Where Were You?

[Ares]

Where were you
when i needed you the most
life shattered and torn
brought down and besmearched

Where were you
when i needed you the most
life brought into this world
the first cry of a child born

Where were you
when i need you the most
seen but unseen
silent in the wind

Where were you
when i needed you the most
a cry in the darkness
silenced in the night

Where were you
when i needed you the most
that sad and tearful day
a casket buried , eternally earthed

Where were you
when i needed you the most
this tear beckens your name
asking where, where were you?

[heartbrokenbaby]

Good poem had a great flow and it felt like it came from the heart good job :wink:

[jungAH]

*tear* Was sad... very good, tho

[FireFly]

I like it but maybe

Where were you
when i needed you the most

is overused... Dispite the fact that was the style of the poem you set out to show, it's exagerated a little, only because the poem is 6x4 lines and is too short I think to have a continious double like that...

If you changed the second line each time like...

Where were you,
When I needed you the most:

Where were you,
That day I was alone and...

Where were you,
When life brought into this world

Instead of when i needed you the most each time. I don't know just my silly opinion, ya poem is really good :) keep writing.

[Ares]

Thanks :) .. true, i do agree it is kinda short, it was a spur of the moment writing , i may touch it up some

[Truth]

your poem was good, it had a lot of feeling behind it

but i agree with firefly you used this phrase


Where were you
when i needed you the most

a little to much in this peice...