some questions before moving

[LoverGirl]

so my boyfriend is moving in in about a month.. i was just wondering if there is anything you guys wish you and your s.o. had talked about before moving in...

[water nymph]

I haven't had anyone move in but one question that jumps to mind is what you are going to do about time away from eachother. You are going to need some time to yourselves so maybe now might be a good time for you to at least thing about how to give eachother space when you need it. I'll throw that one in for starters and see what people who have actual experience with this kind of thing have to say on the issue.

[SupernaturalNympho]

The one thing I think everyone needs to discuss before moving in is finances. Make it clear as day how you're going to split rent/mortgage and bills. THat way, when the first bill comes, you don't end up quietly paying it so that everything stays hunky dorey. Now is also the time to let him know you're an obsessive Oprah fan and you like to drink yourself to sleep 3 nights a week.

[SweetiePie]

I have never lived with a boyfriend but I would suggest talking about anything and everything you would with any roomie. That includes cleaning, paying bills, privacy, having people over, house rules, etc etc. While you two are in a relationship, when you move in they become your roomie, so I think its important to discuss the things you feel are important when living with someone, rather than just going along with anything that happens because you care for them. If you lay out rules now, then later it won't turn into "why couldnt things stay like when we first moved in? you never told me you wanted me to keep all my dirty laundry in a hamper, why are you making such a big deal of it now??"

Don't assume that his habits will magically line up with yours. Sure, maybe his apartment is clean when you go over to visit, but whos to say he doesn't just pick up right before you come over? Maybe you like to clean a biut everyday so things never get dirty, while he thinks letting all the dishes pile up and then doing it all at once is more appealing. You get the point.

[Cashew]

You know, I've been wondering about moving in, and what things we should be thinking/talking about. I'm moving in with my honey in about a month, and its going to be a really huge change. We're going to go from being apart for a year to living together, and I'm really nervous. He's been away from home for a LONG time, and this is a real first for me.

So, I can't tell you what I WISH we'd talked about, since it hasn't happened yet. I CAN tell you that we've talked a lot about managing money - who'll pay what, how much we can afford to pay for rent (we're moving into a bigger place), whether or not to get cable right away, even how many cars we're going to need (we're cutting it down to one).

We've both stressed how important time apart will be, and really want to make sure that we don't become one of those couples that never leaves the house because they're so involved with each other.

Really, the money thing seems to be the biggie. We've talked about it extensively. If you guys haven't, you probably should. I've seen a lot of threads around here lately that relate to poor communication when it comes to money.

[Tortuga]

I think SweetiePie has great advice. Yes, he's your boyfriend; but he's also your roommate, and groundrules for living together need to be set just like with anyone else. Whatever you'd want to discuss with any other roommate, you should discuss with him.

My husband and I moved in together only after we were married, but we still had these same talks. Besides the finances, which I think should be a given:

--Who does what chores
--How are we going to address conflicts (immediately, do we need time to cool off, is it okay for one of us to leave the house entirely or not, etc.)
--How often are we going to have people over and/or go out with people (both as a couple and as individuals)
--How are we going to structure study time, if you're still in college (if we both have homework that needs to be done on the computer, how is that going to work)
--Morning routines
--Weekend routines

[calicomorgan]

You know, I've been wondering about moving in, and what things we should be thinking/talking about. I'm moving in with my honey in about a month, and its going to be a really huge change. We're going to go from being apart for a year to living together, and I'm really nervous. He's been away from home for a LONG time, and this is a real first for me.

So, I can't tell you what I WISH we'd talked about, since it hasn't happened yet. I CAN tell you that we've talked a lot about managing money - who'll pay what, how much we can afford to pay for rent (we're moving into a bigger place), whether or not to get cable right away, even how many cars we're going to need (we're cutting it down to one).

We've both stressed how important time apart will be, and really want to make sure that we don't become one of those couples that never leaves the house because they're so involved with each other.

Really, the money thing seems to be the biggie. We've talked about it extensively. If you guys haven't, you probably should. I've seen a lot of threads around here lately that relate to poor communication when it comes to money.


I'm with you there Cashew...i have been in an ldr the whole time i have been with my bf and now coming in june/july we will be moving in together and i have to say i am a little nervous...we have talked about finances and i know he can be a little bit of a pig (which i dont mind so much...) and he also likes to have his friends over for d&d (yes i know he is dorky but i love him anyway for it :D ) but at the same time i'm really excited b/c now i can be close to him and not 400 odd miles away and have my own place with no mother harassing me :D...but i am going to start asking him these other questions that are on here so i can have a feel how things are going to go.

[vegasgirls702]

How long have you been together? Is there plans for future engagement or marriage?

I can tell you a little about my situation and maybe that can help you some.
Me and my fiance were together for 1-1/2 years before moving in together and we bought a house (not just rent one). And wow the first year we fought so much, I didn't think we were going to make it honestly. This last year, we have become so much closer and more involved with each other and more in love, and we still try and spend as much time together as possible. So I don't understand why you would want to make sure and spend time apart?
One thing for sure would be to make sure you share chores. My man is so use to being picked up after that was one of our main issues. I leave it alone now because he pays more of the bills so that works for me, also I would make sure your man (or you) doesn't have friends that want to come over and never leave. the other issues was family, some family like to just stop on by without notice. Others call whenever. Then who likes to watch what he loves sports and I don't, he even bought the direct TV with the sports crap that is on 24/7,Then the finances, who will pay what and are you both responsible to take care of those finances? So after awhile that all came down to adjusting and learning to compromise with each other and alot of good communication, I really feel like I have become good in that department. And I have lived with 2 other men in my life. Hope that could help some.

[ScruffysGirl]

No matter how much you plan and discuss there will still be things that come up that you never even thought about before the move. Set your rules and guidelines and know which ones are ironclad and which ones are flexible. You will probably fight more then you did before but I think thats normal (it was for us). Little things will cause stupid disagreements, but just make sure they don't get out of hand. Like we will be making supper and my boyfriend makes something one way when I am used to making it another way but you have to just laugh it off instead of arguing about which way is better Everybody has wierd little habits and quirks (that might be annoying) but you just have to learn to deal with and accept them. You will find out stuff about each other that you could NEVER find out if you didn't live together. Good luck to everybody who is planning a big move right now. Remember to have fun too, don't just worry about everything, but enjoy the experience of it too.

[Cashew]

This last year, we have become so much closer and more involved with each other and more in love, and we still try and spend as much time together as possible. So I don't understand why you would want to make sure and spend time apart?

Not necessarily time APART apart, but time to ourselves. Most people need time to be alone, even if its just for half an hour every day after work. Or time with friends, but not together. Its healthy to have a life outside of each other.

Evan and I love each other, and we can't wait to be together. But if there's one good thing that this year apart has taught us, its that yes, we can function on our own - we confirmed that we both need time to ourselves. The first part of our relationship was spent joined at the hip, and the second was three hours apart, seeing each other only every other weekend. When we move in together, we want to be able to find a balance between the two, is what I guess I was saying.

[Nikster]

Well my fiance and I were in a long distance relationship for 3 1/2 years and then we moved in together. I have to say that finances was never really an issue for us. However, I thought it would be the only issue. But boy were there others. I moved out here to be with him so therefore I have no friends. So the issue came up when he would constantly go out/have his friends over and I was left to fend alone. It ended up in a huge argument with me almost leaving...but he gets it now. He thought that me moving out here didn't mean he had to give up anything I guess. Another thing is the time alone. We spent so much time apart that I got used to doing everything alone. I watch tv late at night and usually fall asleep with it on. But he's a teacher and has to go to bed early so I couldn't do that. The bottom line is that you have to make sacrifices and there's things that are going to come up that you never dreamed of having to talk about and it won't matter how much you did talk about things, they probably will be an issue at some point. But that's how you learn how you work as a couple. We never argued before we moved in together, but that's a normal thing in a relationship. Now we have figured out how we argue. It's a learning process and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

[water nymph]

Just wanted to let you guys know that this was a great thread- everyone threw in awesome advice that is almost timeless. You're getting archived, baby! Are there any last tidbits before I try my hand at archiving?