Anyone in a long distance relationship??

[girloverthere]

So I am just curious if anyone on this board is currently in; or has been in, a long term-- long distance relationship.

My man and I have been together 4 years.. It has not been butterflies and daisies. But we do have a very strong bond, and love each other very much. BEHAVIOURS that he has are a whole different story.. I have done a lot of looking online about certain things to do with long distance relationships and I can't seem to connect with any sites giving info on the struggles within them that pertain to my situation.

SO- anybody in one??

[soulfulsynergy]

I am in a long term relationship...:)

[soulfulsynergy]

I mean long distance relationship...it's going on 3 months...and it's been tough...

[girloverthere]

how far away is he? How often do you see him -doooo tell!

[soulfulsynergy]

Well...we met when he was on post in Korea, he is in the military.
He is the US right now.
Our goal is to meet twice a year. For two weeks each time. We talk on a regular basis, text all the time.
Our plan is that he comes to Korea for his masters in 2010...unless he get stop loss. We have to reassess our game plan if he does get deployed but I am going to stick by him...

He got me a Vonage phone, thank god...he has a blackberry, so if I text him through AIM it's free...

But right now we are at a bump...probably the biggest misunderstanding we ever had...I guess we are going through one of those life's test to see if what we have is real...

How is yours?

[blade88]

I am in a LDR with waternymph, who is on this forum as well. We have been dating for a little under 7 months now and aside from not being able to physically touch each other, it's been great. Skype helps a lot, and I was thinking of buying her a webcam for a surprise, but it's a little too late now as we are planning on studying at the same campus in the next few months.

So What's your story girloverthere?

[itwasntme]

After our initial meeting my wife and I started our relationship long distance, which lasted about 6 months. imho the whole idea of a relationship is to be able to enjoy eachothers company, not merely knowing someone is thinking about you 1000 miles away.

A long distance relationship shouldn't be something you plan for the long term. Jobs and educations can be had anywhere. If you feel it is truly a worthwhile relationship try and make it a 'normal' relationship instead or atleast have concreet plans in place as soon as possible or you risk losing everything.

I quit my job, sold & gave away everything that didn't fit in a suitcase and moved from europe to the US. If it wouldn't have worked out the heartache and hassle of moving twice would have been much less then the alternative, which would be a lifetime of wondering 'what if .....'

We're married for a little over 10 years now, have a beautiful daughter, and concider my choice the best one I ever made.

[odie777bc]

My ex and I lived together for a year and since August of last year to February of this one we were long-distance(Nebraska - Connecticut) and we saw each other for only two weeks in between during Christmas. It's tough and it ultimately was too much for her...I wish you luck in yours but I doubt I'll ever try that again and the details about it probably wouldn't ease your mind.

[soulfulsynergy]

Long distance relationships are not for the weak minded and it's only worth venturing if you know for sure that the person is worth it. In addition you need to know if both parties have the tools to make a LDR work, that is communication, being thoughtful.
In this day of technology, there are more communication modes to make an LDR work, but more energy has to be focused on the quality of communication.

Trust is vital, flexibility...and lotsa phone sex :P

For me, I knew that if I did not try I would regret because it's not often I connect to a person on such a deep level as I did with my current man. Time will tell...

I wish you luck and if you have any questions in regards, please don't hesitate...if my bf and I get through this one giant bump we are in right now...I think I can be considered as an LDR guru LOL.

[water nymph]

As blade mentioned, we are in a LDR. What works for us is using a wide variety of internet based communications- everything from e-cards and e-mails to facebook to AIM and Skype. I also send things by mail as my wallet allows.

Before him, though I was in another LDR, though not over as far a distance (blade and I are Australia and America, respectively; one before was about 1.5 hours away) and for a while it worked but things started to fall apart when he balked at keeping communication up. There were a lot of things that contributed to this un-willingness to communicate on his part but I know that it was the lack of communication that set the relationship into its final phase.

If there is one thing I can reccommend for LDR, it is communication, in whatever ways possible. Issues are harder to solve with distance, so you have to keep a level head and approach any problems with compromise in mind. You also have to remember what you talk about and try to build intimacy through your communication, because you don't have the ability to be physically intimate. It is a long and hard process, but it is worth the struggle to finally be together.

[USMC_gf]

I'm currently in a Long Distance relationship. My fiance is in Iraq. He's been gone for 8 months this month and we have a little under 2 months left. He calls as often as he can. We use instant messenger and webcams a few times a month if that. We write letters back and forth and I send him packages every few weeks. For us it's made our relationship a billion times stronger. It's hard on me though because I can't just pick up the phone and call him. He has all the control when it comes to contact. Also the fact that he's constantly facing danger....that's hard too. But I assume if he wasn't in a combat zone and in another place, I'd have a different set of anxieties.

No matter how long distance, there's going to be anxieties that burden the relationship. If the love is meant to be, you will make it.

[girloverthere]

That was great hearing everyones stories!
I guess its fair to say that to sum up my story in a post would be unrealistic..
I would just love to hear how other people are doing in their LD relationships, and perhaps some struggles they have endured.
nice to meetcha all! :)

[USMC_gf]

I don't get it, why didn't you go to where his big job is? Sorry if I missed it. Secondly, you decided to get fully involved, child and all with this person knowing the downside of it...in a sense it's easy to see why he may get upset at times and resent you. You got with him knowing the "deal" and told him if he wasn't willing to "Break the deal", you couldn't be with him. I'd say him rearranging his life and what you guys had as a relationship for several years shows a very giving thing on his end, and putting up with him being unhappy about his new job is something you'll have to deal with. It's reaping the consequences of your actions. It's not to say it's ok for him to treat you like crap, but it might explain it.

This actually happens in the military a lot. A wife will be so upset by the constant deployments and the husband will agree not to re-enlist, but finds that he has this need and compel to go back with his "Brothers" and serve another tour. The wife has to listen to him being unhappy about it and may feel some guilt at times. PTSD sets in and he becomes obsessed with needing to go back to deployment....so he ends up re-enlisting. I've seen it many times.

If he is supporting your family, and that job was where he was happiest at, why didn't you go there?

[amandapie12x]

I am. It sucks badly but we're hoping if we can get through this we can get through anything. Just keep reminding yourself that.

[prettymarnz]

I'm in a long distance relationship too. I and my bf have been together for almost 5 years now. Our work put us in this LDR situation for almost 2 years and it was truly hard at first but thank God was able to manage but of course it's because I and my bf had been helping each other. I do agree with soulfulsynergy that long distance relationships are not really for the weak minded and to add on... definitely not for the weak hearted. This kind of relationship works in my part because my hubby is worth it and we both gained our trust to each other. Nurturing and keeping our relationship alive takes twice as much effort than before since we are miles apart now. I think if any of us was not up for the challenges of the type of relationship we have, definitely, we had it broken. But because we both believe that we can and have the heart to make it work... we're still together and even made our relationship stronger despite the distance. =)

[Ruthea Chambray]

If you truly love each other, you don't have to be physically together in order to feel close.

I'm currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of over 2 and a half years. He has been living in Canada since last January, and I stayed here in Southeast Asia. There's a 13 hour difference in our timezones. There was never a point in our relationship where we even CONSIDERED breaking up if he leaves for another country.

The first month was heartwrenching and painful, and it did take some adjusting. I cried a lot, been depressed, sent long emails everyday and generally missed him so much it hurts.

It eventually wore off-- the shitty feeling of being left behind. He told me he'll be back in three years for good, and that he will visit me every Christmas til then. We talk to each other over skype almost everyday, send pictures regularly, and text each other everyday, even if just to say good night.

The real key here is communication. Just dedicate some time every day for your SO and eventually, and his physical absence won't matter much. Just remember to not shut each other out when you fight, and always give each other a chance to explain things if something goes wrong. Do not let more than a week go by without fixing a problem. That's all there is to it really. Talk.

I hope things work out for you. ;)

~ Ruthea
http://www.frustrate.com/

[dulcinea]

I was in a long-distance relationship for three years, and before that another one for about 2.5. I don't consciously pursue LDRs but I tend to end up in them, and it often works for me because I'm very independent--I like having my own space, my own time, my own schedule, AND the one I have with my partner. It's tough, though--you have to really be able to communicate with and trust each other, and misunderstandings can get blown out of proportion really fast when you can't actually make eye contact with someone when you talk.

Course, now I'm dating a guy who lives 20 minutes away and we see each other probably 4 or 5 days a week, which is completely mind-blowing for me. I don't know what to do with myself! ;p

[Sydney123456]

I do agree with soulfulsynergy that long distance relationships are not really for the weak minded and to add on... definitely not for the weak hearted.

While I agree, I am a testament against that.

I'm the most weak-minded person ever. I am easily beaten down, and then I move on quickly. I've been in a relationship for 6 years, 3 of those were with a man who was far away from me (see each other periodically, usually for 48 hrs at a time every couple weeks, then he was gone for 5 months straight a couple times also).

If it wasn't for him, our relationship would've been done a long time ago. He is forgiving, he is supportive, he listens, etc. He's like...Superman. Granted, whenever we get together, our relationship is stronger than it was before...it is just horrible when he's away and he tries so hard.

Seriously- I'm the biggest piece of shit ever but my relationship has worked out over the long periods away.

[Dinkum Pommie]

I am. I'll agree that their harder than normal relationships, you have to be 100% certain about them being nigh on perfect for you.

I'm going over to see mine in July. VERY EXCITED!!! lol

[WorldWanderer]

I am in a long distance relationship for 2.5 years as well. It has not always been long distance though. Everything was fine up until a few months ago, read about whats going on with it now here if your interested:

http://www.relationship-forums.com/showthread.php?t=15468

Good Luck

[taken07]

yes i have been in one up until the end of may when i moved in with my gf:biggrin2:..it was hard being so far away but its all good now