Is it OK for a woman to be the one to ask

[jenny]

Hi,

I recently started taking golf lessons, and I have completely fallen for my golf instructor!!! He is really friendly, not too flirty, but we get on really well. I find it hard to talk and flirt with him because of the way I feel, but really want to muster up the courage to ask him out for a drink. I dont know if he has a girlfriend or much about him (hence why I would like to go out for a drink with him) do you think I should find out first to see if the coast is clear, or just go for it.

My biggest fear is not actually that he will reject me...if he does then its time to move on, and at least I will know. My biggest fear is that if I ask him, it will make me appear desperate. Are there any guys who can answer this for me...."how would a man feel if a woman asked him out???" does it come across as desperate, or is it a positive thing??

[Kuky]

My answer to your question is, "flattered." It's okay to ask. You'll only be perceived as desperate if you come across that way. Casually asking if he'd like to join you for a drink or a coffee or whatever is perfectly fine, in my book.

[george3isme]

Yea, asking him is perfectly fine. It only means that you either have more drive or courage, or you wear the pants in relationships anyways. Desperate will only show if you're desperate.
And I agree with Kuky, I'd feel flattered too. Ecstatic depending on who it was.

[Carnation]

It seems like he doesn't know much about you, and from what you say about not knowing much about him it sounds as if he's trying to keep a professional relationship. Don't come out and show you have interest, because if his feelings for you are strictly professional you don't want to blow it.

He probably gets asked out all the time by clients. I would suggest inviting him to a group event to get to know him. Get some friends to go to a movie, theme park, miniature golfing and invite him! Make it seem casual and friendly.

[Harper]

"how would a man feel if a woman asked him out???" does it come across as desperate, or is it a positive thing??

It feels great. It's not desperate at all; it makes me see the woman in question as confident, determined, and brave. Immediate bonus points. ;)

[Jenibear]

I think it's okay..there's loads of guys I asked out. Some said yes.. some said no..

I say go for it and let us know where it leaves you :)

[Deidre]

In my experience, men love to be asked out and generally anything that involves a woman taking some charge. But there's more to it than simply generalising about men; not all men think it's such a hoot to take that passive role. I am attracted to men who likes a woman in charge, and the male friends I have who have expressed a liking for being asked out are also the kind of men who likes a woman to take charge.

Is that the kind of man that usually attracts you? If not, it doesn't matter how many people here tell you it doesn't look desperate (it doesn't, by the way). A man who wants to be the one who is in charge won't be as receptive to being asked out, and if he's quite traditional might even feel a little emasculated, so the ones who accept your offer are unlikely to be that type.

It doesn't matter if you've got perfect bait for bass if what you really want is pike. So, plan accordingly. But no, it doesn't look desperate to be fishing in the first place.

[kuju]

I think that if you DO decide to ask him out, the important thing is to be CASUAL. If he says no, then a simple "Oh well. too bad!" with a smile works well. breaks the tension, and the get back to the golf.

[rodgerjones2]

Answering the is it ok question: I think its fine. So often now days it seems to be a sin, but as long as the signs are there im sure the guy would be flatterd. Its almost like a big ego boost for a girl to come to you instead of you looking.