Krystal
April 14th, 2009, 11:18 PM
Bear with me here, this is a long story. But it's almost eating me up, it's what is on my mind a lot and I really need some advice on what should be done.
My aunt, uncle and cousins hate my parents and I... and I don't know if I should try so hard to repair the relationship, if this is all really our fault or if they are just people who don't reason or care very well. It's just always in my head, I'm not someone who likes to hold things, it causes stress.
My cousin died 5 years ago, my parents were able to attend only the viewing part of the ceremony because it was held 3 hours from our home, and to pay their bills they had 2 jobs. They left their 1st job, went to the funeral, drove back 3 hours to their second job and then because their other job was so late getting started (a janitorial job) they only got like 3 hrs of sleep for their next day at work. Which really was too much for that particular cousin in my opinion, he had raped both my female cousins, beat his parents, done drugs, had dealers with guns knocking on their door and rolled his car with meth in it... (which is what killed him). So not much of a great person, but we were there for the family, not him.
Everything seemed fine for the next year. I got married that next year... my aunt, uncle and cousins attended. At my wedding my aunt handed out invitation cards to my deceased cousins "Baptism for the dead" a Mormon ceremony. My parents, nor myself attend that church anymore... but would have gone to the lunch anyway. It was the day my Honeymoon ended, really I could have made it, but simply forgot. My Mom and Dad couldn't make it because they had taken the 1 weeks vacation they had available to help me pack and move to my Husbands house and help me get finishing touches put on the wedding. So they didn't have the time to make it.
This I guess really offended my aunt and she brought it to my attention. I apologized and said I was sorry, and that my Mom said she was sorry as well (which she did). Granted, my Mom should have called... but.. then they started making up stories like my Mom cared about her dogs more than her family... and weird stuff that just came from nowhere.
One of my cousins had been my best friend forever, so I confronted her, asking her why they were being so mean to my parents. (My parents being the nervous type, and not wanting to talk in fear of a fight. which is their downfall, but all the same, my Mom's brother should know that by now). My cousin said she believed her parents were right and that she hated my parents and I had to deal with that. So I went on by telling her some messed up stories I had heard about her parents. (In the meantime my aunt was only hanging pictures on her wall of her "dead son" and none of her alive ones. It was like he was her angel, perfect son, he could do no wrong... but everyone else who made a slight mistake got kicked the hell out.) Which I said to my cousin, she in return told them I said her brother was just some dead kid, and that just sealed it, they hated me. I also said, why is it that your Mom can't seem to be nice to people without drugs? Some really mean things, but I felt it was their turn to feel the mean side.
I did try to apologize over texts once about 2 years ago... I got no response. And it just keeps playing in my head. Was I in the wrong? Should I try again, a real try... with a note and maybe some flowers. Or do I just let it go, seeing that they are just not very nice.Jory, my cousin that passed away, was always let back in. And my cousins were made to believe everything he did was okay, but no one else was allowed to do anything that made they slightly angry, or my aunt and uncle could never talk to them again. Were my parents and I in the wrong? Or was there more we should have done. I am sorry it happened, I wish I would have handled it in a more adult manner, but I didn't. I know my parents should have called, but at this point my Mom is just too afraid her brother will be rude. She tried to text him happy birthday, or Merry Christmas... with no response.. so she stopped that too.
What do you guys think? Should I try again with the note and some flowers, really going to knock on their door. Or do I just see them as not very nice people? Because what happened doesn't really seem all like that big of a deal to me, and I just wish it could be left behind. It's been 4 years since it all happened, and they are still talking about us to other people. Atleast that's what my Mom's other sister who still talks to them says. Ugh... I hate feeling like I've done something wrong, but then having the other hand that says it was all over inflated and should just be in the past by now.
My aunt, uncle and cousins hate my parents and I... and I don't know if I should try so hard to repair the relationship, if this is all really our fault or if they are just people who don't reason or care very well. It's just always in my head, I'm not someone who likes to hold things, it causes stress.
My cousin died 5 years ago, my parents were able to attend only the viewing part of the ceremony because it was held 3 hours from our home, and to pay their bills they had 2 jobs. They left their 1st job, went to the funeral, drove back 3 hours to their second job and then because their other job was so late getting started (a janitorial job) they only got like 3 hrs of sleep for their next day at work. Which really was too much for that particular cousin in my opinion, he had raped both my female cousins, beat his parents, done drugs, had dealers with guns knocking on their door and rolled his car with meth in it... (which is what killed him). So not much of a great person, but we were there for the family, not him.
Everything seemed fine for the next year. I got married that next year... my aunt, uncle and cousins attended. At my wedding my aunt handed out invitation cards to my deceased cousins "Baptism for the dead" a Mormon ceremony. My parents, nor myself attend that church anymore... but would have gone to the lunch anyway. It was the day my Honeymoon ended, really I could have made it, but simply forgot. My Mom and Dad couldn't make it because they had taken the 1 weeks vacation they had available to help me pack and move to my Husbands house and help me get finishing touches put on the wedding. So they didn't have the time to make it.
This I guess really offended my aunt and she brought it to my attention. I apologized and said I was sorry, and that my Mom said she was sorry as well (which she did). Granted, my Mom should have called... but.. then they started making up stories like my Mom cared about her dogs more than her family... and weird stuff that just came from nowhere.
One of my cousins had been my best friend forever, so I confronted her, asking her why they were being so mean to my parents. (My parents being the nervous type, and not wanting to talk in fear of a fight. which is their downfall, but all the same, my Mom's brother should know that by now). My cousin said she believed her parents were right and that she hated my parents and I had to deal with that. So I went on by telling her some messed up stories I had heard about her parents. (In the meantime my aunt was only hanging pictures on her wall of her "dead son" and none of her alive ones. It was like he was her angel, perfect son, he could do no wrong... but everyone else who made a slight mistake got kicked the hell out.) Which I said to my cousin, she in return told them I said her brother was just some dead kid, and that just sealed it, they hated me. I also said, why is it that your Mom can't seem to be nice to people without drugs? Some really mean things, but I felt it was their turn to feel the mean side.
I did try to apologize over texts once about 2 years ago... I got no response. And it just keeps playing in my head. Was I in the wrong? Should I try again, a real try... with a note and maybe some flowers. Or do I just let it go, seeing that they are just not very nice.Jory, my cousin that passed away, was always let back in. And my cousins were made to believe everything he did was okay, but no one else was allowed to do anything that made they slightly angry, or my aunt and uncle could never talk to them again. Were my parents and I in the wrong? Or was there more we should have done. I am sorry it happened, I wish I would have handled it in a more adult manner, but I didn't. I know my parents should have called, but at this point my Mom is just too afraid her brother will be rude. She tried to text him happy birthday, or Merry Christmas... with no response.. so she stopped that too.
What do you guys think? Should I try again with the note and some flowers, really going to knock on their door. Or do I just see them as not very nice people? Because what happened doesn't really seem all like that big of a deal to me, and I just wish it could be left behind. It's been 4 years since it all happened, and they are still talking about us to other people. Atleast that's what my Mom's other sister who still talks to them says. Ugh... I hate feeling like I've done something wrong, but then having the other hand that says it was all over inflated and should just be in the past by now.