If a girl already has a boyfriend...?

[Reichvier]

I'd post a whole story, but it would lead to the same question. If a girl already has a boyfriend, and you find said girl very interesting, is it a bad idea to try to start something? Not on the side, I mean she-dumps-him-for-me type start something. I'm not sure how I feel, I definitely wouldn't like it if someone did this to a girlfriend I had, but you never which one is "the one"...hence the question.

[Bath of Glitter]

That depends on what your plan is for getting her to dump him.

[Reichvier]

I have no plan. I don't want to drive a wedge or something related. Honestly the only thing I can think of is hang out with her as much as is comfortable and hopefully I'll get her interested enough. She's done several things that would indicate interest but at the same time dropped the boyfriend card in a couple of conversations. She asked me for my number to do some history homework we got, but that could be simply because I've taken the exact class with the exact same professor already...but whatever. Also, does a chick who has a serious boyfriend call someone else "amazing" the day you meet? Or have I contracted "Over-readingizationitis"?

[wearsome]

basically, a girl who has a boyfriend is technically and legally "free" so, she still continue looking around unless she's fully "in love", "sure" and "totally committed" which are all subjective: only she can tell.

your intention is valid, and your ways, much more valid. so, if you are interested with a girl who has a boyfriend already, it is OK to hang around as friends as long as you do not step beyond the boundary of aggravating her & her boyfriend's situation as "steadily dating" couple.

[Bath of Glitter]

I have no plan. I don't want to drive a wedge or something related. Honestly the only thing I can think of is hang out with her as much as is comfortable and hopefully I'll get her interested enough. She's done several things that would indicate interest but at the same time dropped the boyfriend card in a couple of conversations. She asked me for my number to do some history homework we got, but that could be simply because I've taken the exact class with the exact same professor already...but whatever.

You should probably be careful. Hanging out a lot and helping her with school could land you in the friend zone pretty quick.

Also, does a chick who has a serious boyfriend call someone else "amazing" the day you meet? Or have I contracted "Over-readingizationitis"?

Like most girls, she's probably a flirt. Or she enjoys leading you on.

[kid_a]

stay away from her, i just went through this same situation, i've never felt worse in my life.

the circumstances were even more so 'in my favor'. her boyfriend was 4 hours away at another school and he would ignore her like crazy, she didn't even feel like she was dating him she said. she was really interested in me, and i had a huge crush on her for over a year, we started seeing each other behind his back for the rest of the semester. she didn't have the strength to break it off for him until months after we first started seeing each other she ended up breaking up with him, while leaving me and hating me for 'forcing' her to do it, when i gave her all the patience and kindness in the world.

i was warned not to get involved with her because it would end in heartbreak, i didn't listen and i paid the price. take this as a strong warning, its definitely best not to try and start anything with someone who's already got emotions invested in someone else already.

try to go look for other girls, chances are if she'd leave a guy for you or cheat on a guy for you, then she'd probably just as quickly do the same to you.

[killumanati]

I dont know the facts, from a guy's point of view, I would tell you to get as far away as possible, they have "something" and you should not interfere in no way, shape or form, dont care about what you think or "feel", its not your place, if she breaks up with him, then takes time to cool off, then fair game, until then she's fucking taken, all in my opinion of course

[Gezus]

I think you should leave her be. Think about it, if she actually leaves him for you, doesn't that make her more difficult to trust in your relationship with her? What's to say she won't leave you for another guy the same way again?

I'd say you should continue hanging out with her if you genuinely enjoy her company, and then if her relationship goes downhill you guys can hook up, but don't wait for it. If anything, you should get to know her as a friend, and then not only might you have a chance with her if her relationship ends, but she can introduce you to other friends of hers, and you might become interested in someone else.

Huzzah!

[davef]

I agree here with one poster, once JF, always JF, and I think you fell into that trap already.

[tomol]

Well depends on what you believe. Do you believe theres one true love out there for everyone? One other half? If so then go for it. The girl can tell if she is with the right guy or not if she isnt then maybe she will finish him for you.

On the other hand, the dude she is already with is he your friend? Or some dude you dont know? And she could just be leading you on and in the end you wont win you will just get hurt.

And you say she is in a serious relationship? Then maybe its not so serious if she is willing to go with some other guy and then you get in there dude seriously any chance you got then go for it but again she could just be leading you on but if you go in for a kiss or something and she doesnt stop you then keep kissing dont stop its then down to her to finish her partner but whatever you do dont be her bit on the side!

Good luck dude hope you get what you really want to happen :D

[Hopeless.Romantic]

I always meet girls like this in my classes. They show interest, then right as I'm about to make a move I find out they have a boyfriend. In fact, one girl went so far as to be my Ballroom Dancing partner, and go to the movies with me. All of my friends said she seemed super interested in me, but when I tried to make a move she said "Oh that's sweet. I don't know if you know this about me, but I have a boyfriend."

Two months she spent flirting with me, and never mentioned her boyfriend. Some girls are just flirts. You can be nice, but don't try to "do stuff for her" all the time. You'll become her pet/slave/groupie/whatever you want to call it. Why should she offer anything to you if you already treat her like a queen? Be as nice as you would be to a friend you weren't interested in, and no nicer. If she breaks up with her boyfriend, then you can make a move.

[maxster]

You can be nice, but don't try to "do stuff for her" all the time. You'll become her pet/slave/groupie/whatever you want to call it. Why should she offer anything to you if you already treat her like a queen? Be as nice as you would be to a friend you weren't interested in, and no nicer. If she breaks up with her boyfriend, then you can make a move.

QFT. Don't treat a girl too nice as a friend.

[merker]

my advice leave it alone... you wouldnt like it if you were with a girl n a guy kept poking round her trying to get her to dump you would you?

if she dumps him at her own accord and because their relationship didnt work and then gets with you fair... no point trying to spoil summin she has with sum1 else just cause u want her

[stacidc]

Who's to say if she dumps him for you that she wont do the same to you?

Just doesn't seem right. If you like her like you say you do, then try to wait. In the mean time, do your own fun thing. : )

[Sir Digby Chicken Caesar]

Personally, if someone has a boyfriend, then you should keep your intentions honourable and respect that relationship. It may be worth being friends with this person, so she has someone to turn to if the relationship goes wrong (and how many times do these "friends who comfort" turn into boyfriends? A lot!) , but it may be difficult to be around this person a lot if you seriously have the hots for her.

If you approach this girl and tell her how you feel, don't be surprised if she tells her boyfriend and you end up with a smack in the kisser.

[StrayDog]

I'll be somewhat of a dissenting opinion in saying that, it doesn't hurt to be friends with a woman who has a boyfriend, but only so long as you won't fall so madly deeply in love with her.

A few discoveries I've made... err. correction, a few re-discoveries I've made is that you are actually a lot more attractive to the opposite sex the more female friends you have. I'm not exactly sure what the reasoning is for this, but I believe it has a lot to do with being viewed and assumed to be as non-threatening, harmless, knows his way around women, and so on and so forth. The fact that they think you are used to women makes other potential dates or female friends feel initially more comfortable around you.

There is indeed the harm that they might assume that you are taken, but I've found that to be very minimal. If anything, it seems to me as though I catch more eyes when I'm with a female friend or maybe just chatting with a female acquaintance. Perhaps in a way I'm arousing some competitive urges? Some possessive drives? Whatever the case, it doesn't hurt to be seen as valuable enough that women 'flock' to you, for lack of a better term.

Admittedly, all these are just speculative in that I'm not entirely sure what's going on in women's minds when they see me with some other attractive girl. I am however certain that *I* myself change. I myself undergo transformation the more female friends and acquaintances I've interacted with throughout the course of the day. I'm more comfortable approaching new women, better at predicting their moods, and ultimately, I am more attentive to their 'tells' - the little physical signals that hide a desire, an impulse, or an emotion.

Bottomline: learn from her, but don't fall in love if she's happily taken.

[StrayDog]

I just realized that I replied to a topic that was from 2008. At least I'm not the one guilty of bumping.