the problem, and that's not what you're asking here, so almost none of what Cletus said applies to you.

Your problem lies with the other woman.
Realistically, it all comes down to how close you are with this friend. Chances are, a romance with this guy will be fleeting, but then again, friendship with this girl could also be temporary, too.

Decide which one you want more and take steps to achieve your goals. Simple as that. Bottom line is, true friends forgive, but resentment is forever. If you can deal with that, go for it.
Explaining your situation to her won't make her STOP liking him, so I wouldn't recommend it.

Just work your mojo and everything will work out in the end.

[CletusDelroy]

Actually Crash, if this guy is clueless about her major crush on him then what the hell is he supposed to do? If he has another girl throwing herself at him, and doesn't know that this one likes him, what do you think he's going to do? Pass up on a sure thing, or just say "what the hell, lets see if she likes me?" I think he will follow the path of least resistance.

Also, as far as guys being bitter if the lose out, sure, but will they be more likely to try and mess things up for the new couple? Not really, this is where the vindictive and conniving nature of girls comes into play. They will use mind games, and talk shit behind their backs to "get even".

The real question is, does this guy have any idea that this girl (the above member) likes him? If he does and is too shy or scared to act, well then she has to decide whether or not he's right for her since he isn't a guy with balls of steel. If he doesn't, then I say she needs to let him know she's interested. No one said she has to smother him and say "I've had a crush on you for so long, please say you'll go out with me." She's a hot chick, and that makes it even easier for her to snag any guy she wants. It's really up to her in my opinion because if she plays the "nice girl" part and helps them get together she will only regret it.

[goofball]

just an interesting grammatical note:

i've never seen 'crush' used as a verb before, as in 'to crush'

usually it's: to have a crush yeah?

[Crash Override]

Cletus, I agree with you completely that she shouldn't help them get together, but honestly, women generally know how to attract men. Personally, I've found that I have no interest in the women who "throw themselves" at me, and yes, I have passed up the "sure thing" before, although admittedly, you're right in that most men probably wouldn't.

But like I said before, sageraw; you could go for this guy, or not. Either way, don't think that any decision you make will have life-altering ramifications or dire world-shaping consequences.
It's just high school. Relax and have some fun.

[sageraw]

well the 2 of them just met and the thing that makes it evan more complacated is we go to difrent schools and he told me hedosent want a g/f from a difrent school. plus I dono how he really feals about ither of us. me and him are freionds first same w/ me and that girl so it makes it hard to make ne move. how do I get him to notice me if we r just freinds?

[sageraw]

and if we brake up what then I don't want to ruen the freindship, that is what has stoped me in the past.

[sageraw]

thank you all for what you have said so far too. it really is gana help :-D

[CletusDelroy]

You're in a fine pickle of a problem.

Lets see, he said he doesn't want a girlfriend from a different school huh? Well, most guys will go back on that if and when they have a shot at getting a girlfriend, especially when the girl is good looking (yes, guys like hotties). I wouldn't worry about this too much, it will just take a bit more work.

Now, you and him are friends, and you and she are friends. Obviously this is a complicated mess, but as has been mentioned previously, if you get together with this guy, the girl will resent you because that's how girls are (they hold grudges from what I've seen and experienced). Are you prepared for the bullshit that will come along with it?

Getting the guy to "notice" you isn't hard at all. Just sit closer to him, be more touchy feely, e.g. put your hand on his shoulder, around his waist, etc. Look at him, in the eyes I mean, more than you would if you didn't like someone. Simple little things will get the message across. However, I'm quite sure you know how to get a guy's attention and don't need much help on it so do what comes naturally.

You have to be decisive first and foremost. Sitting around and over analyzing this will only serve to waste time. If you want him, and you are prepared to have the other girl be some what hurt and a little bitter, then do something about it soon. If you're not the risk taking type, step aside and let them do whatever they want.

[starwiz]

I am yet another who is in consensus with Cletus and Crash with regards to the fact that you should not feel compelled in any way to hook this girl and your crush out.

I do agree with Cletus in that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out. It should be noted, Crash, that girls rarely go for guys who are pushy and "throw themselves" at them either. I think what Cletus is suggesting (and if not, then it's what I'm suggesting :D) is that Sage flirt with this guy some more, spend some time with him, really make it obvious that she likes him. Then, if he is one of those guys (I know them, because I'm one of them) who knows a girl likes him but is so incredibly afraid that she'll say no that he doesn't ask her out, then I think that Sage should go ahead. Keep in mind, Sage, I am not suggesting that you just “throw yourself” onto him; if you’ve liked this guy for a year then flirting with him should be a lot of fun, and even if he says no, you’ve still that to have enjoyed.

The fact that he said he didn’t want a GF from another school is not to be overlooked. You should pose the question as to why. If he asks, you can surely come up with something…I’m not very good at not telling the complete truth, so I’m the wrong person to tell you there. If his reason is something that it doesn’t look like you can change, then I’m afraid you might have to give up on him; the last thing you want to do is piss him off trying to change his mind on something that is definitely made up. On the other hand, if it’s something petty, then your first task is to convince him that this isn’t a rule to be followed steadfastly.

Crash was absolutely right in putting this into perspective for you: nothing here will have a huge effect on your life. But when you’ve been crushing on someone for as long as you have been, it really can seem that way. I’ve always been an advocate of “what’s the worst that can happen?” So he says no, you move on to bigger and better things. You have much more to lose than you do to gain, and while you certainly (for the third time) shouldn’t be pushy, you should, if need be, be the initiator. As for how to get his attention being friends right now, I’m fairly certain that someone who frequents the flirting forum will be able to help you find an archived article.

Hope that helped, and that Crash isn’t banging his head into the wall, “what kind of a moron is this guy?! (me, just to be clear :P).”

Oh, Goofball: Crush is often used as a verb…I’m surprised you’ve never heard of a girl “crushing” on a guy.

[sageraw]

well evry time I see him we hug, and ocasinaly he picks me up and swings me around, and we walk around with one arm over etuther but still he hasent asked me out. the next time I see him I have decided insted of raping my arm around his sholder or waist I was going to try his back poket or genaral butt area. and I do hope she won't mind if I just exsplane that I have liked him longer. but I worry still about what will hapen after. pluse he has had bad exsperenses w/ dating girls out sied of his shool and it did not work out. (the girl I am competing w/ gose to the same school I do)

[starwiz]

Methinks that you shouldn't talk to this girl unless she confronts you or it's absolultely nessicary (school unwritten rule or whatever). Crash is right in that it won't make her stop liking him, but more than that, it will (in all probability) make her more aggressive; competition is a bad thing.
If it is absolutely nessicary (or she approaches you first) then you certainly should explain that you've liked him longer, though i've never been an expert at not getting girls mad at me, so i guess i shoudn't give you any more advice on what to say :D You should be both honest and as nice as possible, that way, even if she gets really really upset at you, you're not the one who gets looked down upon by your friends, and she can't hold anything over you to this guy. ie, she can't say, "[sage] is such a bitch; she got into a yelling fight with me over you."
So don't let this girl get anything over you.
Just keep in mind that even if and when you become more aggressive (for lack of a better word comming to mind), you might still be in a position where you need to ask him out because he doesn't have the guts.
If this is the case, then, by all means, go for it!
Good luck, and have fun! (That's really waht this is all about anyway, right?) :D

[sageraw]

well me and the girl who likes him are good enuf freinds not to get in to a huge fitght over him sence I Have known and like him for longer and she dose not have ne real clame on him but now I need advice on what to do to hook him, I never have trublef filrting and geting him to notice I just never can get that last lil bit whare thay aske me out. I cant figer out why, and I need to know if at all posible is their ne way to get him to ask me out first so I won't have to. what are some tips or things you have done or had done to you that will help me get him to make me his g/f? (not ment forsfully but honest?)

[GrayM&M]

You keep OFFERING to help them get together.













...quit it, numbskull! :D (and I mean that in the nicest possible way)

[starwiz]

:D Gray's right, but if you two are good friends, she shouldn't have a problem if you maturely talk to her.

[GrayM&M]

the next time I see him I have decided insted of raping my arm around his sholder or waist I was going to try his back poket or genaral butt area.


:o ... What are you, some kind of floozie?
My sister the butt-groper... *sigh*

[sageraw]

I only offer cuss I knew that she liked him and he liked her too. that is the only reson and I origanly only intended to bring 2 grups of freinds together and for evry one to make more freinds

[GrayM&M]

Yeah... but you're paving the way and bending over backwards to hook them up. That's no way to stake a claim.

[sageraw]

true I was planing to stop it really isant as bad as she sais she is seeing it from a big sis point of vue

[CletusDelroy]

You said you flirt and they notice you and everything, but they don't ask you out...

Well, my theory on that is, they figure you'll say no or give some poor eccentric lie of an excuse as girls usually do when they don't have the guts to flat out say no.

Now that you've posted a picture of yourself, and its been established that you're hot, it could also be that guys are intimidated. This is quite common, and it wouldn't surprise me if this was the case most of the time. They figure they're not good enough to be your girlfriend, just your friend or what have you. At this time, you have to decide if you like the guy enough to want him as a boyfriend, and if so take the initiative. Sitting there and saying "is there a way to get him to ask me out so I won't have to" will only perpetuate your problem with this, and other guys. Learn to read the signs of genuine interest, and take action if the guy is a little shy. That double standard of the guy always having to ask is old and really lame.

[sageraw]

I don't think I am inrtimidating, I never really saw my self as that, usualy I hang out w/ a small group of freinds so I am ez to aproch, hmmm I guss I need to give this some thought about how dominering I can be I sapose.

[CletusDelroy]

Um, a girl doesn't have to *try* to be intimidating. You can be the nicest, friendliest, most laid back person but if you look like a super model, a lot of guys will still be afraid to approach you. I'm not saying all good looking teen age girls look like super models, but the guys worrying about rejection and thus being intimidated is still a factor.

[sageraw]

ha ha true that. I don't think I am a super model. well I am atualuy going to call him now and invite him to starbux so wish me luck!

[starwiz]

Good luck! :D
Go get him! :P

[sageraw]

AHHH He is still not home, I think he is still in calarado. I hope he gets back soon. ha ha don't I spund pathetic

[GrayM&M]

:lol:

Of course you don't sound... pathetic...

Um, yeah. :D














(c'mon, I'm joking with you here!)

[starwiz]

I'd be worried if you had a crush on this guy and you didn't sound like that; that's what crushes are for!

[sageraw]

good news yall I am gana tell him how I feal tonight when and if I see him! I just hope I can buld up the curege to...