How Much Does a Friend's Opinion Matter?

[Rammstein39]

Have you ever been in the situ where your SO's friends have had a "sit down" with you and told you all about your SO? Do you believe what they say about the person, or take it with a grain of salt?

A long time ago, I started dating a guy and when i first met his friends, one took me aside in a room and told me how awesome of a guy his friend is, and that he has a good heart and how he has been hurt in the past. The guy's family members did the same thing and said the same. Turns out he and his stupid friends were all cheaters and players, and I was treated horrible by him.

Recently, the same thing happend with the new guy im seeing. I was casually talking to a good friend of his at a party and the friend gave me a bit of an inside peek into my new guys dating history. It was all good things, and the friend seemed very mature and genuine. However, one of our mutual friends told me I had to "watch out for him" when it came to other girls, but had originally told me he was a good sweet guy when i met him. I gently mentioned this to him and he seemed very annoyed that people were in his business, but would not elaborate.

So if you have ever had a chat with SO's friends about them, do you feel like their remarks were accurate? Or do friends just say nice stuff to help their buddy out?

[PhoenixDown]

I've been the guy who had to pull a girl aside and give her the 411 on a friend. Was my friend an ass? Sure. Did he love her? Absolutely.

I recall a time when a girls friends pulled me aside though. Usually I knew well before I met her friends.

[automorphism]

Unless the comments or advice are well-thought and the person that was making them seemed genuinely and thoughtfully concerned, then I'd not put much weight into them. For instance, the guy's comment about your guy seemed somewhat offhanded, so it could be anything. In any case you're in the dating stage so you can observe firsthand what he's really like.

[moonangel]

Personally i don't think they mean that much - firstly because it's blatantly obvious they think highly of him if they're good mates with him and their opinions are going to biased (although, not ALWAYS - but I think alarm bells should be ringing if even his friends don't like him) and secondly, most of the time I already know what a great guy he is before his mates get to me anyway. I don't need people to tell me, I make my own mind up.

I think if a guy thinks enough of himself, he doesn't need his mates to go and talk him up. If he is getting his mates to say that stuff, that would be a total turn-off. If they're saying it voluntarily though, you would hope it would be genuine. I like to think I'm pretty intuitive and can tell when people are having me on.

I think you can tell more about how his friends treat him and interact with him. I had a boyf whose friends thought the world of him, and it was nice, just confirmed exactly what I was feeling.

[Becky]

I wouldn't take anything like that too seriously. If they are friends with your SO of course they are going to have kind words about him. They are HIS friends not yours. I would be more likely to listen to a good friend of MINE before relying on what my SOs friends say about him.