The New Guy...and me.

[*Bianca*Lee*]

Hi all,

I think I might just be paranoid but I figured I'd post anyway.
I met this guy about two months ago. He was the complete opposite of my regular type but I fell for him, hard and fast. Now when we're together sometimes I feel like maybe he's getting bored with me, It's nothing he does, just my own mind thinking that might be the case. I have asked him but he prefers not to disclose anything about what he's thinking when he gets quiet. but, he does assure me that "things are fine" and that I definitely shouldn't worry about it but I do worry about it alot.

I've been hurt badly in the past and it scares me that there's the possibility that he could hurt me. How can I fix this feeling and re-assure myself that I'm overreacting??

Am I overreacting? or is it normal to feel like this?

I'm sure that he is my soul-mate, I've just been so hurt in the past that I'm almost keeping him at arms length to make sure he can't hurt me like I've been hurt before. I want to be open with him and let him into my life but I'm finding it really hard.

What do I do!?

[snuggler]

Well, stop asking him to reassure you constantly that things are fine. Its really annoying when you feel like you have to do something for your partner because of things that their exes did to them, and people can come to resent that you can't differentiate between the two after dealing with it for some time. Remember that its your issue and not his, and so its only fair if you try to keep him out of the healing process as much as possible.

As for the rest, I completely understand- I have been hurt badly in the past too. But you know what? Life goes on. As much as it sucked at the time, I grew up from it, regained my confidence and once again became the happy laidback girl that I was before I met them.

I always try to remind myself of this when I'm dealing with past issues. Sure, they stomped on me in ways I never would have imagined, and sure, there's the potential that my SO could do this to me too. But, even if he does, I will live and it will be ok. So there's no need to worry about it.

[JohnGarret]

Well, stop asking him to reassure you constantly that things are fine. Its really annoying

I think you are right here. When someone keeps asking for validation... it portrays that person as needy and insecure. And quite frankly, it is a little unattractive.

I don't mean to be harsh here... but that needs to stop or he will walk away from you for sure. Also, you want to be careful not to get into a pattern... were you insecure in your previous relationship before it fell apart?

At moments like this... I like to remember that the past does not equal the future. In short, learn from your past (but leave it there) and look forward to your future.

[*Bianca*Lee*]

I don't mean to be harsh here... but that needs to stop or he will walk away from you for sure. Also, you want to be careful not to get into a pattern... were you insecure in your previous relationship before it fell apart?



Not at all, im not sure why all of a sudden I'm this insecure, he hasn't given me any reason to be at all.

[*Bianca*Lee*]

things have gotten much better. I've stopped being so worriesome. thanks guys! :D