clk420
April 28th, 2008, 12:22 AM
i just wanna start by saying i am sick and on cold meds so that may effect some spelling and sentence structure, and basically the formation of any actual thought.
which is actually why i felt the need to seek out some random webpage and hope for advice. not just any advice tho, some good hard truth that i cant explain away or avoid.
I live in the US, I met a girl about 8 years ago who lived in canada. I moved up there and in with her and her 2 children leaving everything behind. We were together for 6 years and were in the process of looking to buy a house and actually talking about getting married when things took a horrible turn for the worse, she began coming home late from work and became really, really good friends with someone who was constantly at her place of employment. She was cheating. This went on for several months before she finally came to me and said it was over. I cannot put into words how crushed I was... she was absolutely beautiful inside and out, we connected on every level. i made her and her children my world so the pain was indescribable.
She lied and made excuses for why it wasnt going to work but in the end i knew what was going on, actually everybody did... her mother ...other people at her job... homeless ppl on the street... etc.
I feel I should backtrack a lil in order to give some details. She worked at a bar, the other man was a costumer there on an almost daily basis. He is by no means in her league of attractiveness (15 years older and close to 300lbs whereas she is ..well shes smokin hot) but he is much smarter and used her trust and lack of advanced intellect to take advantage and gain an inside track to her life where he constantly worked her for months. I know this because i watched it happen, and was told so after the fact by friends and co-workers of hers and even her herself much much later. I hold the belief that any relationship no matter how solid can be broken down given the right circumstances and from everything that happened and the way it did it appears to me (thru biased eyes and heart) that this was the case in our situation.
After moving back to the US I was heartbroken and looking for something to hold on to from my former life so when she asked if i would play games with the kids online I jumped at the chance to do it. This was 2 years ago, and as hard as it was for me I accepted the role as "friend" with my ex in order to stay in the life of the kids and to a lesser extent hers. We get along very well, so when we talk even when its online we can talk for hours, and we did.
Several weeks ago she expressed to me that she missed me, and wants me back. She went on to say that her life has been hell and I was the only good thing that she had and she made a huge mistake in throwing it all away. I asked her to come clean to me the other day by saying if we were going to think about anything more then being friends we need to fix what was broke in the first place. After several failed attempts to downplay and avoid the actual cheating she eventually spit out the truth (of course it helped that I already knew everything).
To most the fact that I would even entertain the idea of getting back together with her is absurd and just plain stupid. I would tend to agree but know from past experiences how impossible it is to find something even close to what we had. Quite simply I have never met someone I fit so well with in every possible way. We finish each others sentences, have the same likes and dislikes, blah blah blah all that hollywood romance crap... we had it. So when she says to me that she didnt know what she had until I was gone, and runs down the list that details our "perfect" relationship saying exactly what I wanted to hear... It made me inclined to believe. 2 years ago I would have jumped at the chance to be with her again after hearing her say what she did, I actually dreamed of it.
Now tho after 2 years, I have healed and moved on but still reserve a large portion of my heart for her. I still love her, and always will.
Until tonight I saw no red flags, no signs that I could be making a mistake. We were talking about this guy and his moving out in a week (she broke it off as soon as she thought i would be willing to take her back), and she said to me "I would like to stay friends with him. He owes me money and says he will do free computer work and I am going to take him up on that offer."
.... it could be the nyquil talking here but this seems to me to be the absolute worst thing anyone in her position could say.
Someone out there please help clear my mind up by talking sense into me.. am I overreacting? am I being stupid by wanting to be back with her? I could not be more confused right now.
which is actually why i felt the need to seek out some random webpage and hope for advice. not just any advice tho, some good hard truth that i cant explain away or avoid.
I live in the US, I met a girl about 8 years ago who lived in canada. I moved up there and in with her and her 2 children leaving everything behind. We were together for 6 years and were in the process of looking to buy a house and actually talking about getting married when things took a horrible turn for the worse, she began coming home late from work and became really, really good friends with someone who was constantly at her place of employment. She was cheating. This went on for several months before she finally came to me and said it was over. I cannot put into words how crushed I was... she was absolutely beautiful inside and out, we connected on every level. i made her and her children my world so the pain was indescribable.
She lied and made excuses for why it wasnt going to work but in the end i knew what was going on, actually everybody did... her mother ...other people at her job... homeless ppl on the street... etc.
I feel I should backtrack a lil in order to give some details. She worked at a bar, the other man was a costumer there on an almost daily basis. He is by no means in her league of attractiveness (15 years older and close to 300lbs whereas she is ..well shes smokin hot) but he is much smarter and used her trust and lack of advanced intellect to take advantage and gain an inside track to her life where he constantly worked her for months. I know this because i watched it happen, and was told so after the fact by friends and co-workers of hers and even her herself much much later. I hold the belief that any relationship no matter how solid can be broken down given the right circumstances and from everything that happened and the way it did it appears to me (thru biased eyes and heart) that this was the case in our situation.
After moving back to the US I was heartbroken and looking for something to hold on to from my former life so when she asked if i would play games with the kids online I jumped at the chance to do it. This was 2 years ago, and as hard as it was for me I accepted the role as "friend" with my ex in order to stay in the life of the kids and to a lesser extent hers. We get along very well, so when we talk even when its online we can talk for hours, and we did.
Several weeks ago she expressed to me that she missed me, and wants me back. She went on to say that her life has been hell and I was the only good thing that she had and she made a huge mistake in throwing it all away. I asked her to come clean to me the other day by saying if we were going to think about anything more then being friends we need to fix what was broke in the first place. After several failed attempts to downplay and avoid the actual cheating she eventually spit out the truth (of course it helped that I already knew everything).
To most the fact that I would even entertain the idea of getting back together with her is absurd and just plain stupid. I would tend to agree but know from past experiences how impossible it is to find something even close to what we had. Quite simply I have never met someone I fit so well with in every possible way. We finish each others sentences, have the same likes and dislikes, blah blah blah all that hollywood romance crap... we had it. So when she says to me that she didnt know what she had until I was gone, and runs down the list that details our "perfect" relationship saying exactly what I wanted to hear... It made me inclined to believe. 2 years ago I would have jumped at the chance to be with her again after hearing her say what she did, I actually dreamed of it.
Now tho after 2 years, I have healed and moved on but still reserve a large portion of my heart for her. I still love her, and always will.
Until tonight I saw no red flags, no signs that I could be making a mistake. We were talking about this guy and his moving out in a week (she broke it off as soon as she thought i would be willing to take her back), and she said to me "I would like to stay friends with him. He owes me money and says he will do free computer work and I am going to take him up on that offer."
.... it could be the nyquil talking here but this seems to me to be the absolute worst thing anyone in her position could say.
Someone out there please help clear my mind up by talking sense into me.. am I overreacting? am I being stupid by wanting to be back with her? I could not be more confused right now.