Theoretical question: adoption

[Kuky]

Suppose, out of the blue, your parents tell you tomorrow that you were adopted. What would happen? How would you feel? Would you feel the need to find out who your biological parents are? Do you think "blood bonds" matter at all, in cases like these?

In my case, it probably wouldn't faze me much. Though I've got a lot of resemblance to my parents, so maybe I just plain wouldn't believe it hehe. But in general, I think blood bonds are useless if you don't have a real bond (i.e. having gotten to know one another, etc.) Plus, science has shown time and time again that in the "nature vs. nurture" debate, nurture (at least for humans) is the decisive factor.

If I'd want to seek out who my real parents are.... meh, I don't think I'd care all that much. Would depend on the situation. If they gave me up for adoption because they just weren't ready, and if I find out they're still together and good people, then hell yeah, I'd just kinda say "hey, this is me"... but they would never be more than relatives. And like I've said before, the difference between "family" and "relatives" is that relatives are just a sequence of people who fucked in an order that bought forth your existance :).

[Enani]

Kuky, I am your ... <pinkie to the mouth> FATHER!!! </pinkie to the mouth>

wouldn't it be funny if you were adopted and you were really Romanian? LOL

[huh]

And like I've said before, the difference between "family" and "relatives" is that relatives are just a sequence of people who fucked in an order that bought forth your existance :).

Lol...that's a great way of looking at it.

If I found out that I was adopted, not much would change. I may make an effort to at least know who my parents were, if only out of curiosity. However, I rarely even see my real parents anymore, nor do I even share much in common with them. It may be interesting to know how differently I may have turned out if my biological parents had raised me. That's about the extent that I feel I would care.

[Crash Override]

Since there's a high genetic component to everything that makes you who you are (intelligence, physical attractiveness, certain personality traits, etc.) then I can understand why an adopted kid might want to find out who their biological parents are.

Frankly, I don't think I could ever understand what it's like to be adopted, and therefore can't really answer the question in good faith. It's not the same as just pretending as if your parents told you tomorrow that you were adopted; you share plenty of their genetic traits, an important factor that a real adopted kid wouldn't have.

I agree with you about family and whatnot, and I think if I were adopted I probably wouldn't bother trying to find my biological parents. But like I said, I'll never really know, since I can't imagine what it'd be like to be in that position.

[Nurseman]

**Muffled breath** KUKY......**muffled breath** I am your FATHER!!!

(We SO need a Darth Vader smiley!)



Ok, seriously, this, like so much else in life, is a matter of ATTITUDE.
The way I see it, adoption is a lot like going to the movies. (Wait for it, there IS a point.) You go up to the concession stand for a candy bar. Which one would you appreciate better? A candy bar that the guy just HANDS you, or one you get to pick out yourself?
As an adoptee, you have to realize that your parents have you because they REALLY wanted you BADLY. And they had to go through a lot of shit to GET you.

This isn't to say that you should write-off the Biological parents. They may well be decent people who were caught in a jam. But don't go off hunting for them thinking you're gonna find Ward and June Cleaver. Chances are, you'll be disappointed.

I recommend any adoptee watch The Ten Commandments. There is a scene where Moses has just found out he is the son of Hebrew slaves and when he finds them......well, lets just say he has a good attitude about it.

(Ok, THAT needs clarification)

Moses (Charlton Heston) is in his Bio-Mother's house. His other Mother (the Egyptian Queen) is there and freaks now that he knows the truth. He tells her that "when I looked up from my crib, it was YOUR face I saw.....etc.etc. Its a good scene (if somewhat overacted...but THAT'S another thread)



------------------------------------------------------

(Cliff-Notes version)
If you ARE adopted, remember that you wern't an accident. Your parents have you because they REALLY want you. Your Bio-parents are probably all right, but they didn't give you up just for laughs.

[kuju]

I don't think that finding out that I'm adopted would change my relationship with my mother at all... we're very close. It wuoldnt' change my relationship with my father either... we're not very close. And I have enough extended family that came into my family when my dad remarried that I I know what it's like to have random family members who showed up late in my life.

I probably would look up my biological parents, and then decide if I liked them or not and if I wanted to maintain contact. But it would be along the lines of the same kind of relationship that I have with my dad's wife. few and far betweem.

[PhoenixDown]

No way of that every happening but I wouldn't care... family is what you make of it and I have mine. I might look them up though cause I would be curious... and who knows, maybe they are rich!

[Kuky]

wouldn't it be funny if you were adopted and you were really Romanian? LOL

Hehe. I would stop using deodorant immediately :lol:.

Actually, come to think of it, I would look them up for medical reasons. For one thing, I'd check for hints to how I will age, and whether I need to take better care of my skin. Also, I would find out about the family's medical history if possible. You know, is there any cancer going on, or perhaps kidney stones...

[Wolf]

My mother's family never made an attempt to see me or talk to me. They are my relatives.

My father's family bonded with me and helped me when I needed it, and conversely, I help them when they need it. They are my family.



I'd be shocked because I look just like my grandfather and to not be related to him would just be spooky. Other than that, I don't think it would affect me much. Though I would be worried that my parents would treat me differently after telling me.

[Gezus]

I'd find out who they are just to know. That's about it.

[Kuky]

I'd find out who they are just to know. That's about it.

Your dad's the milkman.

[Gezus]

Your dad's the milkman.

He's also your mom.

Edit: ok, this stuff doesn't work between siblings...

[Sydney123456]

Frankly, I don't think I could ever understand what it's like to be adopted, and therefore can't really answer the question in good faith. It's not the same as just pretending as if your parents told you tomorrow that you were adopted; you share plenty of their genetic traits, an important factor that a real adopted kid wouldn't have.

I agree with this statement.

I've thought about this before, but I can never feel as though a person who is adopted feels. In this point in my life, I'm sure it would shatter me, just because I feel like I am part of my parents (whether I like it or not).

But then again...I dunno.

[tadaoNakamaru]

If I were, it would probably shed light on why my mother decided to up and throw me out the day I turned 18. Aside from that, I wouldn't care that much. Most people assume that I am adopted anyways because of my appearance compared to everyone on my mother's side of the family.

[-Tokyo-]

Well, I am adopted, so I guess I'll share how I feel about that.

When I was a kid, I used to be really curious about my biological family. I wanted to meet them and find out if I had any siblings (because I only have one brother...in my "adopted" family) and all that stuff. When I was about 15, my dad told me that he and my mom actually met my biological mother, and he told me a bunch of stuff about her and I eventually received a picture of her with my biological sister. I found out that I was the product of an affair and that my biological dad said he wasn't even sure I was his child, etc, my mother also gave up another child for adoption and he's lurking out there somewhere too.

Anyway, what I finally decided was this- I have an amazing family. My mom is my best friend, my dad's great, my brother and I get along pretty well. I grew up in a wonderful, loving atmosphere, went to a Catholic school, and had a lot of great opportunities in a safe environment. Whenever I think about the way my life is now and the way it could have ended up...I couldn't be happier that I was given up for adoption. I mean, really. Everything would be so different and probably pretty dysfunctional for a lot of reasons.

Although I would like to meet any of my siblings, especially my sister (because I've never had a sister), I don't really care to meet my biological dad at all...and I'm not sure about my mom either. She sacrificed for me and I appreciate that very much but if I went my whole life without meeting her, I think I'd be okay.

[Kuky]

Interesting! Were you pretty much a baby, given to new parents the minute you were born? Also, when did you find out? I'd imagine most kids would find out pretty young, but in some cases, the adoptive parents like to commit to the deception a little longer.

[-Tokyo-]

My parents now met my biological mom through a friend before I was born. She came and lived in the state I was born in (where my parents lived) and they paid for her to stay until I was born. I guess she was having last second doubts about giving me away but luckily she changed her mind.

I really can't remember when they first told me. It just seems like I've always known. I think it is a good idea to be honest with kids right from the beginning because I think it'd cause some sort of identity crisis to randomly find out you're adopted when you're oh, say, a teenager or older.