Should I move out???? PLEASE HELP!!!

[Clemence]

Should I move out?
My Problem is this:

When I was in primary school I fell in love with a boy called Skye

But then when it came too high school, he got sent to a private all boy's school far away and I got sent to the local comprehensive.

I thought I'd NEVER see him EVER again and despaired...as I really did love him.

Around about the same time my Grandmother of whom I was VERY close to died. She practically raised me.My mother never seemed to bother with me. However I never noticed this neglect (by my mother)until my Grandma died.

I noticed that I was very unsupported by my mother and in general uncared for. Sometimes she was also emotionally abusive towards me--sometimes she could be so nasty she'd make me cry.

Because of all these things(the death of my Grandma, the loss of Skye and also the uncaring attituse at home) I began to feel very depressed.

Then I made a TERRIBLE mistake: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Somedays I felt so low I found it almost impossible to think about the future and sometimes couldn't find the will-power to get up in the mornings.I started to refuse to go to school asn I felt so low. I'd been bullied VERY VERY badly at the primary school i went to (before I moved to the one Ian was at)which also made me quite nervous of people and scared of school too.However I recieved no help, no counselling or anything(do you think this was neglect?)

I refused to go to High school on-and-off for the first three years by which time I was REALLY REALLY very behind in my work.I then refused to go to school altoghether as I couldn't cope any more with my life. I was SEVERELY depressed and wasn't thinking logically. I ended up having 5 measly hours of home tuition per week, for the next two years which should have been spent in school. Unsurprisingly I then failed all my GCSEs (apart from one, where I got a 'C' in English)I felt so depressed. I then have stayed at home doing nothing for the past two years as I have felt too embarrassed to face the world.

However this is my problem:

I am now 18...it has got to the point where I can't do nothing anymore..I HAVE to do something with my life.
I now want??/need to go to college. However I have just found out thet the college I wanted to attend is right next door to the top educational sixth form which Skye goes to. If I go there then I will definantely bump into him&but the thing is he will NEVER EVER be interested in me now (even if he used to be when I was ok).how on earth canI explain to him WHY I refused to go to school? Hes going to think I am a bad person .

But the thing is he's studying 'A' levels at a top sixth form college. And I .....will probably have to go on an Entry level course and learn really basic stuff like how to cook, use public transport etc(basically for absolute dim-wits)

He'll NEVER EVER be interested in me now. He's in a different league to me. He's so clever.but this is killing me. I wish I could be with him more than anything in the world but as soon as he finds out that's it....my dream...dead......finished

Also even if I go to a different college, it's inevitable that i'll bump into him whilst out and about anyway.(I just cant believe that I DIDNT THINK ABOUT THIS years ago&.i just wasnt thinking properly) But If I ignore him then he'll think I'm not interested i him, when I am. But if I talk to him he'll not like me anyway when he finds out what I've done. He'll think I;m a terrible person.


Also, one of the reasons why I couldn't cope with school was because of the neglect/emotional abuse that I suffered at home. I thought that if I moved out into the local Foyer/hostel then it would offer Skye a bit of validation that I couldn't cope with/was having a bad time at home and he might believe me then when I told him about the neglect. But....if I stay where I am (living at home with my parents) and go to college then he's going to wonder why it is that I can cope with education/school/college now....but not back then...in short he's going to think I'm making it up about the neglect.What should I do about this?
Should I move out of home?. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME MOVING OUT? If i moved out then I thought it would offer Skye a bit of proof/validation that what I told him abou the neglect/me having difficulties at home was true...so he'd believe what I told him. Do you think I should move out of home and into the local hostel/Foyer? It's just ....if I don't move out then he'll wonder why it is that I couldn't cope with living at home and education back then...but can now. In short he'll think I'm a liar and I'll lose him.

Also sometimes I don't think I can bear to face Skye at all.... and so.......
i HAVE DEEPLY CONSIDERED going to Wales and living in a Foyer/hostel there................... so that I never have to face Skye ever again (because it's inevitable that we'll meet) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS IDEA? I live in England you see...in the North West of England.
Or could I move out to Wales for a few years.....then after a few years in Wales once I've sorted my life out (away from Skye) then come back home/to England again ...and try to find Skye then? Or do you think this is a stupid idea?
:crybaby: :crybaby:
PLEASE HELP!!!

[SweetiePie]

I'm sorry....you are freaking out about the POSSIBILITY of running int osome guy who, from the way you explained it in your post, you have not seen in, 3-4 years?? That so me is obsessive and ridiulous. So what if you run into him? I doubt that from one glance he would be able to see your emotional baggage, if you guys do run into each other and recognize each other. You can't put your life on hold because you MIGHT POSSIBLY see someone who you used to like, that is just stupid. Go to this university, have a good time, meet people. If/when you run into this guy, who isnt even going to the same school, correct? then just take things slow. Its not like you have to tell him about all this stuff going on in your life because you see the guy or talk for a few minutes, and if it bothers him then he is just an ass.

Also, I wouldnt move out of your home for ANYONE but you. No, do not leave your house because you want to prove something to this guy you might never see! Why in the world would you think of leaving the country because you might run into this guy?? Seriously, that is the most ridiculous solution to a problem, a problem which you DONT EVEN HAVE YET!

So my point...when you see him, come ask for advice about how to deal with it..Until then, don't be so neurotic. I suggest you go see a counselor, you obviously havea lot of issues to work out, if youre entire life comes down to the chance that you may see some boy, you obviously need some help. So please, go to uni, get involved, forget abotu this guy, and get some help...this is no way to live your life!

[Nurseman]

I want you to go back and read the post you started this thread with. Read it very carefully. Try to look at it as if somebody else wrote it.

-Note that you use a lot of words and phrases that people not from where you live may not be familiar with. (local comprehensive,GCSEs,hostel/Foyer) We are an international forum and I'm from Virginia. I haven't a CLUE what these things are.

-You seem very upset over events (or possible events) that seem, frankly, trivial. What does it matter if Skye sees you again? He just MIGHT be thrilled to see an old friend. (I usually am).


I am terribly sorry to hear about your Grandmother. It is obvious you cared for her a very great deal.

Over-all what I think I am seeing in your post is a lack of self-confidence. Also a lack of self-esteem. You may, or may not find those in college, but I think you need something else. Take a break from higher education. Join the Army. They are ALL ABOUT building both confidence and esteem. Plus you have a chance to learn a trade you might just like and, if you play your card right, Her Majesty will PAY for your college.

Now, granted, I don't know you. All I can guess at is what you wrote. I hope I guess right.

Welcome to the forums. Stick around, you might like it here. Besides, we can use a few more "refined" Europeans here. :biggrin:

[ittakessome]

Are you serious?
You haven’t seen this guy since you were about fifteen and you're still basing all your decisions on the chance that you might see him one day on the street and you two will fall in love and pick up where you left off four years ago? Hmm….. sounds like a fairytale to me.

How about you decide that gaining confidence in strength doesn't come from an old boyfriend. And that you should go to school for yourself and not because you hope to randomly find a childhood boyfriend.

[Deidre]

I think you're suffering from serious low self-esteem, which is something you really need to get a hold on, or your situation will swallow you whole when you go on to college, not to mention if you head off to university.

Secondly, I think that you've been through a lot since just about the time when you and Skye went separate ways, and now you associate him as a person with the way you used to feel and the way you used to be, which is something you feel is a lot better than where you are now. That probably means you haven't come to terms with the hand that was dealt to you then, and where you are now... which is further supported by the fact that you feel he's out of your league or that you'd have to justify your life situation now to him.

Thirdly, this is not love you're feeling for him now. It may be some kind of love, but it's the love of yourself back then and maybe the love of who he was back then. Do you know how the private boy's school has changed him in these crucial years of growing up? If not, you have only an image of what he is... you don't know him.

Fourthly, even if you ran into each other on the street, fell heads over heels in love and were happy as ever, you need to accept who you are now and what your situation is now (two different things) before a relationship would be successful. When you no longer need to justify these things, you can start thinking about taking on other people. Until then, you have yourself to look out for.

[dtbmnec]

Never move out for a man....never move out because you want someone....that leads to absolute destruction...move out because YOU want to and YOU are ready or YOU are going to a school that's far enough away from home....

Megan