help me plz ladies (and men!)

[anewmanfromtheUK]

I am so stuck in a big hole at the moment. I met this girl few months back (my m8's know her from work) and she said to my m8 that she was keen on me. well every monday we go out drinking we always cuddle on and kiss away all nite. yet everytime i ask her out for a drink she always seems to be doing something. I talk to her through the net and phone and we get on great! but why in the name of god does she keep putting off coming out with me??????

do u think i should ask her why? ask her where i stand etc...?

plz help me!!

:cry:

thanx!

[CletusDelroy]

A few things could be happening.

One, she could be playing "hard to get" or some other such bullshit little game.

Two, she could be just using you to kill time and have fun whenever SHE wants or needs to.

Three, should be playing some mind game with you because she wants to play you for a sap.

Four, there may be a legitimate reason behind all this.

Either way I personally HATE this kind of crap. If the "reasons" and excuses she gives you sound like poor eccentric lies then you should face the fact that this will go nowhere and cut your losses. You can try asking her what the hell is up with her, but don't do it in a very direct, confrontational way. Bring it up subtly and in a friendly "what's up with you always being busy when I call you...?" type manner. Your tone in asking this will be important, so don't sound mad or anything, this way if there really is a legitimate reason, then you've covered your ass and should be able to continue on with her.

[anewmanfromtheUK]

the excuses are mainly .....well here is todays word to word!!:

'not sure what am doin tom. yet. helen+mates from school have asked me 2 go out. '


it always seems to be stuff like that.

i asked her a few times on the monday nites out with her if she would like to come out she always says yes but when i do actually ask her its always the same!

[goofball]

well, ask her, then when she says no, bring it up, words to the effect of

"I've noticed that you never wanna/can hang out with me. I thought we have fun when we've hung out, but if you want me to stop asking just let me know and I can stop wasting both our time"

[AlfredB18]

You ask and you aren't getting results.

NEEEEEEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Got it? Good.

I read on and you say that you are giving her ALL THE FRIGGIN' ATTENTION SHE WANTS over the phone and on the net!

Well, that brings up one question...

Why does she need you otherwise?

Like I emphatically said earlier, time to cut ties!

[Slimeboy]

as above and learn to spell

[goofball]

i still she it's worth it to ask her. but if things don't change rapidly

[hunny]

Hmm. Give it one more try, accompanied with something like what goofball said. Be upfront about it, dont give her much room to avoid answering a straight question.
If she avoids answering or gives another excuse then I agree its time to move on... and that means NO more Mondays of kiss&cuddle with the whole gang around. Find another girl who is willing to be with you for a regular date, this one doesnt seem to want the same thing you do.

[mistyc]

Stop all contact. See if she contacts you. If she's interested, she will. Otherwise, you'll be long gone in the arms of other girls by the time she realizes she doesn't have your attention anymore, _which is what she's looking for and nothing else_.

[anewmanfromtheUK]

ok, i like the last idea the best but dunno if i could carry that out! I like her to much to cut all ties. Maybee i should just ask her where i stand?

Damn this is confusing! :-?

What should i do!!!!!!????????????????

[mistyc]

Stop all contact! That's what you should do!

I understand it's hard. We always want confirmation.. Closure. Something.

Well that's leading you straight to chumpsville.

Go out. Right now (well as soon as you finish reading this message ;) ). Talk to 10 girls and get their phone numbers.

I'm pretty sure by then that one girl won't seem so special ;)

[1Diamond Tiara]

no no no. you're playing her game if you stop all contact. you'll just keep wondering what could of been. first do as goofball suggested. thats the mature alternative. then you can cut off all ties. Cos you seem to really like this girl theres no other way you deserve answers. i mean its not like you just keep bugging her asking her out. this girl has been kissing you and told ur friend she likes you and then acts like this. you deserves some answers so get them then move on. no regrets.

[1Diamond Tiara]

Stop all contact! That's what you should do!

Go out. Right now (well as soon as you finish reading this message ;) ). Talk to 10 girls and get their phone numbers.

I'm pretty sure by then that one girl won't seem so special ;)
Mistyc i don't know how old you are or if you're just going through a player/fling stage. Maybe this suits you but maybe this guy isn't into that. Maybe he really cares about this girl. When you fall in love with someone you'll understand. :wink:

[anewmanfromtheUK]

ok then...think ill do that. next time i speak to her ill TRY ask her! ill let u all know what happens!

[Adonis]

i duno guys... you're suggesting that ANMFTUK (holy shit, that anacronym was as long as some regular names!) should be honest and straightforward with the girl...

now guys... when has being up front and honest with the girl actually worked??

i think we should prollie be teaching him how to play the game instead...

[hunny]

Honesty and straightforwardness can sometimes return to bite you on the ass, like Wayne suggested. But playing games isn't the answer either.
Look, you might like her but nothing is happening with her so I suggest you try to stop putting so much emphasis on getting together with her. Don't be confrontational, don't dump a lot of baggage on her by telling her you 'really like her alot' or something like that bc that can put her on the spot. You dont want that.
Just give it one more try and if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen for whatever reasons.
In that case, move on.

[goofball]

being hoest and discussing your feelings is different than cutting ot the chase and being open and direct. if you force the issue, you'll get an answer, but be prepared for an answer ytou don't want to hear

[1Diamond Tiara]

i didn't mean be too confrontational btw if thats how my comments came across :) just be somewhat open about it. Try not to put her on the spot. Let us know how it goes :)

[Wrightman84]

well, ask her, then when she says no, bring it up, words to the effect of

"I've noticed that you never wanna/can hang out with me. I thought we have fun when we've hung out, but if you want me to stop asking just let me know and I can stop wasting both our time"
meh, what i was gonna say

[goofball]

i didn't mean be too confrontational btw if thats how my comments came across :) just be somewhat open about it. Try not to put her on the spot. Let us know how it goes :)

I say definetly put her on the spot. put her in a place where she's forced to answer. That way you'll at least know.
But as I said before, expect an answer you don't want to hear (i.e., i'm sleeping with yoru best friend and I can't stand the thought of you)

[dulcinea]

she could be just using you to kill time and have fun whenever SHE wants or needs to.
that's what I'd say.

Confront her if you want. Do it in person, cause it's harder for her to squirm away when you're looking her straight in the face. I mean, dude, you have a right to know what's going on, but be aware that it might not be pretty. Like goofball said, she could be sleeping with your best friend or something. :P

[anewmanfromtheUK]

Im gonna ask her like this:

Ill ask her out fur a drink and when she says no ( cause i know she will) ill just say 'why do u never wanna come out for a drink or summit with me? only time I ever see u is on a monday evening!'

I asked her out for this sunday evening but never even got a reply. I bet I c her tonite cos its monday and If I do I bet she is allover me! :roll:

oh well ill c what happens.

[mistyc]

ooh, does that sound clingy and needy! "why don't you go out with me? why why why why? *sob* please come with me *sob, puppy eyes* please? I don't see you enough.. please!"

Hah. Who said that about love? I know love. I know what loving the wrong woman can do. What loving someone who doesn't love you back can do. Obviously this woman doesn't want to spend much time with him. And he still loves her? and he's not getting anything in return?

Explain to me why he should pursue this?

[mistyc]

No actually don't explain to me.

I think I'll just take a break from this site and work on my own stuff for a while ;)

[anewmanfromtheUK]

ok. the usual happened last night. Was allover her and vice versa. I asked her if she ever wanted to come out for a drink and she said she did. But this time I didnt offer a date but instead I asked her when she was free to come out. She said she would check her work rota and let me know. I hope this works! :-?

[CletusDelroy]

Me thinks you're setting yourself up to be played for a sap. :(

[anewmanfromtheUK]

i have managed to get her out on sunday evening! its quite an achievement. Ill let u all know how it goes from here! man am I chuffed.

i honestly do think she is interested tho.....cos i just played hard to get and in the end she ended up asking to meet up with me! these games eh :roll:

[anewmanfromtheUK]

this is fekkin' me off big style :-x

She didnt come out sunday cos she had no money.
Met with her as usual monday, did the same things. everytime we speak on net and phone we get on soo well , i get xx everygood bye.
she speaks like she really likes me.
but for the sake of god i just cannot get her out other than a monday nite!!

what should i do??? man o man this is confusing and annoying. I could have had another girl saturday nite, but i thought no i wont betray her cos we get on really well. I need advice here people and good advice!!

Thank u if u can help me :-?

[goofball]

forget about her
have that other girl

she obviosuly doesn't want to be with you but is too chicken shit to say it to your face.

stop calling/interacting with her and get the other girl

[mistyc]

Well, well.. Who was right hm? ;)

[mistyc]

tsk tsk. You didn't want to betray her, but she made it clear she wasn't interested in you except for the attention/ego boosts you could give her!

anewmanfromtheuk. Listen to the DJs and players in the future. They know women :)

[anewmanfromtheUK]

notha twist..just been speaking to her........she said we must go out sometime im sick of having to say no cos of work. good signs at last! :) :)

[mistyc]

good signs? As opposed to all the other "good" signs you got previously?

Is this a joke, anewman?

[anewmanfromtheUK]

im not giving in on this one so easily.....i know she likes me she even admitted it and i now know she has valid reasons.

i bet i can get it to work

[mistyc]

Compare:

what she says: "I like you"

what she does: never hangs out with you.

see the discrepancy here? I will only allow you to keep going at this if you also work on other girls, otherwise I'll laugh myself to tears every time you post about her. Give her less priority, you're not getting anything from her. OPEN YOUR EYES MAN!

[mistyc]

Women have no reasons. Only feelings. Her feelings say "oh I'll use him for attention while I seduce and fvck all these other guys".

[anewmanfromtheUK]

she told my m8 she is dead keen on me.................told me tonite she feels really bad that she can never go out with me since starting full time work,,,,,,and wants to go out, she is gonna text me 2moro with a date, when she aint at work

ill give 1 last try then.

[anewmanfromtheUK]

bring this back to life now to let u all know whats happened.

well i found out she is totally shy and has no experience with lads atall. her m8 said she really likes me bad but is just too nervous and never goes out without her m8! but her m8 said she will have a word with her. I really like her and am gonna persue her (i near gave up until her m8 bribed me to keep persevering) nother few weeks. but if nothing then im off

Any advice how to deal with this situation??

Thanx
:-?

[anewmanfromtheUK]

NEY one? :-?

[1Diamond Tiara]

Well unless you ask her to go out with you in a "group" setting at first. That may relax her. Then when she gets used to that you can go out one on one. Be patient, i guess if you still like her and are going to keep trying. This may seem a hopeless road. But you seem to have already made up ur mind, i probably would of given up by now if a guy rejected me that many times. But each to their own. She sends mixed signals, i guess she could be shy. Just ask her out in a group setting and some "activity" like a picnic or something fun where every1 can play sport or muck around. Then you can build up to one on ones.

[Danae]

Just too nervous?


She wasn't too nevous to be all over you Sunday nights and get drunk with you.



Are you blind?!

[anewmanfromtheUK]

well here we go:

I have decided to stop this once and for all. I still talk to her but when i have seen her last 2 mondays i have held back! and now I am focusing my attentions on another girl. to be precise this one:

Girl on the left here
www.ianrivaldosmith.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/whitley-bay-148.jpg

yes.....now i can go for her................. :D