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View Full Version : Umm, can I get some advice


TinyTexasCowgirl
November 23rd, 2007, 07:57 PM
Hey everyone! I'm new to this and I am needing some advice. Sorry it's so long.
I am recently divorced. My X and I knew each other about 6 years before getting married, and got married at 17 and 21 (please no comments about being to young, I KNOW THAT NOW!) We knew that it was over within a year of getting married, but held on another year out of sheer stubborness, and fear of letting those hoping for us to make it down. We finally called it quits 3 days after our two year anniversary this past September.
I am by no means trying to rush things, but I met a guy, and I am having a few problems. C and I met at a horseshoeing school about a month and a half ago, after I had just moved to a new state, and town. We started hanging out, and were just an absolutly perfect fit in all aspects of what we wanted out of life, and what we want to get out of a relationship (seriously, it was like scary). I told him from the start that I was totally open to just being friends with benefits, that I wasn't looking for a relationship, but he told me that he wanted it all, or nothing. I was having severe trust issues with this new relationship, but was open with him about it, and he assured me that he wasn't "playing games" and that he was really interested in seeing where things could go. I started to trust him, and really fell hard for him, and he fell hard for me (he said this to me). We both knew that he was going to eventually have to go home, which is in another state, but he begged me to try and see where things could go, and he would come and see me every weekend (horseshoer's make really good money for those who don't know, like $500-$600 a day) and I agreed to see how things progressed. Well he has said and did so many things that told me I might could really let my guard down with him, and so I did, (to give just one of numerous examples, C came to the ranch where I live and work to help me and my boss with some young horses. When I told C thank you for helping Ron (my boss) he told me that he hadn't come to help Ron, he'd only come to help me because he wouldn't be able to live with himself if I had gotten hurt). The next day C called and told me that some major things had come up at home, (I really don't want to air his dirty laundry but yes I know what happened, and it's really not that big a deal) and he needed to take some time to take care of some things, and if I was still avaliable after he got everything straight he would love to try again. He went home a few days later, and we've talked or txt messaged every day since then. We were talking today about him coming to see me, and I jokingly told him that I guessed I was just a F*** buddy then, and he got really offended and told me that I was more than that, but he just couldn't take care of me right now, and that he loved me.

Am I getting played like a board game, or could he really be serious? What do you think?

Kuky
November 23rd, 2007, 08:13 PM
I hope you appreciate that this is a tough call to make from a distance. When you think about it, the correct and most efficient way to play someone like a board game is to make it seem exactly like you aren't playing them... so really, it's anyone's guess. The long distance thing is really hard to do, and things change no matter what promises are made. You said he pretty much said that if you're available when he's done, he would like to try again. That isn't exactly "let's try to make this work long distance". If you're confused about where he stands, you should clear it up with him.

TinyTexasCowgirl
November 23rd, 2007, 09:37 PM
I have had a similar experiance as this years ago, and when I tried to talk about it with that guy he freaked out and said that I was trying to control his life and that he never wanted to speak to me again, and I don't want to lose C like that so I am just trying to play it cool. But in playing it cool I am going crazy wondering if he is really as serious as he wants it to seem, or is just stringing me along.... I really like this guy, and with him being the first guy that I have really liked (not the first I have dated, just the first one I have liked) since the divorce I just don't know what to do...

Rammstein39
November 24th, 2007, 12:16 AM
Howdy and welcome from a fellow cowgirl :)

Kuky is right though, the distance may be distorting this. Its hard to be in two places at once, and as bad as he may want to be with you, its prolly too hard at the moment. If its really bothering you, maybe you could just ask gently and see how he reacts. But it sounds like he's just struggling with trying to be in two places.

TinyTexasCowgirl
November 24th, 2007, 07:10 PM
I talked to C last night, and went ahead and told him how I felt, and he said that he really does like me, and has everything pretty much straightened out with his situation, but he hasn't decided what he wants to do with his life as far as senerio 1, stay where he is, make a life there, and see if we can work things out, senerio 2, move to Oklahoma (about 30 mins from me) and make a life there and see where things go with me, or senerio 3 do one of the other two, but not be with me.

So now the question is, How do I know if he's worth fighting and waiting for? How do I tell if all the feelings I think i'm feeling are genuine enough to hold on to and see where things go?