LOE, age, and psychological effects

[PipeDream]

For those that have read my previous posts, LOE obviously stands for Lack of experience.

LOE and age (early twenties in my case) causes alot of screwed up thoughts, I've noticed. First and foremost, there's a little bit of shame and embarressment mixed together b/c of peer pressure. That takes a backseat to this next bit. And that is realizing you have passed your prime, and while far from being old, it's still a demoralizer.

I mean, I won't know what it feels like at that age (teenage years of course), you are obviously much more excited when you are younger; hence there being a bigger thrill when the "act" is being done.

Also, it just adds more depth to you as a person, it might seem shallow but it isn't as you can't get that time back and it still is a part of who you are.

So, does anyone else share these thoughts?

I know this is bascically an extension of my other thread, but I think I've added significantly more to my initial thoughts and just decided to start a new thread.

[zhuxi]

as the other 20 something year old virgin on the board... yeah, I feel you man. It's an issue that comes up everytime I meet a new girl that I kind of have a crush on, I spend time thinking about how to bring it up that I'm not really experienced in that field... I've tried hiding it, and I've tried being upfront about it. I found the upfront one works a lot better, actually... well, obviously it hasn't helped enough because I'm still a virgin, but hiding it.. I mean, you can't hide it forever. I guess you aren't really asking me how to 'deal' with it.. but yea, thats just what runs through my head. we should've been dealing with this stuff back when we were 17 and everyone else was new to it too, right? and now ... now it's just like 'omg, you're still a virgin?' ... yeaa.. I feel ya man.

I don't think it's a real issue as far as over-all life experience though, to be honest. It might've slowed down our emotional development a bit, in the sense that we haven't learned to get over people so easily and maybe we get attached more than people who have had to learn how to do with oxytosin (?)... but .. y'know, I think we'll be ok after we find the right one. Maybe we'll be one of the lucky ones and the one we're with first will be the ones we marry?

[PhoenixDown]

I started having sex when I was 17 and even at that point, I felt like I was 'behind the curve' compared to other guys which is obviously bullshit but it highlights the real problem which is our perception of how things are and how things should be.

There is nothing wrong with you -- there are A LOT of guys who get started in their mid to late twenties and I'm starting to see more and more guys who aren't getting into the dating and sex groove until they are in their thirties.

Biologically they say that our prime is in our teens to early twenties but as I reach thirty (geez, im getting old here) I find myself having better sex than I ever thought possible -- mostly because I am more comfortable with myself and that has less to do with sexual experience and more to do with life experience.

So ill cap this by saying that you have everything to look forward to -- just keep moving towards whatever your goals happen to be.

[gakusplat]

I had a few 'interesting' friends in my 20s. One of 'em thought she wanted to be a therapist, so she 'practiced' for free on me.

After much self-examination, I explained that I was still a virgin because I was somewhat 'afraid' of the whole sex thing and was too chicken to do it on my own.

So, she asked me who and what I liked, then she hooked me up (like a matchmaker) but then gave the girl 'a talk' and the next thing I knew I wasn't a virgin anymore.

Yup, that's right, I had a friend pimp me out! lol

Now I know that might not help you two out, but I thought it might be something to consider. Are you in college? Where's the psych department? You won't have to look around and meet too many people in that department before you'd find one that would do like happened to me. Of course, I'd recommend a girl. You know, because of the whole matchmaker thing. Girls have more and better-looking friends!

[PipeDream]

as the other 20 something year old virgin on the board... yeah, I feel you man. It's an issue that comes up everytime I meet a new girl that I kind of have a crush on, I spend time thinking about how to bring it up that I'm not really experienced in that field... I've tried hiding it, and I've tried being upfront about it. I found the upfront one works a lot better, actually... well, obviously it hasn't helped enough because I'm still a virgin, but hiding it.. I mean, you can't hide it forever. I guess you aren't really asking me how to 'deal' with it.. but yea, thats just what runs through my head. we should've been dealing with this stuff back when we were 17 and everyone else was new to it too, right? and now ... now it's just like 'omg, you're still a virgin?' ... yeaa.. I feel ya man.

I don't think it's a real issue as far as over-all life experience though, to be honest. It might've slowed down our emotional development a bit, in the sense that we haven't learned to get over people so easily and maybe we get attached more than people who have had to learn how to do with oxytosin (?)... but .. y'know, I think we'll be ok after we find the right one. Maybe we'll be one of the lucky ones and the one we're with first will be the ones we marry?


I wouldn't consider that lucky dude, I want to play the field first, a little.

Now I know that might not help you two out, but I thought it might be something to consider. Are you in college? Where's the psych department? You won't have to look around and meet too many people in that department before you'd find one that would do like happened to me. Of course, I'd recommend a girl. You know, because of the whole matchmaker thing. Girls have more and better-looking friends!

That was just a peculiar situaiton, that's cool it worked for you but finding a girl pimp therapist is probably easier said than done.

[Jenibear]

you are NOT past your prime at early age of 20 just because you are inexperienced. I WISH I kept my virginity and got to share it with my long term partner.

I lost mine when I was 15 and WHOA was I TOTALLY not ready. On top of all the other stuff that was going on (parents divorce, unexplained lengthy illness, school extra curricular activities, break up, etc.) I truly 'lost it' and had some serious mental issues.


Just to be stupid and maybe cheer you up.. THINK OF ALL THE AWESOME DRUNK SEX YOU CAN HAVE BEING OVER 21!!! :)

[PipeDream]

Just to be stupid and maybe cheer you up.. THINK OF ALL THE AWESOME DRUNK SEX YOU CAN HAVE BEING OVER 21!!!

I needs a lady for that though. But, I am trying to expand my interests, which would increase my chances for meeting them.

[Jenibear]

there's other ladies out there that get drunk at bars and you need to approach those ladies.

I'm not saying tie yourself down to a relationship with one exclusive "lady" but to put yourself out there.

[raygold]

Personally i dont think there is anything to worry about. Personally, i am a virgin, and it doesnt bother me in the slightest. Nobody should worry about when they lose there virginity, be proud of who you are, have confidence in yourself. That way, when it comes down to losing it, it will just feel natural like clockwork.

I think alot of girls like confidence in a guy, its better to be open about it than keep to yourself. Alot of girls will even find it attractive.

[PipeDream]

there's other ladies out there that get drunk at bars and you need to approach those ladies.

I'm not saying tie yourself down to a relationship with one exclusive "lady" but to put yourself out there.

So, I have to automatically approach drunk ladies? lol!

[Jenibear]

Yes :) Drunk ladies ROCK!

just kidding. I really have no clue.. dating isn't really my forte anymore seeing as I've been in a stable relationship for 5 years

[PipeDream]

Well then, lucky you :)