Untitled-Can i get your opinions on this please

[Raskal]

The Sky was bright that morning
at least thats what everyone said
I could only crack my eyes
then fall back into bed

I did not want to wake
from this perfect dream of you
I did not want to rise
for i would miss you

I ran away from reality that day
and things fell into place
I knew right then and there, the challenge i had to face


I journeyed on through that day
and i finally tracked down fate
i wanted to thank them
for that time
that day
that date.

[Truth]

i thought that what you wrote was really good...however, the end of the poem, seems to need just a little more, kind of like an ending...to me it seems something more to help close the poem...Orthwise, I really enjoyed it.....

[Asphodelle13]

Good job, a very thoughtful poem...


I did not want to wake
from this perfect dream of you
I did not want to rise
for i would miss you


I think in the last verse on the second stanza maybe it needs another word or two..its only has 5 syllables, rhyming with the second verse which has 7...and the difference in syllables seems to throw the rhythm off just a bit...In the last stanza I'm not sure, who did you want to thank?...again its a good poem, I think it ends a bit abruptly though...keep writing. 8)