Is THIS really how you women work?!

[CiscoKid]

:eusa_doh: Letter from my supposed "GF" or ex.. or whatever . :eusa_doh:

"if you were unavailable I would understand,... and probably be turned
on by it. i like it when you are busy and doing things and
unavailable, its how things work"

Is this really true? Ignore a chick and she gets turned on? What the fuck! :eusa_doh: - Give a girl attention and she runs like the wind????? I am so confused.

For those of you who know of me, I, in the past, was an advocate of being a careless asshole - I realized in the past few months, that I do not wnat to be remember on thsi earth as a "Careless asshole" and I also realized it was a defense mechanism to opening up to a woman/girl

I the recent I have been open to the thought of "opening" up - and when I did, like before, I get abandonded so to speak. No, I don't want to go back to my old, mysogonistic / careless ways, abusive ways, but at the same token, to be a gentlemen, means to have your'e ehart open to be walked I'm assuming, there is some sort of balance I need to learn.. can anyone feel me on this one? :doubt:

[HopelessRomantic]

:eusa_doh: Letter from my supposed "GF" or ex.. or whatever . :eusa_doh:

"if you were unavailable I would understand,... and probably be turned
on by it. i like it when you are busy and doing things and
unavailable, its how things work"

Is this really true? Ignore a chick and she gets turned on? What the fuck! :eusa_doh: - Give a girl attention and she runs like the wind????? I am so confused.


It sounds to me as if you allowed her to be your world. If a woman thinks you have no life without her, you become the needy one. No one wants a needy person in their lives....man or woman.

It sounds like dating is new to you. I'd suggest reading up on the subject. Men and women think differently and always will.

[automorphism]

Like everything else, the optimal quantity of attention is somewhere between nothing and everything. Believe it or not, it's true for guys as well. However, hardly any situation is just that simple - perhaps you and your girl had other problems as well.

[PhoenixDown]

They pursued her, she resisted.
They ignored her, she fell in love.

I believe its about having a purpose greater than your desire to be with her.

[DevilDog]

You know what? If you want to be needy, then f her. Be needy. And tell her. Say, "You know what? I'm a needy little bastard and if you want me to be happy you need to work a tad bit more on my needs. I can't make you happy unless I'm happy, so I don't know what to tell you other than I'm thinking about doing a complete three-sixty and just being an ass for a while until you love me and then I can be my needy little self again." So what? Just be like, "You want me to turn you on by being unavailable? Got any suggestions on who I can be 'unavailable' with? I can do that but I respect you and I want to be a gentleman. I don't want to give you some line of bull shit just to turn you on and then BOOM six months later I'm some other guy. I'm a needy little bastard who wants you to think about him from time to time because I think about you every minute of every damned day. But right now I'm angry and I'm thinking maybe I'd be better off needing someone else. So please - either fill the need or get the hell out of the way before I get more hurt than I already am. And it's OK if you hurt me. I'll just take it out on the next girl."

I mean, you don't have to give up your manhood to fall in love. I for one am happy to wait for the right girl, but I'm not going to wait in vain. I am who I am. I am WHAT I am. If some girl likes that, great. If I like her too maybe we should go out (well - right now I'm taken by someone who doesn't seem to mind that I'm needy) but if it doesn't work - whatever. I'll go need someone else.

My point is, I'm me. I'm not about to go out and be someone else just to make some girl like me. If she doesn't like me, so what? That's what her friends are for. One of them can like me...

[CiscoKid]

You know what? If you want to be needy, then f her. Be needy. And tell her. Say, "You know what? I'm a needy little bastard and if you want me to be happy you need to work a tad bit more on my needs. I can't make you happy unless I'm happy, so I don't know what to tell you other than I'm thinking about doing a complete three-sixty and just being an ass for a while until you love me and then I can be my needy little self again." So what? Just be like, "You want me to turn you on by being unavailable? Got any suggestions on who I can be 'unavailable' with? I can do that but I respect you and I want to be a gentleman. I don't want to give you some line of bull shit just to turn you on and then BOOM six months later I'm some other guy. I'm a needy little bastard who wants you to think about him from time to time because I think about you every minute of every damned day. But right now I'm angry and I'm thinking maybe I'd be better off needing someone else. So please - either fill the need or get the hell out of the way before I get more hurt than I already am. And it's OK if you hurt me. I'll just take it out on the next girl."

I mean, you don't have to give up your manhood to fall in love. I for one am happy to wait for the right girl, but I'm not going to wait in vain. I am who I am. I am WHAT I am. If some girl likes that, great. If I like her too maybe we should go out (well - right now I'm taken by someone who doesn't seem to mind that I'm needy) but if it doesn't work - whatever. I'll go need someone else.

My point is, I'm me. I'm not about to go out and be someone else just to make some girl like me. If she doesn't like me, so what? That's what her friends are for. One of them can like me...

I have to agree with you completely. 6 months ago, I thought exactly like you.. The funny thing is, after a while, you tend to unwillingly get close to someone. Trust me man, I've done it - I've been what you are now. Actually though, thanks for the reminder, I guess I let some people brainwash me into thinking I needed to get married... Madness...

"I think I'm ready for love" I told myself. What an idiot.. Love to a woman means "can ya support my children?"

Today is the day I got my balls back.

[DevilDog]

Slow down Cisco.. I've been dating the same girl for almost a year (after a 13 year marriage) and I'm happy as horse shit with this girl. The sun rises and sets around her as far as I'm concerned. But, and this is important, SHE MEETS MY NEEDS and goes out of her way to do so. My point isn't to be what you were six months ago. It's to make sure she is making you happy too. Both people need to be happy for the relationship to work.

You need to be who you want to be and if she's the right girl she'll appreciate that. That's what I'm saying.

In other words - marriage is a good thing with the right person, but the right person won't make you give up your balls.

[lookingforserenity]

Well, if your a needy person you need to find someone who is also needy and willing to satisfy your needs. It's a give and take thing.

I was never a needy person, but after evaluating my relationships, I noticed that it was because I was not in happy realtionships. I didn't enjoy the their company and therefore didn't want to be around them.

I'm in a great relationship now that I love being with my bf and I do seem needy at times, but so is he. We ENJOY each other's company and that's why it doesn't bother us that the other one is needy.

You just need to find the right match. If your honest with her and she's still not accepting or willing to fill your needs, then it's not going to work.

[HopelessRomantic]

Slow down Cisco.. I've been dating the same girl for almost a year (after a 13 year marriage) and I'm happy as horse shit with this girl. The sun rises and sets around her as far as I'm concerned. But, and this is important, SHE MEETS MY NEEDS and goes out of her way to do so. My point isn't to be what you were six months ago. It's to make sure she is making you happy too. Both people need to be happy for the relationship to work.

You need to be who you want to be and if she's the right girl she'll appreciate that. That's what I'm saying.

In other words - marriage is a good thing with the right person, but the right person won't make you give up your balls.


Thank you DD for stating a fact. Marriage is given such a bad rep due to the number of people who have been burned. Marriage can be a blessing but only with the "right" person. If they try to change you or you feel that you have to pretend to be someone who you are not, then it's not the relationship for you. Your SO should make you feel better about yourself.